Skip to main content

Just What If? (Questions, Questions, Questions).





Hey guys! Yes so I've been MIA and all of that, so many things taking my time and taking up space in my mind. I miss you guys half the time and my heart breaks when someone calls or mails and says "I've been refreshing and you've not posted anything". I apologize each time but sometimes life gets really busy and these days I spend less time in reclusion and then even when I'm being reclusive I'm studying or reading something, so my time these (past few) days has been very limited. 

Besides that though, I told y'all my girl was wedding this weekend right? The wedding took place at Omole which is at extreme opposites from where I live, and being on the bridal train I had to be there very early. The bride got us rooms so I went over yesterday and there's no way I could have done anything other than run around and tie up lose ends before the wedding (so no blogging). I'm also very proud to say I saved some money! 

So, being fully aware that I might end up in Ibadan or Ijebu Ode if I attempted to drive there, I asked my cab guy how much it would cost to take me from my house to Omole phase 1 and he said 7k. I didn't think it was a bad idea but he later called to say he couldn't make it and could try to get me someone else. That was when I thought wait, why not try the bus? I made a few calls to ask for the bus routes and halfway through I gave up, it was sounding too long. Then someone told me I really just needed to take two buses and that was what I did. The first one to CMS and then from TBS to Ojodu. The bus driver actually drove through TBS just so that he could drop me at the bus stop. The other passengers started yelling because that was a detour but the driver ignored them and made sure he dropped me off at TBS at no extra cost, all he said was that he didn't want me to "suffer" and he didn't want money. I was soooooooooooo grateful as I'd heard that CMS to TBS was quite a distance by foot and there might be no connecting bus/bike/etc. At this point I said thank You God and while we're at it please let more protocols be broken on my behalf on much grander scales. AMEN. *Big grin*

Then from TBS straight to Ojodu. Anyways I'm glad to tell you that in all I spent 600 naira or less, which means I saved 6,400 naira. Isn't that nice? 

Well I rode back home earlier this evening with my darling friend and we got to talking about a few things. I mentioned to her that I was considering getting aritificially inseminated, if I can afford it. My friend flipped and demanded I post it on the blog and hear what you guys say. She said "Nwando just tell your readers and hear what they'll tell you!" LOL. When did my readers become my parents though? Haha. 

She became very excitable and agitated; Nwando have you given up already? What if your husband is just by the corner? What would you tell the child when he/she grows up? What will you say when you go to the hospital and they measure the foetus and they say it's long and ask if the father is tall? What will you say then Nwando? Why do you want to have a child that will be confused in future? Why do you want to do this to yourself? Why do you want to do this to your parents? Ok what happens when somebody comes to marry you, what will you say?

But in all this I asked her a single question; What if I don't want to get married? Just what if?

This received a reaction I'm struggling to articulate. Well, suffice it to say that ore thinks its unfathomable that a (woman) wouldn't want to get married. See guys, I have so much to discuss with and ask you but I'm knackered and it's a whole lot so let me just say this for now. Why is it so unthinkable? 

Truth is not everybody will get married. Now am I one of these people? Maybe, maybe not. Right now I have a "f*ck it" attitude towards these things. But really, isn't it better to grow old having beautiful offspring than to grow old and die alone? Why should one deprive them self of the pleasure, satisfaction and blessings of having a child or children because of some construct of society or a sometimes misguided perception of moral right and wrong? 

And, (disregarding the artificial insemination) do people still turn up their noses at single mothers? My friend thinks it's completely unacceptable and not something that a woman should wish upon or want for herself. I completely disagree with her, I have always respected single mothers, I've always thought them brave and strong, most others take the path of least resistance, the easy way out; abortions; a saviour from stigmatization and familial displeasure. But seriously, is it just me or is having a child outside wedlock such a horrible thing? 

And who says every woman wants a husband or marriage? Please be honest with me, maybe I'm reading too many twisted novels. Does EVERY woman want to get married? Now some of you might want to say that a woman who says she doesn't is in denial. Please I appeal to you to think beyond "denial". No, you're not inclined to agree with me but give me an argument that doesn't have denial as it's premise. 

And will everyone get married? In your opinion, is it better for someone to live and die alone than to have a child out of wedlock? This argument arose when my friend mentioned a lady who was approaching 40 and went and got herself pregnant. My friend said this with derision and was literally shellshocked when I said I am in FULL support of that woman's decision. Ore believes it's so darn messed up and probably alluded to this being symptomatic of defeat or resignation. I think that may or may not be the case. 
      At what point should a woman stop hoping and take matters into her own hands to ensure that she fulfills that almost lifelong desire/need to be a mother (with or without a husband)? And then maybe it's not resignation, maybe a woman at that age knows very well what she wants and decides to make it happen? What is your take on the single 40 year old woman making concerted actions to become a mother?


...Today my friend's husband shed some tears at the wedding, he unabashedly dabbed his eyes with his white hankie while his friends chortled and teased him for "fucking up". I've got so many happily married friends, including the one I had the above conversation with. But the one who wed today, her husband particularly loves her to the moon, beyond and beyond! He LOVES her and adores the ground she walks on. As I watched him cry, I thought how I would love for a man to love me this much, to openly shed tears of joy just because I said "I do". I want to be loved... Who doesn't? This post shouldn't make you think I don't, I've just got a few questions I need answered. 

Comments

  1. Yippee! She's back!

    Not everyone ends up married. As much I love my Christian values and not hiding the fact that most marriages ain't working, my candid advice to anyone planning to stay single is this - don't die lonely and alone. Have a child, yours or adopted, you'll need that company no matter how you try to deny it. There's nothing like your own. Think legacy.....

    Please, don't go AWOL on us again. Missed you dearly, but got my hands full.

    Thelma! You showed up in Surulere without organising our stuff?! :) it's good to hear you're ok.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm with you on this. And studies shows that children of single parents perform more excellently in their academics than children from both parents.

      Delete
  2. Why do I feel like one rich man is dotting on you somewhere? I may be wrong but my instinct never fails. Anyways put me on your train Tee.

    B2B, why artificial? I stand to be opposed but I am against it, and will never support it.

    Again, must every woman get married? Yes. Eve came into existence because an Adam exist, if there was no Adam then there would be no Eve, its hurting that in our generation the woman clings more for the man. It was never meant to be so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Question:At what point should one take decisions

      Answer: at what point did we forget that HE is El Shadiah ( Almighty, All sufficient Jehovah), if anyone has ever put his/her trust then finally gives up hope, then sorry he/she must be a coward.
      The word says "even if it tarry, wait for it, it won't tarry long"....having done all to stand, Stand. Why act like Sarah Abrams wife? Why would one want to help God? He who made the eyes shall he not see? Hope should be unflinching even at odd times.

      If widows with kids would remarry, how much more "chassis"

      God is powerful enough to provide His people with blessings. Not only is He powerful enough to do so; He wants to, but he also wants man to Trust Him what only him can do.

      Delete
    2. Blink amen to the (rich) man dotting on me somewhere. My hands are always open to receive God's blessings. BTW I miss talking to you but I'm happy to hear you sound lively.

      Delete
  3. Whew!!! At long last, she's back. Glad, you had a splendid and refreshing day. By the way, the pictures are beautiful especially the first.

    To your questions, I have no prejudice against artifical insemination especially when it is used within the confines of marriage to aid the production of an offspring. Outside the confines of marriage, one has to ask pertinent questions like why that choice? the health of the donor sperm? the emotional, mental, financial and pyschological well-being of the proposed parent (I strongly feel it is unfair to rob and deprive a child of the two parent system especially when the opportunities exist and there is no reasonable obstacle to having two parents)?

    I also have no qualms against children born out of wedlock. If I did, it'd be against the parents. Like a respected man once said, "there are no illegitimate children, just illegitimate parents". One has to understand that the birth of a (any) child is a gift from God. How can God's gift be termed Illegitimate? Well, I naturally should have a bias on this subject seeing as I was conceived out of wedlock.

    Does everywoman want to get married? Largely Yes.

    Would everywoman get married?
    No

    Since I can't play the denial card (which would have been a very veritable answer), I'd opine that those that don't want to get married do so out of previous hurt experienced (personal or vicarious) with the marriage institution. Every human seeks some form of stable relationship/union/mutual interdependence, except when the idea and concept of relationships and unions has had a pungent taste with the concerned. The desire for marriage is more pronounced in a woman due to her higher emotional sensitivity.

    As for the 40 year old ... , I outlined some of the issues to be considered before singularly going down the road of artificial insemination. As Enjay shared, it is better to grow old with children than without especially when one is capable (financial, emotional, psychological ...) of rearing a child. A seemingly better approach can be to adopt a child - You'd have your own child and you'd also be doing the world a favour.

    As to your friend's wedding and hubby, quite commendable! I have this aspiration that I just don't want to love my wife, she must know and be convinced that I love her. What a beautiful world that would be.

    PS: if truly you want to go down the AI route, please involve your parents and close friends. Rearing a child isn't beans, it's hardwork and God's grace.

    (As usual, I have written another epistle, I should be forgiven considering today is a Sunday)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yipee, she is back, kept on refreshing. To the issue at hand marriage isn't a must. Even Paul advised people not to (although that was for a spiritual purpose). I prefer adoption but you might want to feel the thrills of labour so do what suit you, but it should be after careful consideration. Most importantly seek God's will. Moi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 7k? Your cab man is robbing u silly. It shouldn't be more than 4k.
      I also had the thought of being a single parent but the friend I told had the same reaction as your friend. I should have stayed by the decision then I wouldn't be facing inlaw wahala now.

      Delete
    2. Subomi I'm sorry about the in law wahala but the irrefutable truth is that Omoperesola is better off with a present father that loves her and her mum. Nothing compares to growing up with both parents present especially in an environment where there's love and mutual respect.

      Delete
    3. Awwwww, Subomi it's gonna be alright Hon. Ur Kiddo is worth any sacrifice...

      To the post, Thelma I have the exact same plan. If at 35 I'm still Single. I'm getting 2 kids. One artificially inseminated, another I'll adopt. MY personal decision & at that point, My parents will be on board & i'll be financialy, emotionally & spiritually capable of raising them.
      Honestly, at some point, I really do NOT want to be married & if God does grant our heart desires, I think he'll understand. As for the Sperm donor, it's definitely gonna be someone I know, I already have a hand full of guys I can't marry but who'll make gorgeous babies with me. We'll work it out. LOL

      To ur friend, Happy Happier Happiest Married life babe! I wish ya Joy, Peace & Many intelligent babies.
      But My DFH, please no tears, cry all through the honey moon but not on my day. I shall cry for both of us. Not everyone will be like T & think it's cute.
      Thank U

      Delete
    4. 'Love and mutual respect' that punchline is alot bigger than the words itself... And Humans in their imperfections just can't live up to it. That why there's war, power tussles, dictatorship, sufferings etc. in the world. To the extent we just have to live with some sh*t. Life

      Delete
    5. Thelma please do what makes you happy. Ruthy I thought the age you'd do that is 30 (previous posts) anyway do what makes you happy too.

      Delete
  5. Thelma, please download UBER on your phone. Omole cant be more than n4k, n5k at most and you can ride comfortably when you want to take a cab. They deduct your money from your account also instead of hagling cash and change.

    As for you gunning the bus, you are brave, me i will just sit at home. After some bad experiences with public transport when i was in secondary school i refuse to take the bus. I would rather not go anywhere.

    For not wanting to marry, before i met my husband i wasnt sure marriage was for me. I told myself at 35, i would just go adopt or go to a sperm bank and get inserminated and call it a day. I also considered freezing eggs. I am having this conversation with a friend who wants to freeze her eggs, and i support it. We even did research, in Europe - screened sperm is cheap.. €500 maybe..

    In Nigeria, the harder you look, the harder it becomes to find marriages with the proper set of fundamentals. People have traded basic happiness and peace for rings while being miserable. Is it entirely our fault, so to speak a lot of our parents generations have messed up marriages, some in our generation dont even know what a true marriage looks like. Some men think they are doing you a favor by marrying you, some women think they have won because he said i do- even though they are 1 out of his 20 women.

    I encourage both women and men to set their standards and stick with them..within reason. Looks requirement isnt a sincere standard, i am talking about character standards. And also folks should set their realistic expectations, cinderella and snow white are awesome, but aint nobody saving yo ass. Save yourself. If the person doesnt meet character standards, lets stop making excuses and setting ourselves up for disaster.


    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish there was a like button for your 4th and 5th paragraph.

      Delete
  6. Nobody should die lonely,if there's no husband there should be a kid
    All women don't have to marry,as far as you are happy I will say do what you want ,am soo not against artificial inseminationw
    But don't rule out marriage yet but there's nothing wrong in having a plan B

    ReplyDelete
  7. Are you not a Christian? Live by God's word. If you want children, you can adopt :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thelma! You read too many oyinbo books and watch too many oyinbo movies! It is messing with your mind! You just can't see it. *in my father's voice*

    And I would nod vigorously and agree.
    Thank you jare Uncle Chris for ur splufik comment. You're soooo forgiven!

    Thelma... u wie marry u hear? And you'll have children anyway you like. If you want a child now... and you're physically, financially, emotionally, and spiritually ready/well equipped for it, you can adopt. That's fine.
    But this ur plan tho... when is noh as if "they" said you cannot and will never get married. Abi what explanation will u give jare when the King comes? Joor o! Lol. It is well! :*

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hmm av neva really thot of not geting married at age 35 not to talk of having a plan B...

    ReplyDelete
  10. There are over 10 billion people in the world. There should be at least one decent one out of them all who will worship the ground you walk on and totally love every thing about you, including the good and the bad. Humanity is not that messed up. Wait for it dear, it will be totally worth it when it happens.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think i'm with Thelma on this one though, i too will turn 30 in a few months and i am seriouzly thinking single motherhood as well. I love kids and want to have mine as soon as possible while i am still young. I almost make this mental calculation like, so my child would jst be like 8yrs old by the time i am in my 40s. And that is even if i start now o. I dont want to feel like a granny by the time my child turns 18. And many, especially the married ones are fast to say "God forbid you will get married and have kids the right way" but i just smile and imagine them on the other side. And it gets more frustrating when you search your heart and it feels like you can never find that right person for you, and even if that one is out there, it looks like he is never coming forth!! I have plan B o even though it might not seem right to some.

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's good to dream and be optimistic but it’s better to be realistic. We all believe that we will get married but not every woman will and it's not because they don't want to. It's because there are more women than men and not all of those men want to get married.
    And like SB said, it's easier for those who are married and who are still in their early twenties to say “hold on, there is a man out there for you”. Truth is when you go through life and experience certain things, you stop believing in fairy tales and start facing reality.
    But the question is - what if you never get married? Let’s be real, not everyone will. Why adopt when you can have your own biological child? At 35, your fertility slumps and by 40 your pregnancy becomes high risk. What’s the life expectancy in Nigeria - how old would your child be when you are ‘expected to’ die? What’s the retirement age – who will pay for your child’s college?
    I think these are real questions that you need to ask yourself. If you want to please everybody or consider what people might say, you’ll never do anything. At the end, it’s your life and your happiness.

    ReplyDelete
  13. here we go again, madam Thelma, today u wana get married, tomorrow u don't, quit living in denial. overflogged topic.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

One More Post...

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.