"If this isn't karma then I don't know what is". That's what my friend said after I saw *Leye some nights ago.
I've talked about Leye a number of times on the blog, all under different names. But let me refresh your memory for those who read the posts. Leye is my Ex who said he wanted us to get married, constantly pleaded with me to have his baby, said the house he was getting was "our" home, as the one room he was living in the 'face me I face you' wasn't befitting of a "Queen" like me, and all the while he was cheating on me with Bukky, Aisha, Chiamaka, Shanequa, Annette and Britanny. LOL. Eventually I broke up with him and he wouldn't let me be, constituted a nuisance and then at some point moved from the one room to a very posh three bedroom flat somewhere on the mainland. After he got the flat he wouldn't let me be; "this is our home" "I've just finished frying eggs in our kitchen", "the carpenter just finished making your wardrobe and your dressing table"... On and on Leye pestered me for months until I succumbed, but only on the condition that he gave me the passwords to his phones. Reluctantly he agreed but only because I'd never been the FBI kind of girlfriend, he thought I wouldn't snoop.
I didn't intend to. That night after he had gone to bed I went to get a drink from the fridge and it was then I saw the supersize Valentine card. Initially I'd thought it must have been from one of his admirers at work but when I opened it and it read "Happy Val's Day *Leye, from your darling Wife", I knew I was wrong.
Immediately I went through the house and saw signs that there was a female living there. And then that was when the passwords came into use! Long story short Leye was engaged and wifey was several months pregnant. They had done the introduction and their engagement was the next weekend.
Anyhoo, in order to round up this part of the gist which includes his siblings calling to talk/threaten/beg me, his father calling to tell me that I would die in 48 hours (and the man died a few weeks later), his mother calling to beg and plead with me and apologize on his behalf, and the Iyawo calling to ask if I'd forgiven him as she wouldn't proceed with the marriage plans until she was certain that I had... We wrapped it all up and life went on, until last year when Leye suddenly started calling again.
In the months that followed our final break-up I learnt that Leye and wifey had moved from the mainland to some kind of mansion in Ikoyi and life was very sweet for them. So when I got his call last year, for the life of me I couldn't fathom why. After so much pressure and badgering from him I finally decided to meet up with him last week.
This is what he said.
They had the engagement but never had a wedding. While still in the 3 bedroom flat on the mainland, life was good and they were happy. But then wifey's father (who happens to be a billionaire that we all know) bought houses for all his children on the Island. So they moved in theirs, sorry, hers. The house was huge; uniformed maids, gardeners, drivers, a chef and MOPOL. Leye thought he had finally arrived.
One sunny afternoon at a time when wifey was in the US, Leye asked the security to turn on the generator, mother-in-law called and he casually mentioned that there wasn't light but the generator was on. Her response "But *Funke is not around. Why is the generator on when Funke is not around. Go and turn it off".
On another occasion, Funke was once again overseas, Leye came home to find his bedroom unlocked and found mother-in-law inside, arranging the room. Leye was shocked! He immediately called wifey and her response; "Yes I gave my mum the key to our bedroom. So what?"
Leye became a slave in his home, not allowed to drive certain cars; they had five, which included a G-Wagon, an Escalade and a Range Rover. Those three he wasn't allowed to drive or even touch, except wifey was in town and they had an occasion. Wifey began to talk to him and treat him in any way she pleased, even insulting him in the presence of the domestic staff.
The straw the broke the camel's back was when on the morning of their daughter's first birthday Leye received a blow to the face. The birthday was meant to hold at their residence. He had already taken care of everything and invited people to their home. However on that morning wifey informed him that the party wasn't to hold at home, that her mother had organized another party and they had already informed all their guests, this had been in the works for three weeks and they didn't think there was any point in informing him. Leye lost it! He locked up the house and said no one would come in or go out. Wifey called her mum who rushed to their home with numerous MOPOL officers who threatened to shoot Leye through the gate if he didn't unlock the house. Leye said the only way they'd gain access was through his dead body so they should shoot away.
Eventually billionaire father-in-law showed up and placated Leye, the gates were opened and they proceeded to the party mother-in-law had planned. Leye said he thought all was well but when he returned home he found about four MOPOL officers and two King David body guards inside his house.
For weeks Leye wouldn't be able to do anything inside his own home without two King David guards by his sides and MOPOL officers pointing guns at him. They escorted him everywhere except inside his bedroom where they stood at the door while he was inside and continued to escort him the minute he came out.
The reason; wifey's parents said that if he had stood his grounds even with guns pointed at him, they feared for their daughter's life. "Did you ever touch her?" I asked Leye. "Never!!!!" He shrieked. "Nwando, she was the one that used to beat me, she used to give me slaps for breakfast and dinner, she used to beat me even with stick. She even stabbed me once!" Leye screamed and pulled down he sleeve of his Tshirt to show me a scar on his shoulder that hadn't been there when we were dating.
Leye told me a lot of things that had happened in the rather short period of their life as a married couple. Oh, yes, there was that one time they went for an occasion on the mainland and while returning to the Island at night, wifey swerved to the curb and told him to get the f*ck out of her car. There was also the time he went out with the Escalade and his mother-in-law called him and told him to return the car back home with immediate alacrity! LOL. And let's not forget how if Leye did not return home a few minutes after work closed (work wasn't too far from home), he was to give a detailed report and account to his parents-in-law how he spent each minute he was away from home and why he returned late. On weekends if he went out without wifey, there were escorts trailing him to ensure that he only went to the places he informed wifey he was going to. Otherwise, he would receive hell, query and slaps.
Leye told me so many things and it all sounded like a feverish Nollywood movie. The reason I forced the details out of Leye's mouth (I claimed that I needed all the details before I can get back together with him *yimu*) was so that I could gloat, but after hearing the things he said I couldn't help feeling a bit sorry for him.
Let's leave out all these details but let me conclude by saying that one evening Leye came home and the security wouldn't open the gate. They told him that they had it on good authority that he no longer lived there, he wasn't to be let in and that all the locks had been changed. No, he couldn't go in to get his things either. He was to leave immediately and never return.
This was months ago. Leye has neither seen wifey nor daughter since then. He claims that all he wants is to pack up his personal belongings from the house and see his child. Suffice it to say that Leye's ass has been kicked all the way back to Surulere.
I did feel sorry for him, I do feel sorry for him. But when I look back and I remember his words when I found out that he was more or less a married man and about to be a father, and I confronted him; "Did you really think I was going to marry you? You, a girl that smokes? That is ridiculous, you were just for f*cking", I catch myself smiling at his demise.
Leye suddenly wants us to get back together. Where was he when he was spending daddy's millions, splurging in Abu Dhabi and Paris, indulging in fine dining, flying business class to the US and UK for weddings and parties? Why didn't he remember me when they went on Boat Cruises with people whose names we see on Forbes lists, or when he was vacationing on his father-in-law's yatch in Maimi?
Now he's down and out and suddenly he realizes he made a big mistake, he never stopped loving me and we should be together? Tufia kwa! God forbid! I jumpampass!
Honestly Leye, if you or someone you know reads this, I only wanted to hear the story so that I could gloat, post it on my blog and stick my tongue out at you. I cannot gloat or stick my tongue out, I actually feel really bad for you, but errm my blog readers just had to hear this. Hehehehehe.
And they say Karma is dead. They just don't know...