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Dear Thelma; (Move On or Stay and Suffer?)






I don't know if u remember my mail last year about my fiance's business situation.(his business hit rock bottom and he recovered it late last year but now,its just bad) Well,we fixed the wedding date and immediately we did that,things went from worse to worst.
Thelma, I practically cry myself to sleep every night. I've been with my man for over 4yrs. We did our ime-ego last yr nd was planning white nd trad this year but his business is going down everyday. What do I do? should i leave and move on with my life or stay and suffer? We have fasted, prayed and still praying. I'm an emotional wreck and the worst is that my family members have already started wedding plans. I love him and i know that he is the one (no doubt) if i should cancel the wedding, what do i tell my people?


***
Last year the blog reader mailed us. She told us about her fiancé's financial situation and how it was making her act different around him. She said in the times when he had he was always there for her but of late things had gotten really bad and he was terribly broke, and when they were together she couldn't stop herself from snapping at him, she had become irritable in his presence. She said she still loved him but couldn't help the way she felt. She wanted to know how or if to proceed with the marriage. Most of us told her to stay, saying that that was the time the man really needed her, and advised that there's nothing prayer cannot do. Well this is the follow up mail and apparently things have gotten much worse instead of getting better. 

I can understand her concerns. She is asking us; should i leave and move on with my life or stay and suffer?

Comments

  1. Your breakthrough is closer than u think. The devil is just trying to put doubts in ur mind. What happens when u leave him and marry a well to do guy then one day things gets rocky for the new guy will u also want to opt out of the marriage?
    Pls dear poster don't lose faith for a sec cos God is working on your miracles.

    ReplyDelete
  2. If u were already married will u leave?! I really doubt if u love him

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. GOD bless you Tolu.

      Poster, what if the tables were turned?

      Delete
    2. That's what I thought too. Well, everyone and their own endurance level..... you wear the shoes, you know where it pinches. I had the same experience with hubby last year and things picked up, even better than before. May God see you through.

      Delete
    3. Pls I disagree with the fact that she doesn't love him enof! She loves him enof but she has d fear of poverty which is very normal, if she doesn't love him enof, d fear wouldn't even be there in the first place, she'd leave without consulting TTBR.
      However I'd advice for u to stay put becos thingss ll defntly fall into place as long as u pray, work and believe. If u were already married, u wouldn't leave so pls pull ursef togeda and look ur fears right in the face. The fact that u alredy see a poor future is very bad! So why have u been praying when u don't even believe? Patience dear poster.

      Delete
    4. She doesn't love him for her to be considering opting out... If she really did she wouldn't v Dat thought in d first place

      Delete
    5. whatever happened to the definition of love biko??? love is patient, seeketh not her own, beareth all things, hopeth all things, followeth not money, ati be be lo...(list is endless)

      Delete
    6. We all have our various love languauges biko and it was a post on this blog! For some, its quality time-money or no money; for some, its fine boy-money or no money; for some, its doing things for them (fixing der spoilt fan or car) while for others its money! Obviously the poster's love language is money and d lack of it scares her! It has nothing to do with love.

      Delete
    7. Poster, What happened to love's definition in 1st corinthians 13? True love endures all things. This is just a trying stage you'll pass through in no time. If u really love him and truly feel at peace with your man, you will not be asking this question. you should start behaving like ure married and ask urself *if I'm married to him,will I leave?*
      Arrange a court wedding for now if u both can, it has less expenses involved.
      Cheers

      Delete
  3. tank you ooo Nekky my thoughts exactly. poster i doubt you truly love dis man. apparently its his money n the comfort he provided that you loved. nawa oooo. God help you. what you want deep down is leave all you need from us is to validate it. am sorry ooo u wont gt that from me. id only advice you to keep trusting God n search deeply if you truly love him. if things suddenly gets better ud b become loyal n submissive again abi? marraige is for better for worse wld u opt out when hes in another financial difficulty or stand by him like a real strong woman. the choice is urs. no be me go follow you live dia. i be "Ruth abo ko ku" so u may not like advice. ruthy sasha memphis kabuoy n fam where una dey na??? come out n advice a sister biko. NEXT!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hate sounding judgmental but this in addition to what you posted @ Anonymous 10:10 am. What if they are already married and hit some hard times? Won't she be tempted to cheat if a financially buoyant man comes calling?
      I believe she needs to be reintroduced to the concept of loyalty, commitment and been a man's ride or die chick.
      K.O.H.

      Delete
  4. Anonymous Rider!10:32 am, March 25, 2015

    May i advise that you go for a court wedding and have a very private lunch with select family and friends numbering 20 or less maybe in his parents house or yours after you leave the registry. You can do the big trad and white much later as long as he has paid your bride price.
    Love covers and protects, If you are sure that he is your man, stand by him, manage with him, things will surely end well. This period is a true test of your love and endurance for each other.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I agree with you Anon 10:10,its like she's looking for validation
    I believe you already know what you want to do but you said should you stay and suffer,do you know how the future will be ,what if you leave and the next day things get better
    If you really love him I dnt think you will think of leaving,will you always run if things go run
    The definition of love in the bible is what love truly is ,it is not self-seeking

    ReplyDelete
  6. it's darkest just before dawn.
    hang in there, if you're sure he's the one.
    there are many girls with filthy rich guys who treat them like dirt.
    don't let go of a good man when you find one.

    ReplyDelete
  7. My Dear poster,please don't leave that man.Take Anonymous rider's advice & go for a court wedding.Your case is not different from what happens to some couples once they start planning a wedding.Except you don't love him enough to want to spend the rest of your life with him because dating for 4yrs or more is not a guarantee that you do.

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. I also think one of the main things disturbing you is how to fund the wedding.
    Please if you cannot afford a big wedding, have a small one. And preferably don't go into any debt for it.
    How much that's spent on the wedding is not what matters, but what the marriage eventually turns out to be.
    So you may need to tell your relatives to park many of the plans they have, unless they generously opt to pay for them. Otherwise, you would do well to cut your coat according to your size, and there's nothing wrong with that.

    ReplyDelete
  10. If you were my sister, I would tell you to leave him, you are not married to him yet, if you marry and things don't work out, who will come to your aid. There are some pertinent things aside love that has to be in place before marriage. Anyways if time is on your side, you may wait. Else, end the relationship amicably if another serious person is on your case.
    Don't forget to involve God, because the plans he has for us are different from our earthly wishes. Goodluck...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. one question are you married?

      Delete
    2. None of your business and neither is the poster married. So Pls move....and don't comment without an I.D.

      Delete
    3. U are very funny.... Special adviser, may u not lead one astray

      Delete
    4. God bless you momoh, Laurette sebi somebody has commented with an I.D now Mrs adviser of d century besides its just an innocent queshion, y u con dey vex?

      Delete
    5. Yes voltron anonymous which one is, Is she married? The lady asked for advice, didn't say married people only. She has offered hers,offer urs and move on. I just had to comment on this.

      Delete
    6. @momoh whatever, @anonymous, get an I.D first before you get my reply, thought I made it clear, @ Chioma, lol...at voltron anonymous, u dey mind am.

      Delete
    7. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    8. defender chioma aka. oya(puma), ndo. no vex o! i asked d question because of the advice she gave. i want to know her thought process whether its from a married womans point of view or a single. i av nothing to do with her status. if u scroll up ud realise that av offered my advice already. kin jii?(u hear?)

      Delete
  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'll advise you to leave, not because of you but because of your fiance. He doesn't to be treated this way considering he always provided when he had. He needs a woman that will support him when he's broke not a woman that will resent him

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Looking at it from another angle, we all have our deal breakers and hers is money. Some of you will break up over cheating, bad sex, religion, etc. She apparently can't stand a broke man and this man is bound to have issues like this once in a while.
      My advise is for her work on herself so she doesn't to depend on him to be liquid financially

      Delete
    2. Exactly my point wen I said it wasn't about love! Money is her love language.

      Delete
  13. I'd approach your dilemma from another perspective.

    How about learning some requisite business skills that your fiance is not proficient with? He runs a business right? Get involved in the business and try to be better knowledgeable about the status of the business and the business needs and maybe you could serve as the magic wand that could bring the fortunes to his business. It might be marketing his business needs and I'm certain if you explore your network of friends and other means (maybe this blog if appropriate), you might get potential and satisfied customers. I'm also certain we'd be ready to chip in our little knowledge of the opportunities and 'best moves' for whatever industry your fiance's business is in.

    It might be unfair and a little impulsive for me to direct on whether to stay or not (especially considering this is the second time you are in the same dilemma) - that is a decision you'd have to make taking into account your personal thresholds for desired ingredients of a good marriage/relationship amongst other factors.

    I'd advice you to also pray but don't pray alone - add to your prayers work as adviced above. I trust God to guide you to make the best decision.

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  14. My own advice and am not married by the way, i understand your fears, love doesn't conquer all o, tread carefully, let him have something else he is doing that will bring in steady income even if its 50k per month because from all indications his business isn't a stable one. If he is a hardworking man, have no fears he will get back on his feet. Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ha, ha, ha, haba! This babe do you understand what marriage is? Is your fiancés only fault his lack of progress as you perceive it? Money comes and goes oh. I am saying his from the point of making over 6 figures in dollars annually to barely scraping n2m together some years.

    Ha money isnt everything oh. But marriage has its lows, and boy some of them are lower than low. What will you do then?

    Is there a way your skills can augment his business? Do you even have anything going? Work or business? What line of business is the man into? What are the issues with the business?

    I advise you to pray (i never tell people to pray). Ask God to reveal to you the type of person you should be and ask him to lead you that way

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i just like miss pynk. @chrisyinks, well said too. COURT!

      Delete

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