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Dear Thelma...




Tee I need somebody to knock sense into my head please. See ehn last year I had a very nasty breakup wit my ex, like our families got involved 'n everthing. I found out dat he was cheating on me and in fact that he was engaged n they had even done introduction. I was so heartbroken n also very angry, that goat was the luv of my life but he treated me like that. I thought I would never forgive him and I cursed him senseless. But as God would have it just few weeks after our breakup I started missing him even tho I was still very angry. He called me to say that he was sorry n that is how everything started again. I started sleeping him again n imagine me goin from girlfriend to side chic. I knew he was getting married n everytime I would tell myself that it is the last time, but the next week I will be with him again. Then I said I will stop when they do the wedding n get married. T they got married this year n I stood by my word but last week I fell. This is the 1st time am sleeping with a married man and iq hate myself because it is so wrong n I always swear it is something dat i would never never do. After that night I cried myself till I slept but I don't think I can stop seeing him, last nyte he came to my house n spent the night. Even my family don't know that I am still talking to him because they were involved when we broke up n my siblings r still very angry with him, esp my brothers so u can imagine how they will feel if they hear this. I think am addicted to my ex because I don't think I still love him after everthing he did to me, but I can't stop seeing him. Other guys have asked me out but I am not interested in any other person. I am not a homewrecker but I cannot forget abt him. T pls help me ask because I know I am not the only person that is in this kind of situation, how can I stop it.

Comments

  1. I kind of missed the part where you'd say you didn't have a choice? You always have a choice and you alone can choose what path you want to tow. From your story, you haven't been making the right choices.

    Stop deluding yourself with the idea that you aren't the only person in this kind of situation - whether you are or aren't, you have made a largely wrong choice. You think he loves you better than his wife right? Well consider his track record as a promiscous and unfaithful boyfriend, an irresponsible person, a philandering husband. That is the lot that is likely to befall you if he divorces his current wife for you. The change lies with you.

    If we allowed our hearts solely to guide us, we would be living in a riotous and fickle life. That is why commitments are made by our words directed largely by our brains. It is time to use your brain and not what you feel or your emotions. And yes, this choice you have made effectively makes you a homewrecker.

    If you want to stop it, there are a number of steps you can take - stop all communication with him (physical, online, phones, chats, calls, by proxy), get busy with something time consuming (church, voluntary activities, professional/academic courses, outdoor social activities etc), get a trusted friend to help see you through this phase who could double as an accountability partner, find God.

    Worthy of note is that you should objectively outline all his pros/attractive features. This could provide inside into your desired 'check-boxes'. This could serve as what you should look for in guys that are interested in you (it'd speed up the process of securing a significant other). And No, you aren't addicted to him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tried to find something else to add but you've said it all...

      Delete
    2. It's hard to make another relevant point without repeating your points.
      Dear poster, please don't sleep with him again, no matter what. You can start with wiping his contact now

      It's enough strength to admit your weakness ... you'll overcome this dear

      Delete
    3. @chrisyinks you said it all.

      Delete
  2. Let me give you the quickest method of getting over someone. Delete him from your life, phone numbers,whatsapp,facebook etc. It seems cold but it works like magic,sometimes you will crave him so much it would almost be like an addiction, resist him. Stop isolating yourself from others,go out out with friends,make new ones, cry when the feeling comes, if you feel like talking to him, write an email of your thoughts and delete it. Slowly but surely. Your head will come back to normal. Lastly tie your legs and pretend to be a mermaid, this guy showed you he doesn't value you enough to marry you and yet you give him your pride. Think about it when next your tempted and yes have someone you give account to that can monitor and advice you. Sorry for the epistle.Hope this helps

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Huge hugs for Chioma and Chris.

      Dear poster, heed their advise.
      That contact wiping thing works like magic. Just think of how he's using you and how you are not good enough to marry but good enough for shagging and how many hot guys you have turned down for this man who will never marry you. Delete his contacts in the wave of anger that follows, works like a charm!

      Please please please appreciate yourself and know what you are worth. You are most definitely better than a side chick. You are much smarter than that and you deserve better. His wife also deserves better. Please stay away from him.

      Delete
  3. Chai Chris has already outlined my thoughts,just saw it,nice one

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nice one. Chris and Chioma. The sad part is that. This guy played you till the end and he is still eating his cake and so having it.

    Please stop the "addiction" and heal yourself. You can't be eating the crumbs he has to offer. You are the daughter of a KING.

    You can't settle for less my dear, you are better than this.

    Make your self accountable to someone and if you really need help, make that someone your Mother.

    If she is like mine, she will back it up with prayers and even embarrass you on top the matter. (LoL)

    all the best

    ReplyDelete
  5. U really need dat knock on ya head.... mscheeewws

    ReplyDelete
  6. What more can I say??
    If the words of the elders(Chris and Chioma) haven't knocked sense into your head yet. Please read them over and over till your head is severely knocked out

    ReplyDelete
  7. Girl,u need to travel. If ur not working,pack up somethings and travel for a week or so...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sasha am with u... U don't need to force anything, cut every communication and travel, dts all. Just take ur time and 'mourn' him den come bak with a new life and a fresh start.

      Delete
  8. I feel there is something missing out which I need to clear from you poster.

    Pls I need to know if you are still seeing him because of some financial gains or "emotional " attachment ? I asked because I know of ladies sleeping with their Ex' because of the money they(milk for serious investment) get from him( well I think their men feel smart but the reverse is the case really) , sad but money must be made.

    If the money is the case, can you overlook? I mean say to hell with his money and not miss any of it? Only you can answer this.
    If it's the acclaimed "emotional" crap, nne hapu that thing biko...just fall out sharply because if you meant much to him, he would have wifed you, but you see... He chose her over you, NO HOPE.
    Don't let that selfish/manipulative man eat his cake and have it...are you a learner? Be responsible for whom you let into your life, don't blame it on love.

    Bia, are you sure it's not his sex techniques( Christian grey things) ? If yes, burst him, someone with more skills will come.

    That said, if you really need counsel- then work with Chrisyink's directives, a fun trip with friends could help too. Takia of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! Your comment though!

      Please poster, you see everyone agrees you're just short changing yourself with the man.
      Yes, you feel craay without him, but you'd feel worse if you let it go on further.

      Just try harder to let go. Not like it'd be easy, but it'd be worth it...youd feel less bad about yourself being with a married man, you'd gloat from the shocker he'd get knowing he'd frantically try to get a piece again, but then you've put him in his place- down low outta your life!

      Sorry about how you feel.

      Delete
    2. LOL! Ibo girl

      Delete
    3. Poster you are needed here, are you in it for the money. first time comment. Shout out to Ruth and kabouy.

      Delete
    4. LOL. Only girl kwa. Am I a hermaphrodite? Better change this name to something Sexy oh. There are eligible bachelors on this blog...
      #Hugs

      Delete
    5. Shout out to you too jare only girl... you must get lots of attention yeah? being the "only girl" lol! You're welcome jare! Keep commenting o!

      Loool! @ Ruthy! You can't change I swear!

      Delete
    6. dis is so sad,dat he is stl playing u afta he had played u.I agree wt sasha,del his contact nd travel 4 a while.it rily works wonders.nd also seek spiritual help(prayers).it is well.

      Delete
  9. Read ur story urself and see for urself hw u are cheating on urself, u ll be amazed urself

    ReplyDelete
  10. Poster biko listen to all the advice given above, it may seem hard but slowly and surely ull overcome him. You deserve better than being with a man who doesn't value you enough to wife you, so stop short-changing yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Are u trash? If yes keep at what you are doing, if not stop being a damn doormat. If you dont think you are awesome and worth more, why should someone else? Give yourself some brain, rent it, borrow it etc. Just do something else with your life. He had the chance to chose you, he chose someone else, stop being silly and get with the program. Move on.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good one Pynk, she needs a hardwire reset. That man really knows her mumu button

      Delete
  12. i will like to share my testimony to you all.i just got married to my husband about a year ago we start having problems at home like we stop sleeping on the same bed,fighting about little things he always comes home late at night,drinking too much and sleeping with other women out side.i have never love any man in my life except him.he is the father of my children and i don't want to loose him because we have worked so hard together to become what we are and have today.few month ago he now decided to live me and the kid,being a single mother can be hard sometimes and so i have nobody to turn to and i was heart broken.i called my mom and explain every thing to her,my mother told me about Dr Jatto how he helped her solve the problem between her and my dad i was surprise about it because they have been without each other for three and a half years and it was like a miracle how they came back to each other.i was directed to Dr Jatto and explain everything to him,so he promise me not to worry that he will cast a spell and make things come back to how we where so much in love again and that it was another female spirit that was controlling my husband.he told me that my problem will be solved within two days if i believe i said OK.So he cast a spell for me and after two days my love came back asking me to forgive him.i Am so happy now. so that why i decided to share my experience with every body that have such problem contact him email. drjattosplltemple@gmail.com or call him on his number 09035512062

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It hurts when I start reading ur comment,thinking it relates to the post and it turns out to be this BS again!

      Delete
  13. Dear Poster, nobody can help you except yourself. So, make up your mind on what you want; an ex who left with her head held high or a main chic turned side-chic?

    ReplyDelete
  14. You really can't beat the food at this place; they have the best vegetarian meals and the most adorable dishes for the kids. The service at events in New York also was impeccable. The salad I had for dinner was delicious as well as the scallop appetizer. The main course of filet mignon and dessert soufflé was also awesome!

    ReplyDelete

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