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Dear Thelma...





BVs please am I overreacting? My bf and I work in the same office. Our company is very intense and everybody is always on their toes. It does not only demand hardwork but sometimes you have to get your hands dirty to get ahead. I am a very ambitious person and so is bae. Before we started dating we laid down some rules because we know the kind of environment we work in. We agreed that we will keep work and our relationship separate. In our department recently we all had to bring unique ideas that can be implemented for a particular project, the person with the best idea would be made the team leader and receive a big bonus. In past times when we have similar tasks everybody guards their ideas jealously because there is nothing u can do if somebody steals urs and uses it to their advantage. Needless to say my company is not the kind of place where you make friends talk less of dating. We have dated for about nine months this month and I was very sure that we are in love with each other. Everything has been good and we have met our families and friends, everybody expects us to settle down soon n that is my prayer. But last week after everybody went to make their presentation his idea was chosen and he won the task. I was very disappointed because I thought my plan was very good and brilliant but I was happy for him. Thelma it was only after I saw his power point presentation on his laptop that I knew that he took my ideas but just "remixed" it a little with the one he already had. I confronted him and he is insisting that he did not do anything wrong, that i know that our organization is survival of the fittest and that we have already agreed to keep work n love separate. He claims that I would have done d same thn to him, tbh I could do that to a colleague but not to him! I knw ppl say that women r emotional n men r practical but does that justify what he did? He insists that he loves me n even said that he wants us to get married but I am now having cold feet. I want to suggest we take a break, please am I overreacting or what do you think?


***

Wow, Type A personalities in a relationship...

Comments

  1. That was cold blooded. He should have at least had the decency to admit it. I don't know that a break will do much good, maybe a good talk will leave him in no doubt that such behaviour is unacceptable if there's to be any measure of trust between you two.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's nothing personal, just business.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chop knuckle Memphis and Sasha. Babe u dey over react biko,he has admitted it stylishly but come ohhh how did he steal ur idea??did u tell him??did u leave ur laptop in a careless way for him to have seen ur ideas or something cos I don't get,but if u told him,den ur fault men,I don't mix biz with pleasure never. Sweetie,free the guy and enjoy the bonus like Sasha said and be careful next time,don't take a break ohhh,some breaks can be dangerous ohhhhm

      Delete
    2. Maybel am sorry to say but u sound so desperate, breaks can be dangerous as in what? The rship ll end? So freaking what? Her man just stabbed her at d back and u are here ranting about how she should enjoy the money, whatever happened to integrity?

      Delete
    3. Easy Anon. The Poster says she and boo work in a company where friendship is as good as nil, where you soil your hands to get ahead of others, even admitted she could stab her colleague on the back for that purpose. She just isn't prepared to accept the fact that even when she and le boo agreed not to mix business with pleasure, she eventually gets punked. With all these red flags, I'll say she's overreacting. You don't expect to soil your hands every now and then and won't eventually succumb to germs.

      Delete
    4. Anon darling, am so laughing hard how did he stab her??didn't u read the post well? What's so desperate about my comment?? Maybe u shud read the post again and understand each word the poster wrote OK.

      Delete
    5. Anon chill out on maybel naa!..she's just giving her own opinion.

      Delete
    6. Anon chill out on maybel naa!..she's just giving her own opinion.

      Delete
  3. Ur overreacting sweets. Just make sure he spends the bonus on u very well...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is not about the bonus or about money. Being a team head is one of the surest guarantees for a promotion.

      Delete
    2. Yh,this reminds me of Uni exam days. When a person sees ur bullet points and ends up explaining the point better than u that s/he earns more marks in the end. Who u blame the person?
      It's reasons like ur posst that discourages companies from allowing office romance or married couples in the same work space.
      Get over urself and be happy ur boo won (after all,it wld have been someone else). Celebrate w/ him and make sure he compensates u for ur idea...

      Delete
  4. I just dislike people that feel smart, he ll still do same in other things, he would ve even told u about it and then u plan, whoever wins shld be seen as both ur victory and u share the glory. But then again there are so many other things to consider when settling down, if this is just his only flaw, then u can forgive him and watch him more.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Maybe he had same idea you had but in a different way which you termed 'remixed'. Babe I think you are over reacting in my opinion. Just let it slide and if it happens again, then you gat to be on the watchout.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've never supported the idea of office relationships. it is often times difficult to get a 'good deal' mixing business with work. Little wonder why reputable organizations never support 'blood bonds' in their work place.

    What he perpetrated is intellectual property theft and that is a criminal offence in some countries.

    To the matter at hand, I think going on a break isn't a bad idea or better still finding some time to clear your head. Seeing as your relationship is far gone, I'd advice a frank talk with him to draw lines, rules, blue prints etc. You should also demand an apology from him. Relationships are supposed to be 'us' against the world and not against ourselves.

    Now I wonder, if you two were married, would you have to hide your work plans from the one person you should trust with your totality. It isn't bad being ambitious but what's detestable is the 'acts' people are willing to delve into to achieve that ambition. He doesn't seem to care if you are hurt in the process of him achieving his desired dreams.

    P.S.
    You should get some position on that team say Assistant team leader to ensure you also protect your career and organizational growth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great comment, but I honestly doubt they would be retained after marriage.

      Delete
    2. Chris, a million likes for your viewpoint.

      It shows he values position & riches more than the poster.

      -F

      Delete
  7. Maya Angelou said 'when people show you who they are,believe them the first time.' He has shown you who he is, then believe him. By the way, you may not know this but you're alone in your relationship. If he meets a woman who can pay his bills or grow his career, he'll dump you like yesterday's newspapers. Pay attention to details. The little things people do, tells you about their character.

    Mallama

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice comment there!..you couldn't have said it any better.
      Poster biko read inbtw d lines. I disapprove his actions. that's y I hate office relationship. It never really goes well.

      Delete
  8. Omoh nawa for that guy O! What even made him look in her system in the first place? Why not take the competiton serious and if she wins, fine. Abeg as an ambitious person dat I am, I go vex seriously but I won't ask for any break, I ll jejely be locking my laptop and assignments and I must get back at him (work matters) for sure!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kisses for u Queen, exactly my point and the anon above labeled me desperate. LollLoll.

      Delete
    2. Lol...Obviously d anon no understand.

      Delete
    3. Maybel am sorry but u sounded desperate thr, why would u want to be in a rship/married to such a person, when u can let go of them and be with someone better, u made it sound like oh! She should hold on to d guy oo, no need for a break before the rship ends. For how long ll you keep hiding stuff from ur spouse all because he is selfish n brutal. Hian!! There are so many men out there.

      Delete
    4. Sweetie I made my comment according to what the poster said,she said the environment where she works is a place where everybody guides their idea with jealousy and can soil their hands to get to the top,so definitely they both understand the working environment and she made a mistake by letting out her idea to him,my dear sibling betray sibling talk less of a boyfriend.

      Delete
    5. Hian! Guys do worse things to their babes and the babes take those shits, so y break up just becos he did it this once, ppl are patient enof 2 give second chances and even third chances if they want until they can take it no more then they bow out!... Dat being said, as 4me, not asking for a break is not out of fear of loosing him O but just out of allowing him the benefit of doubt and to also stay and have my revenge, shekina!

      Delete
    6. LMAO. Anon you don't understand. The issue here isn't about what le boo did to her, it's why it had to be HER, and not another colleague. Someone who has already admitted she could do that to another *innocent* being? It hurts, yes, but that's the game right there; don't mix business with pleasure. For you to insist Mabel is desperate is really amusing. Tell me honestly, would you go out with someone who tells you in all honesty that he/she is ready to punk a colleague to progress?

      Delete
    7. Queen second is the reason here too and not being desperate because truth is there so many guys out dere soon yy would one b desperate?? The babe is Aldo selfish because she said she could do it to a Coleague, yyy hurt someone else's feeling???

      Delete
    8. Yes Mabel, its not being desperate at all, we have to be wise and make conscious efforts towars building love biko!

      Delete
    9. Sorry for thethe above gbagaun. *so * also*.

      Delete
  9. Dnt leave ur work unguarded next time,its business dnt let it ruin your relationship n make him get you something with that bonus

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm surprised at people that said it's just business, trust is very vital in every relationship and he just breached that. Saying she should hide her ideas from him is as hilarious as saying hide your ATM from your partner so they don't steal your money. What he did is equivalent of stealing your money cos he has access to it. If you do same thing to him trust me, he won't see it as business. If you want to take a break do it , the suggestion that you should refrain from doing so for fear of losing him reeks of desperation. It seems he is putting progress at work before progress in your relationship and that is wrong. I don't think you are over reacting. J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank u J. I was the anon that said Maybel sounded desperate, am glad smone else sees what I was pointing out.

      Delete
    2. Yeah she is. Those who said she's overreacting are the same people who won't tolerate backstabbing in a relationship. Personally I don't even think i can date anyone who's prepared to punk a colleague just to get to the top. "...tbh I could do that to a colleague but not to him...". Too bad it had to be le boo, but that's what you get when you're a panther and le boo is a tiger. Same Cat family sis. Like Queen said, a retaliation is in order to alleviate any hurt in this case. I won't recommend a break at all. As Mabel implied, that's taking this whole issue to another level.

      Delete
    3. Lollll Memphis biko leave me ohhhohhh,same cat family sis??okay ohh

      Delete
    4. Hahahaha! D geh dey vex say na le boo do am 'taaty' her eye con clear wen e happen. She shouldn't question the relationship at all

      Delete
  11. Nollywood movie titled betrayal! The guy isnt worth much in my own mind. He is willing to win at a high cost even though it means hurting the person he is supposed to be closest to. That said she needs to have a very serious talk with the guy, as it sounds like they are planning to marry. Which one of them is going to leave the firm? Who has the better chance at rising in the firm?

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. Seriously? you girls think she is overreacting? nawa o. How is it that y'all dont see this as backstabbing. Lets review: They both knew they were competing against each other>he gained access to her laptop, obviously without her consent-probably after a night of heavy lovemaking..hey eesah, this chick is cohabiting o, after all you people have said in this blog, did she lissin? noo! smh..lol, just ignore me. uhmm, where was I..ya! ok so he took the laptop and furtively looked at her ideas and then used it to his advantage. He stepped on her to get ahead (hehe, get a head). I cant fathom doing that to a friend, not to talk of someone I love. The fact that he still cant see that he crossed a line is a bigger problem. Miss Poster, this dude will put himself or his career above any other thing in every decision y'all make as a family. You'll be marrying a man who will protect his life at the expense of his family if there's an intruder, infact, he already is an intruder cos now you gotta put a da Vinci style password on your laptop. Crazy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "...I cant fathom doing that to a friend...". Exactly the point. Poster says she can do it to someone else, so why's she complaining? Let her return the favor in like manner. It's strictly business.

      Delete
    2. U guys are getting it all wrong ohhh, the poster didn't state how he got hold of her ideas,and I still maintain the fact that she was careless, knowing your working environment and what you both can do to get to the top,yyy leave ur ideas carelessly for him to steal???. The poster also said she can do it to someone else so case closed for Christ sake siblings do this to each other, yy is it such a biggy??.

      Delete
  13. But really tho... it's not okay! I can't understand why or how memphis and maybel think it's okay and to say she's overreacting? Really?
    Sasha on the other hand.. lool.. why am I not surprised? Lool!

    Trust is the bedrock of every relationship. What kind of relationship would it be if we are in a healthy competition and I can't trust you to not steal my ideas?! And you won't even accept that you stole it. Sometimes I think i'm out of touch with the real world and I don't even know how the it works especially when it concerns relationship. What to let go and what is okay. How to pick my battles.
    I'm a very ambitious young lady and i'll work hard to get to where I want. But when i'm in a relationship with you and we are pitched against each other... even if we are married... the least I expect of you is to do your best to beat me and i'll do the same. not you snooping around for MY ideas just so you can win. That's way too low. I won't even respect you anymore! I mean... come on guys! it's just wrong!
    Remember we are not "normal" colleagues! We are in a "relationship"! That should count for something at least!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha. I've been waiting for your comment.

      "...What kind of relationship would it be if we are in a healthy competition and I can't trust you to not steal my ideas...".

      I'm quoting y'all who have problems with the backstabbing. This isn't a relationship oooo. Na business, pure and simple. It's *eat or get eaten*. Sorry it had to be her boo but she has confirmed in such an organization such things are normal. She's just shocked she got the stabbing from the least expected quarters. A real pity. Kabuoy, if you worked in such a place and meet Poster, would you sympathize with her knowing what she's capable of doing to you?

      Delete
    2. "Remember we are not normal colleagues, we are in a relationship, that should count for something at least" so kabouy in other words it's right if he does it to a colleague??? Or if she does it to a colleague too. Haba cut the guy some slack biko,NNE how was PMCH now??pain me sey I miss, I slept off*sobs*.

      Delete
    3. Memphis... I get your point okay? but she is his wife-to-be! Why do u keep evading that part as if it means nothing.
      I would empathize knowing fully well the guy is suppose to be her "boyfriend, lover or fiance" if she had done it to me before... i'll probably be vindictive and say "good for her" but in my mind... i'll actually question their relationship and what they both stand for. I guess she has learnt her lesson sha. Not to let her guard down for any reason. She was probably naive like me and that's why the guy took advantage of her.

      So dear poster... next time be a sharp geh! don't dull at all. Keep/hide your ideas... you can even mislead him sef and do ur own too like queen said... 50 50 no cheating! lool (I can just hear my dad say "kabuoy, you are too vindictive" lool)

      All in all.. we learn everyday. Now I know that it's not "every time" you let your guard down with someone u love. It might cost you.

      Dear Poster... your real revenge should be to beat him at his own game and get to the top. Even higher than him. If he can't handle it... then u know u can take the looong needed break. you'll be fine. Pele. *hugs*


      But memphis it was me... it'll pain me gaaan o! like gaaaan! Ha. No be only break... na straight up break up o. Like I can't deal! I'm sorry. I'll just not respect you and I can't marry someone I don't respect + i'll probably hold it against you for a long time. But then again what do I know? "I'm just keeping it real" *in deola's voice* loool

      Delete
    4. My sister! You missed o! Deep deliverance. I hope you really really enjoyed your sleep. Lool. It was about "near success syndrome" mainly. Twas really powerful. You shouldn't have missed it. But it continues next month.. so come!!! *hugs*

      Delete
    5. Awwwwww,I knew it would be powerful but hey,I ain't missing next month's own for anything else.

      Delete
    6. Kabuoy I'm not evading that "wife-to-be" part. If she was green in the business we'll obviously sympathize with her. But she's not. They're the same specie. Imagine Sasha not even sticking out for her...that should tell you a lot. LMAO. Whether the relationship will work or not is a complex issue entirely but all we're saying is for her to obey the rules she and ONLY she set for herself. It backfired in the most unlikely way, granted. Since Le boo has admitted that it's just business then no harm in retaliating, okwa ya? It's just business, pleasure comes when Le boo uses his *winnings* to placate her. Hehe

      Delete
    7. Lols,im not sticking up for her cos it's a work environment and thus shld keep sentiments aside. By the time they are married,one of them wld have to quit (if it's a company policy).
      The world is a selfish place. It's cool to do to others but cry foul when it's done to u? When u get off,resume ur r/ship but when u clock in for work,its gonna be business as usual...

      Delete
    8. Loool @ memphis!tor! Mo ti gbo o! Iv heard you! Poster... they(memphis, sasha, maybel...) say it's just business! so my dear sister... when your own "business opportunity" comes, shine ya eye and grab it! Lol! These men are not to be trusted in business. *hehehehee* lesson learnt! Move forward!

      Delete
  14. Seriously tho, all the peeps that think she's overreacting.. na wa o

    Didn't the poster say that they agreed not to mix their work and their relationship? Didn't he go back on their agreement with what he did to his gf? All the people saying she should talk to him, they already had the talk! He didn't stick to the agreement. And like Kabuoy stated above, stepping on your girlfriend to get to the top is just low. And he doesn't even have the decency to own up to the crime, that's a weak a55 man if you ask me.

    If i were the poster, I'd make him admit that he stole my idea and then dump his sorry, un trustworthy ass cos i can't be married to you and be passwording my lappy, phones and tablets cos I'm afraid my ideas will start "inspiring" you.

    But seriously, what kind of cold blooded desperacy/ambition will drive you to stab someone you love in the back like that?

    ReplyDelete
  15. To begin with, I started to lose any empathy I might have had, when I read the part of "playing dirty to get ahead". At that point I had to apply objectivity to the situation. To put the blame on the guy would be to bring in the morality of right and wrong and I don't believe that applies here, as neither of them seem to care about that. I say conny man die, conny man bury am. If bae had stolen another person's idea and gone ahead to win, they both would have made a toast to the bonus and we wouldn't be aware that 'business' had gone through. Taking a break from the relationship means nothing without taking a break from playing dirty while on the job. As a great man once said, "your attitude in one area in life is reproduced in every other area". It's like knowing about and supporting your child in his stealing ways, and then crying foul when he steals from you because you believe the parent-child bond is all supreme.. Odi kwa egwu! Am sure he convinced himself that dear poster would understand if she eventually found out, and then further sealed that reasoning with the the justification that she'll most likely also partake from the bonus.
    Sweetie.. you really are overreacting (all given details considered)
    Meanwhile... *clears throat* I read somewhere that some girls take more shit from people and stay put, so why shouldn't a first time offender not be given a second chance... so there's a required dose of shit a girl should take before she can say she's had enough? Is there a crown of glory for they that persevere through the valley of the shadow of abuse in a relationship? Isn't it often the case that a first time shit taker is soon made familiar with every form of shit? After all, if you swallowed it the first time, it may be because your taste bud as it were, found it pleasant/acceptable, so by all means do have a second, third and eventually periodic serving(s).
    I wouldn't give a second chance but thankfully, am not dear poster. The choice still remains yours madam.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Buby my comment below is meant to be a reply for u,mistakenly typed it in the add comment section.

      Delete
  16. God bless u for seeing things from the same perspective with I and Memphis,exactly wat Memphis means,and as for the second part,we are not saying she should take shit,everyone deserves a second chance if u ask me,even jesus Christ gave the prostitute in the bible a second chance,so he deserves one.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You are overreacting my dear... Its just business baby! At least he told you why he did it right? Move on. You can pay him back in his own coin, Equal value, business-wise.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I don't have any other thing to say. I absolutely disagree with what he did cos he y'all are supposed too be dating and all that. I also disagree with those insisting 'it's no big a deal'. It IS a big deal, I am not saying this cos i'm female, but because i'm human, getting back stabbed by someone you love and who claims to love you is a no-no. And I also agree with one of the commenters that you my dear are alone in this ship of a relationship.
    Final words, 'fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me'

    ReplyDelete
  19. Poster what in the world were you thinking going into a relationship with a colleague in a cut-throat, jungle-like, organisation where lions feed on fellow lion and back-stabbing is the order of the day, then expect not be a victim? Yea it would have hurt less if it were some else that did that to you but bobo ye took it like business as usual, na you put emotions.... Lick your wound and be smarter next time.

    ReplyDelete
  20. What I know is, the boyfriend did you, poster, wrong.
    That the world or business environment is hostile does not give him, a lover; possible husband; one you should totally trust and he trust you too, any reason to do that to you.
    You should talk to him about this and other ethics, for you two.

    ReplyDelete
  21. What I know is, the boyfriend did you, poster, wrong.
    That the world or business environment is hostile does not give him, a lover; possible husband; one you should totally trust and he trust you too, any reason to do that to you.
    You should talk to him about this and other ethics, for you two.

    ReplyDelete

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