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How Much Say Should Your Friend Have In Your Relationship?





Do you think it is overstepping for a "bestie" to feel she has to approve of your relationship? Is she within her 'girl code' rights to feel she must protect you from "wrong choices"?

"My girlfriend and I have been close for 17 years. We've done things together. Lived together, helped each other through school and break ups. She was by myside day and night when I lost my mom and I couldn't ask for a better friend. She is supportive and I love her. I have been with my partner now for a little over a year and my bestie doesn't "approve" of him. He is a little flashy and likes to spend money but I don't feel like his bad habits can't be outgrown. He cheated on me with someone she knew and we split up for about 2 months but she feels I should never have taken him back. She makes it clear that I have made the wrong choice and makes herself unavailable before any utterance of a "let's ALL hang out". She is blatantly expressive about her disapproval and feels no need to camouflage it. I on the other hand do not always welcome a sarcastic remark about my partner or my choices so it puts us at odds. I know she loves me deeply and is protective BUT is she going too far by saying "he is a hopeless choice for you and he doesn't deserve you. You will suffer if you marry him" He is kind and hard working and I like that about him plus I can't help how i feel to appease my friend."

How much input should a girlfriend have in your relationship? We all have ride or die #chicks but is it going too far by her being too opinionated about your life partner or is she a good friend by making you aware of her feelings incase anything hits the fan (as she will expect) what do you make of it? Bad Belle? Should she keep a filter? #girlfriends#Shedontlikeyourman #relationships #friends #supportivefriends

***
Tuesday #chickchat with @conniegirlswag


This is so close to home. I've been that friend, I wasn't as opinionated nor took it as personal as to stop hanging with her, but I was just as clear about my feelings about him and the entire relationship. She went ahead to marry and from Day 1 it's been complaints, tears and frustration. On days when I get tired of sympathizing I roll my eyes and mutter I told you so under my breath. 
      It wasn't coming from a bad place, only a place of love and concern. But there were days I wondered if I was so opposed to him because I was just jealous of her getting married and leaving me single, or because I feared that I might lose our friendship if she gets married...



Anyhoo, Connie asks; We all have ride or die #chicks but is it going too far by her being too opinionated about your life partner or is she a good friend by making you aware of her feelings incase anything hits the fan (as she will expect) what do you make of it? Bad Belle? Should she keep a filter?

Comments

  1. As a friend having your Bestie interest at heart isn't a bad thing
    If I dnt like My bestie's man I will be sure to tell her how I feel about the relationship but I won't take it too personal as to not hanging out and all
    The point of you guys being besties is to say the truth no matter how much it hurts
    I don't see it as badbelle one bit as far as its coming from a place of love and concern
    And there's no need calling the guy names and all just make your point and shut up

    ReplyDelete
  2. I will tell a very good friend if I don't approve of her boyfriend. When love is involved, I choose my words carefully so not to hurt the very person I'm trying to protect from getting hurt. I have to care about you sooooo much to tell in the first place.

    I will try to be cordial with the boyfriend when she is around but if I meet him anywhere else , he will know with no doubts that he is disliked. Yes,I will try and dodge from hanging out as much as I can. Have you met those kind of boyfriends that disrespect your friends and talk to them anyhow? It's a pain so I keep off. J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly what I would do.

      Delete
    2. Or the arrogant kind that turn up their nose and act like they're all that... hanging out is quite an ordeal.
      True talk J.

      Delete
  3. I Know this is off topic but guys i need your help, I have been in an on and off relationship with my man, he cheated, i was emotionally unavailable and the list is endless. But in all of this i know we both care about each other. There's this girl he's been with in the last 6 months we were'nt together and he says they are just friends but I know better. I on the other hand havent been seeing anyone. Now we are trying to make things better and get married, All the while he was away i missed him but now im scared, will this work, will he keep cheating, will he love and respect me as before. I am not going to contact the other girl. But it makes me unhappy because when i cant get him i am thinking he is with her, He mentioned she's very cheerful while im rigid. I have tried to be more outspoken. I checked the girl out on instagram and she is hot, Should i send her a polite message to back off. I know that i am loveable, not scared of being alone and in as much as i want this to work becuase im sure i love him. What do i do, What what what? He isnt so much of a talker so i dont want to come across as a nag. Today he asked me if i was seeing anyone because he noticed somethings but wouldnt say what and i said No. How do we talk about this side chics and how do i explain i want to be loved. Thelma please dont delete this post and i need solid response. Is it ok to marry a man who haas cheated n hurt you but says he's ready to change. I dont want to live in hell.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster has he really changed? Can you get over the fact that he cheated? Can you accept that the babe was hot, but he has chosen you? Are you emotionally secure in yourself? Answer these questions honestly and you will get the clarity you need. Do not agree to a marriage unless you can answer these questions truthfully. Marriage doesnt fix how we feel, it only amplifies whatever we feel be them good or bad.

      www.pynk360.com

      Delete
    2. Helpless chic can you get over the fact that he cheated in you already? If yes then marry him. If No? Have a rethink

      Pls why do you want to confront the "hot girl" untop what kwanu? You should be busy planning your wedding or searching for a new boo.
      E-hugs

      Delete
    3. Thank you guys your comment really helped, How do i ask him to cut off communication with her without coming off as insecure moreso her birthday is coming up.

      Delete
  4. Its fine to express your opiniom on your friend's partner. However there is a limit. Do it respectfully and keep your mouth shut after that. If not you will end up backing the said friend into a corner in terms of picking you or her partner.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've been friends with my bestie since December 2002. From the moment he started getting serious with a girlfriend in 2012 (she's his wife right now), I and my ex objected to it 'cause she has fair weather, materialistic, controlling and selfish written all over her. We never got along because I know my friend and I knew she isn't the best for him.

    Fast forward to September 2013, he proposed to her and they had their Introduction slated for October 2013 and the wedding sometime in 2014 (they got married in September). I was very sad for him but I was involved in everything for the introduction, engagement and I was his best man at the wedding proper. It didn’t feel right but our friendship was more important than a clash of opinions (even if they had life altering consequences). Sadly, all of the events above showed all the signs of the things I feared as my friend and his wife bickered through them and I had to step in as mediator during the engagement and wedding on issues they should have addressed themselves.

    Some weeks after their wedding, they visited me for a weekend and it was major bickering all through. I saw no romance, chemistry or desire for peaceful coexistence between them. It was a long weekend and I sighed with relief when they left.

    Believe me, it’s been tales of woes from my friend since they got married. She’s always reporting him to her mum and siblings; always complaining about money and a lot of other issues – they’re just making each other miserable. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been sad tales if he just listened to me and dodged that bullet. I really hoped to be wrong about their relationship but sadly I’m right.

    K.O.H.

    ReplyDelete
  6. As a friend,its ur place and duty to let ur friend knw how u feel but it's not ur place to force ur friend to take ur opinion. They are the ones to see for themselves and judge for themselves.
    I donno but I always see the good in people so I wld want my friends to tell me the things I don't see but my stubbornness might not make me agree with them cos I kinna like to experience things for myself...

    ReplyDelete
  7. I would tell my friend what i think and be very respectful about it but he/she has to be a very very very good & close friend before i can even open my mouth to tell them such stuff and I'd avoid outings that such partner is included in cos my kind of person likes to gist and joke around and if someone i dont like or cant stand is anywhere around it'll just be frustrating.

    Also, I think that if more than 3 people tell you that one person is bad, then all of them can't be haters/crazy. You have to step back and try to see things from their perspective.

    ReplyDelete

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