Skip to main content

READ THIS: Why I Went From Single to Divorced in Six Months

I think I’ve dreamed about  my wedding from the time I had my first school age crush. From my dress, to my cake,  to my bridesmaids, even down to my groom. He was going to be tall, dark, handsome, and well dressed.
Two years ago my dream came true (or so I thought). We met through a mutual friend so I thought right away I had an advantage by bypassing all the serial killers and crazies out there. From what I was told about him, he was a police officer (so that at least meant he didn’t have a record), He was a good God fearing man, and was “going through” a divorce. Meaning he was still very much legally married. Yes I know… I should have ran for the door. That would have been the Godly thing to do. But I was repeatedly reassured by our mutual friends that he was for sure done and over his wife, and besides, he was everything I had prayed for.

By our 4th month of dating, his divorce was final and then one night while having dinner with friends, he proposed.  The proposal was even more beautiful than what I had always imagined it would be.
The day that we got married, he TOLD me I was going to quit my job and become a stay at home wife. I spent 8 long years in college/ law school, passed the bar exam on my first try, had just landed the job opportunity of a lifetime, and now my husband of  about 6 hours basically is telling me that all my hard work was in vein? It’s like God was telling me that I had to give up this part of my life if I wanted what I had been praying for most of my life; My husband.  I loved him so much that I was willing to do it. More importantly, I wanted to be obedient to God. After all, a good Christian wife is supposed to submit to her husband right?

On our honeymoon, he dropped another bombshell on me. He wanted to up and move over 2,000 miles away to Indiana from California. Once again, I found myself “submitting” to my husband. I remember thinking: “God, you should be so proud of me.”

And then came the never ending list of what I could and couldn’t do as his wife:
“Don’t go to the gym without me.” (this was his way of watching who I interacted with)
“Don’t delete your call log/ text messages” (this was his way of monitoring who I communicated with)
“Don’t have company while I’m not at home. (this included family- mother included)
“Keep your ‘find my iPhone’ enabled at all times.” (this was his way of tracking my every move)
“Keep the surveillance cameras on. (I couldn’t tell if they were to keep intruders out or to keep me in)

I was starting to realize that I was not dealing with a Christian man nor was I the Christian I claimed to be and this had nothing to do with submission. This man had an issue with control and it was much bigger than me. I also had an issue with control. I was trying to control everything that happened in my life even when it meant moving ahead of God. Right down to the man I chose for myself. A married man. God had nothing to do with that. I allowed my eyes to rule my heart. I got everything I wanted: tall, dark, handsome, and well dressed… but nothing I needed: Godly, Respectful, Honest, and  well rounded. Little did I know, my shallow checklist almost cost me my life.

Three weeks into our marriage, I was hanging out with my sister and a couple of her friends. Just grabbing a bite to eat. When I returned home, I was greeted with a fist to my face for being 8 minutes late, and then another one, and then another one. I remember praying to God to spare my life, because I just knew I was going to die that night. At that point I think the fact that I had disappointed God hurt more than the blows to my face.

I remember waking up in a hospital days later. I didn’t even recognize myself. Thankfully my neighbor heard my cries that night and called for help or Lord only knows what may have happened.

Sometimes I think back to that night. Mostly whenever I feel myself getting impatient and trying to rush things I should be trusting God for. God’s plan is never to harm us, but to prosper us and give us hope and a future.- Jeremiah 29:11


*"I allowed my eyes to rule my heart. I got everything I wanted: tall, dark, handsome, and well dressed… but nothing I needed: Godly, Respectful, Honest, and  well rounded."- This gave me goose pimples. Oh, how many times I've been close to making this mistake. 

*And doesn't it make you wonder about the whole concept of submission? Where should the line be drawn? How does one draw the line? As Africans/Christians it seems the idea is to willingly agree to and obey everything we're told to do by our husbands. No one ever says to stop and think about, perhaps, the intent behind his demands of you... I've always wondered about it, at what point you stop to question him and his dictates and not just unthinkingly "submit", just because you're told you're supposed to. I ask this without trying to be controversial but simply because some (men) are sociopaths. (I told y'all about the one who made his wife, immediately after the wedding, cut her hair short, abandon her jewelry, throw out all her shorts and trousers, he severed the ties with all her friends, made the beautiful young medical doctor begin to wear neon coloured church apron, carry a mega phone and spend hours walking up and down Lagos preaching, whether she believed The Word or not, and all this time he was shagging the maid...)

Another thing I found interesting to note, Nigerian wives take note, she WALKED AWAY from an abusive marriage. Her husband was an unrepentant abuser of the worst kind; both physically and emotionally. The woman is a Christian, yet this did not cloud her reasoning or judgement. She removed herself from that situation. Being a Christian does NOT preclude you from thinking and discerning with the brain that God gave you. 

And finally, I always take solace in the knowledge that God’s plan is never to harm us, but to prosper us and give us hope and a future.- Jeremiah 29:11

Good morning TTB readers!

Text Source by Maya L Ralston


  1. I totally agree with you T,being a Christian shouldn't make us foolish or a toy to anyone. Africans have taken this submission thing far. As far as am concerned, submission in Africa especially Nigeria is slavery. Morning everyone.

    1. Maybel Mabel, your thought process ehn.

      One post you are all 'miss africana' 'here in Africa' 'it doesn't happen in Africa' 'WE ARE AFRICANS'

      Now you are condemning the same 'Africa' that you guide your principles with ... #hian

      You can't eat your cake and have it oh. You better choose wisely. :p

    2. Yes I am African and I should behave like one,but I never said I support sarcastic attitude or things that are uncalled for all because am African, do u understand?

    3. Uyi I know right?

  2. Good morning!! Words that matters.
    I love you longtime T.

  3. This is really 4 African women to learn from, but for where some believe when you treat them like that is love, I remember when I was a kid and I first saw dad hit mum I was really shaken meanwhile I always prayed to God I wanted a husband like my dad, prayer point changed, no one told me but I knew it was wrong and till this day no man has even insulted me tlk more of hitting me. I always remind Le boo the day he hits me is the day I walk with or without the kids. Now dad is ill and this woman he used to treat like crap is the one taking care of him, the day mum opened up to me at the hospital I nearly told her to leave the man there. Ok my story is becomin to long bye.

  4. I will rather not be in a relationship than in an abusive one..

  5. Jeremiah 29:11...#iBelieveIt

  6. The owner of this story is one of my definitions of a strong woman.

  7. Until Nigerian women begin to know their worth,things like this or even worse will continue to feature in their life. Sometime ago,i was in a relationship that almost scarred me 4 life but I had to talk 2 myself & take a walk,knowing well that I was worth more than the nonsense I was going through emotionally.God help us..

  8. Physical abuse is one thing I will not stand in my relationship. I've felt like this for a very very long time.
    Any boyfriend that even scares me with his hands raised to slap me is gone.
    I cannot and will not stay in an abusive relationship.

    "I allowed my eyes to rule my heart. I got everything I wanted: tall, dark, handsome, and well dressed… but nothing I needed: Godly, Respectful, Honest, and well rounded."

    A lot of us make this mistake and like my pastor always says, marrying a man because of his physical qualities is like buying a house because of the paint. I pray that when the time comes, I won’t let my eyes rule my heart, I will look out for the things that matter, the things I really need.

  9. You cannot submit to a man who is not submitted to God. God is higher and anything your husband says that isn't in line with God's word, I don't think you should do it.

  10. The problem with a lot of us is we want to conform to societal standards. Another one is we believe that divorce is bigger or worse than other sins.Religion has so twisted the mentality of a lot us that we confine God to some certain laid-down standards forgetting that God is bigger than any religious book and HE still speaks.

    When you make a wrong turn, still having your life means you have an opportunity to make a u-turn and take the right turn next.

    There should be a distinctive line between submission and stupidity.


    1. "Religion has so twisted the mentality of a lot us that we confine God to some certain laid-down standards forgetting that God is bigger than any religious book and HE still speaks." uhmnnn... F, I was listening to wana wana and she talked about this married pastors whose wife walked and now he wants to remarry but the church won't let him. People called in and two people said this same thing you talked about. I'm still trying to "wrap my head around it", but it did open my eyes to see things differently.
      May we not marry the wrong person. some men are crazy. Like they have psychological problems. Looking all handsome and classy but they have deep seated issues and really need help.

  11. Men and women in abusive/ domestic violent/ scarring relationships need help.

    It's not even about them.not knowing their worth that makes them stay. It's a lot of thoughts- time spent so far, energy to start afresh, children cum other ties, societal confrontation /side talks, fear.

    People should make conscious efforts to resist being pressured into certain circumstances - get married early, 'marry well';(looks,wealth,class,education,exposure) amidst wrong situations, lie about situations to people who genuinely care.

    Listen to your guts, your intuition, seek good counsel. Pray. Even if you don't know how to hear from God, but you pray well enough, He'd just push away the bad from you.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…


Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Closed Chapter...

Hello everyone, yesterday a friend said to me, Thelma I love your blog, I've told so many people about your blog, I think you're a very good writer but I feel there's something you're not doing right"

This friend was the first person who won our beauty of the day contest back then in 2014. Then we had met just once through a mutual friend. I mentioned the blog to her and she became an instant reader. I wouldn't have exactly called her a friend then but yesterday as we sat down waiting for our Uber to come get us from Wal-Mart, she's definitely my friend and I knew she was coming from a good place when she said she had much higher expectations of my blog.

Me too.

But you see, in the last year or so, maybe even longer than that, I haven't felt much joy in blogging. It began to feel more and more of a laborious chore, one which I hardly reaped any fruits from.

I really love writing, I love sharing my life and my experiences with others and I've enjoy…

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.

Uyi & Tiwa