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Dear Thelma (Should I Hire My Friend As My Domestic Staff?)

Please help me post this, I need opinions. My son is almost two years old and I'm having another baby at the end of this year in the US. My family is in Nigeria and my husband may not be able to come because of work. I will need help with the kids when I travel so we already plan that I will go with my househelp to work as my nanny. They brought her for me from the village and staying with me is her first time in Lagos. I'm about to get her passport and apply for her visa but I was randomly chatting with my former classmate who's also a good friend two days ago and I mentioned my itinerary to her and how I needed to go to immigration office and get the passport. Later that day she sent me a text and asked if she could go with me instead of my maid. She said she has experience with children and she understands that her role will be as my nanny and not friend. I really want to say yes as I won't lose anything, I will have to do her passport and visa but I am already planning to do for my maid. But the question is is it really advisable? I asked my husband and he said that the choice is mine. What do you think is wiser and if I have to tell my friend no, how should I say it? Please help me out here, should I just go with my maid whom I know I can give orders when it is necessary or agree to take my friend along?


  1. Quietly try and get your help a passport and visa first. If you can get the maid an actual visa, simply tell your friend your husband felt more comfortable with the maid. That way she is less likely to confront you. If your maid doesnt get the visa, your friend can be your last option. I know American visas are harder to get for a lot of people than any other visas. So have two options. And if none clicks, do yourself a favor and hire a nanny when you get to the states.

    1. Seconded. Please poster follow miss pynk's advice

    2. Seconded. Please poster follow miss pynk's advice

    3. It is tricky oh,I would even advice that u get a nanny in the states to avoid stories that touch,how do u guarante that the maid won't play pranks and find her way putting u in trouble?

    4. Annon i didnt want to give her the straightforward answer of hiring a nanny in america. Let her nanny here first get a visa. Intentions are grand, reality is what determines what happens.

      Somehow i dont expect the American Embassy will give a virgin passport a visa just like that especially when they do interviews unlike the UK and others.

    5. Diplomatic ms Pynk

  2. Do not hire your friend if you want to be happy. Remember that you cannot girl your friend orders like your maid. Also she too will want to explore "Amrica" and go out and all sorts. It is not advisable to me sha.

  3. Please for the sake of your friendship and sanity take your maid who you can give others anytime anyday

  4. Don't hire your friend. She will abandon you to go sightseeing. The maid, do you know her history? Down to her grandfather's grave in the village? Reason being, if she absconds, who will be held responsible? A lot of them do this. What if she reports you to the authorities for enslaving her? Investigate the maid's background. You're not going to Ghana. In the U.S, by the time they find you are innocent, a lot of damage would have been done. Some people can't go to the UK or US because nanny reported them as enslaving her. And some just disappear when the genie (which is you) granted their wish to travel to America. Plan well. Plan for these contingencies.


    1. Gbam go to care .com get a nanny

    2. @ Mallama Seconded, thirded, fourthed

    3. LMAO @ "down to her grand father's grave in the village". I agree with Mallama. J

    4. Chei ' down to her grand father's grave in her village;. Na wa, some people mouth sha (Lol).
      Good advise from Mallama.

  5. I'll advice u get a nanny in the states. Biko don't take your friend..things r bound to go wrong. Tell ur friend ur hubby prefers a nanny so she won't feel bad. Case closed.

  6. Do. NOT, I repeat, DO NOT take your friend.

    The natural state of things will eventually happen. It's A Given. She will change. Not because she wants to hurt you intentionally or be ungrateful but because other doors will open up for her one way or the other and she definitely will take them.

    that's just the way it is.

  7. Hiring a maid in the US isn't gonna be easy. The logistics aren't as easy that.
    I wld say go with ur friend since she says she has experience with kids as opposed going with a village nanny just because u wanna be able to "boss her around".
    People are not comfortable with live-in helps in Nig how much one in another country. Anyone she hires obviously knows she wld be going to America and wld hv had her head filled by her relatives on what and how to escape from there.
    I'll be truthful. Go with ur friend. Why?
    1) Trust
    2) Experience with kids
    3) she's gonna be the closet to family since ur hubby wldnt be there with u

    1. Gbam... Friend all the way. That way you have company and a chatty partner, America can be boring if much friends, family or lover ain't there

    2. If it gets down just manage for the few months,its different when ur friend pays her way and decides to help than when u pay,u have expectations at the end of the day its ur choice.

    3. I think we need to look beyond being a "boss around boss". There are a number of people who I knw have their friends work with them. They even pay their friend. Makeup artists,tailors,salons are usually patronized by friends of these people based on their trust. Most daycare and creche are also patronized by friends and friends of friends of the owners of the skl based on the trust.
      My point is,friends can work together as long as the friend truly wants to work for her friend. U don't need to boss ur employee around to be sure of getting desired result. Take ur friend! She got ur back...

  8. Go with ur friend if u trust her....I don't know what kind of friendship ppl keep nowadays for this to even be a topic of discussion.....

  9. You're sure your maid won't 'find her way' when she gets there?
    You're sure she doesn't know about filing complaints and all?

    Is your friend one who's forthcoming with help, or she saw 'America opportunity' and wants to jump at it?
    Is she one you're sure would give needed attention and care?
    Since you're sure you would need to 'give orders' does she she can take orders and do them- you being her friend.

    Anyway, if you choose your friend, take your maid to stay with your family. Don't leave her in your home till you get back.

  10. i fink u sld get a maid in the US no matter how difficult it is u can even make enquiries about how to go about it at the embassy..... ur friend will see u everyday and know the secret of ur life can u trust her to know your story and not use it against u.... yoruba people say friendship is more cherished a far off...... i fink for u to be confused sef means u dont trust ur friend for some reasons.... because within ur sef u know that der are some of ur friends that if the suggested it u will jump at the offer but for u to question her request somefink wrong somewhere....... d maid from d village can get to obodo oyinbo and change o..... pls think about it and pray about it too.... the Almighty God will direct ur steps and safe trip and delivery in Jesus Mighty name...


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