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Dear Thelma, (Mrs "Why does something so wrong feel so right?")





I got married in 2013 and its been nice. My problem now is i recently started chatting with my ex on whatsapp and it has stirred feelings I've tried to supress for a long time, i met ex when i came to serve, then i was dating hubby, we were friends and he was so nice always calling and wanting to be around me whenever he was free, always complimenting me, ps : i am a sucker for compliments and hubby on the other hand i used to beg for his attention. Ex always gave me the attention I craved but I eventually married hubby cos he's fom my state and i didnt know how to break up with him and I didn't want to break his heart. 
     I always had greater chemistry with ex than with hubby, and I really wanted to settle down, Ex was his parents only son and he is ibo so i didnt see us going anywhere, even when he assured me it wasnt going to be a problem. 
     Fastfoward to the present, i have a baby now and hubby hardly looks at me, he sleeps on one coner of the bed while i sleep on the other end, he never tells me I'm beautiful or pays me any compliments. He doesn't notice me anymore and even if he sees me chatting on the phone with somebody and laughing he doesn't even care. When we traveled for the holidays he called only to ask about his child. I have been miserable and i know its not a reason to welcome another man into my life but boy it feels good to hear someone tell me I'm beautiful and they miss me and begging me not to shut him out again. Yesterday when ex started texting i decided to chat with hubby, so that I could shift the attention from ex to hubby but hubby never replied my msgs, not like i was expecting him to cos he never does. Now i know I'm not supposed to talk to my ex and i dont plan on seeing him but why does chatting with him feel so good when its wrong. And Is it wrong that I still have feelings for my ex and please what can I do about it?



Photo source; www.singleblackmale.org

Comments

  1. My dear that is the same thing all wives are seeing. Once they marry you they cease to notice you. Me I've decided to do whatever makes me happy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow. A husband who doesn't compliment his wife and shows more concern for his child. A husband who doesn't reply messages and doesn't bother to know who chats with his wife. A husband who doesn't snuggle up to his wife (pregnant or not) in bed. Odiegwu. Dear Poster, sorry to say this but you're in a cage, not a marriage. It's the reason you're having these abnormal feelings for your Ex. Unless there's a way to draw your husband's attention to this I can't see you stopping your renewed relationship with your Ex, because as it stands right now, believe it or not, you're cheating.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Are you serious? @ anon 4:58... that's not true ke! my dad still pays my mom compliments... just that Iya kabuoy's head can like to swell sometimes.(i can hear her say "ori e" lol!) so he let's some slide. But you can see it in his eyes. And they'll be 25yrs this year. I disagree with you jare!

    Meanwhile.. why do some men like to cause trouble for themselves. He's probably...

    Dear beautiful poster, if you don't want to commit adultery, pls pls and pls... cut all ties.. flee is the word! Cuz eventually, if you're not careful, this your clap will enter dance like sasha always says. And what u don't want to happen would inadvertently happen. Pele ehn... just try and be happy! one lesson here tho! Never marry any man/woman out of pity. Why mortgage your entire future cuz you're sorry for someone? It most times doesn't turn out well.

    Poster it is well with you and your marriage. Things would fall into place and God would give you strength to hold on till it does. Your husband would eventually come around in Jesus name. Pele.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kabuoy how do you know I'm beautiful? *shines 32 hehehheheee. Should I tell him I'm cutting all ties with him?

      Delete
    2. You don't need to tell him. Just act the way Ur husband is acting towards you, channel it to Ur ex as well.
      Don't try to explain anything oh! Or else....

      Delete
  4. I encourage to pray 4ur marriage so u won't end up cheating on ur hubby with ur ex. While prayers cannot do our work for us, talk to hubby, talk to him,as in bare it all when he z in a very good mood, I bliv he loves u that's y he came for u in d first place.

    Ps. Pls let's all take this marriage thing seriously to avoid some very minor things! If u knw u cant marry ur ex, pls find sm1 beta than him or at least sm1 u love more dan him so u won't have to look back, it's a very simple law. Let's try to stay outta stress! God will not come down to everything!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lol I have heard o my sweet bvs but I wish someone will just tell me what I'm doin is ok just so ill feel good. And Queen I've spoken about it to him to the extent that I'm now complaining.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We can't lie to you dear poster! *hugs*

      You'll be fine!

      Delete
  6. memphis took the words right outta my mouth... but really, if you are such a sucker for complements, then why did u marry a man that hardly pays attention to you? clearly, you saw the signs before marriage..did u think it would get better once he's no more chasing you and you've said the final yes??? its a pity..unless somehow, you draw your husband's attention to the fact that his neglect is just pushing you away and making you vulnerable to...... then its just countdown to you actually meeting and sleeping with your ex...or some other man that dotes on you like u want...
    and ooh, Thelma, and TTB readers, how exactly do u break up with someone when ur just not feeling it anymore... i'm not cheating, (though i've been accused of cheating and bbming and whatsapping every guy under the sun and its annoying....kills even the little "chunkuli" traces of feelings i might have left) . Basically, i know if i sit down to have the "talk", its going nowhere, because i will be badmouthed and blackmailed back into the relationship, so i'm waiting for it to die a natural death. he's a good guy, thing is... i'm not crazy about him any longer, and i'm almost sure he doesn't love me anymore.....please dont ask me why it should be so hard to break up if that is the case, because i really dont know either

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I could almost swear I wrote this! This is exactly my situation. It's clear we are no longer into each other still he just won't let me go... I just don't know what to do and i'm not getting any younger, Lord pls help me

      Delete
    2. End all forms of communication, No calls, text, bbm or whatsapp. He will get the message after about a month and then you can have a sane conversation, apologise and break things off nicely!

      Delete
  7. Lemme tell u something. Am a guy so I know how we do think..your hubby might be all u claimed.but lemme let u in bout a lil secret we guys hate bin emotional maybe bcos we c it as bin weak..I would av said your hubby luvs you buh d aspect of u in one corner and him in another side of your bed made me think twice..regardless use your headpan and stop all ties with your x..dont forget you gave him that title, just pray hubby comes around cos I know he would..my philosophy but love is, u cant love equally..she falls so in love, he fall alil out of luv and vice versa, so maybe thats the phase your in..

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dear poster, pls try and cut all communication else you might get physical in no time. You're already cheating emotionally. I'm sure you can't show your hubby the chats between you both.

    When he's calm, try and talk to him about your needs. He might work on it, he might not. However, you have to find another way to please yourself. Another way that won't cause great problems for you if brought to light. I'm sure you won't be happy if he was doing same to you. Not to justify his lack of attention.

    Is this lack of attention a new development? Try to find out what might be the cause. Is this how he's always been? Then don't expect a sudden change. It might be a bother to you just because you're receiving attention from a wrong source.

    May God help you make the right decision. Talk to God about it too, He has the heart of your hubby in His hands.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Stop talking and start acting. The only person you should be talking to is God. Your husband is a human being too, you dont know if he is saying similar things about you also not paying him compliments etc. We are all human. Cut off the ex.

    Your husband sleeps on the edge of the bed, you sleep on the other edge. In all your waiting he hasnt come to you, is it written that you cant go to him? Hug him in bed, compliment him, tell him you appreciate his effort in making sure your family is provided for. Appreciate him, buy him something nice, pay him some attention.

    We all need attention. You married him because you didnt want to hurt his feelings. You did yourself a dis-service. But you have gone before God. So try your best to make it work. Make sure your disposition is pleasant while at it.

    As you don f*ck up already, fix the f*ck ip and make it work. Your husband isnt responsible for your happiness only you are. Decide to be happy and address your issues head on.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. Mehn!!! But why bad thing dey sweet like this? *scratching head*

    Dear Poster, We know U are beautiful because we can hear your unwritten words. For U to even realize what u are doing is wrong & seeking for help on this platform shows U want ur marriage to work & for that, I'm giving U 2 Bear Hugs & T's sloppy kisses.

    Now, Try everyone's suggestions. Which in a nutshell is:
    Pray. Cut ties with Ex. Do all what U want Hubby to do to U, to him persistently. Talk to him constantly in a respectful manner, over his favourite meal U made, a date initiated by U or in bed. Have a positive/happy disposition.
    Yes, U might ask, Why should I be the one doing all this? It's because U are the One who deserves & wants to be happy, so Please do all in ur power to be happy!
    I wish U well...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Great points that evryone has given...try them all but most importantly if you want to save your marriage you will have to cut ties with your EX

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yes o...cut all ties with your ex and work on ur relationship wt hubby, given the various advice from BVs above. I wish you well.

    ReplyDelete
  13. First things first, gbala ekwensu oso - run away from the devil. The grass isn't greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it.
    Then, discuss your concerns with hubby.
    Then, find happiness inside of you, and don't believe validation needs to come only from an external source.
    G'luck love.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Beautiful poster I so feel you on this one....if I where in her shoes,I would seek solace somewhere else....As females, we get emotionally down really fast....But stylishly cut off communications from your ex,talk to your husband and pray God heals his heart....pele.....TNHW

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dear poster cut all ties with your ex, he should respect your status as a married woman and stop engaging you in this game that the two of you are playing . The fact that he refuses to acknowledge your status should tell you his intentions are not good. Don't throw away the 80% you have in order to pursue the elusive 20%. Identify the good in your hubby and remember two wrongs never make a right. Pray for your husband that is the best thing you can do in this situation.
    finally learn to love and appreciate yourself know that you are beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hmmm! The devil's option...never, ever take it.

    You've been advised intelligently by the blog family. May God guide you.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dear poster, I don't know you but I can understand how frustrating it can be to be with someone who doesn't give you attention. I gave a lot of thought to your question and I think the best thing for you to do know is to let God's word guide you. This link tells you how to solve this 'little' problem:
    www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/g201310/friendship-gets-too-close/

    I know it will be of great help to you. All the best

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dear poster, I don't know you but I can understand how frustrating it can be to be with someone who doesn't give you attention. I gave a lot of thought to your question and I think the best thing for you to do know is to let God's word guide you. This link tells you how to solve this 'little' problem :
    www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/g201310/friendship-gets-too-close/

    I know it will be of great help to you. All the best

    ReplyDelete

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