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As Tears and Fear Turn To Relief and Praises, The Orekoya Mother Comes Under Fire!




  
Last week, before we got into the thick of things at the meeting where I ran into our former maid, my host whom I was meeting in person for the first time, and I, chatted about the goings-on in society, just to get a better feel of each other, I suppose. I told her how our former maid, now her present maid, absconded, and that was how we started talking about the Orekoya boys. The lady, a woman in her early thirties and a mother of three little boys herself, sympathized with Mrs Orekoya but reproved her all the same. Her thoughts; How do you employ a nanny and then the next day you leave her alone with your children and go to work. That is so irresponsible and careless! (I strongly agree). Who does that in these terrible times? The problem with mothers today is GREED! This is simply a case of greed! (Err, I'm not so sure I follow). Yes, why can't she take time off work, or stop working for now and look after her kids? Greed is the problem of women of our generation! They cannot be content with little, everybody wants to live the high life and carry designer bags, to the detriment of their homes! (I quite disagree. People need to make money to care for these children). You disagree? Let me tell you something. My mother was a very career oriented woman, she made a 1st class and was even planning to further her education. She was in the medical field and probably would have become a Minister by now, she worked for the government. But guess what, she quit her job and stayed at home to take care of us. She didn't want any nanny or maid to bring up her children. She opened a small shop beside the house to make a little change and today each one of us is very successful in our fields because of the sacrifices she made! There nothing our mother wants now that we cannot afford to buy for her.
     Thelma let me tell you, there's a popular OAP that was once making almost a million naira monthly. But one day she realized that she was missing everything in her daughter's life. Her first step, her first word, her first solid food, her first haircut, her first day at school, it was the maid that told her all about it. She realized that if something wasn't done she would become a stranger to her child. She quit the job and stayed at home. Later she found a job as a radio presenter and now although she is earning peanuts compared to her former job, she is happy. She is happy and she has time for her family. 


Hmmmm. These line of thoughts have marinaded within me long before I had this conversation. It seems a woman MUST make certain sacrifices. Now back to the Orekoya family, we ALL rejoice that those boys have come home. But, some people have words for the mother. While some people accuse her of carelessness and stark irresponsibility for leaving the kids with a nanny just one day after employment, some suggest that the whole thing might be a scam, and some others call her out for getting a nanny from OLX. I saw some of these comments under a post on Myne Whitman's Facebook page. Read and share your thoughts. 




"I didn't see a tear when the woman was 'pleading' for her children. I hope it wasn't a big scam where the parents were involved. It would be shameful.... even before the children where found, I had my doubts. How does a maid take 3 children out of the house? Including an 11 month oh. Don't they go to creche? Where was the mother? 

I am not working at the moment and my son is on holiday before playgroup resumes. I make sure his safety is my priority. everyone knows that my son cannot go past our gate. Including the gate man. I know I cannot be with him 24/7 apart from the fact that I know his nanny up to her village I just make sure I keep my eyes opened. Where I am not sure, I take them both out with me so madam orekoya should start talking...."



"Well, as I said earlier, things are not always what they seem in naija! Getting a nanny online in this Nigeria of today? Even in the US where everything is possible online, they don't just employ a nanny online, the first thing they do is run a background check on her to be sure she has no criminal records and even at that crime rates still stay on top talkless of Nigeria where no way to check people's background. The whole story looks like a parent who don't care much about their kids if at all, the story actually "happened"."


"She's looking too fresh, for someone who lost 3kids for about a whole week. Kids were just recovered. Where's d pain, worries, emaciated body, from lack of proper feeding. She's looking even more robust & all kinky. As a mother, I honestly don't feel it. Those r not my kids but I shed tears for them these few days. I felt so pained cos it was unimaginable for a parent to lose 3kids in one day.
Do u know what that means. Even while watching d video I felt nothing seeing d mother trying to force out tears while crying for her own kids. An 11month old child could die out there in d hands of kidnappers.. these thots made me weep profusely.. No no noo some things just don't add up.
Whatever is hidden must surely be exposed. I just don't wan2 believe she played us. Buh God You alone knows best.
How can u employ a maid thru OLX today, d very next day u leave her to care for Ur kids d whole day or was it days away from home. Well, d truth will be revealed someday.
My thoughts pls.. do not judge me. I'm a mother & I know exactly what I saw on dat video, & circumstances surrounding dis whole thing, simply is a scam. What happened to all d donations. I just watched d news where d father of d kids didn't even show up to speak on d matter. But will speak later.
Meaning???"



And why is the mother the only one under fire, isn't parenting a function of both parents? Do you agree with these comments? Do share your thoughts. 

Comments

  1. There are many unanswered questions Thelma. Truly. Even me that has no kids will not hire a housekeeper from OLX. but desparation might have led her to it. I avoid agents because i realise many of them dont even know the people they bring to your home.

    Many people also dont like to pay a living wage, i am sorry if someone is caring for your kids, the average n15k to n20k monthly isnt it. Your children are your most valued assets. Its not just enough to test them for stds.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. The children come first. Always. All decisions made should be in their favour.

    I remember while working, I dropped my son off at creche only to discover his nanny had not resumed that morning. I had to make a choice : leave him with the educated gateman and make it early to work or wait for the nanny and go late. I waited for the nanny, got to work late, received a memo on lateness, got half pay for that day, wasn't happy but my mind was at rest.

    God forbid that I left him with the security guy who decides to act on his curiosity on homosexuality, do you think I'd go to work the next day or the day after? I'm sorry everyone is a suspect. I know the useless 'good' uncles that are part of my childhood and I will do my best to protect my children. It's only by God's grace that I scaled through untouched.

    In the Orekoyas case, I won't leave them alone with a help I just employed. She should have looked for a cousin somewhere, a youth in church, her mum, her mum-in-law to stay with the help. At most, take time off work or daycare.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's amazing how a lot of us are so quick to condemn and heap blames when misfortune befalls someone. We are all perfect until we fall victim of same situation, similar or even worse.

    My initial reaction when I first heard about this case was that of anger at the mother; then almost immediately some chances I had taken which could have resulted in chaos had the devil been in the detail came back to my mind and I shut the fuck up.

    I am not saying the woman is blameless. It is irresponsible of anyone to trust someone whose background you have not checked. Even when I place an order for an item online, I prefer to do cash on delivery so as to ascertain the quality, how much more a maid whose hands lives would be placed.

    However, I think people are going too far with the condemnation. It takes more than a mother staying at home with the kids to raise them perfectly. More so, we do not know the structure of the home. There are many homes these days where the wife is the bread winner.

    The fact is, in parenting we take risks - from major to minor. We've heard of school bus being hijacked by kidnappers; school bus driver conniving with ritual killers; a teacher in a church's children department sexually molesting a girl-child; a relative sleeping with an under-aged child of his/her host etc.

    Yes, the Orekoyas failed their children in this regard but these high-level condemnations are the last thing they need now. We should just rejoice with them and hope they make better choices next time.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. F, I can kiss you right now (on the cheek) #nohomo

      My thoughts exactly... and it baffles me that the father does not share in the blame. I just pray they heal fast and people can just shut up and mind their business. Even women that see their children only on Saturdays or Sundays would come and reign insults on this woman that has gone thru a lot already. Like she has not blamed herself enough already. The last commenter was silly and dumb enough to think that this picture was taken after the children were found. Smh...people should just let them be abeg. she has learned her lesson, learn too and move on. Let them heal in peace. Nigerians! I tire.

      Delete
  4. It's easy to condemn the woman for being careless but she wears the shoes and as a result she alone knows where it pinches. I have 2 kids and I do not leave them alone for one minute. I worked in a bank but I quit so I could do business and always be there for my kids. That decision was easy because of the kind of man I married. It may not be so easy for others and I know how desperation can push people to do stupid things. After all said and done thank God they are back home.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I know people make mistakes & all but can I just say this woman isn't ready for motherhood? It's either that or there's something wrong with this issue...

    As for me, I've always known I'll be a Full time housewife till my Last kid is at least 10! Doing my business from home...
    I won't leave my kids with even My Male siblings! I trust my brothers but the Devil tempted & won a perfect pair Adam n eve!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Talk is cheap my dear. Wait till you wear the shoes. Or wait and realize all your dreams before motherhood. Because you have less time and energy to chase your dreams after motherhood.

      Delete
    2. My mum was a stay-at-home mother/wife. Then 10 years down the line, my father died. If I told you some of the things we suffered including living in a room apartment for close to 20 years, you wouldn't believe it.

      -F

      Delete
  6. Ok, so this issue is very sensitive for me as a mother to be, hence my first time comment on any blog. I initially just wanted to read but then going by the whole gist and comments of people i realized most of us are very quick to judge.

    I remember the first time i heard the news and i was telling my hubby how could the mother leave her three kids alone with a new maid just the next day? He immediately shut me up and reminded me of an incident that occurred in december to our own neighbour, they just got a new help through an agent as the old one was travelling to her village for christmas. The maid came in on sunday evening and on monday the wife went to work while husband was home with the new maid and two kids. The hubby then stepped out with the driver to get some stuffs for the house, i wasnt sure he spent 30mins outside only for him to come back and the maid was no where to be found. We didnt have a gateman then. The maid had absconded with some of wife's jewelries, cash in naira and dollars leaving the two kids alone in the house.
    The thing is some of these things has to do with our personalities, some of us are too trusting. some people can so trust to a fault, hence this kind of stories comes up.
    We all have our faults and we should try and improve in these areas of ours. And for some people to say all kind of stuffs that she is still looking fresh, there is no tear, it is scam and all that. You people should fear God o! How can you be this mean to one who is hurting? I pray God wont put you in situations where you will find tears and you wont see or where you would have shed all the tears and all is left are just the inner pains?
    I only pray that God heals their family right now while we all learn one or two things from this incident.
    K
    Thelma o sorry for my long epistle. First time commenting o, hope you ring the bell for me lol... you are doing a good just pls keep it up. i pray for grace to keep commenting hehehehe...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. F, J, K, .... What's gonna be the next letter? Welcome to the comment section of the blog!

      Delete
    2. I can hug u right now K! *anoda fantabulous Comment*

      It's fine jare. Your oga @ the top(in long epistles) has welcomed u already. So it's fine. Lol.

      Welcome on board + we'll love to see more wonderful comments.

      Delete
    3. LOL! @Oga at the top in long epistles. We all enjoy the long epistles anyways.

      Delete
    4. K receive the anointing of continuous commenting! LOL. I'm happy you finally broke your silence, I don't have a bell but I have big squishy e-hugs. 👭😘

      Delete
    5. Welcome on here K! As Thelma has sent you the anointing, do comment more please.

      Delete
  7. Thanks chrisyinks n kabuoy :D I'm encouraged already
    K.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The 6 of them need professional counseling. Not faith based counseling. The oldest child will blame himself for failing his siblings. The separation will affect the other kids' trust in others. Our culture believes only the woman is responsible for the kids. What about the man? Why can't a woman be ambitious in our society? Why can't we co-parent so I can have a career too? They made error of judgment that caused a tectonic shift in their lives. A lot of homes need two incomes to get by. What if the mother cannot afford not to work? What if the father were home and the woman just sneaked out with them. Will it still be the mother's fault? Why can't Nigerian men help out? Why can't we work from home? The maid has four kids. Her face is splashed everywhere. How will her own kids feel? Three kids are reunited with their parents. But four kids have lost their parents, uncle and grandmother. Their lives too have undergone a tectonic shift. They will now be called children of kidnappers. Their mother has been tortured by the police. She's bruised and limping.

    Mallama

    ReplyDelete
  9. It's easy to say "quit your job and start up a business" or some other such easier said than done advice. People forget that not everyone is cut out for business/trading. Some people are just white collar job material.
    F and K pretty much summed it up for me! No sane woman deliberately puts her own children at risk. Our lives are different realities, and expecting another person's choices to reflect what is obtainable in yours is the first step at veering into delusions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you jare Buby. I had this argument with my boss yesterday. he kept contradicting himself... saying women should work but should also make sacrifices for their children by quitting their job. *confused face* i'm like????? the woman made a mistake...like u said. "No sane woman deliberately puts her own children at risk" so because of her mistake, all women should quit their jobs and become stay home moms. and if the man of the house loses his job or dies... what happens then?
      i just tire for all of them jare. not everyone can/would do business... your last sentence sums it all up my sister! oya chop kiss too! :*

      Delete
    2. Lol! I follow you tire Kabuoy. Chopping the kiss as my very straight self can swallow. *Wink

      Delete
  10. Life is so full of uncertainties...the same road you used to ply and its smooth driving all the way can just get traffick crazy the next! Did you know it would turn out that way? No! Lets just pray for the kids and the family as a whole, Psychologically, the children would definitely be traumatised and the scandal of blame throwing at the mother won't help at all.....in Nigerian everyone who is a spectator always has a better way the matter would have been addressed....'if say na me, I for.....' if say na you, wetin you for do?....Abegi......and for quitting ones job becos of the children, when you enter marriage and yours allows it but if the situation surrounding your home doesn't nko.......may God continue to keep us and our loved ones and help us make the right the decisions always....welcome K....#JoyDaNuGirl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. how many people will i kiss today?!

      Joy oya take your own :*

      Mallama ;*

      Delete

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