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This, That & Vengeance.

I called my friend last night. I was meant to spend the election weekend with her and the boo but I really just wanted to be with my family during the period. However when I called her at night and she began ranting seriously about some guests le boo had that were really infuriating her, I knew my night was about to get more exciting so I packed an overnight bag, hopped into the car and off I went. 

Thing is, some girls are just trouble makers. They came in to the house, the guy says "Meet my girlfriend *Stephanie" and instead of just saying hello and keep it moving one of them said "Girlfriend? That's the first time we're hearing about her". Strike 1. 

My friend was watching E before they came and le boo was reading the news online. The chics, noticing what she was watching instead of politely asking if they could watch something else to know what was going on with the elections turned to her boo and started to complain; "nawa o! You people don't care to know what is going on? How can someone be watching E at a time like this? Ha!!!"
Le boo, being polite to his guests ask Steph to change the channel to AIT. Strike 2. 

Then one of them said "Uncle Bee we're hungry o! Abeg make I check wetin dey for kitchen" and before le boo answered she was already on her feet, headed to the kitchen, rummaged through the fridged and warmed the spaghetti my friend made. Strike 3. 

At this point, my hot-headed friend couldn't take it anymore, her patience and forced hospitality were quick running out. It was then she called me and I ran over. By the time I got there my friend could no longer contain it and was already dropping acidic hints making it obvious she wanted the girls to leave. I knew if I didn't get her out of the situation there was going to be a cat fight, as it seemed the girls were actually having fun goading her on. 

I made her come with me to the balcony and Uncle Bee (le boo) came to join us, to try and mollify her. My friend then started screaming at Uncle Bee, telling him that she would kill him, she would smash his head and send his remains to his children (he's a divorcee), she said she was going to organize 'boys' to "tidy his f*ck up in this Lagos". LOL.

Uncle Bee laughed and said it wasn't possible. Then said he would get his 'boys' first. I laughed at this. Understand that my friend is a natural born psycho (she once stepped out of her car in the middle of the road, jacked the man driving behind her and gave him the beating of his life, just because he was driving too close to her thereby pissing her off) but Uncle Bee is ajeburra to the core. Born into a wealthy family, he left Nigeria for Europe and the US over 20 years ago and returned just a few years back. He's a metrosexual male, very particular about grooming and has a bit of OCD. The kind of man that would hand you hand sanitizer before accepting your handshake, the kind that eats oatmeal and fruits for breakfast and fresh salad and green tea for dinner... The kind that you'd imagine would like to stay away from trouble. So I laughed and laughed; Uncle Bee, you? Boys? Story!

And then he took his phone and dialed a number and it started to ring. I thought it was a random call but then when the person answered, I knew Uncle Bee meant business. The person's voice was dry and gravelly, the type that has been made hoarse by excess smoke and alcohol. 

"Who be dis?" He asked. 

"Na me, Oga Bee, you no get this number?"

"Haaaaa! Oga Bee! Chairman sir! I'm loyal. Sorry I no get this number"

"Samuel, o nwe onye na kpasi m iwe" there is someone making me angry

"What do you want us to do? Should we off him?"

"Mba. Just shoot one of his legs. Or two... As you like. But don't off him"

"If he is making you angry why don't you want us to off him?"

"I have my reasons. Let us just warn him this time. Call your boys. High tension and Cable" I was stunned but when I heard High Tension I burst into laughter. "High Tension", that's so obvious, so Nollywood. 

Uncle Bee quickly wrapped up the call but only after telling Samuel to hold on and await further orders before calling his boys. 

Now in all of this what I have found most atrocious is that there were no questions asked. Uncle Bee, an average Nigerian citizen called a thug and told him someone had upset him, and immediately the thug was set to go and kill somebody last night, no questions asked. Wow!

Isn't that sad?

This reminds me of when someone broke my heart in one of the institutions I attended. Our relationship, although rather brief, was very popular. Everyone knew about it, including the staff. So one day, after he dumped me for a "friend" thereby publicly humiliating me, the Dean of Student Affairs called me to his office and sat me down. This is how I remember the conversation. 

DSA: I heard what has been happening. I'm very sorry about it. 

Me: No problem sir. 

DSA: But people are very stupid you know? Does that boy know that if you want to spoil his life you can easily do it?

Me: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

DSA: Especially if your mind is clean and you didn't wrong him

Me: I never wronged him

DSA: I know you didn't. That is why I want to help you. You can destroy that boy's life. Especially is you people made love and he still disappointed you. 

Me: We never ..... made love (saying those words to an old man made me uncomfortable)

DSA: Are you sure? Well even if you didn't, so far he disappointed you like this, he hurt you when you did not hurt him, what do you want to happen to him?

Me: Sir? *confused*

DSA: What do you want to happen to him? Say it now, say it and it will happen (he said this forcefully)

Me: Nothing sir (I was getting very very uncomfortable). 

DSA: Do you want him to die? Do you want poverty to follow him? Do you want him to be impotent? You want him never to know peace? What do you want to happen to him?

Me: (yes I was hurt but nah, it wasn't that serious). Nothing sir. It's in God's hands. 

The Dean wasn't convinced but I really didn't want anything to happen. Oh well, maybe not "anything", yes, I was hurt and I wanted many bad things to happen to him. I just didn't want to be the one to do them. 

But you know how it is... Have you ever been so badly hurt or double crossed by someone that you really really really just want(ed) to strike back at them for hurting you? Be it an Ex, a friend, a business associate... Sometimes people hurt us so badly that we want to do something to them to make them feel just a bit (at least) of the pain that they caused us. Has anyone ever put you in that situation? Did you go through with it?

*But in times of hurt and disappointment remember Romans 12:19*. 


  1. Bwahahhahahahahahahahhahaha I almost fell off my bed laughing at this story, chai Thelma only you interesting things happen to. But your friend should calm down o. I've never thought of hurting anyone sha, it has never crossed my mind. I know I have hoped that bad things would happen to some people, like heart break and the likes, but not that I wanted to do those bad things myself

  2. But you didn't finish the story na..what did she eventually do to those girls? Girls ehn!

    Well,I've never thought of hurting anyone..almost cursed one like that but changed my mind in the end. Now,karma's dealing with him.

  3. Nawa for those friends o,I don't get some People

  4. Thelma biko complete the gist na..

  5. Thelma biko complete the gist na..

  6. I've never thought of hurting anyone one.
    Even though I have been hurt to the point where I should wish them worse things,it never crossed my mind to do so,I wish them a little bit of bad though... But when it gets so bad I pray to God to forgive them for hurting me and pray for forgiveness myself if I had hurt them unknowingly or something .

  7. I agree wit that picture, screw karma. The last guy that broke my heart I left with $5000 and his two phones. I wanted to send people don't beat him up but I left that one for God. He tried to get me arrested for the money but he knew he was wasting his time,

  8. Thelma let's just say; if my ex were on fire and I had even a glass of water, I will drink it. Yep# btw who was your friend trying to arrange? Uncle Bee abi the bitchy girls? Well, let the girl know that where her craze ends is where some other people's craze begins.

    1. Sweetie my craze has no end. I have all shades better believe.

  9. Lol...but some girls sha.

    I prefer to let karma visit the person.

  10. Hian finish the story nau Lool wat happened with ur friend

  11. I wish I could send people to beat me up. I broke up with my ex even though we both care about each other I know he has moved on. The last two times we saw we had sex and I know it doesn't mean we are back together. I asked him if he's willing to make things work and he said his mind is blank and will talk to me when he finds the words. I am so sick and sad; I know I deserve better and should move on but it hurts. We were talking intro before the break up. The problem is how to move on I'm tired of waiting for him to call text or something. I don't want this 2ce a week just checking on you. God please help me. Was it the sex that clouded my judgement NO. I did miss him but I guess he doesn't feel the same way. I've prayed read books and I'm busy enough but I just won't stop thinking of him and what could have been. TTB readers I'm sad.

    1. LOL @ send people to beat you up. But you already know he doesn't feel the same way. It's a hard pill to swallow but one that you must swallow nonetheless. See, you're sad, it's only normal, you guys had a relationship that was both sexual and emotional and suddenly you're in limbo. That must hurt real bad. But please you don't need someone whose thoughts about you are BLANK. Come on... ! When it comes to shagging you his brain functions well and blood rushes to his penis but suddenly the same brain becomes blank once he ejaculates? My darling sister please don't be sad, what's yours will be yours. Have a great week ahead, I pray time heals the pain and makes you happy again.

    2. You'll get over it, dear. Time heals, numbs the pain. This occasional check up won't help matters, though.

  12. Lately I keep telling people you only really need your family and your life partner. If friends are thrown in the mix by chance, all well and good. If not keep it moving. No energy for friends especially the rat-like kind that bite your toes and blow on them so you don't feel a thing. Mtcheew.

  13. I planned my ex funeral and wrote about it, it felt so real in my head, now its funny to me because even his death wnt ease the pain he caused. Friends I just ignore them and wait till they find out what they did wrong , then we talk about it.

  14. I just leave it for karma mehn... The ex I left for karma, she dealt with him very well. He cheated like no tomorrow and then karma blessed him with a worse cheat than he ever was or could ever be. *Evil Grin*

  15. Replies
    1. To what end exactly? Lies to please or impress or entertain who exactly? Please engage me in this convo, I'm confused, and extremely bored right now.

    2. Thelma biko ignore this Anon always on ur case and stop making whoeva relevant. Hating Anon who'll always peep to monitor ur progress and cry at his/her stagnant/pathetic life.

      chai! Thelma u got me there wt ur description of ur friends"s Leboo. His own Ajebutter levels no be for naija o!.lol. dat yr friend sha..aanyway ive got extremely crazy friends like her..friends can't be the same or else d friendship will be

    3. I don't support violence and payback. it pays to let go, no matter how hard..Karma always plays its part sooner..later..or never. God is the judge of all.

  16. This story is very funny.
    But I don't blame her, those girls were just silly! What nonsense?

  17. "The kind of man that would hand you hand sanitizer before accepting your handshake, the kind that eats oatmeal and fruits for breakfast and fresh salad and green tea for dinner... "

    That got me in stitches!!! ROTFLMSAO!!!
    OMG, This one na real IslandAjeTopperButter.

    Anyway, Yes, I've been hurt & really planned to hurt the person thrice as much but no liver to carry it out... Karma is way better...

  18. Your friend honestly needs to deal with her temper, because it will end up destroying her as a person. Physical violence is never the answer for payback. Financial hits are the most interesting for anyone looking for revenge. Everybody is attached to their money or their lack of. ...

    1. I don't have a temper problem, I am in total control of it, you just need to be in my shoes to understand what went down. I love my boo, I just hate being disrespected or trampled on and my quiet look deceive a lot of people.


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Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


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Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

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Mother & child. 

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Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.