Skip to main content

Last Night's Call.

People, some months into the blog I was running out of stories, experiences, memoirs and memories to share with you. I still had some left but I remember thinking that one can only have so many experiences in one life time, and I'd shared most of mine already. I still had a few in the box was I knew they were soon running out and I began to wonder what I'd have to share next. Of course I could always write stories, when inspiration strikes, and do the odd posts, ask questions, do games... But I've always wanted to share my stories, because I find that most people (myself inclusive) have a thirst for the tales of others' life encounters. Of course this concern was informed by the fact that I was running out and had nothing to fill the box back up with. 

Basically I thought I was done with drama in my life. I thought that all the "interesting" things that could happen to me had already happened, I thought that the memoirs I had would be the only memoirs I'd ever have, I never counted on more happening. 

I'd gotten to a point where I was playing it safe, playing it safe and playing by all the rules. If I didn't come close to the fire I wouldn't get burnt. But something began to tear me out of the cocoon I'd spun around myself. I was reluctant to leave the cocoon but eventually the forces succeeded. It's not like I was under duress the whole time, or like things happened independent of my own actions. No, I take some responsibility for it. 

And I need to stop boring you and going round and round in circles, especially when I'm not eventually going to ask you to accompany me this trip. Suffice it to say that contrary to what I had thought there's still loads of drama in this life, there are still experiences, and my memoirs for the next few years are currently playing out before my eyes in 3D. 

And in this midst of all this drama I got a call last night that both shocked, confused and amused me. 

*Sarah is an old friend. In school we were never really close but I knew she was quite fond of me. She was one of those who married early and married rich and was the envy of so many. One day she told me how she met the hubster and how it was practically love at first sight. Over the years Sarah and I kept in touch, talking on the phone once every other month or so. She would call me from some exotic location, either Paris or Greece or Italy. She would talk, although never boastfully, about all the shopping she had done and how exhausting it had been. She'd tell me what colours were in trend that season and how much the price of Chanel bags had gone up. I'd listen patiently while inwardly wondering how the thinks she was telling me were to make any difference in my life and wondering at the poor-little-rich-girl tone; Sarah sometimes sounded weighed down by all the luxuries in her life. I never could relate...

Last night's call was most confounding. Most especially because I've not heard from Sarah in over a year. Sarah called me to tell me that she's leaving her husband. I freaked out. "Why?" I asked, and why tell me, I wondered. She explained and gave me details I can't post here but somewhere in all of this, there was "the mistress".

And how do I come in? I wondered again. Sarah soon told me. 

Well apparently Sarah needed someone that could help her organize touts to go to the mistress' house and beat her up, and when she decided that that was what she was going to do to the mistress, arrange men to have her "fucked up", beat her up and disfigure her face [sic], it was I that came to mind. "So please Nwando I know you can help me. Please I need you to help me arrange 'boys' that will go to her house, I have her address, I'm ready to pay anything". 

My first response was HIA!

And that's still what I think when the call replays in my head. Why me? What is it about me that would make someone think I'm the go-to girl to organize violent "touts". Why are people getting contracts to make supplies to companies and 5star hotels and I'm getting one to subcontract men to carry out a hit?


I explained to Sarah that I couldn't help but also added that this wasn't the way to go. Besides how many will you beat up? If your husband cheats, he cheats my dear. How many of his girlfriends are you going to beat up? 

But heads up; if you're a single chic living alone on the mainland in Lagos, dating somebody's wealthy husband, you just might be about to get hit. Watch your back.



  1. Thelma, "Watch your back" kwa? Another call and another "HIA" coming soon.

  2. Is she busy running a business of her own or gainfully employed?

    Just wondering where the time and energy to deal with a mistress comes from.


  3. Ooh wow
    I think there's just something about you Tee

  4. Lmaooo! Thelma... anytime sunshine fucks up... maybe u can help me arrange something for her. You know... loool. your friend is funny o. Chai. And she didn't even think you'll feel offended or anything. Lol...

    PS: anytime I walk past buka hut... I'm always like "aaargh!"! if only thelma had told me! But no wahala. You promised o!!!! Don't forget. Lol

  5. Lol,na...drama can never end.
    Men been giving their women sleepless head and heartache since

    1. U'd pity men if dey rily decide to be vocal abt how women treat dem O! Shun!

    2. Yh,i wld pity anyone who hurts by acts (or inactions) by their partner. But truth is its easier to sympathize with the man more when he hurts than a woman. No?

  6. Preview

    Edit cccc said...
    Rotfl. It's so funny that she'd ask that from you. See your thoughts sef!
    I feel pity for her that her husband would cause her so much worry, that she'd be such plans.

    1. Exactly!!! I keep saying this,
      Since it's impossible that Wives will get it right 100% to keep their husbands from straying,
      & Mistresses will always prevail,
      The ideal thing to do is for wives to Padlock their husbands Dicks! Or go n do Magun. That way u will be treating THEIR fuck ups!

      If that mistress is violent, Ma'am, Ur gonna get served too. So please Rethink.
      All this Useless Men Sha!!!

  7. Ask your friend where she'll move to when she leaves? Her father's house or her house? If her husband refuses to pay child support, can she afford her children's care and tuition? Does she have her own money or property? My guess is her answer to all questions will be no. In which case, she's being naive. In our neck of the woods, a woman should be prepared to share her husband. Especially when he's wealthy. When the love you have for dear husband turns around to kick you in the gut. You don't get angry and leave. You turn mercenary. What can she get out of him? There's a woman who caught her husband with a man. He begged and gave her a lot of money. She didn't leave because she realised that was how to get money off him. She started going out of her way to catch him.

    You don't get up and walk out of a marriage like that. You plan. What is her plan? Does she think others are happier than her? No, they're not. They think of the comfort and take all the rubbish the man dishes out. It's the smart ones who scheme and plan for a life outside the marriage. A man who respects his wife is discreet in his affairs.


  8. @ Mallama. you said it well.


  9. Na wa...but it is funny that she actually asked that of you. You don do that kind thing before? LMAO

  10. Hahahaha from afar Nwando you have that" ama bad bitch" vibe so I can totally understand. Why not get people to beat her husband, he is the one that fucked up. J


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…


Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Closed Chapter...

Hello everyone, yesterday a friend said to me, Thelma I love your blog, I've told so many people about your blog, I think you're a very good writer but I feel there's something you're not doing right"

This friend was the first person who won our beauty of the day contest back then in 2014. Then we had met just once through a mutual friend. I mentioned the blog to her and she became an instant reader. I wouldn't have exactly called her a friend then but yesterday as we sat down waiting for our Uber to come get us from Wal-Mart, she's definitely my friend and I knew she was coming from a good place when she said she had much higher expectations of my blog.

Me too.

But you see, in the last year or so, maybe even longer than that, I haven't felt much joy in blogging. It began to feel more and more of a laborious chore, one which I hardly reaped any fruits from.

I really love writing, I love sharing my life and my experiences with others and I've enjoy…

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.

Uyi & Tiwa