We seem to have an insatiable appetite for this back and forth exchange from wives to single ladies and vice versa. So, enjoy.
Dear Single Ladies,
Na wa. Yes, na wa. Not because I am ignorant of appropriate ways to begin a letter but because no other beginning could be more expressively appropriate for you. "Na wa" because it is a common expression of bewilderment like when we hear Sister Lucy is called Candy outside church. "Na wa" because it is fitting for disgust like when we see Sisi Kemi is becoming a grandmother - scratch that, mother - as she is pregnant for Baba Ade. "Na wa" because we are fatigued by speechlessness seeing that when we say the Lord's prayer for our husbands, we should replace "temptations" with "evil single ladies". Hence, on these counts and more, I greet you "na wa".
I have tried to make sense of your thing with our husbands. Though it is common knowledge that people cheat (it obviously transcends gender), you don't find it easily accepted. Permit the truism that people won't cheat if they've got no one to cheat with. Indeed, it is an issue we have to settle with our husbands. Yet, I dare to play the woman-to-woman card and clear this repugnant air with you. Trying to see things through your eyes, I wonder: what makes you accept married men as lovers?
Money? How much exactly? How much can a man possibly offer you that you can't challenge yourself to make by yourself? That you are single means you are young, free and vibrant. So why not make that work positively profitably for you? I mean, except you are a daft, lazy, gold-digging leech (which I want to believe you are not), then you can be independent.
I have seen some of you sincerely swear that no single man can say he pays your bills. This is true because first they are not single and second because they are mostly "various" men. But I certainly don't mean independent like that.
You like older men? I can't judge you for that penchant. I really understand. Especially since many young men are still stuck on Jay Z's "Young Forever" and are this close to leaving puberty in their 30's. Since your turn-on is understandably maturity, I insistently scream, "By all means". However, I have a simple request: leave the married men alone. There are widowers who would love their second wives deeply and elderly men who for some reason never got married. These are a perfect class of options for you to frolic with or build that better-than-Telemundo love story. But please, leave the married men alone.
We are messed up married women? Our husbands tell you we suck in bed, nag their hormones dead and still smell of maggi no matter how we bathe? So, you become their aspirin for we headache-wives. Very kind you. But the beatitude on peacemaker doesn't in anyway mean this neither are Nobel for Peace so won. Really want to help? Leave matter for "Matayas".
Further thought on other reasons have yielded nothing. Don't join a man in defying his vows. If you have no regard for God who warns that none should put asunder (I'm astounded that you don't see a retribution there), then fear the Devil. Wives are getting vicious. Ezinwa died stuck in intercourse with Papa Emeka. Onome has gone mad. Sarah has razor cuts on her face. Our husbands can't be excited by dead girls so how do you miss these vile stories?
Another emphatic plea: leave married men alone. Person wey talk say our water no go boil, dem no go sell matches for hin village o.
For Slighted Wives,
A Concerned Wife.
By Joy Oforka.