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God Did Not Intend For Women To Make The First Move - Ocheze.

When it comes to dating,mating and relating no one seems to know what to do anymore. The relationship game has become a free-for-all, with everyone playing it by ear. The results are generally miserable,but no one knows what else to do so they continue playing the same game and blaming any failure on the other person. I believe the entire problem boils down to one simple observation: Women, in their desperation to have someone in their lives, have forfeited their power and have become frustrated victims in affairs of the heart.

You've heard all "the rules" before, girls don't call boys,don't buy them presents, play hard to get and so on ....Your mother crammed them into your head as you headed out the door to high school. You thought they were old fashioned then, and you most certainly think they are antiquated now. After all this is the twenty first century,isn't it? Well, you won't get an "amen" out of me. Mama is right!

When God made woman He also designed how He wanted her to be treated. Very carefully. Like a precious glass sculpture. It was never His intention for women's hearts to be jostled around the way they have been. He created women to be protected,loved and cared for. Why would Clark ask for Thelma's number and not call? If he really cares he would call, he would call the minute he enters his car or lays on his bed to get some rest. My darling Nwando don't call. If you do, then get ready to be making the first move as long as it lasts. "Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do" proverbs 4:23NKJV 

-My friend and blog reader mailed this to me, inspired by a McKinney Hammond book she read. I love the message it contains, I find it beautiful and virtuos. But, I have a few questions to ask, which I wanted to ask months ago when I read the book (I'm certain) inspired Ocheze's submission. It's along the lines of He who finds a wife. Meaning that making the first move as a woman is an absolute NO-NO, that's not God's plan for his daughters; women do not find, they are found. 

But I wonder, what about those who made the first move? We all know that happy couple who says that she made the first move. What about those?

And does it really follow that because a lady was the one to initiate the relationship she'll always be somewhat taken for granted, and the man would be laid-back and leave her to do all the (emotional) work in the relationship? 


  1. I didn't have the chance to comment on that post cos apparently he eventually texted but if I were, I'd advise that you should never call him when he hasn't called yet(specifically him). You think he didn't know you liked him when you saw him? Most times, guys love to test a Lady's resolve to know how to deal with her.

    I'm glad he didn't wait for long(most times they do) before texting cos he may have been scared he might lose you in the process.

    But on a general note, I do not support the notion that a lady can't make a 'first move'. But 'second move' must be reserved for the guy and the guy only.

  2. A lady who makes the 1st move will not always be taken for granted and left to bear all the emotional work in the relationship but I support your friend woman are meant to be found

  3. I totally disagree. If Ocheze is telling us GOD did not intend for this to happen by a woman, then how do we explain the case of Ruth and Boaz? Even if we're to go along the line of "He who finds a wife", it doesn't necessarily mean the man made the first move. He can find her if she starts a convo.

    There're a lot of women today who are married to men they approached. It's not a taboo. The only reason why mothers (or anyone for that matter) would advise girls to guard their hearts/dignities/play hard to get is because women are generally fragile at heart and much more emotional than men, so any rejection could break them down immensely. But if you're strong willed and are sure of yourself, why not make the first move?

    Also, "making the first move" also means knowingly making yourself available for a relationship through body language. How long have women been *guilty* of this?

    "...My darling Nwando don't call. If you do, then get ready to be making the first move as long as it lasts..." Kilode? LOL. Biko Thelma is matured enough to know that the first call from her (if she had been the one to make the call) is enough. Other major calls MUST come from him.

  4. Memphis dear, let's talk about Ruth. Remember how Boaz was checking out Ruth from afar and she didn't have a clue? She was too busy gathering food. No mi had to sit her down and say, "You better take another look at this man." You know the rest of the story, and if you don't, you should definitely read it. Ruth didn't sit around whining about Boaz.

    1. She got on with her life and love intercepted her. Her hands were completely open, and that put her in the position to receive.

    2. Lol. Ocheze. Boaz was checking her out. That's not the same as making the first move na. She was the one (after encouragement from Naomi) who went and laid at the foot of his bed, to his amazement by the way. Now that's a determined lady! Haha.

    3. Memphis oooo! Loool @ Ruth and Boaz. Smh!!!! Chapter 3 yeah... o ga o. So thelma is Ruth now okwaya? Abeg jare. I'm with Ocheze on this one. I'm sure if she said men should be the ones cooking, washing and cleaning cuz it's too strainous for the women, all of you would come out and argue. Maybe you'll even quote Provs 31 to back up ur claim and remind us how our mothers did all the work back then and didn't complain. Tell us how lazy we've become. But now that it is about us(women) making things easy for u... u pull out Ruth and Boaz. lool. Smh!!!!

      I reiterate... our generation is gradually turning everything upside down... I'm patiently waiting for the day men would be the ones to carry the babies and the women would order them around. that would be fun to watch. Let us kukuma get there since we are becoming the "men" these days.

    4. Kabuoy, you sef I used Ruth and Boaz because the title somehow implied that GOD was not in agreement with women making the first move. Oya, let us leave them and really ask ourselves if it's repulsive in anyway. One good example is Bishop Mike Okonkwo of TREM and his wife. Was it in anyway *upside down* for her to make the first move that has resulted in a blissful marriage so far? Even I wouldn't want women making the first move simply because of their emotional nature, but if they can cope with possible rejection, by all means...

  5. Forget Logic... A man who truly 'wants to' and is not a coward will def call.

    If he looses his phone d next minute, he goes bak to the Spar and bribe dem for ur number which myt have been on the receipt or ur full name and look it up on fcbk or that seller who might know u well.

    However it doesn't mean that the lady who makes the first call is doomed neither does it determine how u'd be treated in the rship but bottom line... IT SURE DOES MATTER, VERY WELL for what its worth!!! If not, we wouldn't even be debating it on the blog!

    1. It would only matter if Thelma had made the first move and taken the load of the communication upon herself from there as Ocheze implied. And I seriously doubt anyone would advise her to do so.

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  7. I think a lady shld knw when to make the 1st move and when to make moves that wld sustain the conversation and r/ship...

  8. In most cases they are. The men will actually cooperate with you for a time as long as it's convenient for them. But eventually they meet a greater challenge that intrigues them, and they come up with some smooth way to slither out of the picture. Men reverence that which is hard-earned.

    1. I think there was a post sometime ago about how a lady should be so worthy and valued that her partner cannot afford to lose her by sleeping around or simply taking up a 'greater challenge'.

      If a man takes up a 'greater challenge' when with you, it means you are not challenging. And by the way, the challenge isn't the 'chasing' but the 'keeping' of the relationship.

      Anyways, women should just reevaluate their thought process and stop thinking their 'worth' is just abt trying to make the 'chase' the challenge.

    2. A good number of times, it's in the chase and others follow. but then again.. what do I know? I'm not a man.

      I have to agree with your last paragraph tho.

  9. It's not a crime if d lady makes the first move, but along the line wisdom should be applied. I hv a friend who made the first move and she's happily married..her hubby treats her like an egg. It varies though, what works for A will not work for B. Wisdom is profitable to direct.
    Honestly, imo a man goes after what he really wants. If he takes a while to communicate and d comms level doesn't flow, I believe that's a sign that he's not really into you.

  10. All this long story. You can approach a man. Say hi, make the first move. If dude is receptive he will follow through. Just maintain your dignity through it all. The key lesson for women is to maintain their dignity.

    1. Fourthed"

      Maintaining dignity and reputation is paramount in every thing we do, think or say.

      However I would make a ruse if I fail to state that "in the beginning She making the first move was not so"

    2. Well said miss pynk

  11. Oh sh*t! Been listening to "black widow" by iggy and rita ora all day and all I can think of's PAYBACK time boy! You sure gon' pay. I've been too nice,too too nice. Why are the nice/good ones taken for granted? I've been too nice!

    P.s: don't come at me with the "vengeance is the lord's" talk pls


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Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
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One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


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Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
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I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

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Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.