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Parallel Universe... What Might Have Been.





"But that guy really likes you. What is the problem?"

"All he's been talking about is marriage this, settling down that. Abegiiii!"

"And what is so wrong with that? I'm lost"

"My sister that's the last thing on my mind. I'm not even remotely ready. Maybe in four or five years. I've still got so much I need to see, and do, and accomplish. Why would I cut short my life just like that?"

"Hmmm... Ok". 

And that ended that. 

This morning as I drove to the mainland I saw the familiar face from the corner of my eye. There she was in the car beside mine, *Ego. And behind the driver seat was the very colourful carseat which encased her littlest one. There were two older kids in the car. There she was, my childhood bestie, mother of three vibrant boys. 

I slowed down, allowing her drive ahead of me, filled with dread at the thought of her turning to her left and seeing me and my car, devoid of an kids, husband or, life... We haven't seen in so many years. The above dialogue was one of the last conversations we had, this was a few months priority to her wedding. We were in our early 20s, 22 and 23 precisely, and for the life of me I couldn't understand why my friend was so eager to throw her life away. 
     We were in our early 20s, life had just begun for us for Christ's sake, we still had our whole lives ahead of us! We had so much to do, the world was ours to explore, we had to sleep with more men to know just how fantastic sex could be, we had parties to attend, exploits to achieve, countries to visit, as single women, not married and saddled with little rug rats! Why on earth would Ego throw all this away, all the possibilities, fun, adventure, games, trips, parties, opportunities, men, people, new friends, and most especially FREEDOM, just WHY?

And today as I hid from my former bestie, the one whom I had my first quarel with at age 6, the one whom I had my first fake kiss with at age 11, the one whom I told about my first crush at age 13, the who whom I condemned for wedding and boycotted her bridal train at age 22, I wondered if it was all worth it. 

I've spent most of my day thinking of my parallel universe, if it exists. Just what if I actually married that great guy and started having kids back then? Would my life have been so terrible? No. And of this I'm certain, because of all the things I thought I'd be throwing away or giving up by getting married back then, I eventually had none, did none, achieved none... 

And while this isn't coming from a place of regret, I actually wasn't ready, mentally and psychologically, it's made me think about the things we've lost because of the things we thought we could have. The opportunities we pass up on because we believe that there's something bigger around the corner. The relationships we condemn because we imagine there's someone better. The life we fail to live because we're rather certain that there's a better one just around the corner. The pregnancies, possibilities and passions we abort because we think there's something better in store, or maybe because we're just afraid and unsure...

And what happens when years down the line you realize that at that moment when you stood at the middle of that Y junction and the decision was entirely yours to either go right or left, you chose to go right. And now years later, you try to imagine what life would be like if you'd chosen left, because as it's turned out, right wasn't so great after all. What would life be like if you'd just gone left? Where would the road have led? Where would you be now?

I've spent all day thinking about my parallel universe. Do you ever imagine what your life would have been like if you pursued a certain course or followed one path instead of another? 

Do you have any reason in your life to wonder 'what if?', or wish you'd taken a path different from the one you chose? Do you ever wonder about your parallel universe? Tell me. 

Comments

  1. Yh,I always wonder what if I had studied medicine or law.
    My cuz got married early and I ask my self what if I got married early too and the answer I got from myself was "no one proposed when u were younger".
    I think the best thing for anyone is to never live in the world of "what if's". It can mess up ur sanity. It's in the past. Live for today and tomorrow...

    ReplyDelete
  2. What if i passed on marrying DH who i originally didn't like cos i was into tall guys and he wasnt, would i have found someone who adores me as much as he does?

    What if i had finished with a first class or 2.1...hmmmm, am sure i would have had a better paying job and more finances.

    What if i never studied law but a 4 year professional course, i would have saved 2 years of productive life.

    anyway nothing good comes from dwelling on the past.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow! Av neva thot of my parallel universe cos I feel contented,not that I dnt aspire to be more, not that I have all I want, but after reading this post, I realise that I have been living my life just the way I know how without the parallel universe ever crossing my mind. #HisGrace... Meanwhile thank u T for dropping by even in ur break period.

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  4. I married my ex hubby at 23, we broke up at 25, that was when i got my first real job, my life just became better generally, the men i dated treated me so much better, all of a sudden life was beautiful, very beautiful, now am married to one of the best men i ve ever met and i keep wondering what if i had stayed with my ex out of the fear of an unknown future, what if i listened to all the people that told me to go back to him, according to them, single girls never marry finish, its now a divorced single mother but all the while my consolation was that i was happier even if i stay single forever than to be in dt hell of marriage. Truth is no one knows tomorrow, Uwa na eme ntughari, live ur life without regrets and face tomorrow with faith and positive beliefs, there are people that got married 8 years ago and are yet to have kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ifunanya you have spoken well... @ the last part of your comment.

      Delete
  5. You know thelma.. I almost did not finish reading this post cuz I got scared at the middle. I'm at that Y junction you talked about... i'm just 22.. it's not like i'm suppose to marry tomorrow but the thought of committing myself to anyone on a serious level.. scares me! i'm sooo not psychologically ready.. i'm not even sure what I want yet... i'm still figuring me out... taking major steps... I probably should have done all these a long time ago.. but i'm doing it now. i'm simply not ready. And this your post has shaken me up a little bit. Everyone is saying make a choice now but i'm just here.... see ehn... it is well. my heart is beating quite fast as I type this.. but I just have to believe Jer 29 v 11.

    To the question... well... sometimes I wonder how my life would have turned out if I had taken God more seriously than I did in my teen years.. if I had studied more... prayed more... made more serious friends... been more focused.... but I thank God for where I am now... it's not the best place but I know he is taking me somewhere greater and better.

    But Like sasha said... don't dwell on the "what ifs" you'll be fine. It'll all end in praise. God bless you Tee.. and thanks for dropping somfn! :) **kisses**

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. U knw kabuoy, am in even in my mid 20s and I used to think I was not ready, I said "used to" cos just last sunday in church, I understood that 'sometimes' we limit God's words and promises with our own fears and thoughts.. Since den, I been so open and prepared for God's blessings at every point in time, because even if we continue to wait till we re ready den dat time ll neva come.

      Delete
  6. Thelma everyday I wonder what if I didn't abort that baby? Everyday I live in regret and it kills me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Almost nothing good comes out of a life of regret, it robs one of the present day and posititve changes one could make to ensure a better future.

      Being concerned of your past illaudable acts shouldn't cause you to hold your today and tomorrow ransom to those acts, it should make you use your present time positively for what you've come to place value upon. (We are meant to learn from our mistakes, not live in it).

      Humans aren't perfect. They err and make mistakes, some more than others. I do err and make mistakes - lots of them. I just feel if I can make 'big' mistakes, I can also do 'big' rights. It is the same wheel that provides the opportunity for wrong that also provides the opportunity for right.

      P.S.

      And when the time comes to have that child - value him/her, teach him/her the drawback of holding on to regret and the benefit of choosing to live beyond regret(s), cause maybe this might just be one of your purpose in life.

      Hope this helps.

      Delete
    2. "I just feel if I can make 'big' mistakes, I can also do 'big' rights."
      That's one perspective I never thought of. Thanks...

      Delete
    3. I read dat line twice....'I just feel if I can make BIG mistakes, I can also do BIG rights
      #word
      @chrisyinks, I always look forward to ur comments

      Delete
  7. Do I have any What Ifs?
    I doubt oh. Well, maybe I'll study Education instead of Biochemistry. But everything else, given 3 lifetimes, i'll make the same choices...
    This is just me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ohh yes, I do. I wonder about my numerous choices at certain critical times and some I'd gladly go back in time and change.

    But, I'v learnt to live with my past and not in it, thus I try everyday to make the best decision and enjoy life as it comes, whether good or bad.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Forgot to mention - its nice to have you back. Hope blogging brings refreshment and warmth to you always.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My parallel universe.. I wonder about it everyday.

    What if I had been more studious in school and made a better grade..

    What if I had agreed to marry the one guy who proposed when I was 21.. even though I was nowhere near ready to be anybody's wife but still, I wonder

    What if, what if, what if..

    Thing is, I can't help thinking those things. They don't rule my life, but I wonder about the choices and decisions I have made and if I am on the right track. The fact that God has said His plans for me include "a future and a hope" calm me in these times.

    Welcome back Tee.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I don't have what ifs, I just live my life and roll with the punches my decisions present me with.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Every human being has been blessed wit a unique nature that cannot be altered by outside forces. We are who we are at one point in our lives for a reason, nd no one can say for certain wat another should be like
    In my late 20's now & still single, thought of my parallel universe? If am regretting how I got scared back then in my final year in d uni to say Yes to his proposal? No, no regrets
    Because now I get so much to Do, so much to get Done, so much to Deal with today, so many Plans, so many Tasks, so many I can't even say. Cos it's better to feel like you re moving ahead,no matter how rough it may be dan to feel like the world has left u behind because of d word 'Marriage'.......Live,Love life and be all you can be!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Considering the parallel universe forces us to dwell on what should have been and then some regrets...like a couple of folks have said, no room for regret as long as we believe that ALL THINGS work together for our good.

    My sis Mo' put it this way, "you can think of 1,000 things you should have done plus 1,000 more that you shouldn't have. Maybe you should have been home n a certain date, perhaps you just played the biggest fool on candid camera...probably you should have stuck to your guns that first day(say no, studied medicine, not go through with the abortion etc). Definitely shouldn't have trusted/given/taken/let on so much. Whatever is causing your heart to hemorrhage, just know that God knows how to use everything; ugly, painful, oh-so-awful things for His own ultimate purpose".

    This was what my Pastor preached in Church on Sunday as I told her, don't dwell on the what could have or should have. Every experience is to teach us, arm us for our future endeavors or even for us to use as motivation/guide to others.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was telling sunshine the same thing about how our experience can serve as "motivation/guide to others"... no expereience is a waste. I totally agee! though at the time, you wish it never happened. even after youve moved on. but then we need to keep reminding ourselves that all things would work together for good.

      Delete
  14. what if you took that path would you av gotten this amazing and inspirational blog..I once knocked on the door hope wasn't home,faiths not around and the lucks were gone but i neva what IFed..I always tell my FAM,friends don't ask me what's wrong,ask what's right and I will tell you what's life..what if dat dead man took a diff step i min a diff foot step as lil as that he would prolly be alive..the spiritual hate it when the living says what if bcos as long as there is life there is hope..#no regrets# #no what if# mrG

    ReplyDelete
  15. My ex who I used to be(and still is in a Lil bit of love with) sent me a msg on watsapp and my heart skipped a bit, wondered what life would have been like if I married him. If I had studied harder in uni instead of partying and drinking, wat if I kept that baby 6yrs ago. I regret some but I'm happy where I am today its not perfect but I'm happy and that's paramount.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Right now I do not have any what ifs
    Things are going on fine and I couldn't ask for better

    ReplyDelete
  17. What if.......I had a lot...then I recalled that if I'd wished otherwise, I wouldn't have some of the beautiful things in my life right now.

    I count it all joy...........

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  18. I try very much, not to think of what might have been.
    Not just because I can't help change the past. But because I'm sure about God's power to make it all right.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I've never for once thought about my parallel universe bcos no experience is a waste.
    Good days give you happiness;Bad days give you experience; Both outcomes are essential in Life.
    God's ways and thoughts are higher than ours.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I have a lot of regrets too but I realise that I am living my life the way God planned it to be. All the past experiences just made me a better person for everyone around me.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Up there is my story but learnt regrets brings more hurt than good.see it as it wasn't God's plan for you,there's a reason for everything,it might not have worked out if u went that way & yours is definitely coming in a bigger way.these are my words of encouragement when regret comes to mind

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hmmm..I honestly do not have any regrets. I only wonder what my life would have been if I had gone ahead to marry certain persons,if I had agreed to date the two women(married oo) who were on my case last year and all..I doubt they'd have made me better,maybe materially but how bout my peace of mind? I'm not where I'd rather be YET but I'm super happy for all I have now.

    ReplyDelete
  23. If I didn't choose this path I won't know abt Thelma thinks and I won't meet the beautiful and handsome personalities ryt here.

    I always try to man up to every decisions I make knowing fully well DAT if I have a chance to make a decision again I would repeat the same decision so I'm proud of the direction I followed/following

    ReplyDelete

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