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My Husband Is Fine, Thank You.

So yesterday I received my package from my dealer in Abuja and I was a bit saddened to find that the product was the same one I'd used before, and besides being saddened, offended to know that this one cost so much more, yet it was the same thing! So this morning, polite as I ever, I sent my dealer a text and told her, I used this last time, I didn't get what I wanted. But you obviously did so tell me what needs to be done differently this time. Tips please?

(I know the above is all very vague but it's because I do not want you to know what I'm talking about. *runs away*)

*runs back to continue the story*. So during the conversation, my dealer, let's call her Mrs B gave me some very helpful tips, she was so full of life and chatty, as chatty as someone who obviously doesn't have reason to be economical with airtime as we spoke for well over an hour. So every live was punctuated with "My husband was doing that... My kids said this" "Yes, just try that, your husband would notice", "My husband never used to do it before...", "I'm sure your husband would thank you for it!", "Its the best way you can please your husband, he will be so happy", "My husband never bothered about that before but now you should see how he acts", "Your husband might be surprised at first but eventually he'll come around", "my kids never liked fruits or veges but now they love pickles. You should try giving yours pickles, apples and other healthy fun foods..."

And did I tell you she was chatty, oh so chatty I couldn't get a word in edgewise. At the first "Your husband...", I wanted to say "Errr, no I don't have a...", but she wouldn't just give me the opportunity so I shut up and only contributed with the "mmmm, hmmmm, mmhmmm" that my throat was occasionally permitted. 

So when after our long, lively, enlightening chat, Mrs B finally asked "So how is your husband?", I had no choice to say "My husband is fine, thank you". 

Once again it leads me to think about the assumptions people make about women of a certain age. The subject matter of our transaction has nothing to do with marriage or husbands either... Pray tell, what would her reaction have been if after our very long chat which had been well peppered with talks of her husband and mine, her kids and mine, she had said "How's your husband?" And I'd responded with "Oh, I'm not married". That would have been so #Awkward. I imagined she'd have felt a bit stupid for being so presumptuous, then slightly resentful towards me for not setting her straight, never mind that she never asked me nor gave me a chance to. 

Another thing that's crossed my mind, though I might be wrong but that's highly unlikely, is the that if she'd known I'm just l'il ol' single me our call would have lasted for all of five minutes, she would not have been so free and open with me, she would not have been so chummy and buddy-buddy and , she would not have seen me as an equal. 

The call was meant to be about a simple product but then there was all this talk from her about your husband-my husband, and it wasn't just the words, it was the tone with which she spoke; theatrical hushes and whispers in that "you know what I'm talking about" manner, like secrets shared between two members a sisterhood who shared a common bond. 

It was a simple call, which turned out to be an eye opener, a reminder of the times my married peers have treated me differently, not with condescension but with patronage, a mild pity, sometimes the way they'd treat a much younger sister when the elder ones are having "senior girls gist", sometimes with casual indifference... 
     It also reminded me of the time a male learned colleague of mine asked me to shut up and listen to a much younger colleague, younger in age by about five years, and at the Bar, who was engaged and heavily pregnant. In his words "Keep quiet and listen to her. Don't you know that this girl has become your senior in life? She is now several steps ahead of you in life so when she talks keep quiet and listen". Never mind that the issue was on matters of law, not life experiences, never mind that this person in question had just failed the Bar exams for the second time and I was trying to put her through something and she wouldn't stop arguing and just listen. No, all that mattered to was that she was pregnant and engaged and therefore nothing I said held any weight.

But while it's no secret that society puts single women of a certain age under pressure, we also need to stop putting pressure on ourselves! We had so many play songs when we were little but it seems the band in our heads remembers only one song and that is "When will you marry? This year or next year? Some time or never?..."  And from the second we open our eyes in the morning the band starts playing. Shut that band up, ok?!

Enough about that though, "My husband is fine, thank you" is the last lie I told. What's the last lie you told? Be honest!

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  1. Last lie: "I'll be available on the 14th, don't worry.."

    1. Chei memphis u af killed sambary with that lie!!!

      Last lie: my smiles, when all i actually wanted to do was keep a frigging str8 face!

  2. Hmmmmm, My Last lie, "I hope U are fine?".

    No! I didn't hope he's fine. I hoped he had Aids, Ebola, Leukemia, got hit by a trailer, thrown into an ocean by the driver, eaten by sharks but still alive. LOL
    Oh well, I hope U are fine? *shines teeth*

    To this post, I have sat my mom down & explained my reservation about marriage *the only one I'm accountable to on earth*. There's a 70% chance marriage ain't for me BUT I'm either gonna have a baby or adopt one at a certain age.
    My married friends come to me for advice so I don't have to shut up after all. If any one gives me that pity look, we are DONE Mami.

    1. I hope you're fine oh. *shines teeth back at you.

      Since I got married, I made an effort to not ask my single friends about their boo, especially when I know they are boo less. Except they open up the topic themselves, then I can add my own quota. I just do not want to ruffle dainty feathers mbok, cos I know I wouldn't have found it funny if I were patronised by my married friends when I was single.

  3. Ahh all this story for this question
    The last lie I told was am fine Thank you when all I wanted to do was strangle the person and yell

  4. Oh yes last lie I told would be: yeah your makeup is on fleek.

  5. I remember when I was about to get married and wasn't sure and had to confide in my cousin, he told me to go ahead that a single woman had no respect in our society. About the last lie: I don't feel like * shines teeth

  6. Lol@ my husband is fine. Last lie I told: I miss u where as na wash,I didn't just want to be probed cos the guy has refused to read the handwriting on the wall. Plss BVS what sign or what does it mean when ur male friend's mum gives u vegetables to slice?does it mean she accepts u or something? Though we aren't dating, we are just close friends without benefits shaa,If u know what I mean. So I visited him recently and His mum was around and she wanted to make soup and she gave me the veggy and some other things to do and funny thing is this was my third time of meeting her. Just curious shaaa.

    1. She is warming up to you. She likes you and wants to know if u r good (domestically). Should in case you and her son's story change for better... lol

    2. Tot as much too ohh kemi. Anyways m still watching. Tnks dear

  7. Last lie: is anything wrong? Is there a problem? Do u have something you want to tell me? My answer to all, a very straight 'NO'. Of course there's something wrong but I can't tell u because you can't take it. Today my married friend asked me when she's coming to chop rice *rme*

  8. Last lie: I don't want "it" when I actually do want "it"..

  9. The last lie I told: the rice is on the fire ma. *shines teeth*

    Anybody that tells me that someone is my senior simply because the person is married or pregnant and engaged even though i'm older and/or wiser would hear it from me that day! I'll patiently and calmly show you just how silly and pathetic you are. Some people are just really annoying! Smh!
    All my momsy's friends, even my grandparents are asking me when they are coming to tie gele... smh... sunshine wey senior me sef still dey form baddest sisi ever liveth. na me the tin con reach okwaya?!
    The fact that some people(if not most sef) think that's the essence to a woman's existence is why some people are stuck in situation-ships they should never have been in. And some women too wud be feeling superior to others even though their marriage is a disaster. Mstchew! Very sad situation.

  10. Last lie: I love you baby. Do u love me?
    Meanwhile I care less if u love me too cos i dont even like you

    1. Hahaha@fakedude...omg!!! Still laughing. But biko no put d babe on high trips next time..before babe starts visualising ya wedding. Chics aren't smiling. Hehehe

  11. Last lie I told: was fine

    Whenever the question of boyfriend/husband comes up,I just smile or laugh it off without giving a definite answer or at worst 'fi oro bo' I no get time abeg.

  12. Mine was ...a bbm contact asked "how's Abuja" meanwhile I dey UK. I just said fine.
    Really, i cared less if he knew my destination. ..i didn't think it was necessary saying it jarey. I just ended d chat. Some people just occupy unnecessary space in ur's high time I started editing.
    I really do value my friendship with people..i.e meaningful ones..I've been away for a while but I still feel like I'm in Abuja cos I still communicate wella wt my good friends..but if I c no improvement in my friendship wt someone,I just edit/delete. Life goes on...20friends can't play together for 20years.

  13. Last lie: I'm still trying to get over you.
    When it comes to the issue of marriage, women are the ones who pressure other women the most, women need to come together and form a united front

  14. The Mrs B sef! Her name should be Mrs Assupmta!
    Whoever talks to an adult female in 2015 and assumes she's married biko nu?

    1. Lol@ Mrs Assupmta. Cccc nn go kill me ohhhh. Lamao

  15. When I meet someone and I am unsure if s/he's married, I simply ask: how's your family?

    My last lie: I like you so much and nothing would have held me back if you weren't married. Truth is I felt no such thing but I do love checking my skills in 'psyching' once in a while.


  16. My last lie, hmm! Can't recall. I am married, and I don't rub it on my single friends faces. I try not to talk about my hubby or kids unless they ask me. Even when they lament , I tell them don't worry, marriage will happen @ d right time, just take ur mind off it. I have observed that women who look down on single girls, aren't happy in their marriages. True!


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