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Why Am I Still Single?

Last night a Business seminar was held at the work place. My function there was purely administrative but then someone there began to make some statement about how success in business entails surrounding yourself with the right people. "Make sure you surround yourself with lawyers. Make sure you make friends with lawyers. Lawyers come in handy in business, they will give you great advice you need, they will point out loop holes that you otherwise don't see and thus help you avoid making mistakes and possibly losing millions, they will guide you, give you legal advice and also even help you out with some agreements. And the best part of all? You don't even have to pay them!"

Say what now?!!!

In that instance I forgot my role as admin and host and raised my hand to speak but without even waiting to be acknowledged or granted permission I raised my voice. Of course I voiced my displeasure at his statement and that line of thinking. Yes, we will help friends when we can but what you're suggesting is that one should manipulate and abuse the friendship of their lawyer friends... 

The man, who used to work at Department of Petroleum Resources but left to start his own business, which is quite successful by the way, pointed out that he meant it in a harmless manner; "it's just that when you're starting out you'll need all the help you can get. Of course if the lawyer gives you all that help and advice freely when you're just starting out,  when the money starts rolling in and you start having big "briefs", you will call him to handle them and he will get well paid".

Nope! Once again I was on my feet. "I disagree with that statement and this isn't even speaking from a legal standpoint but from a business standpoint". I've learnt that the best way to be a pauper is to work for free. But that's besides the point. Experience has taught me that when you have a skill which you've turned into a business and you do free work for "friends", in a lot of cases they undervalue your talent and question the strength of your skills; after all if you're so good then why am I not paying you? Free work makes them question if you're worth your salt... 'You do that beautiful makeup job for free, then when there's a bigger occasion they remember they only want Banke Meshida and they will gladly pay her 200k', a friend complained. *Tonia, a baker and caterer also complained; 'on her husband's birthday she begged me to bake and cook for them for free, at her birthday party she begged me to bake and cook for free, same as her mother's birthday. Each time I agreed. Then when she was doing something for her colleagues at the office she went to someone else and paid over 100k, for food that isn't even as good as my own', Tonia lamented once when she swore she would never do any free work for friends again. 

Another argument was about to ensue when I caught myself and decided I didn't really want to be a part of the argument in the business seminar. Although all round interaction was encouraged, I wasn't one of the guests. Therefore, In order to distract myself I picked up my phone and started to send random messages to people on Whatsapp. One of these people was a very old GREAT friend of mine. Matty.

I've told some of you about Matty, right? Well Matty is married with kids now and the last time we talked or chatted beyond the surface pleasantries was probably four years ago. Matty didn't reply till I got home last night, at midnight, and we chatted for hours. He began to ask about all my friends he knew (about) and they all happen to be married with kid(s) now; Chocolate, Nene, Yoko, Osayi et al. 

He chuckled at the thought of some of them as mothers now and the conversation moved on to other things. Matty and I live barely 5 minutes away from each other but for some reason we haven't seen or talked in years and when we chat it's Hi-Hello-Howareyou, but last night it was deep, sincere and heartfelt. 

Towards the end of our conversation he said; "Quick question". I told him to ask away. He had only two words; "Why single?" He asked. Coming from someone else I might have rolled my eyes/laughed it off/shrugged it off/blown a fuse/asked how it's any of your concern/mindlessly mumbled "in God's time", but with Matty it was different. 

Why single? Just two words but I could hear the genuine bafflement, the confusion, the concern... Why is everyone I asked you about married but your aren't? What is the reason? What do you think the reason is? Is it by choice or circumstance? Why is your situation different?

Matty only said two words but I know him well enough to know what exactly he was asking. Unlike with other people or every other person who has asked me this I didn't give some rushed, automatic or default response. When he asked, something I'd expected him to ask anyways, I paused for a few moments to consider what angle I could best answer his question from. 

I told him some things which led to another conversation entirely and restarted our chat. We talked about other things but all day those two words have flashed through my mind. 

Why single?

Why is any single woman single, really? Does anyone ever know? Is there an answer to that question? 

Well yes, there is, for those for whom being single is a choice. 

But for the rest; Why single? They ask you that question and look into your eyes, holding your gaze, eagerly awaiting an answer. It sincerely baffles me, that question is rhetorical at best!  

And as the chat wound to a sleepy end he asked me; "Are you happy?"

This time I didn't have to pause, to mull over it or think. This time I responded with a hearty Yes! And Matty who knows me better than most people do, didn't for one second think it was false, uncertain or wishful. He said; "Well that's what matters, really.". 

But wait o! Let's leave all the literature and come back to the crux; Why am I single? Is it weird that I've never asked myself this question before? I think it is and I can't think of any answers, can you?

No, before you begin to discuss my matter, let's talk about you single women. Have you ever wondered about your singleness, said to yourself but Mary, Janet, Amaka, Tolani, Fatimah, Imabong, Wandoo, Osarieme, Tega and Wariebi are married, not like they're better than me, or finer than me, or more domesticated than I am, or more intelligent than me... So what is it, why am I single?

Why are YOU single? 

*regardless of your status, please know that happiness and being a part of a couple are not mutually exclusive. Life is sweet, don't delay the savoring of this dish all because 'they' told you that you're not worthy to eat it alone*


  1. Haven't found another man good enuf to replace my ex. In other words,havent found a dude I can be happy with...

    1. Sasha since he's so good why is he an ex? Biko I'm curious

    2. Factors beyond my control...

  2. Doing stuff for free especially for family and friends is the best way to kill your business slowly and surely.. The ocassional freebie is ok (to improve/boost morale) but always doing stuff for free especially important/big stuff will (almost) kill your business.

    Why am I single?
    My single state is by choice. Although I'm not too old, I'm also not too young.
    I've had too many boyfriends in my opinion and I think I've grown past the age of having meaningless relationships, relationships that I know will lead nowhere cos I just got tired of the whole thing so, yes, I'm single.
    Right now, a fling, or those trial and error stuff people do is the last thing on my mind.

    Long story short, I've kissed too many frogs, the next kiss belongs to Prince Charming :)

    Welcome back Tee

  3. I'm still single because DFH doesn't have a PVC. Now does that make any sense to you? I guess not,Neither does it to me.
    *yawns* tjemaaàà ģğğğôôôôcdď ñňņńîíįģğģğğhhtt.*yawnss* #fallsasleeponthelmazblog

    1. Dear Bloggitup, when are you going to finish that story on your blog?
      Please please please come and finish it... Thank you in advance :)

    2. Awwww I just knew it was someone from the kabouy its you sunshine that dropped a comment?Thanks dear.

  4. I sincerely can't fathom why I'm still single @ this age.Maybe because I dated a guy for more than a decade & it was all a waste of youthful years..Maybe because the next guy was a heartless idiot who almost destroyed me emotionally..Maybe because I'v just decided to take my time,but it's been more than 2years & i'm still single,I can see the big 30 right in front of me.Well,like my Edo friend will say "Na God get power pass",Its all good.

  5. I realised I was single for a while cos I was afraid of taking chances, I was afraid of heart breaks, I wanted to be sure this dude is not coming to play me, I was tired of wasting my time and ending up with a fruitless relationship. Then after my 29th birthday I decided to free myself, throw the fear away and start having fun again, I had this toaster that stopped calling cos of my shakara, I suddenly ran into him again, this time I said am going all out, this dude is fine, I ll sleep with him, ve fun, do whatever I like, if it works fine, if it doesn't whatever. Dude was 30 and a fine boy with a good job, for some reason I felt this one is still playing but that didn't hold me bk, 3 months later proposed *bbm surprise face*, 7 months later we were married, he just keeps saying if I met you when I was 28, I would ve bn married since, some days am still in shock that we ended up together, I never expected it, so far he has been the best hubby in the world. My sincere advice to single ladies, take chances, stop over calculating, what ll be ll be, did I mention I slept with him after a week which was after being celibate for over a year.

  6. Replies
    1. Uyi if I blow u ehhh,wetin una dey feel like?? I guess am single because I am not ready,Dats my sincere answer.not ready to be committed not ready to be ordered around, not ready to combine marriage with so many things, maybe when I achieve those things am chasing, I can think of marriage and besides most men aren't ready to get committed.

    2. loool men are not that scarce, at least not in lagos.

    3. LOL, but good ones are scarce. The same can be said for the ladies

    4. good ladies are not scarce o,depending on where you are looking.

  7. Olodo like U! if I knock ur forehead ehnn. LOL

    Well, for me, I'm Single by Choice & YES! I'm freaking enjoying it. I'll take the once in 6weeks lonely feeling over the hurt & pain a worthless relationship brings.

    And when I look at the men most of my "friends" are married to, I realise I'm on the right track being single cos I CAN'T marry any of those men. Not to mention most gets divorced after 2-3yrs!

    My Singleness is BLISS! Esp cos I'm NOT Alone or Lonely!
    But when Le Future Hubby comes along, I'll KNOW & I'll go ALL OUT!

    1. Let the church say Amen!

  8. So all the comments above kind of confirmed what a friend told me that "all women at every point has toasters on their case" because nobody is saying there's no guy to date.

    I'm single because am not ready for any relationship that won't lead anywhere. And I'm also tired of women telling me am a nice guy, that's the first signboard on the road to friend zone

    1. Ehehhhhh emmmmm,mayor, emmmmmmm we have cute gals on dis blog ohhhh. *runsaway*.

    2. But how do you know a relationship won't lead anywhere if you do not try?!?
      Being single,I don't believe it's by choice.
      If you meet a person who has got everything you want in them, I know most of us will want a relationship with them.
      it's about meeting the right one but if you do not try,how do you know?
      like the lady who commented above,she took chances and she's married.
      Sometimes we think we've found the right one after the long wait for the"right one" because we think we have the eyes to see and the brain to think which is a lie..
      the right one might end up being the worst spouse.
      We need God ..and do not forget God will not point out the person for you,it's left for you to find out.
      Take chances but don't be stupid while doing so .
      And you know deep down you are not happy as a single one.

    3. Well, you're right Aramide, maybe I've not found the right one and I always feel its not going to work out. Fact is I'm a pessimist when it comes to women, I always find reasons to disqualify them

    4. Maybe it's about time you find reasons to qualify them Oluwa Mayor.
      ..and be an optimist when it comes to women.
      You'll love yourself more once you try.

  9. This post is an eye opener esp for family members that always look for free services

  10. I'm single because HE HASN'T PROPOSED!
    Its a no brainer!

  11. I'm single because ....... chai chineke echefugom ife ncho ikwu *scratches braid*
    PS: Don't ask me for translation biko, get your Igbo language on fleek. *drops mic like Ruthylicious*

    1. lemme help translate "you have forgotten what you wanted to say" aramide made some valid points about the God factor but how many chances will one take?

    2. Chioma, you do not give up!
      That was why I previously stated that we should not be stupid while taking chances so we can always have the mind to try someone else with God by our side.

  12. I don't think being Single is a Choice. It just happens because perhaps ladies have not yet seen "the one". If you find "him" ull b singing a different tune now.
    Do not be afraid to take chances like Anon 2:56 and do not be too calculative/raise the standards too high. Once the basic "check boxes" are ticked, I feel every other thing will fall into place.
    Like Thelma said..irregardless of your status, happiness is very important.

  13. Well all ye singles,enjoy it while it lasts because once you are married, u gat to start thinking about other people besides yourself..... I miss those days when I could cuddle up in bed and don't give an f about anyborry....Maybel u ehn...of cos I know say Momoh na guy....but maybe he just wants to meet a bv in moi.....TNHW

    1. Yetty sweety,I no talk anything

  14. Actually being single can actually be a choice. I chose to for reasons best known to me. No because I haven't seen the right one.

    1. Oh, so you saw the 'right one' but chose otherwise... Lol!

      And some will be praying Angels and Demons for a man.

    2. I understand you, I was single during 3 years because I just didn't want to date anybody. I worked, studied and traveled a lot. I really enjoyed my life. My friends ruffled me with suggestions to find smbd, to use onlide dating sites. once I was bored and I decided to register on few online dating websites such as I clicked on the first profile I liked and started conversation. It turned out she is an interesting person and beautiful woman..We had the great first date. We dated for 7 months. Then we got married. So sometimes you find love when you don't even to do it)

  15. Why am I still single.... I'm coming, lemme ask the gods. Hehehe. Me sef dey wonder.

  16. I'm single because my ex said his father won't allow him marry outside yoruba...After two years of dating. Lol!


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