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A Mini Rant- Chioma Ukeje




Dear Dr. Azolibe,

It has come to my notice that every day you send me mails on how to “Increase my penis size”. There were more vendors of this trade before like Dr Kenneth, Dr Gray etc. but it seems you have managed to kick them all out of business. I must say your business must be striving if not I don’t see how you can manage to send me up to 3 emails every day. I know your alias is Dr KenAzoh,… continue o, I have a few observations for your kind consumption:
1.
    I dont like the way you address me as “Sir”, how do you know am a Sir? Can’t I be a Miss or Mrs or a transvestite sef and there is no abbreviation for us yet. Is it only males that have yahoo accounts? That is gender inequality.
2.
    If I had penile malfunction, your daily mails would have made me to commit suicide by now; always going on about how 96% of women are dissatisfied in bed and making me wonder if mine is one of them.
3. How do you always manage to get into my inbox and escape the spam box no matter how many times I put you there, you must know someone high up in yahoo.
4. Nobody trusts anything that comes into their mail box with account numbers for payment especially Nigerians, I will advise you try advertising your products on blogs like LindaIkeji, Bella NaijaNairaland, Thelma thinks etc., because you certainly seem to have the funds.
5. But come oh, is what you’re saying really true? Yes I glanced at that part of themail…lool. In just 3 weeks the size can increase, you’re doing a great job then *side wink*.

Thank you for taking the time to read my rant/letter and am sure my thoughts align with that of many other Nigerians/yahoo mail users. I am tired of expecting important mails then getting a notification and it will be you, please desist from this act, because for the record I have no subscription with you, if anyone has such penile issues GOOGLE is their friend. I am saying this from a place of love.

Signed
A faithful yahoo mail user


***
Aaaarghhhh Chioma I'm getting you, these spam mails are the most infuriating. Bet then again it's almost mildly amusing; do they really expect people to fall for this? Do people really fall for this? Oh wow!

And speaking of rants, I don't know if it's the turning thirty ish or something else but suddenly my body is all tingly and I could be washing plates but next thing I know; copulation on my mind. Honestly I simply cannot deal with this, like I've got bigger issues right now and this cannot be one of them. 

Rant no. 2, this should have been no. 1; employers that treat employees like crap. Fine, that's really messed up, but what's even more messed up is employers that pay employees crap, and treat them like crap. Now, that's just terribly crappy and this is story for another day, a post all it's own. 

Rants anyone?

Comments

  1. I dunno why people cannot read simple instructions. A text says.........and says call......for more information. You did not read and you're calling for more information saying rubbish. One even sent a text to me.....Don't ever text my number again. Another asked to meet him by 11pm yesterday. All for free programme o!!!

    In other news, I will be hosting a red carpet event this evening. Bovi and Chigul are the major celebs on my list. Can't wait to bombard her with questions. LoL. I'm a bit jittery but I know I CAN do it. Put me in your confidence prayer family.

    BTW, Abuja peeps, Its Swagz Nite organized by HTH. Venue is Opique Events Centre, Galadimawa roundabout. Its opp Sun city estate. Hope to welcome you. Ciao!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahahahaaaaa! "Don't even text my number again"! Serious rant!

      Delete
    2. Lol..na serious rant o!..
      Have a great time Ruby , I trust you can do it!!!

      Delete
  2. Pls this election should just come and go nau which kain wahala be dis one! Every1 and der mama is blaming the economic melt down on the upcoming election.
    Me: Sir pls let me forward you my CV so we can start from there.
    Sir: My dear just hold on till this election is over, then I ll see what I can do!
    Then my present boss says we shld just pray that the election goes well so our promotion will come..and soo many other election-annoying stories. CHRIST!!! Somebody do something before I kill somebody O! I can hardly wait.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i hate that my job is so far from home.. i did put in a transfer request I pray it goes through because that would be great and also give me more sleep time.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This election should come and pass Jor am sick and tired of hearing about it everywhere I go

    ReplyDelete
  5. I get mails from the ghostly Dr. Azolibe too; so annoying.

    I am with you guys on this election thingy. It's putting the whole country on hold.

    May God grant us peaceful transition.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  6. I advise you all go shopping and stock your house with foodstuff, snacks, and all the ijekuje.

    Yeah, buy enough fuel to last a week after. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  7. I also want the election to be over and done with. Hopefully it would be peaceful.

    My rant.....I don't know what happened to the opera mini on my phone,can't use it to comment on blogs either as anon or with my google account etc going to a week now. I am tired of using ucweb(I just hate it)my screen touch doesn't work when using it and it is frustrating to have up and down using the torch pad because it is slow. My phone's browser is the worst.....mtcheww I just tire.

    ReplyDelete
  8. My rant...

    I'm adding weight! *wails* I didnt even notice it until i started struggling to get into and out of my good old, the one, my bestest-skirt-in-the-world skirt. Why can't i eat as i like and stay slim :( and my tummy :( :( #NotFair!

    The dollar/pound rate.. bet why? *wails again*
    I paid 320naira per pound for one exam like dis, left me almost completely broke.. mstcheew! (And someone wants me to vote for continuity... long hiss!)

    Lagos traffic! I tire! Even after closing at 8pm, hoping the traffic would have reduced et al, i still spent 2 and half hours on the road. I dont even know if the problem is too many cars or narrow roads.

    Now the spam emails...smh
    Its not just the penis guys o, its all sort of crazy pple, the random banks (First bank & Zenith especially) that i have no account with. One time i called Zenith customer care and they said the mails were 419mails... smh
    Then there's the random job vacancies abroad that pay these mouth watering salaries that the sender doesnt have any family to hook up to. Or the funniest one, the person who wants me to come up with a way to invest his/her 900million dollar inheritance (as if financial experts have finish in obodo). I'm seriously thinking of dumping yahoo for gmail. Yeye pple!

    #Dassall

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dr Azolibe spams me too so I can so totally relate to this post.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Me too..ds azolibe Has become a nuisance!!
    I'm tired of election stories and memes flooding the Internet. It should just "come and go".
    Thelma I can soo relate to the employer thingy. had ds boss in naija who never took "No" for an answer if d workload is much. Ds man started calling us to work even on a Sunday morning. Person go dey for church dey c message/missed calls. Thanks to my cooperative colleagues, we never picked up his calls n he got tired at d end after Ranting. lol.
    I need a vacay like kilode!..most times, we get so immersed in our busy daily jobs/routines that we fail to realise that the body needs to be pampered. Health is Wealth.
    I hate it when my phone starts acting up..:AAaaarrRrrgh!!!. Soo Annoying.
    My Period is around the corner..Gosh!..oh well..lemme start bracing up for the unexpected PMS..lol.
    Last rant- Can all these "single-married" letter writings flooding the social media/blogs stop?

    ReplyDelete

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Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

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great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

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him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
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Kai!
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Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
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I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

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Mother & child. 


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Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.