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Men Don't Cry.

That's what men are taught right from when they were little boys; men don't cry. So you may stump your toe by the door, fall from the swing and gash your knees, lose something really precious and hurt real bad, but you're told it's taboo to show any emotion, to cry. 

And so they grow up, feeling all these things but forced to suppress them. Because men are not supposed to feel, to have emotions or show emotions. Because emotions are for women, feelings are for sissies, tears are for wimps, and real men don't cry. 

Nobody wants to see a man bawling like a little baby, there's nothing sexy about watching a grown man sob and dab his eyes with soft pieces of tissue paper, and it would be most absurd to see men shed a tear or two like women are wont to do at the first sighting of anything remotely cute; a proposal, a puppy, an unrealistic happy ending in a romcom... 

Still, men, just like the rest of us (women and children) have their moments of intense sorrow, grief, sadness, loss, disappointment, pain and misery. And in these moments how is a man to express these feelings? Culture and parents have taught them that crying is for women and children, crying is a sign of weakness, and weakness and masculinity are two words that cannot be said in the same sentence. 

So I've come to wonder about this. What alternatives are available when one has been told that they cannot afford to be perceived as weak and thus must find other ways to express these feelings? Or do they just keep them bottled up? 

Yes. I'm inclined to believe that most of them do. And several years of bottling up these intense emotions can only lead to the creation of layer after layer of skin till one becomes hard and hardened. 

And that's what a man ought to be right, hard? And that's all great and dandy; men should be hard as opposed to being soft, strong, sturdy, the back bone, the supporter, the one that's stays calm and strong when the women are hysterical sniveling wrecks. Hard. That's the beauty of maleness. 

But then, along with being hard, they also become hardened, and here lies the problem. This state of being hardened desensitizes them. Therefore when some of them grow into unthinking, insensitive persons that treat others wrong, giving little or no thought to how their actions might affect others, it is then I think that maybe if men are allowed to feel emotion, express the less than pleasant ones, shed a tear or two when they need to, maybe then more men would be less hardened, more sensitive and a bit more empathetic. 

Maybe then they would have more regard for the way they treat (their) women, have more compassion and think twice before they lie, cheat, and play ping-pong with a trusting woman's heart. Maybe culture should allow men to express feelings a little, because in doing that, just maybe, some of us women would be saved from the devastation of brokenheartedness, among other things. 

Hey people, let me give y'all a little assignment. In the comment section write a mini essay for or against the notion; Real men don't cry
Mini essay meaning it could be two sentences long and not necessarily an epistle. 


  1. For the motion - Real men don't cry because their main goal is to be the head of the home. If they shed tears, who would the boys look up to, who would protect the women and who will pet who? Staying strong by not shedding tears is one of the rare qualities of a real man.

    1. "not shedding tears is one of the rare qualities of a real man.".....So a man, who is a human being, cannot express himself by crying because he is mad or happy ?
      Crying does not make one weak.. who made this up ?
      Our Society has drilled into our heads that "real men" don't show emotions...cry.
      I think a man who is totally cut off from his emotion is very disturbing.
      I wouldn't want him to cry over every little thing, I don't think women should either,
      If you want to hide the fact that you cry alone at night, so be it. But men should be allowed to show their emotions and not be criticized.

  2. It takes both strength and courage for a man to show his emotions,show his vulnerability and the fact he is human. A real man knows that his masculinity is not defined in holding back tears, he does not conform to the dictates of the society. A real man does not let society define his masculinity, he defines masculinity to his society.J

  3. In daily life, feelings alone rarely solve problems. Men may be healthier for allowing themselves to cry, but they often have personal reasons for keeping cool. Family hardships, for example, often require postponing tears in order to be strong for others who are in more pain. A calm demeanor doesn’t mean a man is in denial any more than tears mean he is emotionally unstable.

  4. Real men don't cry and shouldn't cry, its their strength that keeps everyone going in times of despair.
    Remember back in secondary when we were beaten, we will just dust it off because everybody including boys will laugh at you, that was when I learnt women are not attracted to men that cry, so we bottle it up and express out feelings in other ways

  5. Men cry but their cry is the hot tears type that just hangs under ur lashes but never drops. When it does finally drops/flows,its usually don't in deep privacy. So yh,men do cry...
    Dear men,pls feel free to cry but don't wail...tnx

  6. I really do hope to hear frm d men concerning this post because we women always think we have a way of figuring men out.
    However I don't think women love to see men cry, I personally don't, which always makes me wonder like Thelma, what they do to let out der emotions. #i'dlovetoreadfromthemen

  7. That last paragraph though... Maybe it's because men don't cry that society thinks they suffer less from lying, cheating, and broken heart. Crying in itself isn't proof of the sensitivity of a man or woman. Crying also isn't proof that a man or woman is weak.

  8. Crying isn't proof that a person is weak,I dnt see it that way,it kinda shows you are human

  9. Crying shouldn't be used as a basis to judge weakness or strength. Heck it shouldn't even be used as a basis to judge anything. Crying is just one of the ways we let out steam or used to deceive. A man can cry all he wants as long as he doesn't make it a habit. And besides before a rational human being succumb to tears(real ones),whatever made him/her cry must have hurt deep.

    Crying doesn't make one sensitive to other people's feelings. We have some unrepentant cheats both male and female that can cry for africa or those who treat other people like crap but display the water works when such treatment is being dished out to them.

  10. "Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's proof that you're alive."
    As a man, I've shed tears for the loss of a loved one, pain, success and listening to music. Such moments, remind me of my vulnerability and strength, courage and fear, ups and downs and most especially my humanity. Like Anonymous 2:03 am said, "a real man does not let society define his masculinity, he defines masculinity to his society".

  11. I don't think "crying rights" should be attached to any specific gender. We're humans wt emotions biko. Though excessive tears by a man looks odd sha. Lol

  12. Nothing's wrong in a man crying so long he's got blood flowing through his veins and has emotions. He is human - keeping the tears from flowing could pose even greater damage to the sociological, psychological and even physiological well being of the man. Tears is allowed to ease whatever pain, joy or sadness a he's going through.


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