Skip to main content

Dear Haters, 5 Reasons I Need You.

Because I know that you make up just a teeny tiny portion of the people reading this, it's unfair to address this letter to you. So...

According to Wiki“Haters are identified as people who offer solely negative criticism to others, without justification. Haters deal in negative cognitive bias, prejudicially arriving at a conclusion first and then drawing in their reasons afterward, refusing to alter their conclusion with exposure to the opinions of others. Haters are frequently thought of as imposing their self-hate on others."
"Urban Dictionary: "A person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person". 

Now that that's out of the way... contrary to what you and some others may think, I actually need you. Before you scrunch up your noses and ask why anyone would need haters, I'll give you 5 reasons why. 

1. They keep you very driven. As they say, if you have no fire under your ass you're not going to run fast. Haters keep you from getting too comfortable. Remember that comfort is the enemy, comfort makes you lazy, uninspired, comfortable... And then you begin to lose that fire, that drive... And that's the pathway to mediocrity, or worse yet, failure. 

2. They fuel your resolve:  They don't only drive you and keep you on your toes, they remind you that they're waiting for you to slip, to stop, to fall, to drift into oblivion. And you, you know you cannot give them or anyone that satisfaction. So at those times when things get hard, when inspiration wanes, when the body and mind weaken, when you want to give up, they're a motivating factor. Some times they are "the" motivating factor. You have no idea how many times I've thought of wrapping it up and then I remember that person who's so bothered by my existence, my blog and everthing I represent. Then I sit up straight, lace my shoes and keep running. I just cannot give anyone that satisfaction.  

3. They keep you grounded; You really need haters yo! You need them to stop the success from getting to your head. Some times the applause can be so loud it becomes deafening and you begin to get high on the adulation. You need those scathing words to bring you down from cloud nine, back to earth. You need them to keep you grounded. Why do you need to be grounded? Well I'll tell you. Because you need to stay driven, stay hungry, stay focused. Remember that when you're at the top there's no where else to go but down. Staying at the top is an even bigger struggle than climbing to the top. So you see, you cannot afford to get comfortable. Remember #1; comfort is the enemy. 

4. You need their honesty; Haters can be the most honest critiques that you have. Your friends, fans, lovers and admirers, because of their affection for you, would sometimes shield you from the truth when all you need is that hard truth. Haters don't care about your feelings or emotions, in fact they live to bruise your feelings and emotions. Therefore, when it comes to criticism they will not hold back. Now, remember that not all criticism is negative or false even. Some of the best decisions I have made in my life and on my blog were based on some caustic comment someone made. But I was wise enough to sift it, pick some painful truth out of it and improve on myself/craft. You cannot grow without criticism.  

5. They actually make you feel great about yourself; Once you're able to recover from the initial sting of their words (for those who still get stung), you begin to wonder why this person really takes the time to spew their hate on you. And then you realize, no one wastes time on a nobody! If you're nothing, you affect no one, you threaten no one, you bother no one. But, when you're somebody, then you do. Remember that when someone tries to bring you down it is only because you're above them and they know it. You simply cannot pull down someone who's beneath you! 

...Really, if you've got none then you're doing something wrong. Remember that no one bothers with a nobody. Yet, know that if you're pursuing your goals simply/solely because of "haters" then you're obviously on the wrong track, chasing the wrong dreams and choosing the wrong goals. They should be among your least motivating factors. 

How to deal with them; Simply remember that it's not about you. You read that line from Wiki's definition; Haters are frequently thought of as imposing their self-hate on others. So, stay focused on the things that matter and #keepmoving. 

Most times we see haters as people hiding behind the screens and abusing the gift of anonymity, yet not every hater is faceless and unknown. Some haters are "friends", colleagues, family members. My friend's mother continues to tell her she will amount to nothing, and everytime she gets a new job or an opportunity, momma never misses a chance to make jabs at her and bring her down (what a mother, right?). There are those bosses that just rubbish everything you say or do, they find absolutely nothing good in you, some times they verbalize their hate and tell you you will remain an underling. And there are those acquaintances who continue to talk smack and try to tarnish your name and give people reasons to dislike even your best efforts... They come in all forms. Have you ever had to deal with a hater? Tell us about it, tell us how you handled it. 

Lastly, please know that not everyone who dislikes you, your product or what you stand for, is a hater. 


  1. Very educative read and solid points too. Thank God I have never had to deal with a hater, just unfriendly friends but God always has a way to removing them from my life.

  2. Well written. I use Every Day with Jesus for my daily devotional and this article reminds me of one of Selwyn Hughes' quote which i'd paraphrase:

    "want to succeed, make your critics the unpaid watchmen of your life"

    Oftentimes when i get a feedback, i rarely look at the person offering the feedback. I look dispassionately at the validity of the claims and that helps me to create a better me subsequently. Appealing to everyone's sentiments can most times be a Sisyphean task.

    As an aside (completely unrelated to this post), i was thinking recently about your call for improvements/feedback on the blog. Here goes me:

    Create sections/categories on the blog which may include travels, games, foods, leisure spots, charity/NGO organisations and events et al. seek for volunteers (blog readers) who would be responsible for this sections. Their acceptance to chair a section would be submitting like 3-5 posts to start a section with an agreed schedule to submit other subsequent posts and other requirements as you deem fit. i believe it'd provide a richer blog experience.

    so you could have
    Uyi tell us something about photography, film editing etc. Miss Pynk tell us something about travels and the life of an expatriate, Ruthylicious tell us something about pastries, small chops. Kabuoy and Sunshine give us an insight into the sibling life. etc.

    1. What would I ever do without Chris Yinks? Thank you!

    2. Me can talk on cooking tips o..wink wink....

    3. SB please mail me ASAP. People never get enough of learning cooking tips. Maybe I could even be the test drive for your own food/cooking blog. I'm looking forward to your messages.

    4. Lol at insight into the sibling life.. Don't we all have siblings? Oya CCCC and Blink get in here o.

      This makes a lot of sense tho, I'll be looking forward to SBs cooking tips and Ms Pynk's expatriate columns

    5. would submissions on domestic health tips and first aid for minor home emergencies be relevant?

    6. Hmmn! Sibling life. Interesting! Now I have somfn to think about. Thelma I must warn you tho... writing is not my forte!

    7. Yes of course!!!!! @ kene Francis!

      *opss... this is not my blog* Thelma... what do you say?

    8. Chrisyinks.....great ideas.


    9. wow..well done guys/ladies

    10. Thanks guys and ladies. glad to see i made a reasonable suggestion.

  3. The ones within that sacred unit we call family, have been my greatest motivation to succeed in whatever I do. Though I prefer to think of them as critics... and as for the unfriendly friends, they come and go. Why stress over waka pass actors in my life's movie?

  4. I am not sure I've had to deal with haters....I would say I've had to deal more with 'frenemies' whom in my opinion are worse than haters because for haters, they make themselves obvious and one is sure of who one is dealing with. In the other case, they smile at you, (pretend to be) happy when good things happen to you but put all their might into destroying you whenever opportunity presents itself.


    1. I feel u jareyy..F, thelma should do a post on Frenemies. Some peeps aint loyal at all.

  5. Uhhhhhh yes I have had to deal with one...**covers face** I remember when I just started blogging...hehehe...I got one long ass email from a chica who for some reason thought it was in her place to tell me how to not only run a blog buh also tell me how my concept of a family blog was already an EPIC fail and how arrogant I sound in my posts....did I care?? Hell yeah! I was hurt and I sobbed and thought 'Oh boy! really?' mami, if and when I do ever get such a terrible email, it's gonna be salt over the shoulder for me...hehe

    1. I'm weak. The person actually took the time to mail you? OMG. The person knew you were one day going to soar and was trying to clip your wings before that day comes. Silly people, they don't know they only make you stronger.

  6. I would prefer not to have any but that's just not possible because as much as you like to stay in your lane they don't mind crashing their car into yours... sigh, strength Lord... (apologies for the rant)

  7. Nice! Very on point...

    @Chris yinks, that's really a great idea. But how many bvs would like to know abt photography/cinematography?

    That would help motivate a person's endeavour

    1. Me! I've always been facinated about the idea and skill of capturing an amazing moment and making it immortal...

    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    3. Me too!! I think I have loved photography since I could say the word and knew what it meant but I have not done anything in that regard so yes we would love to know...

  8. I can volunteer pictorial cooking, step by step.

    And for the days when i am lazy I would send the end product and outline the steps. Cooking is a hobby.

    Sorry this is coming late


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…


Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Closed Chapter...

Hello everyone, yesterday a friend said to me, Thelma I love your blog, I've told so many people about your blog, I think you're a very good writer but I feel there's something you're not doing right"

This friend was the first person who won our beauty of the day contest back then in 2014. Then we had met just once through a mutual friend. I mentioned the blog to her and she became an instant reader. I wouldn't have exactly called her a friend then but yesterday as we sat down waiting for our Uber to come get us from Wal-Mart, she's definitely my friend and I knew she was coming from a good place when she said she had much higher expectations of my blog.

Me too.

But you see, in the last year or so, maybe even longer than that, I haven't felt much joy in blogging. It began to feel more and more of a laborious chore, one which I hardly reaped any fruits from.

I really love writing, I love sharing my life and my experiences with others and I've enjoy…

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.

Uyi & Tiwa