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Nicole Scherzinger/Lewis Hamilton. Knowing When To Walk Away. (I NEEDANSWERS!)

Yesterday Nicole Scherzinger's decision to end her 7 year relationship with her Formula One champion boyfriend, Lewis Hamilton made head lines. The most interesting thing about this is the reason for the split; after seven years she knew he had no plans of marrying and starting a family with her, so she decided to take a walk.  

When I read this post on Bella Naija the comments were the most (as usual) interesting and enlightening. Some caught my attention, partly because they reflected my own thoughts or opened my eyes to other thoughts. The one below for instance;

"Toolz take note!!!!
Capt Tunde should stop all the twitter bae/boo flatteries and do the needful already! Has she not waited enough? Ok u may tell me, mind ur biz, they are taking their time, no rushing things, but at this point this guy still doesn’t know whether or not he wants to spend his life with her ? Every day…filling the lady’s head with boo, bae. And his siblings are settling down everyday.
Abuse me all u want, but i refuse to live in a fool’s paradise. I love this lady, i do. she looks like a level-headed , nice individual to me. It would really be disgusting if he does that to her. Then we will hear he hooked someone VERY MUCH YOUNGER, he met after 6 months like someone mentioned.Not everybody is lucky like Toke.
Oga Demuren , if u still enjoy sampling different pussies without any commitment, ALLOW HER TO FIND HAPPINESS ELSEWHERE and stop air-filling her heart with your “bae” talk!!!
This Nicole/Hamilton scenario reminds of Johnny Depp who is getting married to a girl young enuff to be his daughter after leaving his babymama of 14 years he never wanted to marry. So pissed!!! Sorry, Toolz, i don’t know u from Adam, but it had to come out."

I won't lie that I've never felt the way this commenter feels about Toolz&Demuren, but the last paragraph of this comment is of greater interest to me. It leads me to ask how this thing works with men. MEN why do you date a girl for 5 or 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, years then suddenly break up with her, only to get married to some random chic three months later? Please who can help me unravel this mystery, I need answers!

Another comment that reflected my thoughts was this one below;

"If you are above age 30 and you allow a man to date you for more than 2 yrs with no proposal. You the woman is a foolish clueless idiot. Wake up, a man knows in a year or less whether he will wife u or not. If he tells you anything different he's lieing."

Now this one particularly jumped out at me because yesterday I told one of my dearest friends and blog reader during a very interesting conversation; men know what they want. A man knows within months if he wants to wife you or not. So when a man in his thirties (or maybe even forties) dates you for a long length of time without mentioning the M word, it's simply because he does NOT want to M you! If he eventually does then my guess is that he's settling because he hasn't been able to find what he wants. And that's my 2 cents. 

So dear men, why do you know you have no plans or intentions of wifing a woman yet you keep her on in the relationship, filling her head with lies and false hope? Why don't you just leave her to go and find someone who might want to marry her? Just why? I need answers. 

And ladies, why do we stay in relationships we know are leading absolutely no where? Let me use myself as an example, these are the reasons I stayed in relationships that were going nowhere in the past;
-Being single sucks, 
-He could change his mind one day.
-Relationships are really hard to find, a bird at hand...
-Everyone is in a relationship, why should I be the odd one out?
-He could change his mind one day, God please let him change his mind one day...

But being older, I've come to realize that it did me no good whatsoever. My thoughts resonate with this final comment below;

"...And why should you even convince a man to wife you up? Are you trying to say that you are not good enough? No woman should ever convince a man about her ability to be a good wife and mother. You are worth more than that."

Getting older I've learnt that I'm worth so much, it's also the same conclusion I reached after I talked to that amazing friend of mine yesterday. I can only play my part and my part does not include convincing any man to want to marry me. No woman should have to do this, yet it seems a lot of us have found ourselves in situations where we're more or less auditioning for the role of wifey once we perceive a possible vacancy. No woman should have to do this, women who know their worth don't. 

So, I need answers and I need to hear your thoughts on the matter. 


  1. Firstly does everyone want to get married? I dont believe so. I dated someone for 5 years whom i didnt want to marry, i was just comfortable there and the person let me stay.

    People sometimes want different things and sometimes hope the other partner will change their mind that is swing on their marriage or no marriage campaign eventually.

    We dont have the same effect on everybody we meet. Its kind of interesting when you observe the effect people have on others. Especially the ones that marry someone quickly. Sometimes its because that new person is intoxicating and we dont want to lose them. Part of our functions as human beings is to know how someone views us. While you cant change their perception of you, you can pick the situations you choose to place yourself in.

    i married my husband after 10 months, ironically i dated someone prior for 14 months who thought i would never leave him..i thought i wanted to marry him, but he didnt want the commitment. Most people date people and just have no excitement, they are comfortable.

    While comfortable is good, if you don't think the person is stupendously awesome, why commit? More so if the person lets you stay, hoping you would commit after you pretty much know each others lives, would the person think you are awesome?

    My bottomline is always, make it known what you want in any situation, that way if the person you are with has decided not to grant you that you can move along with dignity or stay wih understanding.

    As for the person taking Panadol for Toolz and Tunde, they should take a chill pill. They dont know what the two have decided.

    If marriage is in your cards, your partner should be aware of this. If they are unwilling to give you just that, then its your decision to move on or stay and hope.

    There isnt a time limit for these things. And women we need to stop acting like victims. If the guy doesnt know you are interested in marriage or you pretend not to be, most times he wont miraculously propose to you.

    1. Kisses all over ur cute face that I've never seen!
      Women wey get sense *pointing at Pynk*

    2. Where is the *love* button? Oh! There it is **click**

    3. Spot on pynk!!..u couldn't have said it any better. It doesn't take a man long to make up his mind..If it's taking him long, then his mind is made up that you're not the one. 1year sef is too much for a guy to know if ure his wife or not. A smart lady that also knows what she wants won't wait forever for the guy to wife her.

      People should stop drinking panadol on toolz headache, she's an adult and hence it's expected that she knows what she wants. If she's okay wt her boo's affection and not marriage,it's her business. Whatever rocks her boat biko.

    4. A Grand Sefini for me! Bless you miss pink!

  2. This one reason yy I say and keep saying I would never date a guy for more than the three years,what am I hanging in for?as for the reasons yy men date women for years and leave them for someone younger,these are my opinion, they might not b true but I have been around long enough to notice this
    1. They get tired of same pussy,have u heard a man say how can he eat same soup every day?.
    2. He has seen every part of the woman,from physical to every other part u can think of, and he is beginning to wonder,can she b someone I can really put up with.
    3. The woman is suddenly looking old,she is suddenly getting matured,I want a young woman for a wifey n not an old hag like they put it.
    T the list is endless,men would always b men,the trend never changes, they have just been created that way,they get into one's head with the whole sweet words and suddenly disappear,I wish I could read their minds and decode yy they act the way they do. As for women auditioning themselves to men,have u forgotten what the bible says? That a time will come when it would b ten women or there about against one man,I can remember the specific figure the bible used but it said so and Dats what happening but I know that no matter how scarce genuine men are,me T and all single BVS will locate our genuine partners in jesus name. Amen

  3. As a guy, I wouldn't even date you if I don't think I can marry you. Reason I like to be friends before dating, but that always ends in me being friendzoned

    1. Hehehe LOL sorry an laughing sha, its just funny

    2. Hehehe LOL sorry an laughing sha, its just funny

    3. Ntoi!!! *tongue out* heheheee! Okay so I didn't mean that! Lol!
      Don't worry... your SO would see that you're "the one" and won't friendzone you! lol!

      And yes being friends first matters a lot! You can't just spring such heavy news/request on someone you're not friends with. People that do that ehn... I don't know how it works for them... even dating someone u just met....

  4. For the men: *Fear* (not literally) of responsibility. *Fear* of the realization that marriage is more or less a cage, so it might not be as almost everyone tags it; "settling down". *Fear* of escaping from that cage and doing something stupid with an *8-figure*. *Fear*...

    1. Fear u say?fear if being caged? By who n wat else do u guys want to enjoy that u can't while married???. Hmmmm I no too gree ohh Memphis, I dey tell u.

  5. As soon as i clocked 28, i knew i wont date anyone for more than 6months before knowing where i stand. Nicole is 36 and they dated for 7yrs which means she was 29 when they started. I mean if we are in the same town and seeing each other practically everyday and doing stuff together, 3 months its enough to know if we ll work out or not, if you are dating smone that has plans for you, am sure u would know. For two people who are old enough to be married and are well employed,i dont understand why you should be dating for years except marriage is not in your plans, then i can understand. I met my hubby in January 2014 and he married me in august and from the moment we started dating he wanted me to know where i stand with him, no games, no suspicious moves and that was why i stayed.

  6. Not all relationships end in marriage and I think that's ok,because you date someone for a long time doesn't guarantee anything ,if you are in a relationship for marriage tell your partner and dnt just assume they want that too then when you notice he/she isn't interested then you leave if you want to
    That comment about Toolz is not cool why is the person talking her panadol for her,people should free her abeg

    1. I don't think she is taking panadol for toolZ head ache, I just feel she is speaking her mind and being realistic, tools might not know this and it could be an eye opener for her if she sees it,u never can tell.

  7. Everyone made very good points.

    Memphis so na Fear ehn? U think say women no dey fear?
    As for me, 6months or less just like Ifunanya mentioned.
    I've had my fair share of more than 5yrs relationship. Even if I was 19 when it started, I don get Super Power Sense now.
    Bye Bye to rubbish!!!

    1. Women are usually more committed in marriage than men. *Fear*, not Fear. Men tend to take responsibility of the best out of marriages and leave the worst to their wives. E.g., a child does well, "that's my boy/girl, a true son/daughter of his/her dad". Well, we all know who is usually blamed when a child turns out useless. The house is dusty, the food isn't ready, the compound is unkempt, the in laws complain, etc, who's to blame? Surely not the men, 'cos they lack the bones to claim responsibility for trash. But that's what you see in a *cage* called marriage. That's what Tunde and company are allegedly *scared* of. Yours truly is...ermm...

  8. I'm not even 25 yet and I know what I want from my next relationship. Once I see that the person I'm with at a certain time is not thinking on the same wave length as me, I move on, whether friend or boyfriend. Its important that you know where you're going and the people around you know also so there's no mix up along the way.

    I don't know anything about Toolz and Tunde so I can't comment on them but kudos to Nicole, such men eventually move on and marry the very next person they meet within months just like Johnny Depp. I still don't understand that Johnny Depp's story sef... 14years? What will even make me stay with a man for 14years?

    Guys biko, come and explain this relationship matter cos I'm not buying Memphis's "Fear" story. What happen to the 14 year old "Fear" within 6 months? It just miraculously vanished?

    1. ROTFLMSAO!!!!!

      Chei, just when I was about to agree with Memphis's *Fear* theory, Sunshine don ask the Koko!
      Oya oh, Memphis wetin do 14yrs old fear in 3-6months? E develop cancer & died?

    2. Ruthy which part u dey now? Lol dem don confuse u. Lamao.

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. I still can't get past the "7 years a slave" comment! Lmaoooooo!!!!

    *thats all I have to say*

  11. As beautiful as she is, she is being rejected by a man, I just dey vex.

    The sad part is that like johnney Depp, this same dude that is saying he isn't ready for marriage will find a 23 year old damsel and we'd her.

    I just wish she didn't wait for 7 years. It's too long a time to wait for a guy.

    And again, when a man don see you finish, he will be looking for new adventures.

    Anyway, she's a beauty and a stunner, some men will kill to have and we'd her.

  12. When Nicole started dating the guy he was like 22 or 23. I blame her for expecting marriage from such a relationship. For a young guy with such career , where champagne and fine women flow like river, it will be hard to tie him down because he'll keep feeling that he is missing somethn. The twenties was for flexing, as long he is in a relationship for most part of it, he will long for time to sow his wild seed before settling down. There are few exceptions within his circle though but......I cannot be 29 and start a relationship with a 22 year old guy and expect marriage biko.

  13. My comment above has nothn to do with the age difference though it's just the timing. 32 and 39 makes more sense to me than 22 and 29.J

  14. But seriously tho,the sleeves of the dude's suit. Did he borrow the suit or what?
    Like I say,if a lady is ready to get married,she shld pitch her tent with a guy who is ready for the same. It's when a guy is ready to settle that u wld get his ring. Kim did it with Reggie,he married another. Lisa (if that's her name) did it with Lamar,he married Khloe instead...and the list goes on. Shakira and Pique,im just using side eyes for them cos she's older by a decade and so far,shes a baby mama (maybe Nichole shld hv been one too? Amam?)

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