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25 Thoughts I Had While I Waited To Find Out If I'm HIV Positive.





Earlier this afternoon I had some time on my hands so I did something I've been meaning to do for a while now. I went and got tested. I walked into the lab and the lady asked what type of test I wanted to take, I looked around me and then back at her, I wished I could whisper it in her ear or write it on my palm and show it to her, but alas I blurted out "HIV, please?". She looked at me and had a funny expression on her face, like she wanted to smile but wasn't quite sure if she should. 

After payment was made she called me in and took my blood. The prick of the needle was more painful than I remember it to be. I was told I'd have to wait for about thirty minutes, it's been about three minutes now and these are the thoughts I've had. 

Life as I know it may be about to be changed forever. 

Why am I here? Who asked me to do this? Is this really necessary?

If I'm positive, what next?

Who would I tell? Who wouldn't I tell?

Why am I so calm?

Why was I so careless? *Tag was a dog but I didn't protect myself because we were forming relationship things. Lord how stupid could I have been?

But *Tag is married now with a healthy looking baby so....

Would I tell my blog readers?

Hell no! I'd probably just shut down the blog. 

Are there any HIV support groups in my area?

Wait! There might be, and there might be some really correct people in it, maybe a celebrity or two! This might not be so bad after all...

Are Anti Retro Viral drugs free? God, I'm barely trying to survive as it is, I have no space for drugs in my budget. 

Would I tell him?

Why the heck am I so calm? Just why? Why am I not having a panic attack right now? The people who panicked and fidgeted are the ones who tell you that they turned out to be negative. The ones who were this calm tell you they were SHOCKED to find out they were positive...

This calmness isn't a good sign. 

Will I tell him? No. I'll just put an end to things, and no, I won't tell him why either. 

I won't tell any of my friends. Maybe Osayi... But I get the feeling that our bond is weakening these days. 

I wouldn't tell my parents. They're getting old, they really don't need the burden of knowing their child is ailing. 

What would I do if it comes out positive?

Can I pray it away? I've heard of people who went for deliverance programs and afterwards they were free. 

How will I cope? How will I survive with the mental and emotional trauma?

All this time we've been testing the maids for HIV meanwhile I'm the one who's been the carrier... Does this mean I'd have to stay away from the children? Lord please no. They're my life!

I know some people without HIV marry people who have the virus, but that's very rare. That's so rare. I've never been very lucky finding someone who truly loves me, even without HIV, how much more if I'm positive?

O ka m si je? Is that how I went?

Wait! The result is already out? *it wasn't even up to ten minutes! she told me thirty! I thought I had more time to process this. I thought...*


I'll open the envelope when I get home. If tomorrow the blog isn't up, then at least you'll know why. 
.
.
.
Don't worry, the blog will be up! 

Ps- I know it's not a death sentence and people living with HIV (can) still live full, healthy lives. But in those moments that I awaited my result I sincerely doubted this. 



Comments

  1. Lol @ o ka m si je? I know that feeling too well. It is scary but always good to know your status.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Its always petrifying and then the relief when you see the result. And the thought of 'I pray o' when you remember the Doc saying do another test in 3months time.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lmao Thelma ur a clown!!!
    Ii remember my first and only hiv test, I was in NYSC camp and that was the hiv sensitization week. I can tell you some thoughts that went through my head as I waited
    1. Oh lord what if i'm positive, after 5 years in the university and 1 year in law school is this how my life will end?
    2. But i've only slept with one guy ( an inner inner voice says taaa na so e dey be na may be this ur boo has hiv, you haven't seen people that have sex just once and get pregnant?)
    3. My boo's ex looks quite healthy, i've seen her pictures on face book and she doesn't look sick @ all... so may be i'm fine
    4. Oh Lord what will my mother do? What will my granny do? Will I tell them?
    5. My life is over
    6. Who will marry me now?
    7. If this guy gave me hiv I will poison him and poison and poison myself
    8. Is this my reward for waiting this love to have sex? I was a virgin for 23 years, God you can't punish me like this naa
    Etc Etc
    FINALLY, the man said you are negative, I calmly nodded my head, if only he knew the crazy that went on in my head. He now said check back in 3 months for a confirmation test, I said a loud "IF I HEAR" in my head and nodded. No be only confirmation test.
    Did I mention that I was drenched in sweat?
    ADAOBI

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahahahahahhahahahah... Did mine in NYSC camp too and never went back for confirmation test there or anywhere else and its been years now.

      Delete
  4. Lol @ o ka m si je? I'm actually chuckling aloud! Thelma you crack me up. But wait o! You mean you can keep the envelope till the next day? I've always marveled at people who get like test and board exam results and can go home calmly without opening them. As old as I am, I always open any results immediately, alone though, then I can come outand rejoice at the outcome. Please where is Oga Wale o? OJ

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm OJ it's like you read my mind. I just sent him a text like a minute ago. Let's hope he responds.

      Delete
  5. Please what does "o ka m si je?" mean?

    I got tested last December, 16th precisely. You don't want to know the emotional trauma I put myself through and the vows I made to God! Worse still, it was late-around 9pm and I couldn't wait for the result. I had about the most disturbing night of my life. I could have slapped the doctor that subjected me to it after I got the result the next morning.

    ....and those vows? So help me God!

    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. " o ka m si je?" - "is this how I'll go?"

      Thelma is just...LMAO

      Welcome back dearie

      Delete
  6. Checked mine during HIV day in 2011, didn't even think of the result till I was given, I almost fainted when I saw positive, turns out that was blood group. *whew*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Looooooooooooooooooool@ Oluwa Major
      Kai

      Delete
    2. Lol@oluwa mayor. Chai!! Those village witches can never succeed in giving you heart attack oo. Hehehe

      Delete
    3. I'm laughing so loud. I'm beginning to doubt my sanity

      Delete
  7. Am soo scared ,I will literally die waiting for the results,am a serious pessimist I dnt knw if I can handle it...I dnt knw when I will get tested

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. LMAO@ oluwa mayor

    The post and comments are hilarious....oh goodness!

    #still laughing

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hilarious. Thelma, so after all this year's you just they do test.

    Thank God it went well. I think I have had the test done about 4 to 5 times.

    Marriage (2ce), travel tins (2ce), NySC.

    All negative

    The feeling is not a small something o.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hilarious. Thelma, so after all this year's you just they do test.

    Thank God it went well. I think I have had the test done about 4 to 5 times.

    Marriage (2ce), travel tins (2ce), NySC.

    All negative

    The feeling is not a small something o.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I recall d first time I did mine in 2005. I went to d clinic for something else entirely and d doctor included hiv test. My dear it took me 2 months to go back for my test results. Before then I don think tire. Finaly I went back to d cllinic. When d nurse brought out my file, d way she looked @ me eh, I was like hey! E don be. When I went in to see the doctor, he looked @ me and said young lady ur results r okay! Phew! I felt like kissing d guy lol

    ReplyDelete
  13. I know that feeling, felt terrible the first time I had mine,couldn't even wait to tear the envelope open. Lamao @o mam so he. Lol. Missed out on so much.happy to b back.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I had to do one recently and I had to wait two weeks to get the result! Torture!!!! See imaginary symptoms... Every phone call every post came with hbp lool. At the end they didnt even give me any result just wrote it in my notes....come and see praise and worship!!! Lool

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmao @ praise and worship! 2 weeks tho! And Thelma too.. 30mins... my own was just 3 mins or less... 2 weeks ke?! ha! I wie noh sleep! Lol! I'm hyper like that o! Hehehe....

      Delete
    2. Mbanu!! 2weeks ke??.. They should be sued biko for giving you mental torture!..From experience, it takes like 5-10mins.
      It's good to get tested once in a while o..though scary, but we shall keep sailing through if one keeps Being careful. Thanks to the high rate of awareness.

      Delete
    3. Lool It was maternity things and they test for every disease on Gods green earth...so except there is problem they just tend to see u on ur next appointment which is always roughly two weeks.......mental torture is an understatement lool

      Delete
  15. Thelma o!!! Lmaoo!
    I did mine last two years in camp... lol! I was really worried about all those QC dining hall nails... lol! And I did another in march or April last year... the second time too... I was scared! Like really scared! I borrowed one girl's sharp object in bag making class... and it cut her few mins before it cut me too. That's what got me really scared! Lol.. but the third... i'll stroll in like a boss! lmao! It is well. God have mercy.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Did mine last year when o registered for antenatal. I tried to keep my face straight when the gynea was saying I'm going to have hiv, hepatitis B and some other scary tests done.
    I couldn't sleep. They all all turned out neg sha.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I loooooled when I read your thoughts, lmao..

    I've never been tested, so I have no idea what y'all went through but it was hilarious reading the comments.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Know your status! Get tested! Today!!!

      Delete
  18. I have never been tested but can't imagine how am gonna breakdown come the day I decide to.even these ur thot gve me some chills as much as they were funny.am sure u wouldn't be given the envelope first if it's positive,they would rather invite u in for counselling .

    ReplyDelete
  19. LOL...... I remember my IT period in FMC Owr, 07/08. I worked in the Clin Chem Lab, sooner than later I learnt how to draw blood from patients n it became my pastime. I literally moved to the room for drawing blood n was doing so for all category of patients, including HIV patients (you could only tell from the type of teste thaty came to run), which I was strongly advised to steer clear of.

    And then one day, the unimaginable happened. A patients needle pricked me, right after I drew blood from him.........

    There are no right words to describe the feelings that followed, I was quickly rushed to the main lab, got the prick washed with water n bleach(it can kill the virus if applied immediately), n practically didn't work again. Then we tested the patient's blood for HIV, it was negative *phew*. Still not convinced, the next day I ran a HIV test, it was negative, then I was asked to do it again in 3 n 6 months. I did, twas negative.

    LOL, I think that was the end of my vampire session in the lab. Last time I did another one would be wen I landed my current job in 2012.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Lol....mine was when iwas feeling sick every week....then,I had a call from a friend n he was like ve u checked ur status....OMG.... that night was hell,random thoughts,sweats... next morning at d lab was hell for me. Result came out n d lab assistance face was something else,I was like ohhhhh m dead...lol.... Turned out negative,went home,slept,ate n was a lot more stronger....#whew# sorry for d long epistle...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I remember wen I was still dating my ex. We broke up for sum time, den he came back begging. I accepted him bak den we had make up un protected sex. Afta d sex, he den confessed dt he dated a lady during d period we were together n he had had sex with her. I almost died and to think I just had sex with him without CD. I quickly got tested.came out negative. We broke up again n it was for gud. Den sum months afta, my ex sent me a text late at nyt saying I had infected him with hiv. I died dt nyt. See crying, I was drenched in sweat immediately. I was filin slipy as at wen d text came in. Slip disappeared straight.I replied him saying he was sick. Dt he shud go n get tested n also go n mit d person dt infected him cs I'm clean meanwhile in my mind I was really scared. Come see prayer n crying. Afta some minutes, d stupid guy sent me a text saying he was only pulling my legs dt knows im scared already.i insulted him dt nyt ehn. Such an expensive joke

      Delete
    2. Lmaooooo @ perfect nails and lashes! *tongue out* for you!!! Hahahahahaaa! Expensive abi? Na u create hole for wall na why lizard fit enter! Lol!

      Delete

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