My husband and I have been married 5years. We have two kids and basically, a good marriage. But in the last three years he has decided it's okay to stay out till 1am to 3am in the morning. At first I tried to wait up for him especially when he came up with reasonable excuses I bought the excuses on several occasions, and of course I was exhausted the next day after hours of worrying and waiting. However, it has come to my notice that he just simply stays out late just because he wants to and noting else. I find it totally irresponsible that a married man (even single) should stay out late drinking. For pete's sake, he isn't working at that time or trying to make money. Just basically sitting down with a bunch of guys talking about.... beats me.. I don't know.
Now I am not against the idea of hanging out, I think it's important to do so with friends often, especially with decent ones. However the issue of staying out late till morning is what gets me so mad. I don't believe anything good comes out of this so called hang out and I think it's "a distater that's waiting to happen, sooner or later"
I have expressed this severally and even got pushed one time for it, a character flaw associated with drinking and one of the disasters that could happen, as a matter of fact i almost walked out of the marriage , and I sure would have but for the sake of second chances and the kids.
My question is: am I justified to be angry with him for not coming home sooner.
Important points to consider:
3. He doesn't gamble.
4. I trust him...we have both been faithful during our whole relationship.
5. He doesn't do drugs. He just drinks then isn't ready to end his fun.
6. Some months he may do this a few times too many, while others not at all. It's random, (But more than I like)
7. He's incredibly helpful around the house and with the kids. He is a good father
8. This going out thing and drinking is pretty much his one main fault.
My problems with it:
1. I don't sleep well because I'm worried about him. (I have two children, I don't need to worry about a third)
2. I think because I don't like it and he knows that he is being disrepectful to me by doing it anyway.
3. It sends a bad message to people who see him out that late who know us, especially when family and friend are around, and I keep having to answer the question "is this how he stays out late"???
4. Who's to say because I trust him now I will always be able to trust him. Being out in the drinking/dancing scene is an accident waiting to happen. Only prostitutes and women of easy virtue spend such unholy hours, except for a few who are with thier SO/hubby. Besides no lady wants to delibartely stay up all night if she can help it.
5. I just feel it's time for him to grow up.
After the unfortunate incident that almost made me walk out of the marriage, I have resolved not to be bothered for the sake of my own sanity, however, if this marriage is going to last, I don't think I want to condone this kind of shit. For Christ's sake, what kind of example is he setting for his kids.
what's your take guys ?