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Dear Haters, 5 Reasons I Need You.





Dear...
Because I know that you make up just a teeny tiny portion of the people reading this, it's unfair to address this letter to you. So...

According to Wiki“Haters are identified as people who offer solely negative criticism to others, without justification. Haters deal in negative cognitive bias, prejudicially arriving at a conclusion first and then drawing in their reasons afterward, refusing to alter their conclusion with exposure to the opinions of others. Haters are frequently thought of as imposing their self-hate on others."
"Urban Dictionary: "A person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person". 

Now that that's out of the way... contrary to what you and some others may think, I actually need you. Before you scrunch up your noses and ask why anyone would need haters, I'll give you 5 reasons why. 

1. They keep you very driven. As they say, if you have no fire under your ass you're not going to run fast. Haters keep you from getting too comfortable. Remember that comfort is the enemy, comfort makes you lazy, uninspired, comfortable... And then you begin to lose that fire, that drive... And that's the pathway to mediocrity, or worse yet, failure. 

2. They fuel your resolve:  They don't only drive you and keep you on your toes, they remind you that they're waiting for you to slip, to stop, to fall, to drift into oblivion. And you, you know you cannot give them or anyone that satisfaction. So at those times when things get hard, when inspiration wanes, when the body and mind weaken, when you want to give up, they're a motivating factor. Some times they are "the" motivating factor. You have no idea how many times I've thought of wrapping it up and then I remember that person who's so bothered by my existence, my blog and everthing I represent. Then I sit up straight, lace my shoes and keep running. I just cannot give anyone that satisfaction.  

3. They keep you grounded; You really need haters yo! You need them to stop the success from getting to your head. Some times the applause can be so loud it becomes deafening and you begin to get high on the adulation. You need those scathing words to bring you down from cloud nine, back to earth. You need them to keep you grounded. Why do you need to be grounded? Well I'll tell you. Because you need to stay driven, stay hungry, stay focused. Remember that when you're at the top there's no where else to go but down. Staying at the top is an even bigger struggle than climbing to the top. So you see, you cannot afford to get comfortable. Remember #1; comfort is the enemy. 

4. You need their honesty; Haters can be the most honest critiques that you have. Your friends, fans, lovers and admirers, because of their affection for you, would sometimes shield you from the truth when all you need is that hard truth. Haters don't care about your feelings or emotions, in fact they live to bruise your feelings and emotions. Therefore, when it comes to criticism they will not hold back. Now, remember that not all criticism is negative or false even. Some of the best decisions I have made in my life and on my blog were based on some caustic comment someone made. But I was wise enough to sift it, pick some painful truth out of it and improve on myself/craft. You cannot grow without criticism.  

5. They actually make you feel great about yourself; Once you're able to recover from the initial sting of their words (for those who still get stung), you begin to wonder why this person really takes the time to spew their hate on you. And then you realize, no one wastes time on a nobody! If you're nothing, you affect no one, you threaten no one, you bother no one. But, when you're somebody, then you do. Remember that when someone tries to bring you down it is only because you're above them and they know it. You simply cannot pull down someone who's beneath you! 


...Really, if you've got none then you're doing something wrong. Remember that no one bothers with a nobody. Yet, know that if you're pursuing your goals simply/solely because of "haters" then you're obviously on the wrong track, chasing the wrong dreams and choosing the wrong goals. They should be among your least motivating factors. 

How to deal with them; Simply remember that it's not about you. You read that line from Wiki's definition; Haters are frequently thought of as imposing their self-hate on others. So, stay focused on the things that matter and #keepmoving. 

Most times we see haters as people hiding behind the screens and abusing the gift of anonymity, yet not every hater is faceless and unknown. Some haters are "friends", colleagues, family members. My friend's mother continues to tell her she will amount to nothing, and everytime she gets a new job or an opportunity, momma never misses a chance to make jabs at her and bring her down (what a mother, right?). There are those bosses that just rubbish everything you say or do, they find absolutely nothing good in you, some times they verbalize their hate and tell you you will remain an underling. And there are those acquaintances who continue to talk smack and try to tarnish your name and give people reasons to dislike even your best efforts... They come in all forms. Have you ever had to deal with a hater? Tell us about it, tell us how you handled it. 

Lastly, please know that not everyone who dislikes you, your product or what you stand for, is a hater. 

Comments

  1. Very educative read and solid points too. Thank God I have never had to deal with a hater, just unfriendly friends but God always has a way to removing them from my life.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well written. I use Every Day with Jesus for my daily devotional and this article reminds me of one of Selwyn Hughes' quote which i'd paraphrase:

    "want to succeed, make your critics the unpaid watchmen of your life"

    Oftentimes when i get a feedback, i rarely look at the person offering the feedback. I look dispassionately at the validity of the claims and that helps me to create a better me subsequently. Appealing to everyone's sentiments can most times be a Sisyphean task.

    As an aside (completely unrelated to this post), i was thinking recently about your call for improvements/feedback on the blog. Here goes me:

    Create sections/categories on the blog which may include travels, games, foods, leisure spots, charity/NGO organisations and events et al. seek for volunteers (blog readers) who would be responsible for this sections. Their acceptance to chair a section would be submitting like 3-5 posts to start a section with an agreed schedule to submit other subsequent posts and other requirements as you deem fit. i believe it'd provide a richer blog experience.

    so you could have
    Uyi tell us something about photography, film editing etc. Miss Pynk tell us something about travels and the life of an expatriate, Ruthylicious tell us something about pastries, small chops. Kabuoy and Sunshine give us an insight into the sibling life. etc.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What would I ever do without Chris Yinks? Thank you!

      Delete
    2. Me can talk on cooking tips o..wink wink....

      Delete
    3. SB please mail me ASAP. People never get enough of learning cooking tips. Maybe I could even be the test drive for your own food/cooking blog. I'm looking forward to your messages.

      Delete
    4. Lol at insight into the sibling life.. Don't we all have siblings? Oya CCCC and Blink get in here o.

      This makes a lot of sense tho, I'll be looking forward to SBs cooking tips and Ms Pynk's expatriate columns

      Delete
    5. would submissions on domestic health tips and first aid for minor home emergencies be relevant?

      Delete
    6. Hmmn! Sibling life. Interesting! Now I have somfn to think about. Thelma I must warn you tho... writing is not my forte!

      Delete
    7. Yes of course!!!!! @ kene Francis!

      *opss... this is not my blog* Thelma... what do you say?

      Delete
    8. Chrisyinks.....great ideas.

      -F

      Delete
    9. wow..well done guys/ladies

      Delete
    10. Thanks guys and ladies. glad to see i made a reasonable suggestion.

      Delete
  3. The ones within that sacred unit we call family, have been my greatest motivation to succeed in whatever I do. Though I prefer to think of them as critics... and as for the unfriendly friends, they come and go. Why stress over waka pass actors in my life's movie?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am not sure I've had to deal with haters....I would say I've had to deal more with 'frenemies' whom in my opinion are worse than haters because for haters, they make themselves obvious and one is sure of who one is dealing with. In the other case, they smile at you, (pretend to be) happy when good things happen to you but put all their might into destroying you whenever opportunity presents itself.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel u jareyy..F, thelma should do a post on Frenemies. Some peeps aint loyal at all.

      Delete
  5. Uhhhhhh yes I have had to deal with one...**covers face** I remember when I just started blogging...hehehe...I got one long ass email from a chica who for some reason thought it was in her place to tell me how to not only run a blog buh also tell me how my concept of a family blog was already an EPIC fail and how arrogant I sound in my posts....did I care?? Hell yeah! I was hurt and I sobbed and thought 'Oh boy! really?'.......hehe....now mami, if and when I do ever get such a terrible email, it's gonna be salt over the shoulder for me...hehe

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm weak. The person actually took the time to mail you? OMG. The person knew you were one day going to soar and was trying to clip your wings before that day comes. Silly people, they don't know they only make you stronger.

      Delete
  6. I would prefer not to have any but that's just not possible because as much as you like to stay in your lane they don't mind crashing their car into yours... sigh, strength Lord... (apologies for the rant)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Nice! Very on point...

    @Chris yinks, that's really a great idea. But how many bvs would like to know abt photography/cinematography?

    That would help motivate a person's endeavour

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me! I've always been facinated about the idea and skill of capturing an amazing moment and making it immortal...

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    3. Me too!! I think I have loved photography since I could say the word and knew what it meant but I have not done anything in that regard so yes we would love to know...

      Delete
  8. I can volunteer pictorial cooking, step by step.

    And for the days when i am lazy I would send the end product and outline the steps. Cooking is a hobby.

    Sorry this is coming late

    ReplyDelete

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