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Was I Wrong? (Blog Reader Asks)





T pls post this for me. I live with my sister and her family, she has three children but the first one is not her biological child. The two younger ones are twins almost 2 yrs. The older one is 7 and is a product of a previous relationship my brother in law had before he met my sister but the mother is late. My sister accepted the child as hers and I treat all three of them equally like they're my own children and I love them very much. My sister is a busy career woman so it's me who does most of the work at home, taking care of them and feeding them, helping the boy with his homework and correcting him when he's wrong. My parents brought us up by sometimes caning us when we were wrong and maybe that's why I believe in using the rod. Yesterday I heard my nephew playing outside and using some swear words. I became so mad that I called him inside and gave him 3 strokes of cane and sent him to his room. The problem is that his dad was home. Let me explain better, my brother in law dsnt live in Nigeria and only comes abt 2ce a year and stays for a week or so. So yesterday when his son misbehaved I took a cane and informed him that I was going to whip the boy, he gave me the go ahead but now I think he thought I was joking because after I caned my nephew and sent him to his room my brother in law went to his room to pet him and apologize to him. That made me feel like I really messed up very bad. Like I was wrong to have floggd him. To make matters worse when my sister came back and heard she was so mad and has refused to talk to me ever since and this was last week. My sis does not mind me caning the boy when he is wrong but she is angry because she feels his father would begin to think that this is how we maltreat the boy in his absence. 

Thelma the truth is that I did what I did out of love and I purposely did it in front of his dad, because I'm the one in whose care they place the children, when I scold or spank the boy it's not out of wickedness or something I feel I shld hide from his parents. But it is as if I am now the devil. My brother in law has been very cold to me and my sister has refused to talk to me. I even apologise to my brother in law later that evening that I am sorry if I offended him but I got angry when I heard those words from my nephew and I felt that was an appropriate punishment, he said it is ok. But I have become number 1 enemy in the house.

Please was I wrong and how can I make it right? Thank u BVs.

Comments

  1. Awww what you did is normal, I will flog my own child in same situation. Things happen and we learn so hence forth when he is around do not flog. They (your sis and hubby)will come around eventually. it is their kid after all, if they don't want you to flog them don't. Find other ways to punish them. btw your sis may be putting up an act for the benefit of her husband so...... J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's absolutely nothing wrong in what you did. You corrected him even though his obodo oyibo dad thinks your way of correction is brutal. Dnt mind your sis. Just chillax

      Delete
  2. I don't think you were wrong, I cane my nieces and nephews in front of their parents when they are naughty but since your sis husband stays abroad it is possible that what you did looked like animal brutality in his eyes. Lol. Also because the boys mother is dead that one sef dey, it may look as if because he is not your real blood. You have apologized so there's nothing else you can do. Next time just report him to his parents and let them handle him how they like.

    ReplyDelete
  3. As for me, you did NO WRONG. Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old, he will not depart away from it.

    If your stay is coming toxic, please leave. Your peace of mind is important.

    If I were you, I would do same jare. Caning isn't bad but when it causes body harm, then its use has been abused.

    "Spare the rod and spoil the child"~Proverbs 13:24 (KJV)

    As for me, I'm pro-caning and knowing when to use it is the KEY!

    Please cheer up and pat yourself on the back.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You didn't do any wrong ,ur sister n husband will come around

    ReplyDelete
  5. You did nothing wrong. What's presently happening is that you're caught in the politics of marriage. Your sister can't take sides with you lest it looks like you brutalize his child while he's away. Start looking for oyinbo punishment like no TV time or staying in the room. But his father will always remember you beat his child. His ego won't let him admit that you two are doing a great job raising the kids. Your sister is a single parent. His son can't live with him because it's expensive and he'll be forced to change his work life. Cheer up. Your sister is only putting on an act.


    Mallama

    ReplyDelete
  6. You were not particularly wrong but truth is: most parents hate it when someone else other than them beats their child(ren). Sometimes, parents know that the 'beater' is right and the offense probably demands such treatment, still we really do not like it.

    I use the rod a lot but most times when my kids are spanked by someone else, it takes a lot of strength for me not to show exactly how badly I feel about it and for some people, you dare not touch my children, regardless of what they do. Irony is, I can mete out some punishments to my kids in some situations that may make people doubt me as their mother but please, don't help me.

    Don't feel too bad, Poster. Both of them will come around. You'll probably feel same way when you become a mother.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. F, I understand. My dad is like that too! Ha... when I was younger, hian! My dad used to beat us like ehn! for a long time I didn't believe he was my father! It was that bad. Someone that can give you 36 strokes without batting an eyelid! Lol! But if any other person should beat us! Ha! Na wahala o! My dad has followed me to school to "finish" my class teacher for beating me(4 strokes of cane o)! Hehe.. u wie now be wondering... lol!


      So dear poster... you were not wrong! I would have done the same. And you had a good motive too. 3 strokes! If it was 12 nko? They would have sent you packing okwaya? Lol! I would have done the same... even more sef(6strokes)!
      Like F explained... "ba mi na omo mi, ko de inu olomo" sooo.. that's probably what upset the man.

      Delete
  7. how hard did you beat the boy? besides cane isnt the only way to correct a child... let him know he used a bad word nxt time and give him other punishment pls.

    ReplyDelete
  8. You were wrong! You should have reported the behavior to the father and let him deal with it.
    Beating a child that is not yours is a no no, you should not use your personal belief to justify your action or in disciplining a child that is not yours. The parents may have a different belief/approach to handling their kids; it is their call, not yours.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I had the same thing on my mind ohhhh Mr Wale,but I just kept quite to avoid back lash,u are absolutely right wale, @poster u don't beat a child DAT ain't urs,I don't try it. There is an adage in Yoruba DAT says BAMI NAA OMO MII KO DE INU OLOMO, meaning help me discipline my child,e no reach d parent mind ohh,so biko next time report him because now it's a delicate case,the father would think because he ain't ur sis child Dats yy u beat him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Backlash or not,u shldnt be intimidated to airing ur view. Your opinions shldnt mirror that of the general public...

      Delete
    2. Hmmmmmm Sasha, u would not understand.

      Delete
    3. Yup sasha bone is right,so if Wale didnt say anything you wouldnt respond?anyways growing up if I did something wrong my aunt will whop me and when my parents come home extra whopping.

      Delete
    4. Did we miss the part she said she reported to the dad and told him she will flog the boy and he said go ahead????? Abi she would have turned mind reader. This is the reason why we have a lot of spoilt kids these days jor. My sister's friend told me to baby sit once and her daughter is the most stubborn child I have ever seen and she does not beat her. I told her I will beat the girl if she misbehaves or I won't baby sit. She choose someone else and after like 3 months she requested again and I gave her my condition and she reluctantly agreed. Her daughter changed over night and she could not believe that it's good ol whopping alone that did the trick.

      Delete
  10. Don't hit a child thats not yours. There are many ways to punish a child. Whenever the parents of a child are present, leave the disciplining of the child to them. The best approach would have been to report the child to the father and let him handle it. Go back and let them know you wont be caning their wards in the future. Beyond timeouts, taking away things etc. You are not the parent, allow them to do their jobs.

    while your sister might be fine with you co-parenting with her for the most part, she might be reacting this way because she doesnt want her obodo Oyinbo husband to think she is crass.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. Personally,i feel it's disrespectful canning the child in the presence of the parent. It's like u have no regard for them. Yes u meant well but the manner in which it was done tells a diff message.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I dont see anything wrong in what you did, though d man might be angry and feel like has been earlier said that you beat the boy cos he aint your sisters but on the other hand, if they trust you enough to watch their kids, then they shud respect your decisions in disciplining them...and to the other ways of disciplining a child that some of us mentioned please I need enlightenment on this...I know some but tell me some very effective ones that YOU have tried and it WORKS....#JoyDaNuGirl

    ReplyDelete

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