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Please, What Should She Do?

I got a call from a blog reader this morning which I almost didn't take, because the caller ID showed Private number. But on second thought I decided to pick my phone, I'm glad I did. Here's a summary of what she told me. 

She's in her late 20s, a graduate and has completed her NYSC but still no job. In October 2014 her friend needed to travel for a six-month course. Her friend had a job as a personal assistant to an executive director in one of the top companies. The pay is really good and her friend wanted to go for the program but, still wanted the job when she returned, especially if nothing better came up. So, this friend decided to suggest to her boss to allow the blog reader stand in for her for the duration. Surprisingly the boss agreed. It was a win-win, the blog reader would collect the salary for the duration she filled in for her friend and continue her job search so that when she (the friend) returned she would have a job of her own to move on to. Well now the friend has returned but there's a problem. 

The boss does not want his former PA back and is insisting that the blog reader stay on. She has explained the agreement that she and her friend had to him, and although she would really like to stay on (especially as she's great at the job, and hasn't been able to get another job, as she had hoped) it would be extremely unfair to her friend who got her the job in the first place. Her boss said that he was never particularly impressed with her friend's work, he didn't like her personality much and she was a bit lazy. He also said that he couldnt force the blog reader to stay on, but that even if she left, he would hire someone else and not rehire her friend, his former PA.

To make matters worse, he has refused to give her friend an appointment or an opportunity to come and see him, leaving everything in the blog readers hands. What this means is that what ever decision she makes, she is the one that has to break it to her friend. 

She's in a dilemma and wanted to know what I thought, she also wants me to post it so that she can hear what you think. 


  1. There's a possibility that she'll lose her friend because she might not be able to comprehend the situation, but it's not worth losing a great job especially when the intentions were sincere.

  2. mehhhhnnnnn... eleyi gidi gan... all i can say is either way, the bv has lost that friend.. whether she resigns or stays, unless shes a super understanding friend, but i'm curious to hear what other bvs have to say on the issue.. *grabbing one of SDKs seats*

  3. Hey guys, so sorry for my long absence - water under the bridge and spilt milk. I'm so glad you all are doing great!

    On this issue, the man has spoken so she should lick her wounds and move on.

  4. How will she feel if the shoes were on the other leg. Leave the job it's not fair, she did u a favour. That job will not make u a millionaire. If the boss doesnt want her bk let the boss break the news to her. Let's ur yes be yes and ur no be no. If she didn't help u all the money u made since then u wouldn't have so don't be an ungrateful person and don't think of ur feelings alone.

    1. Away from the topic... When I read your comments Tolu, I sense you're a very emotional person who loves deeply and hard.
      May God keep you from wolves in sheep's clothing o.

  5. ThatAlexandra's blog: FRICTION:: PART1 If you havent read this what have you read??

  6. Now personally here is what I would do;

    Call up my friend and have a true chat with her, explain all there is to the job and what the boss has said, as written above. Make her see reasons with me that I am not trying to betray her but if I resign from the job, we would both loose out.

    Counsel: if my friend is acting funny, or trying to be selfish in anyway, asking me to resign with an attitude, I would keep my job. Oh yes I would keep my Job. Even king Saul had to died for David to be anointed king. There are so many instance which I could give.

    But if she is calm and indeed pained, I am afraid I may have to let go of the job. For peace to reign. However no friend would want us to loose out both ways.


  7. I think she should leave the decision in her friend's hands, that would show she has a conscience, if her friend says she should leave the job she should, if not she should stay with her friend's blessings. If I was the said friend as painful as it is I would rather one of us has a job than we both remain jobless, besides what is the probability that if she hadn't brought her friend in when she left, the job would have been waiting for her when she returned, when one door closes, thousands more will arise.

    1. Good one, I think it is better for her to allow her friend make the decision. If she is not happy, abeg leave the job, yours is closer than you think.

  8. *open
    If the friend asks her to do whatever she feels is right, I think she should keep the job instead of losing both ways.

  9. I think what is being tested here is her integrity. Her integrity to her friend and even to the boss, both of whom were in on the fact that she was to keep the job until the friend returns.

    If I were her, I would let the friend know what the boss's decision is, and that I have written a resignation letter which I am ready to tender, according to our agreement.

    If the boss really doesn't want her friend back, he should be professional enough to let her know his decisions. Why run an organisation like you're running your relationship?

    If the friend thinks she can keep the job, fine, otherwise, she should resign, even if the boss doesn't re-hire her friend. Afterall, before this job 'was', their friendship 'was', unless of course, she doesn't value the friendship that much.

    Learn to keep to your words!!! It will go a long way in shaping your life!

    1. Smart comment Miss N.

    2. You keep your words if there's a gain for you and/or your friend, and if there was no sinister motive to covert the job after your friend left. The BV has come out entirely true to her friend till she returned and was ever ready to relinquish the post. She never even seemed to want to (in the subtlest of ways) con her friend for this juicy job. The problem here is the boss. But not withstanding that it's unprofessional of him not to inform BV's friend of the latest development, he's made it very clear to BV that whether she leaves or stays, her friend WILL NOT get the job. BV has made all efforts in favor of her friend to no avail. BV has also tried to get another job during this period and failed. She will gain nothing but sentimental +Respect from a friend and continue into the uncertain world of joblessness if she leaves that Company. What's the problem in keeping the job when, before GOD and Man, your intentions were honest from the beginning? Well, if I were in this circumstance, I wouldn't lose this job, not even for the one I love most. It makes no sense.

    3. You guys have said to all.
      I hope her friend doesn't take this the wrong way or this causes a strain to their friendship. I also hope that the boss takes this matter professionally.

    4. I totally agree
      A good friend wont even let both of you lose such opportunity

    5. I support Miss N's advice all the way biko. Smart response. Everyone that's saying the lady should keep the job,...etc.,what if the boss gets tired of her services as well later on and fires her as well? means she's the type that sacrifices friendship for her own gain and she has integrity issues..she'll never forgive herself for betraying her friend.
      Like Miss N said "learn to keep your words,it goes a long way in shaping your life".

  10. All I see is sincere intensions. Explain to ur friend that the boss doesn't want her back wether u resign or not! Appeal to ur boss to be more professional and grant ur friend an audience and xplain things beta and possibly 'settle' her.
    Don't loose that job poster, ur friend might not understand now but she ll eventually do pls.

  11. ....that awkward moment when you read the post and think you have a say but then,you read through the comments and you realize your say wasn't really a say after all...

  12. Hiya mami...Thanks for visiting today **smiling** Okay! So here is what I think bout this post...The fact is, whether or not you quit that job, he is not gonna hire your buddy back and you on the other hand, don't have a job offer at the moment to turn to right? So, be realistic mami. Tell your buddy this with a straight face cuz you did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong. She proposed the idea of you filling in for her cuz she didn't wanna lose that job and that arrangement was between you and her NOT between you, the said boss and tell it to her straight up, 'I told the boss bout our lil arrangement and he said you suck at the job and he would like me to stay as his P.A....I can't do anything bout it cuz just like you asked me to fill in for you so that you do not lose the ONLY job you have, I am equally gonna stay now that things have changed cuz I can't afford to lose the ONLY job I have'.....and if she gets upset or mad at you...tell her to take it up with God! Simple! If she doesn't like the fact that her misfortune have turned around become a blessing for you then yeah! -------- Take it up with God!...Easy! All the best eh.

    Tibs Tells Tales

  13. I think she should just leave the job, you had an agreement with your friend, whether or not the boss wants her back is none of your business, you honour your words first, if you are lucky enough to see the advert placement, you are apply on a neutral ground. But first honnour ur agreement. Who knows the boss might even be testing your loyalty, honesty and sincerity. So be careful, don't be greedy.

  14. The poster's competence probably exposed the friend's shortcomings. I doubt the friend will believe the poster and show understanding except she's (the friend) the very trusting type. She'd probably believe the poster destroyed her reputation and changed the boss's mind towards her.

    Regardless, she needs to explain the situation to her friend and tell her she'll resign; as a proof, let her take her resignation letter which she intends to submit to the boss along with her when meeting her friend and leave the final decision to her. Who knows, she may give her blessings and support her retaining the job.

    Integrity is key.


  15. She should sit her friend down and explain the situation to her and her boss's stand on the matter. She should also make it clear to her friend that regardless of whatever decision she(the BV) takes, the job won't go to the friend. If after her explanation the friend doesn't accept, she should take it up with God like Tibs suggested.

    I think she should keep her job tho. Getting a job in this country is hard enough as it is to lose a well paying job over this.

  16. What if the poster is lying. It's so convenient that the boss does not want to meet her friend. Don't you think? So it's her word against the boss' word which can never be verified if a meeting does not happen hmmmm.

    If everythn is as written above, then try and make sure that she meets the boss. Keep the job anyway no need for both of you to lose out.

  17. Poster ,be bound by your words. As agreed with your friend leave the job regardless of whether or not the boss is gonna take your friend back ( In actual sense, this is not your business). Trust me, if you go ahead and take that job, if your boss is a rational being, he will not trust you ( remember TRUST is one of the most important characteristics of a P.A- Boss relationship) because you have already proven to be someone that cant be trusted, by relieving your friend of her job. If the job is truly yours, you will get it back and remember its never wrong to do right and its never right to do wrong.
    The world is in such a bad place today because, people seldom mean what they say or bond by their words.
    Furthermore, tender your resignation to your boss and tell him your heart will not allow you go ahead to keep the job, but you will appreciate it if he could refer you to some other organisation. Trust God, your boss would take upon himself to get you another job.

  18. And all of you saying she should meet her friend and explain the situation to her, am sooooo DAZED at this. Can i ask if the table were to be turned, and we are in this friend's shoes ( I.e. the initial owner of the job) would we be ok with this advise we are dishing out? People lets not be myopic in our advise, this world is deeper than we see it so we really have to thread carefully, especially as the toes we step on to get on the ladder, may be the same toes to pull us down from the ladder.

    1. Abi oo..Anon tell them. Poster put yourself in your friend's shoes. What goes around comes back around. you may feel u have good intentions, but not at the detriment of ur friend's happiness.


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