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Dear Thelma... (Does The Child I Have For My Married Husband Have AnyLegal Rights?)

I knw i will get judge 4 dis but point I dnt really care. Nobody sees u when ur hurtin, when u commit urself completely to sombody, even when dey ve nothin. I have bn dat  girlfriend dat wld ride or die that wld manage wit my man when he's broke n support him, dat will be his biggest supporter n prayer warrior n when thns start wrkin out 4 dem they'll leave me 4 sombody else. I met my current bf when I wasn't even lookin for a man and when we got talkin I was only intrestd in his money, he is very rich and I needed money 4 a new apartment, I jst moved to lag to start a new job. He paid 4 my room n gave me money to furnish it and when I wantd to dump him he refused to go. I wnt lie I was happy becos I really liked him and the sex was on fire but becos he was married I jst wantd to chop n go. He was the 1st married man I'm dating n my conscience pricked me. When I told him I wantd him to leave me he refused becos he was in love with me. Thelma this month will make it 3 yrs dat we ve been together n it is the 3 best yrs of my life. I dnt even spend my salary since I started working it is all in savings. He gives me allowance and pay my rent, last yr he bought me a car. I dnt even look at another man becos I love him so much. All my old relationship no one lasted more than 1year, dis one is 3 yrs and still goin strong. B4 anybody judges me I know what I am doin is wrong, I m not stupid n I dnt tink he will leave his wife 4 me, n guess what I dnt even want him to. I like my life the way it is. Last year I he got me pregnant but I removed it without telling him becos I did not want anythn that will make him worried but I ve decided dat dis year I will get pregnant 4 him n I will ve my baby. I knw dat ppl will judge me and cuss me but d truth is I dnt care. I am lookin out 4 my own happiness n I am enjoyin the love dat my man is showin me becos I ve suffered enuf. I dnt knw if his wife knws abt me, I dnt give him problme like call him at night or send sexy texts or pics even if he sends to me. Becos I love him I dnt want anythn to happen to his marriage, I dnt even want her to know abt me becos I like my life as it is. I alrdy knw abt karma n if I ever get married I knw dat my husband may cheat 2, but I dnt care becos evn virgins dat married their husbands still cheat on dem too, lol. I also knw dat it is a sin but he without sin shld cast the 1st stone. I m writing this becos I jst want to share my story n ask Thelma n any lawyer if he will be responsible 4 my child even if we r not married. I knw we will never get married, he luvs his wife n his children, but I want to know d fate of my own child. Does law say that he will be responsible 4 our child? Ps even if he isn't I am willin 2 take care of my child by myself, I jst want to knw becos I want my child to b able to have d best of educatn n vacation n everythin like his own children. Thank u. Anonymous. 


  1. Don't don't don't, don't think of having any child for him,have u ever thought of the fact that u might not find a single guy to marry u as a lady with a kid? I don't blame u,I have been in ur shoes, my story has been posted here before, I dated a married man for four years (difference is,his wife resides in the UK n deir marriage wahala is in court),It took me time to leave him,I was enjoying the cash,the clothes,d free rents n all,the only thing I didn't get is a car and that's because I didn't want it but plss dear poster, God will bring ur man,trust me,since I left this man,I haven't been buoyant, no boyfriend but I know GOD in his infinite mercy would bring my man. Pllssss my concern is,do not get pregnant for this man,it's not as beautiful as it seems on the outside, trust me. I can't answer the legal question cod m not a lawyer,I leave it to T and other lawyers in the house.

  2. Wooooow!!
    You sound like you've got it all figured out,** "don't judge me, I know what I'm doing, I don't want to destroy his marriage, I don't want him to marry me, I want to have his baby" **
    Girlll, this is outright wickedness, I'm not going to sugar coat nothing, plain wickedness. Haba mana!

    For your info ;there is no way he would be responsible for your kid if you are not legally married..
    Enjoy your life!

  3. If you share stories like these on TTB don't expect judgment. Expect advice. Because by expecting judgments you ended up judging yourself. You believe in karma, that's good enough, but not caring about the consequences of your actions is dangerous because you obviously don't know what Karma is. I can categorically tell you the pain you cause others will not escape you whether you did what you did out of desperation or not. You may be safe from any kind of reaction only if:
    1) You're ignorant of the consequences of your actions
    2) You show remorse for what you did or are doing even if it's out of desperation.

    But my dear, you're neither ignorant nor remorseful. Hmmm...that's terrible. All I can tell you right now is to have a care; you've stated repeatedly that you don't. Please do, for your own good. What if his wife finds out and dies of hypertension? What if she finds out and does something terrible to murder? Isn't that possible? You think it's going to stay hidden forever? So if you have a child for him now, who will you say is the father after he/she comes of age? Will you lie to your child about that? Are you thinking of your happiness alone or that of your pre-determined child? Please think these through; have a care. Build on your savings and move on. You know Karma is real so avoid it...because it's REAL. Stay blessed.

    1. Memphis tnk u for adding the above, I didn't even think of all these u stated,I pray she makes the right decision.

    2. Karma is real indeed. I'll advice u against any further relationship wt d man.

  4. Don't do it please because I will live to regret it I promise you

    1. Of course you'll say that, married woman problems. Lmao!

  5. To be honest I don't think she is being wicked. She is not asking him to leave his wife is she? Some times we have to look out for ourselves and sometimes that means we have to be selfish.

  6. This is obviously an act of desperation. When did women forget their worth? Where did we throw our values and most importantly our pride? My dear poster, it's never too late to make amends. Don't throw ur future away on a platter of earthly things.

    1. She has a man that loves her, what if he decides to marry her, African culture permits polygamy and she ll not be the first. The depression in Nigeria is damn much, if having a child ll make u happy, please go ahead and have a child but make sure he is in agreement with that, having ur own man is not a guarantee to happiness, a bird at hand is worth a million in the bush, provided he still loves and takes care of his wife n kids, nothing do you. In d bible, men had many wives, dafuq is wrong with this our generation sef.

    2. Sweet, it's so glaring you are the poster. I see ur mind is made up. But I hope u are also ready for the consequences of this path you have decided to take? Because trust me there must be consequences...

    3. Lols,the bible reference is too far. Right here,some people or their folks are products of side r/ships. Extra-marital affairs didn't start with this poster and it's definitely not gonna end with her. Everyone ready to roast the chick but not the man?
      Has anyone considered if her religion permits her being a second wife but choosing not to and therefore the silent affair? (Yh,sue me...)

    4. Anon 8:12 isn't the Poster because he/she is trying to sugar coat the issue. Poster accepted what she's doing is totally wrong. And anon, you said men had many wives in the bible. The same bible condemns adultery. What do you think is going on here?

  7. As it ever occurred to you that the guy might change if you get pregnant? And once he did not acknowledge the paternity of the child, no obligation to you or the child... so dear have a rethink

  8. Poster if dis man becomes poor tomorrow will you still love him? 2, Why be the cause of anoda woman's pain and expect to be happy tomorrow? 3. Why do you want to bring your "unborn" child in2 a family that he/she will always be the "second best" and never the "first best" to his or her father, just because of your selfishness, to get pregnant for a married man? 4, If you eventually succeed in given birth for this married man, what is the guarantee that you will never be found out by his wife? Rem he'll has no fury like a woman scorn. 5, My dear, when his wife eventually finds ( note dat she must find out no matter how long it takes) out, what will be your fate?
    My dear, no matter how long you have gone in the wrong direction, the best thing to do is to change and begin to go in the right direction. There is never a right reason to do wrong, dnt get it twisted dear, no matter the supposed " peace" u think you have with this married man now, will be complicated once you have a child for him. Biko leave him, and trust God to bring your own "Mr" that will be better than this man.
    Even if I am a single geh, dat has gotten her heart broken severAlly, I just want you to belief in God, just like me that ur own God given husband will locate you soonest, and make you forget all the pains previous men have make you pass through.

  9. Happiness is either short term or long term and sadly people have found such happiness in hopeless situations.
    Yh,we knw u don't plan on spoiling his marriage (quite commendable) but the truth is once a child is involved,it changes everything and unless he's an irresponsible man,he wld take care of his child w/o the law telling him to.
    Now,my Q to u is: wld u contest his Will if ur child's name isn't included? What I mean is,wld u ensure his family (village people) acknowledging this love child and all that comes with it or wld death end all links and ties?

  10. You think your pussy is the The same way he has abandoned his wife is the same way he will leave you after you have given birth. And what makes you think he wants you to get pregnant? He just thinks he is eating his cake and having it. And this bubble you currently live in will burst when you tell him you are pregnant. Most women dont mind if their husbands cheat as long as they use protection and dont get anyone pregnant. But you my dear are the kind of whore women pray against.
    Good luck. Hope that pregnancy brings you nothing but misery.

    1. Did u read the post well at all, he hasn't abandoned his wife, he still loves and takes care of her and he also loves and takes care of the poster.

  11. I really want to help you but I can not..but i'll try anyways,enjoy the car,the house,the money, his time, his love but no child pls..yeh i know is not easy to be a human being cos we are controlled by our feelings but be rest assure that karma is a bitch, how I like that lady she fucks is a hula hoop, it goes child pls so karma will consider wen she cums knocking she neva forgives 1 way or the oda she will serve u as u deserve..let no man put asunder what God joined together..u said u dont poster ur a good prsn I know...

  12. Wow!

    I just wanted to input something into what @memphis wrote up there. Regardless of whether or not one is ignorant of the consequences(law) of their action,karma would still visit,there is not escaping it. And don't think just because you are cheating with the man it automatically means you would probably reap a cheating husband. A lot more comes into play which includes hurt,pain,deceit,lies,emotional turmoil and so on and so forth which you and the man keep causing the wife. And we know this things I mentioned can be manifested in different ways not only in marriage but also in friendship/families and generally those surrounding us etc. Reason why things befall people and they wonder where they went wrong. Who knows maybe the wife is also reaping what she had sown and this karma is being manifested through you both which doesn't mean you will be spared....its a continuous circle.

    Am not trying to judge or advice you not to continue(ko kan aye) since you seem to have everything figured out,am just trying go give you a clearer picture so you fully understand and prepare well.

    About your question,am not sure if the law provides for that except you are willing to drag it in court with him. Am not a lawyer so I can't say for sure.

    Why do some people who are either sexually active or dating a married man keep making this statement 'even virgins end up with cheating husbands or virginity does not guarantee a good marriage'. Can't you make your point without dragging the word 'virgins' or 'virginity' into it? Sounds like they are trying to consoles themselves or justify their actions. This is very common with ladies.

  13. On polygamy if a man is going to be polygamous please he should do well to tell the wife before marrying her. Not until after a few kids and many years your start straying and screaming men are polygamous and africa embraces polygamy or something like that. You can't go to church and vow to love and hold only her but end up holding as many as possible biko. Give your word,grow some balls and stick to it!

  14. What do you want to be to the child; someone who has a child; a mother or a parent? You know those people you're damn sure are raised by a pack of wolves? They are raised by people who have kids. People who are not there for the kids they bring into this world. Mothers are there half the time. But not fully dedicated. A parent puts the child's welfare first. Is there to nurture, protect and educate the child. Which do you want to be? What are your plans for the child? By the way, they're expensive. In this country, you're on your own. Forget what the law says. But if you want the law on your side, have your child in the States. No one will mess with your baby or try to take her away. Do the math. Find out if you can afford it, on your own. Thereafter, ask yourself if you have the capacity to care for a child. When my first child was two moths old, I had an epiphany. I realized he is my responsibility. His father may decide he doesn't want him anymore. I can't do that. I can't abandon him. That's why I have to plan for him, independent of his father. Can you, will you be there for the child? To slay a dragon for the child? If your answer is yes, that you're ready to be a parent, have a child. It's not an easy path. Good luck.


  15. *singing in Fella's voice*

    Sorry sorry o, sorry 4 u dear poster, sorry sorry o.

    I'm saying sorry 2 u in advance dear poster. I won't say much.

    1. Singing in kanye west's voice *Aint saying she's a golddigger,but she aint hanging with no broke nigga*
      You want to benefit permanently from the man's foolishness...goodluck with that.

  16. Why would you want a child that will be a constant reminder of your senseless indiscretion. Why do you want to bring in a child who will probably be hated by his half siblings? Why do you want to give your future husband( if you plan on getting one) a good reason to cheat? Abi you will lie to him that your child's father is not married?

    I don't think you are desperate, I think you are lazy. free rent,free house etc It's not about how you have been treated in the past,you are not content with what you have cos I read the part about you having a job. As per love Pulezzzz, you love what he provides,he loves fucking you.

    Now down to my legal advice. Our legal system in Nigeria is so messed up that you don't want to go down that part. If that guy dies tomorrow you are on your own. If he decides to cut the relationship you are on your own. What will you do sue him for upkeep money? When he refuses to pay you seek redress in court and get judgement in 20yrs time? Abi you threaten to tell his wife?

    Chop and move on already. Ijiji na enweghi nti so ozu ala (the fly that does not hear follows the corpse to the grave). J

  17. I have a suggestion. Tell the guy you are pregnant and gauge his reaction from there. That should tell you what he thinks of you. End of discussion.

    As for not ruining his marriage, he did that by himself , you were merely the willing participant.

    Sad thing with many runs babes is after the sugar daddy goes, they run from pillar to post trying to maintain the same living standards.

    1. Miss pink 1000 likes for the pillar to post talk,as in ehhhhh,it takes grace, even if she saved millions, it wud still tel.

  18. The man is not eating his cake and having it, commenter. He's bought the goddamn cake with his cash...

    That aside, I can understand your reason for involving yourself in stuffs like dis. 1 no money. 2 not much support from your own family. 3 you are living in the busiest city in Africa. No one gives a sh*t.
    So if you feel like doing wat ever you wanna do, feel free baby.


    Fuck karma, let's look at logic. Do you think this man would like to leave his family for you? In America, dats wouldn't HV bn a big deal. Divorce lawyers are making it big time over there.
    He can even do that here in Nigeria if he wants to, but do you think he would want to leave his wife for you? I know you dont think so.

    The day he stops giving you money, would you still love him? Or you would hav been so lost in the euphoria of receiving free gifts from a man that you start looking for someone to replace him.

    I'm just looking at the positives and negatives of your situation and even while doing that, I couldn't find any where that having a child for him without his consent would do you a single good.

    If you want to continue eating his money,fine. But don't go falling in love with him. I'm sure you are beautiful and sexy and you would attract single guys out there if you want to, so I suggest you HV an open mind to having a relationship. It will do you more good actually. If you want a child so bad, get one from any of those handsome guys in Lagos. (Lol)

    Anyways, just be careful and play your cards right. Do not be too emotive about it, be rational. I don't want you thinking about moral implications(u knw wat I mean)

  19. Just negodu. See how this one wants to complicate her life.

  20. No lawyers in the house to answer the poster's questions?


  21. This poster seemed like she had it all figured out. And for a moment I said, oh, happiness is key...even if she claims she's not caused any harm, intentionally, that is, in his home, let me just humour her and ride with the happiness idea.

    But poster I kinda got disappointed, because you still aren't sensible enough to know that you've got to take care of your child. Whether or not the man takes care of it. Even with the good life you say you've been having? Why?

    If you're going to get pregnant, please, get more money. Work more... in bed and otherwise, cost expenses and save.

    There's no automatic legal rights for your child. You aren't married to the man. Except he chooses to, and if he includes the child in his will.

    Or better still, change your mind. Leave him and the baggage.

  22. Well, i will say that if the romance and the "good" things you see in him last for 5 years then go ahead and have the child for him....with or without rights like his other children.....


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