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Dear Thelma...,

Good evening Thelma, please help me post this. I am in love with the perfect man and we are engaged, we did our introduction recently and the wedding plans are underway. I have never been this happy in my life, he is the kindest person I know and although we both have good jobs he insists on taking care of me. The problem is that I saw his account balance last week and I almost fainted. Ttb I knew he was comfortable but I did not imagine that he has so much money. I wanted to pretend that I did not see it but my mind was not at rest so I asked him n he opened up that at his former place of work he and his boss cut some deals with some clients that makes them a lot of money. He said that they were not defrauding the company it is just that the company did not know about it. He said it went on for some years thus the huge account balance. He told me that it was the reason he left the company because he was scared that they will soon get caught, but he knew he could not tell his boss that he didn't want to do it anymore, so when he got another job opportunity he took it. I am very grateful for his honesty and I appreciate him for telling me the truth. But I am worried about whether am doing the right thing by marrying him, knowing what I now know. I am very confused Thelma, as I now know the source of his money and I eat from it too, eg our wedding, does it not make me a bad person too, and should I still go ahead and marrying him knowing that he is a dishonest person that misappropriated millions? Please I am very confused and I need answers, I love this man and we are marrying soon but I am worried. 


  1. Hahahahaha,orishirishi...
    What's the real question here young lady?

    1. Hahahahahaha! I tire o babe, wetin con be d question nah? Dear poster, u aint got no problem. Kai, our struglles really varry.

  2. He's changed for at least leaving the job and telling you the truth. You know he can't possibly return the money for you to know he's changed..abi? Btw he's not a bad person just a business man.

  3. Awwww poor darling! shows you still have a Well,I don't know what to tell you but since he left the former company just for that reason then maybe there hope still.....

  4. What iss this poster saying?SMH..

  5. Actually this is the reality in Nigeria. It's common. That's how people make money. Collecting kickbacks, padding up the bills fiddling with payroll and pensions. The fact that it bothers you shows you still have a moral compass. Think about it, a man earns a million a month. He has to pay tuition for two kids every four months, buy diesel, food, pay salaries, utilities and travel abroad. Deals go down in the office. Start paying attention and you'll see the signs. The flashy cars, expensive houses. Especially guys in Procurement. The sharpest guy is the chap who wears cheap clothes and drives a tokunbo car. He's nondescript but makes a hell of a lot money. Most times, they get the job so as to render account to Oga director or MD. There are some positions that not anyone gets. A lot of people are in on it. Like my banker friend once said of her boss, that if the man is stealing like this then what do they steal in govt? It's down to the two of you; your conscience and values.


  6. Mallam has said it all,poster u have no problem. Go ahead and marry him since he told u the truth, office deals happens and I guess he was just lucky enough to b part of it.

  7. Hmmmm, me I just want to know the source of the money please...

  8. Your first problem is you described the man as perfect and he is not. Now you have found one of his previous weaknesses. No one can guarantee you he wont do it again. The fact he was honest with you, and the fact he left means he has some sort of fear of punishment. So long as he has moved away from it, pray and make that relationship work.

    Truth of the matter is that with the level of sufferhead and oppression in Nigeria, its hard not to steal irrespective of your financial standing. So please cut the guy some slack. We are all permitted mistakes. Even God that is the judge of all, he simply asks that we beg for forgiveness.

  9. You just want to write a story, you know you'll marry him.

  10. Seriously.... ermmmm send me his no?

  11. Ma'am, are you going to return all the ego you've wacked thus far? Your guy is one honest dude with a conscience. Thank God he ain't doing it again.
    Meanwhile, I think you've already made up your mind to marry I don't know what advise you seeking for here.

  12. Although an unpopular viewpoint, I'd give my two pence

    The Bible says something about restitution and I believe that applies here. That's if you are Christians.

    If not, then don't bother about the earlier paragraph.

    Well, I don't think his weakness are sufficient grounds for you to quit the relationship. He appears to have forgone his 'old' ways and also is honest with his past mistakes. I think you can go the extra mile by watching out for him and ensuring he doesn't fall prey to financial misdemeanours or misappropriation. I believe that is what relationships are all about - looking out for the interests of your partner and the common good of the relationship.

  13. For the guy to have stylishly left his former workplace & the poster to be asking this question, it means there are fears that someone can just be auditing/investigating something and just discover whats up. Now unless you have lost your conscience and are just carried away by your love for money, u should feel this fear. you don't want to get married and 2months into the wedding you are dealing with courtroom, police/efcc, prison, press runs... these things have a way of happening, they have a way of sneaking up on you....Ask Cecilia Ibru. Dear Poster, i know that you are disappointed and scared, i'll advice that you and hubby talk this through - you guys have gone far , prepare for the best/worst. in the meantime, you have to be sure that he'll be cutting no deals ever... na greed dey make devil get ground to expose person. You knw him, if you are not sure that he will stop the deals for real... you know what to do. you and your future children need their hubby/dad around jor. Zi

  14. I still dey find the question for ds

  15. Oh mehn! I totally understand your fear.
    I've broken up with someone for something similar. Not just because I couldn't wrap my head around it at the time, but because he "told me the truth" after I've found you did.

    I mean, we've always talked about finances and all, yet, no mention of the 'alternative source of income'.
    I just slid away.

    The choice is yours to forgive and stay. Especially if he convinces you it wasn't fraud, he wouldn't go back to it and he's sorry he did it- not just fear of being caught.


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