Skip to main content

So What If My Boyfriend Got Married Last Week?





Hihellohowareyou?

But seriously, so what if my boyfriend got married last week? Am I supposed to die? Roll on the ground and cover my body in dust and sand? Write it on my forehead and rant on Twitter? 

Well yes he did. And everybody seems to think I'm terribly "strong". Everyone says "Wow Nwando are you sure you're ok? Are you sure you're fine?". Mummy called and waited for the tears and when I changed the topic and started talking about food she wasn't sure how to proceed, her mind had already been prepared to deliver the 'Your own will come' speech. She struggled hard to find the reset button and it seemed to elude her so I ambled along, carried on the conversation for the both of us till she could find her tongue. 

Why is it strange that I refuse to talk about it? Talk ill about him? Not appear interested at the mention of his name? Is it because you knew that I'd admitted to myself that I had fallen in love with him and just the day before I found out that he was wedding someone else in a couple of weeks, I'd planned to tell him this, tell him boo I love you, me being one to not know how to keep emotions to myself..?

Is it because you knew that although he never actually said it I'd had dreams of happy ever after?

Is it because you're aware that every time we had "the talk" he swore that he wanted me, for the long haul, the whole nine yards, and guaranteed 100% commitment, honesty and devotion?

Is it because you all said he treated me better than any other girl he had dated and you were there when his niece told me "my uncle is crazy about you, I've never seen him like this, please don't break his heart, I think he wants to marry you..."?

Is it because everyone knew he was frugal but strangely with me his hands were always open to give give and give, even when I didn't ask, and I rarely did ask?

Is it because he mentioned babies and "our" children?

Is it because that night he told me "Nwando you're a wonderful person and I want to be with you forever and ever and ever"? Ahn ahn, but I told you that he'd had quite a bit to drink, and I also told you he didn't remember any of it the next day. 

Remember I also always said I had my doubts and each time he would come back to beg and beg and call you to beg and beg me, and you would call me to beg and beg and I would finally give in, only until the next ish.. And the begging and giving in cycle continued. 

Yeah, I had my doubts and time and time again I tried to cut out, to let go but he never would let me be. Even less than a month before he wedded he did it again and I said I'm not doing again and he made those gestures and my heartstrings were pulled but this time I swore it was the last time and I said I wouldn't go back but like a moth to a flame his seeming sincerity, genuineness and brokenness over my decision confused me and convinced me that he must indeed want me and I was sucked back in, yet again. Damn, could that boy beg! But why beg so desperately when your wedding plans are already underway? 

Yeah, barely days later I learnt that dude was practically married. LMFAO! I laugh in whatever dialect of igbo those Nsukka people speak. 

So why aren't I bent and broken? Tarnished and twisted in pain and agony? Haunted by the images of our futures' aborted foetuses lying scattered around on the bloodied floor? Hurt by the lies and deceit? Burnt by the knowledge that while I held us sacred like the Holy Grail, he held me carelessly, like an outdated Nintendo game? 

No, don't get me wrong it hurt real bad. The day I heard it I tried to drown the pain in a bottle of vodka but my pain wore a tightly secured life vest and it only floated over the surface, refusing to be sunk. The tears wouldn't stop flowing either, but they flowed only for a moment and a day. And that was it, that was all. 

Because you see, there's something I realized while we were together; I'm the prize. No, don't think this is one of those motivational moments, one of those inspirational affirmations. No, this is fact, I was the prize. I discerned early on that I was worthy of more, that in spite of his financial comfort, I brought a lot to the table, that I brought and added value, that God would bless this man far beyond the way he was blessed BECAUSE of me. I knew that I was the prize and that when I said I wanted to leave he was right to beg, because even he knew that I am the prize. 

And I don't hate him. He was a silly boy playing silly games that have him caught in an eternal web of regret, and I wish him well. I wish him well as he twists and turns and tries to claw his way out, but you know webs; sticky little buggers, they keep you trapped, try as you might but they're stuck on you like, well, webs! 
     It's I that I actually resent. Because I saw, I saw and saw and I knew and my instincts cried out. But silly me, rather than listen to them I chose to listen to the whiny voice of a grown man begging. Rather than stand firm and walk left I was seduced by the image on the right. Because, although I knew that left was a blank canvas, it was MY blank canvass, to paint in whatever colours I chose, the colours I wanted. Yet I allowed the image on the right seduce me; it wasn't a pretty picture, the painting was blurred, the work; like that of a drowsy amateur. But the frame was "interesting" and so I went to it. Who buys a picture because of the frame anyways? Well I did. Silly ol' me. 

Why should I cry when I got on both knees asking God for a sign when day by day he himself showed me all the signs I needed to see? Is it his fault that he held up a great red flag, waving it frenetically before my eyes, yet I kept my eyes tightly shut, time and time again? It most certainly is not. 

So while I understand why you must think that I'm strong, I wonder... 

I was at a party when I got sent the wedding pictures by someone saying "Why is your man getting married to someone else?". My partner at the party never would have thought that barely days ago this was the man I thought I loved. Yes, if she knew, she would have indeed called me "strong". Actually she might have shed a tear or two because had she not gone on her knees and prayed that this year he would do the needful? 


Still, don't call me strong like its some mighty thing I'm doing, in my shoes you wouldn't have any other  option but to be STRONG. 


***
The account can only be shared in vague fragments of bits and pieces because... Well, to tell it all would be to put in serious work, and ain't nobody got time for that! LOL, look out for the chapter in my biography. 

*Last week isn't literal & boyfriend should read Ex, obviously...


 

Comments

  1. This just brought back long forgotten but very bad memories..

    It's well T.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fina it is better than well, I'm in a good place. And I'm sorry I resurrected bad memories, please forget about it and keep smiling, what's ahead of you is much greater than what's behind. Hugs my darling.

      Delete
    2. Hugs right back at you T..you are just too strong a Lady..oya,it is better! *shines teeth*

      Delete
  2. It is well...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I knew something happened when you went outside to answer that phone call but you came back and continued to be the life of the party. And you say you are not strong?

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is crazy...being strong is the only option
    Life is too short to cry over spilled milk
    He just wasnt made for you

    ReplyDelete
  5. End of another chapter......

    You are strong because some other girls would have turned a psychological wreck because of an unworthy boyfriend. Yes, you had options and you chose to be strong.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are strong because inside you you know you dodged a bullet! What is the gain of love if it is filled with deceit? But even in that strength the pain will continue to roll over you like waves of water until you are able to get up and get out of it. Its better to grieve and let it go than letting the pain linger in a corner of your heart.

    Congratulations dear, the beautiful possibilities before you are endless!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Where is my previous comment?? Anyway the man was probably ready for marriage and looking for a "wife" but not willing to work at the relationship like queen said. Nne you are strong o.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear that comment was supposed to be for "how to change a man" post, dnt know how it made its way here!!!! Oh well

      Delete
  9. Just when you changed the topic on mum's phone call, definitely your's will come. You guys are not meant for each so they say.. Keep strong and be happy T.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You know mami, I read this yesterday and I couldn't process it. I read it twice in the last half hour...I usually get lost in thought buh you know.....It is what it is right??...I will stop here..

    Muah!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Had a b.f of 3 years. He took me down to his home town to meet with his parents, two wks after we had an issue, few months after he got a lady preggy, few months after he got married, on his wedding day a whole lotta people were surprised I wasn't the bride, calls were flying every where even text mrssages, what would I do? Had to move on and put behind those beautiful dreams we had together. He's got two kids now and i blessed God for his life. I am on God's waiting list, it will surely end in praise for me.

    ReplyDelete
  12. The heart of men.......

    You just gotta keep you head up...
    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  13. This hurts deeply, but it is for the best.

    E-hugs Thelma.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Beautifully written. I won't sympathize because you don't need it. Stay strong.

    ReplyDelete
  15. If my ex gets married i would even offer to pay the bills if i could afford it. Good riddance. People who at some point make you depressed till the depression turns into i was too damn good for you anyway. As much as they arent good experiences when happening, you look back and thank God for the experience.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. Awwwww..... Thelma where is Yetunde oo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yetunde is around somewhere. Just spotted her on the Where Have You Been post.

      Delete
  17. T love, like I once said to you, "here's to love that won't stress us! " He is seriously not worth it cha cha! Good thing Karma is the bitch she is and is best friends with Chaos. Means I get front row seats to watch the asses that have shit on my life fall face first in their own shit. Think of that whenever u feel letdown. You'll feel so good about all this shit. Trust me, it works! *devilish smile* See you when I get back jare! We'll drink vodka for better reasons. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nah, we'll pop champers this time, it's gon be a celebration, not a "drink and forget your sorrows" moment. Thanks bae.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.