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This, That & Vengeance.







I called my friend last night. I was meant to spend the election weekend with her and the boo but I really just wanted to be with my family during the period. However when I called her at night and she began ranting seriously about some guests le boo had that were really infuriating her, I knew my night was about to get more exciting so I packed an overnight bag, hopped into the car and off I went. 

Thing is, some girls are just trouble makers. They came in to the house, the guy says "Meet my girlfriend *Stephanie" and instead of just saying hello and keep it moving one of them said "Girlfriend? That's the first time we're hearing about her". Strike 1. 

My friend was watching E before they came and le boo was reading the news online. The chics, noticing what she was watching instead of politely asking if they could watch something else to know what was going on with the elections turned to her boo and started to complain; "nawa o! You people don't care to know what is going on? How can someone be watching E at a time like this? Ha!!!"
Le boo, being polite to his guests ask Steph to change the channel to AIT. Strike 2. 

Then one of them said "Uncle Bee we're hungry o! Abeg make I check wetin dey for kitchen" and before le boo answered she was already on her feet, headed to the kitchen, rummaged through the fridged and warmed the spaghetti my friend made. Strike 3. 

At this point, my hot-headed friend couldn't take it anymore, her patience and forced hospitality were quick running out. It was then she called me and I ran over. By the time I got there my friend could no longer contain it and was already dropping acidic hints making it obvious she wanted the girls to leave. I knew if I didn't get her out of the situation there was going to be a cat fight, as it seemed the girls were actually having fun goading her on. 

I made her come with me to the balcony and Uncle Bee (le boo) came to join us, to try and mollify her. My friend then started screaming at Uncle Bee, telling him that she would kill him, she would smash his head and send his remains to his children (he's a divorcee), she said she was going to organize 'boys' to "tidy his f*ck up in this Lagos". LOL.

Uncle Bee laughed and said it wasn't possible. Then said he would get his 'boys' first. I laughed at this. Understand that my friend is a natural born psycho (she once stepped out of her car in the middle of the road, jacked the man driving behind her and gave him the beating of his life, just because he was driving too close to her thereby pissing her off) but Uncle Bee is ajeburra to the core. Born into a wealthy family, he left Nigeria for Europe and the US over 20 years ago and returned just a few years back. He's a metrosexual male, very particular about grooming and has a bit of OCD. The kind of man that would hand you hand sanitizer before accepting your handshake, the kind that eats oatmeal and fruits for breakfast and fresh salad and green tea for dinner... The kind that you'd imagine would like to stay away from trouble. So I laughed and laughed; Uncle Bee, you? Boys? Story!

And then he took his phone and dialed a number and it started to ring. I thought it was a random call but then when the person answered, I knew Uncle Bee meant business. The person's voice was dry and gravelly, the type that has been made hoarse by excess smoke and alcohol. 

"Who be dis?" He asked. 

"Na me, Oga Bee, you no get this number?"

"Haaaaa! Oga Bee! Chairman sir! I'm loyal. Sorry I no get this number"

"Samuel, o nwe onye na kpasi m iwe" there is someone making me angry

"What do you want us to do? Should we off him?"

"Mba. Just shoot one of his legs. Or two... As you like. But don't off him"

"If he is making you angry why don't you want us to off him?"

"I have my reasons. Let us just warn him this time. Call your boys. High tension and Cable" I was stunned but when I heard High Tension I burst into laughter. "High Tension", that's so obvious, so Nollywood. 

Uncle Bee quickly wrapped up the call but only after telling Samuel to hold on and await further orders before calling his boys. 

Now in all of this what I have found most atrocious is that there were no questions asked. Uncle Bee, an average Nigerian citizen called a thug and told him someone had upset him, and immediately the thug was set to go and kill somebody last night, no questions asked. Wow!

Isn't that sad?

This reminds me of when someone broke my heart in one of the institutions I attended. Our relationship, although rather brief, was very popular. Everyone knew about it, including the staff. So one day, after he dumped me for a "friend" thereby publicly humiliating me, the Dean of Student Affairs called me to his office and sat me down. This is how I remember the conversation. 

DSA: I heard what has been happening. I'm very sorry about it. 

Me: No problem sir. 

DSA: But people are very stupid you know? Does that boy know that if you want to spoil his life you can easily do it?

Me: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

DSA: Especially if your mind is clean and you didn't wrong him

Me: I never wronged him

DSA: I know you didn't. That is why I want to help you. You can destroy that boy's life. Especially is you people made love and he still disappointed you. 

Me: We never ..... made love (saying those words to an old man made me uncomfortable)

DSA: Are you sure? Well even if you didn't, so far he disappointed you like this, he hurt you when you did not hurt him, what do you want to happen to him?

Me: Sir? *confused*

DSA: What do you want to happen to him? Say it now, say it and it will happen (he said this forcefully)

Me: Nothing sir (I was getting very very uncomfortable). 

DSA: Do you want him to die? Do you want poverty to follow him? Do you want him to be impotent? You want him never to know peace? What do you want to happen to him?

Me: (yes I was hurt but nah, it wasn't that serious). Nothing sir. It's in God's hands. 


The Dean wasn't convinced but I really didn't want anything to happen. Oh well, maybe not "anything", yes, I was hurt and I wanted many bad things to happen to him. I just didn't want to be the one to do them. 

But you know how it is... Have you ever been so badly hurt or double crossed by someone that you really really really just want(ed) to strike back at them for hurting you? Be it an Ex, a friend, a business associate... Sometimes people hurt us so badly that we want to do something to them to make them feel just a bit (at least) of the pain that they caused us. Has anyone ever put you in that situation? Did you go through with it?



*But in times of hurt and disappointment remember Romans 12:19*. 

Comments

  1. Bwahahhahahahahahahahhahaha I almost fell off my bed laughing at this story, chai Thelma only you interesting things happen to. But your friend should calm down o. I've never thought of hurting anyone sha, it has never crossed my mind. I know I have hoped that bad things would happen to some people, like heart break and the likes, but not that I wanted to do those bad things myself

    ReplyDelete
  2. But you didn't finish the story na..what did she eventually do to those girls? Girls ehn!

    Well,I've never thought of hurting anyone..almost cursed one like that but changed my mind in the end. Now,karma's dealing with him.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nawa for those friends o,I don't get some People

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thelma biko complete the gist na..

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thelma biko complete the gist na..

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've never thought of hurting anyone one.
    Even though I have been hurt to the point where I should wish them worse things,it never crossed my mind to do so,I wish them a little bit of bad though... But when it gets so bad I pray to God to forgive them for hurting me and pray for forgiveness myself if I had hurt them unknowingly or something .

    ReplyDelete
  7. I agree wit that picture, screw karma. The last guy that broke my heart I left with $5000 and his two phones. I wanted to send people don't beat him up but I left that one for God. He tried to get me arrested for the money but he knew he was wasting his time,

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thelma let's just say; if my ex were on fire and I had even a glass of water, I will drink it. Yep# btw who was your friend trying to arrange? Uncle Bee abi the bitchy girls? Well, let the girl know that where her craze ends is where some other people's craze begins.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sweetie my craze has no end. I have all shades better believe.

      Delete
  9. Lol...but some girls sha.


    I prefer to let karma visit the person.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hian finish the story nau Lool wat happened with ur friend

    ReplyDelete
  11. I wish I could send people to beat me up. I broke up with my ex even though we both care about each other I know he has moved on. The last two times we saw we had sex and I know it doesn't mean we are back together. I asked him if he's willing to make things work and he said his mind is blank and will talk to me when he finds the words. I am so sick and sad; I know I deserve better and should move on but it hurts. We were talking intro before the break up. The problem is how to move on I'm tired of waiting for him to call text or something. I don't want this 2ce a week just checking on you. God please help me. Was it the sex that clouded my judgement NO. I did miss him but I guess he doesn't feel the same way. I've prayed read books and I'm busy enough but I just won't stop thinking of him and what could have been. TTB readers I'm sad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL @ send people to beat you up. But you already know he doesn't feel the same way. It's a hard pill to swallow but one that you must swallow nonetheless. See, you're sad, it's only normal, you guys had a relationship that was both sexual and emotional and suddenly you're in limbo. That must hurt real bad. But please you don't need someone whose thoughts about you are BLANK. Come on... ! When it comes to shagging you his brain functions well and blood rushes to his penis but suddenly the same brain becomes blank once he ejaculates? My darling sister please don't be sad, what's yours will be yours. Have a great week ahead, I pray time heals the pain and makes you happy again.

      Delete
    2. You'll get over it, dear. Time heals, numbs the pain. This occasional check up won't help matters, though.

      Delete
  12. Lately I keep telling people you only really need your family and your life partner. If friends are thrown in the mix by chance, all well and good. If not keep it moving. No energy for friends especially the rat-like kind that bite your toes and blow on them so you don't feel a thing. Mtcheew.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I planned my ex funeral and wrote about it, it felt so real in my head, now its funny to me because even his death wnt ease the pain he caused. Friends I just ignore them and wait till they find out what they did wrong , then we talk about it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I just leave it for karma mehn... The ex I left for karma, she dealt with him very well. He cheated like no tomorrow and then karma blessed him with a worse cheat than he ever was or could ever be. *Evil Grin*

    ReplyDelete
  15. Replies
    1. To what end exactly? Lies to please or impress or entertain who exactly? Please engage me in this convo, I'm confused, and extremely bored right now.

      Delete
    2. Thelma biko ignore this Anon always on ur case and stop making whoeva relevant. Hating Anon who'll always peep to monitor ur progress and cry at his/her stagnant/pathetic life.

      chai! Thelma u got me there wt ur description of ur friends"s Leboo. His own Ajebutter levels no be for naija o!.lol. dat yr friend sha..aanyway ive got extremely crazy friends like her..friends can't be the same or else d friendship will be boring..lol

      Delete
    3. I don't support violence and payback. it pays to let go, no matter how hard..Karma always plays its part sooner..later..or never. God is the judge of all.

      Delete
  16. This story is very funny.
    But I don't blame her, those girls were just silly! What nonsense?

    ReplyDelete
  17. "The kind of man that would hand you hand sanitizer before accepting your handshake, the kind that eats oatmeal and fruits for breakfast and fresh salad and green tea for dinner... "

    That got me in stitches!!! ROTFLMSAO!!!
    OMG, This one na real IslandAjeTopperButter.

    Anyway, Yes, I've been hurt & really planned to hurt the person thrice as much but no liver to carry it out... Karma is way better...

    ReplyDelete
  18. Your friend honestly needs to deal with her temper, because it will end up destroying her as a person. Physical violence is never the answer for payback. Financial hits are the most interesting for anyone looking for revenge. Everybody is attached to their money or their lack of. ...

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't have a temper problem, I am in total control of it, you just need to be in my shoes to understand what went down. I love my boo, I just hate being disrespected or trampled on and my quiet look deceive a lot of people.

      Delete

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