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Blog Reader Ask... (Does it really hurt that much?)

Hello Thelma,

Please I need you to do a post on what to expect during first time sex as a woman. there was a discussion in the office this morning on it and the men were saying things about how they think its too much trobule having sex with a lady who hasn't had sex before i.e a virgin and all the flinching the lady would be displaying etc and one person even said 'na wahala!' 

I want to know is there something I should have in mind in readiness for it? Is it really as painful as they make it sound? I read up on google about it and all but sometimes the fear silently kills the anxiety of actually having it with my husband which will be later this year! 



  1. Dear poster,try not to focus on the fact that it might be painful and dont anticipate pain, its really a different experience for every 1st time,some painful,some not soo painful

  2. Thank you poster for this question and thelma for posting. Bvs pls enlighten us. Just the tot of the pains scares d heck out of me.

    1. Really?? Just the thought of the pain. It scares me as well sometimes though.

      Okay, why don't we all just focus on the pleasure afterwards, the pain just comes and goes,I believe it wouldn't might not be so painful after all, having this thought of pain on your mind on the d day might even make you so nervous and you wouldn't enjoy it, so just relax and let it just as it is! That's my theory!

    2. Yeah just d tot. So after camp I went to a lab for a swab test cos one day I tried to pee and had a very sharp pain so I wanted to be sure I had no infection. The thing is no one told me virgins can't take the test cos I wasn't asked if I was sexual active mama didn't neither did my friend or the nurse guess they just assumed I was. The thing is it was d worst experience. I was screaming, kicking and crying. I was soaked from sweating from Wish they would ve told me it was dis bad. The nurse was a meanie who just didn't care. When I was done the male lab attendant asked if I was done from the delivery. So with dat kinda pains why won't I imagine and think of what pains 'll go tru on my first tym. Biko wen I finally get married God will provide an understanding hubby cos I know its drama on dat night.

    3. Ehen! When I left the lab a few mins ltr, I realized I was bleeding. Wen I went back to collect my result I complained and I was told it's cos of the trauma. The annoying thing is after all the pains the test came out clean. Don't ever want to go tru such traumatic experience again.

    4. Hey dear, I just had to reply. The crazy thing about Nigerian hospitals!!!! sooooooo wrong!!!!! Every patient needs to be told the procedure they are about to undergo and it should be explained in details.

      I opted to go for a free cervical cancer screaning after I got married. They just asked if I was married I said yes, next thing is to spread my legs n insert the "Ish" did I scream? Yes! n I bled

      I felt completely violated. I married without doing the "DO" and eventually did "IT" 2 months after my wedding night, and this test happened 2 weeks after - beat that!

      I am still very angry. Honey, u were broken and they are so silly that they could'nt tell you that. Your narration is making me sooooooo angry. If they can assume for a married Lady they should not for a single Lady.

      About the topic, story for another day...More like mind over body like the boo patiently kept saying; not the worse pain u have experienced. I still owe him a repeat of the honey moon. I have typed too long and I am seathing. BTW : First comment.......

    5. Thanks anon 12:50. Aww! I made u comment dis really means alot to me. To the poster I really thank you for asking thelma to post this. I don't think I would have been able to express myself to anyone. Going anon really helped.

    6. Oh shit! Anon 7.23, those idiots broke your hymen! You should sue them (if only we had a working legal system). Depending on the kind of person the man you'll be having sex for the first time with is, he may need some convincing that you've never had sex. So sorry that happened to you.

      For me, it was quite painful but manageable. Just ensure it's a man doing it and not a beast wearing a man's garb.


  3. I don't think loosing ur virginity wld hurt as much as they portray it. It has a number of factors:
    1) if he's too big for u,its always gonna hurt.
    2) if ur not properly wet/lubricated,its always gonna hurt
    3) if there's no chemistry btwn u and hubby,its always gonna hurt.
    4) if u find out he's cheating on u,its always gonna hurt
    5) if he hits u (DV),its always gonna hurt
    6) if he's stingy,its always gonna hurt
    So,yh all the above I mentioned wld always hurt more than the 1st day/night of sex...

  4. This one everybody commenting is forming 'I'm a virgin too'. Hian.

    1. Abi o..everyone be forming virgins(except the married ones) and dey"ll be giving replies like *I don't think it'll hurt*. Yimu!!. Stop fooling yourselves.

  5. I'm telling you....vwhats up with 100% commenter all acting like they are imagining how it might feel.

    Well, there's always a fear factor on any first time thing. So embrace your fears and enjoy yourself jare.

    Its just sex, Get it over with.

  6. @:Uyi its easy for you to just say day carelessly...'enjoy yourself jare'....mtchwwww...are u not a man? have u heard that the man will be the one getting penetrated? Abeg you kno what happened to me the day I went for general test and the Doctor was forcing a penis sized object into me and i was screaming? Then later she sed the test is for virgins only? As I am here I am scared stiff! So please cushion your words abeg....and please if we have people who have answers to the question above pls let them comment and help! Cos hear say on the issue is not helping at all!....#feelingpissed

  7. i dont even know wen i lost my virginity sef. maybe finger, d first intercourse was rape and d struggling n trauma dint make me feel any physical pain. am over it now though it still hurts whenever i remember n av forgiven the family friend n i never saw any blood maybe i was born without the hymen. lolz

    1. Not everybody bleeds the first time.

      For the virgins, comfort yourselves with the thought that something bigger would come outa there when you wanna give birth, embrace any minute pain now, besides the pain is just for some seconds, if your man is a Christain Grey then you would enjoy the rest of it... And ask for more hehehe

  8. Poster it is very painful. I think I wrote about my first experience once, but I might as well repeat myself. For me, it was like someone used a pair of scissors to tear my body into two from my vagina. I have never, till date experienced anything so painful. But don't be scared, it's not the same level of pain everybody feels, for some it's not as bad. But my sister, expect a lot of pain. On the bright side, after the first time it doesn't hurt so much. You can also try what my newly married friend told me they did (if you've both got the patience). She said they didn't do it at once and it took him almost a week to penetrate fully, so each day they did it little by little. Eventually it was still painful but not as bad as it would have been. Goodluck!!

    1. story for the gods, 1week for gini? na so e dey pain reach? mine was painless.

    2. Good reply Thelma. It took my wife and I almost a week too because I was treading softly until she was comfortable.

      The key point is for you to discuss it with your hubby-to-be so he can be gentle with you. Using lubrication is also a good idea.

      Don't worry, after the pain subsides and the sweetness begins, na you go dey run after your hubby for 'action'.

    3. Thanks for being so Understanding. Your wife has got something good. The boo started off with "Tonight is the night...." It did not work, cos u get pensive, dry, irritated and everything you should'nt be feeling. It has to be gentle rubbings n pokings till it happens.

      It took him so long to realize after I did my research n had to lead him to let me relax n feel safe. 2 months he listens to me

  9. I've looked forward to my wedding night for so long and now y'all are saying its going to be "very" painful?
    All the Harlequin and Silhouette novels i read while i was growing up only mentioned "slight discomfort" not "like someone used a pair of scissors to tear my body into two from my vagina." kind of painful. Somebody even needed 2months to get there.. Lord have mercy!

    1. all na story jare and why r most people anonymous?? discomfrt thats all! the rest is in ur head

    2. Buhahahahahahaahahaaaa @ anon 1:50pm!
      I knew this was gonna be a very interesting post... why are there so many anons? hehehee.. okay. Whatever. Just keep the comments coming.

    3. I am anonymous because in all my 5 years of blog trotting I have never dropped a comment n I dont have a blog ID or gmail account. I did becuase of "Anonymous7:23 am, March 19, 2015". She was actually disvirgined without knowing.

      I believe my opinion does not have to be heard. I read comments cos I'm usually intrigued how different peoples' thinking are.

      Like I stated earlier I believe it ain't the worse kind of pain and really mind over body.

      For my case I did not look foward to it and i'll say I had a mild case of Vaginismus. If I count my Traditional ceremony then it was way more than 2 months.....though I was not trying much to do the "do"

      So my dear "Anonymous1:50 pm, March 19, 2015" and the "one" that got me commenting, relax and look foward to it, my friends that did had a smooth sailing on thier "I do "nights.
      and your hubby has to be understanding and ready to be gentle. Just being gentle is the ish.

    4. I'm the anon above. Thanks for the advice, I'll try not to let all the negative "reviews" ruin my 15year old excitement.

      As for the person wondering why we're all anonymous, ask Uyi and friend. For some reason, virgins talking about their virginity seem to disturb a lot of people especially the sexually active ones. I'll never understand why. So I'm commenting as anonymous so as not to offend anyone's sensibilities.

    5. Thank you anon 4:17 'm over it now.


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