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Empty Prayers.

I tried my best to keep you here
But it's hard to hold a shadow
You said goodbye but I couldn't hear
Too busy praying for a miracle

And you left me on my knees
You just walked out the door
You didn't even have the decency to intervene while I was begging God for
You to love me

I prayed about us every night
Boy I know you had to hear me
You could've stopped me then and told the truth
But instead you pulled a pillow over your head

And you left me on my knees
You just walked out the door
You didn't even have the decency to intervene while I was begging God for
You to love me

You should've told me it was useless, that I was praying empty prayers
But you hopped in your car, pulled out your keys
While you were leaving, I was begging God for you to love me

And I know that He had something better to do
Than to sit and listen to a broken-hearted fool
Could've been saving the world from a tragedy, but instead He was listening
To me
I was asking, begging for a sign to bring comfort to this lonely heart of
But apparently you're not what I need
I guess you walking out was Him answering

You left me on my knees
You just walked out the door
You didn't even have the decency to intervene while I was begging God for
You to love me.

I tried my best to keep you here
But it's hard to hold a shadow

Empty Prayers by Mary J Blige mirrors my sentiments this morning. What kills me the most is the time I spent on my knees praying; for us to work, for God to bless you, for the works of your hands to bring great harvest, for you to love me, for a sign; that we were meant to be, even though you yourself showed me all the signs I needed to see. 

And just like Mary J said But apparently you're not what I need. I guess you walking out was God answering (me).

Still I cannot deny that it hurts, that I'm hurting, that Saturday was the exact opposite of how I'd imagined it to be, and all day long there was a lump in my throat just waiting to let loose the flood gates in my eyes. I refused to give in. 

Somehow though I've been strong. You didn't walk out, but every thing you did/do says you want out so I decided to take a hint and walk away gracefully. And for this I applaud myself, you stay lurking in dark corners, on the periphery of my life, not a part of it yet refusing to fully exit it. But I thank The Lord that with (my) age comes wisdom, grace and strength. The me of the past would have waited, surely if you're lurking it must be because you still want me but, but, but (and I'd make up a thousand reasons, all in my head). But the woman I've become, though still with a tender heart that loves and loves freely, now has a stronger mind, a discerning mind. 

So yes, it's hurts to the marrow, but somehow I still smile, and somehow, miraculously, happiness never departed from my heart. 

I tried my best to keep you here, But it's hard to hold a shadow...


  1. Hmmmm. Some honest words coming out there!

    ...So many fishes in the ocean.

  2. You are worth so much more, dear! You deserve the very best. e-hugs. This too shall pass.

  3. Plenty hugs to you Thelma.
    I love that you are strong and can let go without drama even at this particular time.
    Yours shall come at God's appointed time and remember, what we want sometimes comes when we are not searching.
    All the best.


  4. I can relate,really!
    Btw,I've been blood with this blog and it's so 17BC. Used to comment but it's so last 2yrs but I'm back. Oh yeah

    1. Thanks guys. Welcome back Aramide, don't disappear on us again ok...

  5. Hang in there Thelma, joy comes soonest. E-hugs barbie

  6. God answered your prayers alright , it just wasn't the response you hoped for. It will get better, the heart will heal.

    1. So true miss pynk, it just wasn't the response Thelma expected. God loves you T and He wants only the best for you, wait on Him He never disappoints.

  7. Everything you said T, was meant for me. Thank you.

  8. Thelma, God surely hears when we pray 1 John 5: 14 says And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:
    Meditate on this verses.
    Psalm 27:14-Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
    Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
    You will be fine dear and All will end in Praise.

  9. Good riddance to bad rubbish..... Everything good will come... Sending hugs ur way xx

  10. Hugs Tee..the answer to your prayers will definitely come
    Take heart

  11. So sorry T, so so sorry. Love will find its way home to your heart.

  12. So sorry T, so so sorry. Love will find its way home to your heart.

  13. Thelma darling,I love you from here*hugs*

  14. Wow, this really touches the heart! Thelma dear, I've been there! But trust me, Every. Single. Time I prayed for a relationship to work and it didn't, I've come back later to thank God for not answering that prayer! I found out something about that person that made me realize God was saving me from serious wahala.
    One of my exes that I wanted to die over ended up being arrested a few years later for driving while intoxicated and giving alcohol/ drugs to a minor! Another one never finished school and is still trying to get his life together after over a decade!
    That line in the song about him walking out being God's answer is so true!
    Girl, trust me, you will thank God for this one day!

  15. so youre back to being single now? boohoo. hang in.

    1. Awww.. u're such a sad and bitter person. I feel sorry for you. You have to make fun of others' sad or depressing situations to feel better? Just remember that Jesus loves you, okay?

    2. You do not strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You can gloat over Thelma's situation but believe me it really won't give you a true sense of happiness. Sympathy isn't so alien to the human personality.

  16. It is not right, it should go. Cheer up. J

  17. You deserve the best and not what seems like the best. God knows the thought He has for you. So be thankful T. The best is on its way...

  18. Yes. It doesn't feel.right? You don't feel.right? It should go.
    Sorry Thelma.
    You'll be found by the man who'll love you and who you'll love back and be happy.

    Don't bother your head.

  19. Yes. It doesn't feel.right? You don't feel.right? It should go.
    Sorry Thelma.
    You'll be found by the man who'll love you and who you'll love back and be happy.

    Don't bother your head.

  20. Dear Tee, He's coming, I know he is and when he shows up, you'll realise that this time this period is the training time, he's readying and preparing you so don't be discouraged.

    It is well with you.

  21. So sorry T.

    I pray God really answers your innate prayers in a way that would make your heart leap and also give you closure to this anti-climax scenario.

  22. Keep your head up. Your joy will become full soonest.

    This post mirrors me. Hmmmm.... all will be well.

  23. Keep your head up. Your joy will become full soonest.

    This post mirrors me. Hmmmm.... all will be well.

  24. Things will get better jareyy..keep being strong

  25. Wow... i'm just reading this o. It is well Thelma! And Amen to all the prayers that have been said. You'll be fine. **hugs**


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