Hey guys! Yes so I've been MIA and all of that, so many things taking my time and taking up space in my mind. I miss you guys half the time and my heart breaks when someone calls or mails and says "I've been refreshing and you've not posted anything". I apologize each time but sometimes life gets really busy and these days I spend less time in reclusion and then even when I'm being reclusive I'm studying or reading something, so my time these (past few) days has been very limited.
Besides that though, I told y'all my girl was wedding this weekend right? The wedding took place at Omole which is at extreme opposites from where I live, and being on the bridal train I had to be there very early. The bride got us rooms so I went over yesterday and there's no way I could have done anything other than run around and tie up lose ends before the wedding (so no blogging). I'm also very proud to say I saved some money!
So, being fully aware that I might end up in Ibadan or Ijebu Ode if I attempted to drive there, I asked my cab guy how much it would cost to take me from my house to Omole phase 1 and he said 7k. I didn't think it was a bad idea but he later called to say he couldn't make it and could try to get me someone else. That was when I thought wait, why not try the bus? I made a few calls to ask for the bus routes and halfway through I gave up, it was sounding too long. Then someone told me I really just needed to take two buses and that was what I did. The first one to CMS and then from TBS to Ojodu. The bus driver actually drove through TBS just so that he could drop me at the bus stop. The other passengers started yelling because that was a detour but the driver ignored them and made sure he dropped me off at TBS at no extra cost, all he said was that he didn't want me to "suffer" and he didn't want money. I was soooooooooooo grateful as I'd heard that CMS to TBS was quite a distance by foot and there might be no connecting bus/bike/etc. At this point I said thank You God and while we're at it please let more protocols be broken on my behalf on much grander scales. AMEN. *Big grin*
Then from TBS straight to Ojodu. Anyways I'm glad to tell you that in all I spent 600 naira or less, which means I saved 6,400 naira. Isn't that nice?
Well I rode back home earlier this evening with my darling friend and we got to talking about a few things. I mentioned to her that I was considering getting aritificially inseminated, if I can afford it. My friend flipped and demanded I post it on the blog and hear what you guys say. She said "Nwando just tell your readers and hear what they'll tell you!" LOL. When did my readers become my parents though? Haha.
She became very excitable and agitated; Nwando have you given up already? What if your husband is just by the corner? What would you tell the child when he/she grows up? What will you say when you go to the hospital and they measure the foetus and they say it's long and ask if the father is tall? What will you say then Nwando? Why do you want to have a child that will be confused in future? Why do you want to do this to yourself? Why do you want to do this to your parents? Ok what happens when somebody comes to marry you, what will you say?
But in all this I asked her a single question; What if I don't want to get married? Just what if?
This received a reaction I'm struggling to articulate. Well, suffice it to say that ore thinks its unfathomable that a (woman) wouldn't want to get married. See guys, I have so much to discuss with and ask you but I'm knackered and it's a whole lot so let me just say this for now. Why is it so unthinkable?
Truth is not everybody will get married. Now am I one of these people? Maybe, maybe not. Right now I have a "f*ck it" attitude towards these things. But really, isn't it better to grow old having beautiful offspring than to grow old and die alone? Why should one deprive them self of the pleasure, satisfaction and blessings of having a child or children because of some construct of society or a sometimes misguided perception of moral right and wrong?
And, (disregarding the artificial insemination) do people still turn up their noses at single mothers? My friend thinks it's completely unacceptable and not something that a woman should wish upon or want for herself. I completely disagree with her, I have always respected single mothers, I've always thought them brave and strong, most others take the path of least resistance, the easy way out; abortions; a saviour from stigmatization and familial displeasure. But seriously, is it just me or is having a child outside wedlock such a horrible thing?
And who says every woman wants a husband or marriage? Please be honest with me, maybe I'm reading too many twisted novels. Does EVERY woman want to get married? Now some of you might want to say that a woman who says she doesn't is in denial. Please I appeal to you to think beyond "denial". No, you're not inclined to agree with me but give me an argument that doesn't have denial as it's premise.
And will everyone get married? In your opinion, is it better for someone to live and die alone than to have a child out of wedlock? This argument arose when my friend mentioned a lady who was approaching 40 and went and got herself pregnant. My friend said this with derision and was literally shellshocked when I said I am in FULL support of that woman's decision. Ore believes it's so darn messed up and probably alluded to this being symptomatic of defeat or resignation. I think that may or may not be the case.
At what point should a woman stop hoping and take matters into her own hands to ensure that she fulfills that almost lifelong desire/need to be a mother (with or without a husband)? And then maybe it's not resignation, maybe a woman at that age knows very well what she wants and decides to make it happen? What is your take on the single 40 year old woman making concerted actions to become a mother?
...Today my friend's husband shed some tears at the wedding, he unabashedly dabbed his eyes with his white hankie while his friends chortled and teased him for "fucking up". I've got so many happily married friends, including the one I had the above conversation with. But the one who wed today, her husband particularly loves her to the moon, beyond and beyond! He LOVES her and adores the ground she walks on. As I watched him cry, I thought how I would love for a man to love me this much, to openly shed tears of joy just because I said "I do". I want to be loved... Who doesn't? This post shouldn't make you think I don't, I've just got a few questions I need answered.