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Obnoxious Female Lawyers, Arranged Marriages and Nigerian Wives in theDiaspora.





I am engaged to be married very soon. The whole thing was arranged by our parents but so far so good. My bride to be is a lawyer practicing in Nigeria while I live in the US. We have met 4 times when I had to come down specifically to spend time with her and to plan our trad which is slated for June. My issue is that almost every body who means something to me outside my family does not support the idea. They insist that female lawyers rarely make good wives. I mean virtually every good friend i have including my mentors are advising me against it especially since she will join me over here soon. Even though my wife to be seems nice, I discovered she like arguments and does not back down in certain issues which I feel I should preside over. It has not escaped my thought that majority of Nigerian women in the US often start misbehaving and maltreating their husbands when they come over and witness the cultural difference. Truly our women over here are heavily messing up. As a matter of fact, a close friend of mine who stays at Indianapolis has gone down this same path and ended up in jail. He is now serving a 7 years  sentence for aggravated assault and attempted murder. Please I need your opinion on this because honestly, I am scared. Can a lawyer make a good wife. 


"Oh wow!" was the expression I had when I read the above mail. And then while searching for images of female lawyers online I stumbled upon the post below:

"75 percent of female lawyers in Nigeria are not submissive to their husbands.
Their pride often consumes them most especially when they're more successful than their husbands. I am about to make a life long decision and i need your reasonable contributions.

What are the challenges of living with a female lawyer?"

Ok, obviously everyone knows this except me. Yes I've heard it said before but I always thought it was said in jest. Or I thought it was simply presumed that women like to talk, and then one that argues for a living, in addition to her inherently talkative nature might be too much to handle. But I never thought people actually take this seriously. 

Yeah, people have said "Ah, I can't marry you o! Female lawyers are too stubborn and argumentative, and they cannot submit", but it's simply a joke, right? Well apparently it's not...


So please who else takes this stereotype seriously? Do you know any man that is having or has had a difficult marriage because he married a lawyer? And I'm sure most of us have lawyer friends, are the female ones among them difficult to get along with? Do tell.

That said, that poster raised other factors in his mail that I think we should talk about. 

Who else finds it amusing that there are still arrangee marriages? Seriously people, this still happens? Ok, quite frankly I see nothing wrong with arranged marriages, but I find guys who need to have their parents find a wife for them very suspect. I mean, there are single women swarming around like bees everywhere, what is so wrong with you that you cannot get yourself one? No, if my parents should tell me they're arranging a marriage between me and some guy, no matter how handsome/rich/successful he is, I would think he's a sociopath and I will immediately take to my heels! 
     

Then;
"It has not escaped my thought that majority of Nigerian women in the US often start misbehaving and maltreating their husbands when they come over and witness the cultural difference. Truly our women over here are heavily messing up. As a matter of fact, a close friend of mine who stays at Indianapolis has gone down this same path and ended up in jail. He is now serving a 7 years  sentence for aggravated assault and attempted murder."

What does he mean by "heavily messing up"? In fairness I've heard about Nigerian women brought to the diaspora by their husbands and the minute they get there, they become totally different people. Some men will tell you it's better to marry and akata babe than to bring a Nigerian woman to join you in the US/UK. 
     But look at the second part of this paragraph; he is blaming the Nigerian woman because his friend has wound up in jail serving a 7 year sentence for aggravated assault and attempted murder! Buahahahahahahhaha. Heavily messing up indeed! I guess it must really suck that you cannot hit and physically abuse a woman and get away with it. I guess it sucks that you're in a country where there are laws, laws that actually work, laws that put you in check! I can just imagine what his friend must have done to his wife that got him 7 years behind bars! Yes, men do this everyday in Nigeria and nobody makes a peep. Haha!

So Nigerian wives in the diaspora, why are you ladies (thought to be) heavily messing up? 

...
Finally, that poster above does not sound to me like someone who is psychologically ready for marriage. Please people, if you find a good woman, marry her, whether she is a lawyer or not. Female Judges however... err, topic for another day. LOL.

Comments

  1. Thelma we just had the same line of thought on this issue. This poster is obviously looking for a doormat not a wife, dats why he wants a wife imported from Nigeria. If I knew the lawyer I ll tell her not to marry this sick man!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Odikwa risky business!!!

    But arranged marriages? Really? Despite his exposure?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This one isnt exposed thats why they are looking for wife for him.

      www.pynk360.com

      Delete
    2. Ruthy, it's not every village man dat goes to the US dat becomes exposed o. Some of them become worse. U know nauuu, when that villageness blends with correct civilisation, it becomes difficult to define. Everything about such person will just be like Amala mixed with Salad ati ewedu.

      Delete
  3. Oh i type one long epistle. Long and short its the babe i feel sorry for. The poster is a LOUSY Loser. Unsure of what he wants in his life and has no business getting married.

    As for the female lawyer thing, its a stupid man that worries his wife will argue with him. If you do the right thing, even if you wife has 3 phds she will not argue with you.

    I used to think i was a terror till i met my husband. I am applied mathematician and believe me, lawyers have nothing on me argument wise. But i rarley argue with my husband who matter of fact is a lawyer. Hubby doesnt like drama, so he endeavours to do the right thing to the best of his ability.

    This poster is the type that will be leading his family to the gates of hell, and the wife will argue, he will call her a bad wife, and say she shouldnt object because he is the man.

    People should really seek God before they marry.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're an applied mathematician? I never thought...

      Any chance you can help a brother who did same course with good job leads?

      Delete
  4. Am just hearing this female lawyers thing for the 1st time,my lawyers friends are nice pple,am surprised but a man that doesn't expect his wife to argue with him is what I cnt understand...arranged marriage in this age n time ???nawa o n to think he's based abroad n think this way is disheartening, he just wants a statue I tink

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ermmm,is any other person seeing this? ' I discovered she likes arguments and would not back down on certain issues which I feel I should preside over. Poster is a boy trying to validate his manhood by 'presiding' over his fiance

    Dude needs to grow up,he has no business marrying anyone now

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Favourite the truth Is, men love to preside.. But the issue of not being submissive shdnt be attached to female lawyers alone, a lot of ppl have submissive issues regardless of their proffession except the fact that it might amplify it. The Creator knows this, that's why He stretched on the submissiveness of women definitely not the kind Christain Grey wants!

      Delete
  6. Wow! Am hearing it 4 d first tym too and it made me think of my lawyer friend(guy)... Yes he has issues! The oda he tried to explain the word "tipsy" for me after I told him I went out the previous night but I didn't drink and that I was fine. He insisted on spelling "tipsy" for me to look up! Jeez!we didn't talk for months cos of that and he now knows his limits with me! Always arguing, over sabi! Dnt knw abt d ladies making gud or bad wives tho.

    ReplyDelete
  7. A bad wife is a bad wife, a good wife is a good wife, lawyer or no lawyer. Plus, everybody argues. It doesn't have to turn into a fight.

    ReplyDelete
  8. There are many troublesome women who are not lawyers; some are not even literate. I guess it's only a man with self confidence issue or who doesn't know the worth of some professionals that are afraid to wife women that belong to a certain profession.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  9. I dont think the guy is a 'loser' as someone earlier posted...it takes courage in the first place to agree to an arranged marriage in this time and age (I dont know if I can do it sha o)...we are all a product of our experience and those of the people around us and even those far from us, we read about things and we hear stories...he is scared and just wants to know what to do at this point....no crime in that if you ask me...ehen @poster...all i can say is irrespective of anything ...arranged or not..pray and be sure you have peace with God wit regards the relationship cos weda you picked her urself or not, you will be the one to live with her and yes lawyers argue alot and they have this mentality that other professions are 'unlearnered'...it doesnt mean there are no wonderful ones among them....you have met this person on several occassions there must be some traits that you observed yourself.....wish you lots of happiness o jare....#JoyDaNuGirl

    ReplyDelete
  10. This kind of stereotype situation is really frustrating for the female. But the fact is such minded people are still existing not only in Nigeria but also to some extent in every country. It's really ridiculous that in these days also the educated and well established guys are also maintaining such notions. I don't think the career outlook affects the family life mainly in case of female. Arrange marriage takes much effort to move relationship from both side. it doesn't matter about the professional life of the spouse rather two different and unknown mentality need to work out to find their happy way. One should not blame it on any such lame excuse. We have to change our mentality first then we need to seek for happiness otherwise it would be difficult in any marriage life.

    ReplyDelete

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