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Dear Thelma... (Are My Father and My Fiancé Dating?)

Good morning T and TTB family. I have been a silent reader but though I don't comment I always admire the way you people give advice on here. Please I need your advice. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost two years and I told her from the beginning that I want to marry her. I am really in love with her and she represents every thing that I want in a wife. She says she loves me too but we have a problme of distance. Also when I talk about marriage she does not take me very seriously because she is older than me, but it's only with two years. Now I am 29 and she is 31. I wanted to marry since I was 25 because I graduated very early before 20, I have my masters, I have served and I started working. At 25 I was already comfortable and ready to settle down and because I'm the first son my father strongly encouraged me. But when I met my girlfriend when I was 26 I immediately told my father that I have found my wife but it took time to convince her to agree for a relationship. When the relationship was still new my father called me and ask if I am sure that she is the one I want to marry. When I said yes he asked for her number so that he can talk to her and know what kind of person she is, and assess if she is an intelligent person. My father was so impressed after talking to her he wanted to see her. Because she could not come to visit us then I showed him her pictures on facebook. Since then my dad calls her at least once or twice every month and he always goes to facebook to look at her pictures. He said he likes her and we should go and meet her people so that we can start arranging our marriage, but she was still reluctant. I know my father is fond of her but I felt he just sees her as a daughter. But last week when I went to visit her I saw many alerts from my father. He has sent her money more than 5 times, 50 k at least, and call credit. I was very hurt because she never told me and he never told me about it too. I don't know what is going on. I ask her and she said she thought he must have told me, or that she thought I was even the one asking him to send it. When I asked him he said he was only being a good father. Ttbers I am confused , I don't even know what to believe. I love this girl somuch and I would never believe that my father can have selfish intentions on the girl that I want to marry, we are very very close but they say nothing is impossible abi? I don't know if I am overreacting by being worried. Apart from this money, I always wonder what they talk about when he calls her because he does not call when I am there. Most times he says he only asks when we can come and see her people or to know how she is doing because after all she is his daughter (inlaw). I love this girl more than my life but if she and my father have a secret then I will end the relationship immediately. But I am confused and wondering that I might be overreacting.


  1. Do you trust her? Do u trust your dad? If Yes, then believe what they said and tell your woman you are ready for marriage and she is still dragging her feet, abeg leave her and move on that means she has someone else or something else she is holding on to. A lady at 31 should be the one hurrying you up, except if she is still a student sha o. Anyway pray to God to direct your part and open ur eyes to the hidden things. It is well...

    1. My dear tell him o. How will a 31 year old woman be dragging her feet wen the one who she loves wants to marry her, Abeg give her an ultimatum the way I gave my bf then, if she's not ready by the end of the year move on. Abeg Mk una no carry side eye look me

    2. Seconded oo..poster shine ya eyes biko

  2. Ur papa na guy man.. Lol. I don't think there's anything between them YET! It seems like he's setting the stage for sum thin.. Sending her money and calling her all the time .. All these men sef.. Old papa should observe chill abeg..

  3. Poster I am a as confused as u are if Not more confused...

    What exactly is going on between them? Something is just not adding up.
    Make I go think jaree

  4. Why should your dad send her money without your consent and even if you girlfriend says she thought you knew about the money she should have brought it up even once during your conversation
    Something doesn't add up
    Sit her down n talk to her about how you fell and the marriage and all..her reply or reaction will tell you what to do next
    But why the hidden calls and money from your Dad..everything should go through you not behind you

  5. My first thought on reading this was "If it looks like shit and smells like shit, it is definitely shit!"
    Something doesn't add up here and you should worry. However, search yourself and dig deep in and talk to your girl and get assurances from her. I would think if anything fishy is going on, the 'temperature' of the relationship will start ebbing so watch out for those signs.

  6. Hmmm, If your father is sending money to your girlfriend without your knowledge, it may be innocent....or not, but the fact your girlfriend has never mentioned it once to you, sincerely i smell a rat. It's not a coincidence that both of them did not mention it.

    You guys are in different towns and she is not eager to marry you and move to the same town with you??? She may have someone serious. She may also be taking advantage of your "relationship" as your popsy has become secret ATM.

    If she was serious with you, she would have told you about daddy's money sending to clear the air just in case daddy has ulterior motives.

    There is a slight possibility that nothing is going on. Talk to her and pay her a surprise visit(though you may end up surprising yourself). Good luck. J

  7. Take a course in investigative journalism and change your name to Snoop dog. Read texts, emails and pings. Both daddy's and bae. The truth will limp out. Caveat- Do it on the sly, visit and gist like nothing's up and then when they are in the bathroom palm those phones and get to work. Forgive me father, but that's what I would do if I were you.

    1. hehehehehe @ Dark child. My child you are forgiven. Desperate times calls for desperate measures.

  8. Did you guys notice how many times the poster wrote"I love this girl" ?? Awww.

    Hey, I'm sure we have nice single girls in here that can love you equally jor. If she is not ready no problem. Thelma please bring out your cupid wand now. J

  9. Like Eazee said, if it looks like shit and smells like shit, its probably shit. you should be worried, very worried in fact. Talk to her and watch her body language. And then snoop through her phone. Plus what sort of 30something year old lady isn't ready to marry? Is she in school?

  10. Why would they both conveniently assume either has told you about gifts?

    What are her reasons for stalling, when you request to see her parents? She might be scared about your age, her job if she moves to your state, or your father's motive. Please ask.

    I think you too should chill a little, since it's a long distance relationship, make more physical time for you both, talk, ask questions, listen, observe.

    Pray to God and be ready to do His bidding.

  11. Uhhhhhhh this is weird all over and wrong too. It is so wrong on different levels.....hmmmm

    Hiya mamacita! :)

  12. Dear poster your so called girlfriend is most probably a runz girl, y would your dad send her money without telling you for you to thank him, if truly she doesn't have anything shady at d back of her mind. Your dad is just wetting d ground for her so that he can step on wet ground. Pls be carefu,l even if u wed her today what's d probability d babe and your dad won't still be seeing some where. Pray o and ask God for wisdom.

  13. Everything in my life was falling apart since my husband left me for his lover out side our marriage. My life bounced back the day i came across Dr.EZIZA contact details on the internet. When i contacted Dr.EZIZA that faithful day i was so suprised that just within 48 hours that i contaced Dr.EZIZA that my husband broke up with his lover and came back to me begging me to forgive him. Since that very moment i promised myself that i was going to try my best that everybody that are heart broken should be able to find Dr.EZIZA contact details on all almost every site on the internet. And the details are via phone number +2348058176289 or via


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