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Dear Thelma...






Hello T and TTB readers, I don't have any Valentine story becos this year I was alone. I am in a relationship but my boyfriend and I agreed to take a break because we were having some issues so we decided to give our selves space for two months or three months. We still love each other and that is why we are trying to make our relationship work. My question is if it is ok for us to have something with someone else while we are taking a break. My colleagues saw him in the club this last Friday night and he was with a girl and they left the club together. I am very depressed because the idea of the break was to make our relationship work not so that we can have sex with someone else. But I have asked around if it is ok and people are saying that yes, that during a break you can do what ever you want. Is this true or not please? Do I have a right to be angry with my boyfriend, I don't even know because I don't know weather I can qualify what he did as cheating. Please what do you people think?


****
TTB readers, over to you. Dear poster I wish you and your boo had discussed and agreed to' terms and conditions' before embarking on this journey... But I guess it's too late for that now. 

Comments

  1. Stop making excuses for a cheating man who obviously doesn't care, u took a break to reflect on certain things and come back stronger, not to see other people n do whatever u like. You are hurt and unhappy about this, why do u still need people's opinion to validate ur anger. U must not ve a boyfriend, if u must ve, then u ve to be completely happy in it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sex on a break is ok. But just don't bring back any souvenir (baby).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always agree with most of ur judgement NNE but this time around I disagree with dis. Wat if the guy starts liking whoever he is having sex with? Isn't she gonna b on the loosing end?if they had agreed on that,it's a different ball game but dey didn't. Dear poster talk to him about it, it's obvious he doesn't respect u,wat he did is wrong.

      Delete
    2. Is he married to this chick? Does he owe her the loyalty of a hubby to his wifey who are in marriage counseling? Did he cheat while there was no break? Let's not treat a bf/gf r/ship like it's a hubby and wife thingy. This dude doesn't owe her anything and if he comes back after she knows he cheated,its her prerogative to continue with the r/ship or not...

      Delete
    3. So if u n ur bf decide to take a break n u found out he is shagging or shagged someone else in d cause of d break, u wud smile n congratulate him?plss wats ur definition of a relationship? Because it's obvious that ur analysis sounds like DAT of a fling between two people.

      Delete
    4. Sasha you're contradicting yourself. "...if he comes back after she knows he cheated,its her prerogative to continue with the r/ship...", meaning you agree they're still very much in a relationship and that he cheated even when there's a *break in transmission*. So if you're the one in Poster's shoes you're telling us it's ok for you and your boo to have flings while you're given some time of? Or in such a situation where you're supposed to better understand your boo (and maybe yourself) such intimate distraction is necessary, provided there're no *endpoints*? Now I don't understand what a relationship is all about again, since, well according to you, no one owes anyone anything. I see...

      A gate pass for guys to have heated quarrels with their babes, take some days of and hook up with... Issorai..

      Delete
    5. Memphis exactly my points,u know where n what am driving at.

      Delete
    6. Lol,give me a break Mabel. So he cheated,she shld move on if she's hurt. And from what I read on this blog, as long as she's not married to him,hes still available for others (whether dating or on a break)

      Delete
    7. Hmm,Memphis this isn't marriage counseling and No,im not contradicting myself. People divorce and still remarry themselves. People breakup,wake up and makeup.
      They were on a break and that technically is an unofficial breakup. Like I said,sex on a break is ok,but don't come back with souvenirs and/or drama...

      Delete
    8. Ehen? Which part of the blog did you read that one? It's easy to talk like this when you're not the one in the situation. When you see your ex with someone else or know that your ex is sleeping with someone else, it hurts. How much more someone you're still in a relationship with?

      Delete
    9. I read it on a post back and yh,im not saying she shldnt be hurt by it. Wives are hurt when their hubby cheats on them. Even people who are in a r/ship how much more when the r/ship is on a break so yh,she has every right to be hurt.
      What I'm saying is,when ur on a break,u can't enjoy the privileges of a committed easy-going r/ship. Yh,she wld expect him to be sober,reflective and bla bla but in his head,he just got single for 2-3months...

      Delete
    10. I've learnt something today: Anyone who's in a serious relationship please note that since you're not married, flings are allowed with third parties without prior notice. Una hear?

      Delete
    11. My opinion is subject to personal translations and interpretations.
      But Oga memphis,how far na. You no give us gist as how ystday take waka. Lol.

      Delete
    12. Sasha u be comedian @T thanks for asking her which blog she read it on ohh,like Memphis said flings are allowed now in a relationship courtesy of madam Sasha. Lol,can't stop laffing@ Sasha tell us how urs went too,no b only Memphis go gist us.*winks*

      Delete
    13. Ahhh. Sasha. Nice way to deviate but erm..wrong post. Lol

      Delete
    14. Sorry,wasnt deviating. My point on the topic is this: he's a boyfriend not a husband. That they love each other is cool but the fact remains he's just a bf. No vows or legal document commits him to her 100%.
      If you love something set it free but don't cry when it does fly away...

      Delete
    15. Sasha easier said Dan done, u didn't answer my question on wat ur definition of a relationship is ohhhohhh. But d truth is the poster is in love n it's normal if she feels hurt,Dats just d point but u dey feel like macho woman. Okay now.

      Delete
    16. But I wonder yy lovers shud take break from their relationship, a break simply implies breakup, most breaks don't work out or turn out well,I don't take breaks ohh,any guy DAT suggest break to me,I wud have to access n ask questions, because once that distance is given,trust me,it's hard to regainregain.

      Delete
  3. Sex on a break is ok only if you both agreed to it. You need to burst that bubble now now. What if he falls for this other person? This is very risky and you must put a stop to it now if you really want to save your relationship.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sex on a break is Ok? Dats like saying a threesome is Ok if u both agree to it. Respect is important in a relationship biko, what stupid rship is she saving, people amaze me with thr thoughts tho.

      Delete
    2. Yes, threesomes are ok if you BOTH AGREE to it. A relationship is about two people and it what works for them and makes them happy that counts. There are very happy couples who have threesomes, it's all about fulfilling a fantasy, if you both have this same fantasy and are mature about it ie set rules just like this poster and her bf should have done, everything works out well.

      Delete
    3. Who is this anonymous? Probably my twin, with respect to opinions...

      Delete
  4. If he has anything to do with another girl while you guys are supposed to "still love each other and want to make it work", I say it's cheating, unless of course, you're the only one thinking the break is temporal. I'd advice you address the issue, because while it seems you didn't give in depth thought to this 'break time', you now know better. Like the above anon said, don't make excuses. We all can't tolerate the same things in our relationships and just cos the people you talked to can, doesn't mean you should. What you permit to come into your life is what finds a way to stay in it. From the little, we shape the great. So if you guys were married and you decided to take some 'me time' and something like this happened? I guess some people will say by then at least, you know you're legally bound but it's all the same to me. Again, what you won't take as a rich man is best rejected while poor.
    Abeg, which one of you even suggested the break because the answer to this your question might just lie there-in.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Baby Girl while you are on this break, I would like you to examine your priorities and why you should make things work. The break doesn't mean things will be better afterwards. Prepare your mind that it could lead to a break up. He went out with someone and left wit her doesn't mean they went to have sex. Stop assuming. Communicate directly without anger or sarcasm and set boundaries while on a break. I advise you Google Heather Lindsey and read her blog on issues like this. Love is beautiful and worth fighting for but don't cast your pearl among swine. Be Guided#

    ReplyDelete
  6. "Sex on a break is ok". That's a new one...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abi ohhh Memphis na really new one,I never hear am before too.Lol

      Delete
    2. Mabel we learn new things everyday. Hahaha.

      Two people take a break in their relationship to dull the tension and try in their solace to understand the vices causing these tensions; if they'll be able to cope with them or not. Yet our troubled Poster is being told that "Sex on a break is ok"? Hian! This is outright cheating (assuming Poster's bf really bedded the lady he was seen with). They aren't broken up, they just need some time to themselves. Unless ofcourse the guy has had enough of the relationship and isn't courageous enough to admit it. But suggesting that sex with a third party in these circumstance is ok is beyond me. Smh

      Delete
    3. I agree wt maybel and memphis. Like seriously??..."sex on a break"??..Naaaa!!
      It's obvious she's in a "Situationship", not a "Relationship". The idea of taking a break in a relationship is for personal reflections towards the relationship especially for Improvement where needed. If sex with other people becomes acceptable during a "break", then 'smh' for both parties . They don't know what they want.

      Delete
  7. Breaks are taken to reflect on your relationship n see if you really want to make it work..that might be his own way of reflection you never know,if you are taking a break I dnt think you can say the person is your boyfriend anymore thou but you guys should have agreed on what's acceptable or not b4 the break...my theory during breaks has always been do what you want but dnt bring it back to the relationship that's if we ever get back again n hey dnt assume he's sleeping with her yet give alittle benefit of doubt

    ReplyDelete
  8. 1st, whoz idea was it to take a break? Yours, his or a mutual agreement between you two?
    If it was his idea then I will tell you he has either moved on or he is testing waters and coming back will to you will depend on the kinda treatment he gets from his side chic.if she makes him happy I doubt he will come back.
    If it was your decision then you have to accept your fate cos it will be said that you pushed him out. You guys could have found other ways to trash whatever issues you were having without having to separate knowing the level of distractions and temptation out there.
    I will suggest you call him up and tell him you have decided to end the therapeutic sessions and you guys can now get back together. If you haven't lost your man to Caro then he should be happy to come back after the short term separation.
    You can start to mend whatever is broken in your relationship TOGETHER!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You HV pretty much hit the nail on the head... I've missed you like cray!

      How you dey? Otemwen

      Delete
    2. Hahaha. Thelma continue strolling by o..issorait. lol

      Delete
  9. everyones relationship runs differently as long as both parties agree on whatever. auntti, if you and your boo agreed on not seeing anyone on your timeout then that is fine. do you have a right to be angry ? of course you do. You guys should have talked about this time out... can we see other people ? is sex allowed ?. he may think he's not cheating but you think he cheating. this is because you both lack communication. hit him up and talk about it and it's up to you to decide on what to do next..i.e stay with boo or move on.
    don't go have sex with someone just to even things out because you may feel terrible afterwards...
    this our new generation relationship get as e be..oh well

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sweethart....pls move on..he is soooo over you.....pls...to avoid hurting even more....he isnt worth it.....


    ReplyDelete
  11. Babe, you are not on break, there's no such thing...the guy has moved on with another girl it is the reality.
    But if it was the agreement you both had its ok for him to do that but....

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hello everyone, am Hakan Parmaksiz by name. I am proud to testify this testimony. I saw a post on how a lady got her husband back and i decided to try the spell caster that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spell work i reluctantly tried him because i was desperate but to my greatest surprise the spell caster Dr Ebakor helped me get my Girl friend back after 5 month of break up and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my Girl friend now treats me like a Prince even when she had told me before she doesn't love me anymore. well, i cannot say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship contact him on his email: (Doctorebakorspelltemple@hotmail.com) he is the only answer to relationship problems once again his email is (Doctorebakorspelltemple@hotmail.com)

    ReplyDelete

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