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How To Change a Man.

Good morning gorgeous people! And for those not in this time zone, Hello gorgeous people! I've got a wing girl called Marni. Occasionally she sends me emails and some times I just yawn my way through, not because they're no good, but because the dating scene over here is so different from what's applicable in the USA. So most times I read simply for amusement or to have a good eye-rolling session. But on a few occasions she sends me things that I can actually relate to. I thought someone might benefit from it.

Hello Thelma,

I love my husband...

BUT, there are certainly a few things that I would like to change about him. Ha.

And I'm sure you've had the same thoughts about the man in your life or about men you've dated in the past.

So I'm going to tell you my trick for getting a man to change!!!

To be honest, it's not so much a trick but rather a course of action that works.

This morning I got an email from a woman that I'll refer to as A.

I won't share the entire email but what A was asking me about was an on again, off again relationship that she'd been having for the past several years. That is currently OFF again.

She and her ex have so much shared history together and she's always wanted commitment from him i.e. Marriage, living together....

Basically anything that shows he's remotely invested in her and their child. But this dude never seems to take action and seems to come up with a ton of selfish excuses.

RED FLAG NOTE: Men who do not take action will almost NEVER take action. If you start to notice this in the beginning of dating GET OUT!

A's big question to me was is she right in thinking that after all these years with this man that there is no future with this man?


Is it right of her to try dating other men right now??

I wanted to share my response JUST IN CASE you are experiencing similar thoughts and questions.

Here is my response to A and my little trick for how to change a man!


I don't want to say that there is no future with this man BUT there is no future with him if you keeping waiting around for him to be the man you want him to be WITHOUT taking action. 

He won't resort to action UNLESS there is a reason for action. 

See, how men work is that they are single focused. Which means they only focus on 1 thing at a time...

Unlike women who are phenomenal multi-taskers.

Men have a mental list of items that need to be accomplished, either in their mind or literally on a piece of paper.

1. Hang pictures

2. Scratch butt

3. Make wife happy

You get the point ;-)

Men mentally put things on this "list" in order of priority.

How the list works is that high level items that need immediate attention go to the top of the list.  

And lower priority items hover around the bottom UNLESS there is a need to bump it's position.

IF you stick around and wait for this man, taking no action accept waiting...

Then there is no incentive for your man to ACT! 

And marrying you, being there for you and taking action won't bump up to the top of his list.  

The thing is that men don't make these list to  be cruel.

They do it to be efficient. 

I'm not saying that this is going on with your guy. He may just never want to fully commit BUT the only way to find out and potentially see some action...


And by action, I mean start living your life for you instead of waiting for him.

You can ever be very direct and tell him that this is what you are going to do and stick with it. 

Here's how you can say it:

"What I want is for us to be together and what I need from you is X,Y, Z.  If you can't do that right now then I have to end things as they are now. I can't wait anymore and I have to live my life.  

IF you change your mind and are ready to work with me, let me know and I'll see where I am at and if I still want what I want now."

Clear, direct and specific. Specificity with men is super important.  That's what the XYZ was for. To tell him what you need from him. 

Then you have to live what you said and let go.  

You can't do this with the motive of getting him to do what you want or it won't work because you'll eventually just settle with no action and go back to him. 

This will work 100% because either way you'll win.

Either you'll get him to take action OR your action will open the door for tons more opportunities.


I love the way she ended her mail, either you'll get him to take action or your action will open the door for tons more opportunities. "Tons more opportunities", now doesn't that sound awesome?!

And also; Specificity is key. I think this is important, not just with men but with everyone we have social interactions with. 

...As you may or may not know, I didn't get any sleep last night and on days I'm sleep deprived, I go into copy and paste mode. My mind becomes very constipated and my fingers, too stiff to move. So... Unless I see something interesting to copy and paste (LOL) I'll be MIA until I'm able to get some shut eye. Muahhh!


  1. Pls, get some sleep. Good morning, dear.
    However this your description of copy and paste mode..... :)

    1. Sleep ke? On a Wednesday morning? I wish I could. I Left home an hour ago.

  2. "And by action, I mean start living your life for you instead of waiting for him"

    I love this......


  3. Start living your life honestly o! Hmm!
    Not secretly waiting/stalling for him to back to your life!

  4. Its obvious the man is only thinking of himself and its very possible that he doesn't see any reason to buy the cow since he's already getting the milk f.o.c. It is essential for the lady in question to change the game and give him a reason to want to make future plans with her.

  5. Hahahaha! 'Scratching of butt' had to make it to the list because?... I just love the subtle humour in some writings..
    Meanwhile I kinda relate with the single focus thing, I see it in my uncles and male friends which is y I always tell my friends that care to listen that a 'ready' man is a 'ready' man and will do anything to get what he wants when he is 'ready'. What matters most is who is there when he is ready and not who has been there for centuries. Av had two 'chykers' tell me to please be their girlfriends and neva look bak so they would know that 'wifey' issue is settled and then they can focus on being accomplished career wise and den come formally for my hand in marriage when they have 'hammered'!!! #na so! Since we were being specific, I said no my dear, u could go ahead with ur life while I do so too, whenever u feel u have 'hammered' or ready for something serious with me, u could look for me and if am still available and 'ready', fine, if am not, fine... I guess, because first of all, am in a good place emotionally with little or no need for relationships.
    Couldn't wrap my head around such until I found out it was just d men's thing! Oh and you re welcome to disagree.

  6. Specificity is important with everyone ,it goes a long way

  7. Oh mami...You should get some rest eh...Like get you some sleeping pills or **whispering** some alcohol...either way, you get to sleep right? the post..this is what I think...If it quacks like a duck, moves like a duck then it is definitely a duck - aint nothing gonna change that...therefore, if he acts like he is never gonna take the first step to show his commitment to you, moves like he doesn't have that in mind...then it is probably because he is never gonna show his commitment to you either by cohabitation or even popping the question...that being said, you can't change a can only change a can't even make him do anything he doesn't wanna do...whether or not you take some actions or not...if he doesn't wanna do it, there is nothing you can do. If you however force him either subtly or obviously, it might not have a good ending...My opinion tho'

    Mami...get you some rest please..

    1. I beg to disagree that a lady can't change a man. I believe and know that influencing or causing change in a man is a matter of the level of importance/priority/regard that man holds the woman in.

      That said, I'v had to do amazing feats and effect monumental changes in my life just because of the feminine folk. Don't be deceived to believe that you aren't one of the most potent change agent God ever created.

      I feel the problem is when ladies think the change lies in between their two legs. Truth is that it doesn't just lie there alone. I'm also not oblivious of the fact that current trends tends to suggest that women hold no sway over men. It is a complexity of factors and not that women do not exert influence over men.

    2. "I feel the problem is when ladies think the change lies in between their two legs... gbamest words! + Uncle Chris is back!!!!

    3. Never left, just having a bit more on my plate than usual. Anyways, it shouldn't be for long. Thanks for the welcome.

  8. Hmmm! Men can be so funny. A whole Lotta them need a reset of the brain and mind.


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Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

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I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

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Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.