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Dear Thelma... (To Post or Not To Post).






I told you last month that my husband has been cheating on me. I don't know if my husband has ever been faithful to me since the beginning of our marriage but before he used to have the decency to try and hide it. After our first baby he stopped trying to pretend. Please how can a man go to a bear parlour every night and come back in the morning, what do they do there? 
I have begged cried prayed fasted even threatened to leave him but he does not care. That is the most painful part, when I say I will leave it is almost as if he is happy. With two children and my unemployed situation I cannot go anywhere. My friends have said I should ignore him and focus on other things, everybody says all men cheat and I should get used to it, that if I see what is happening in other marriages I will thank God for my own. I don't know how to get used to my husband sleeping with other women but I have tried. Now, my husband started dating this girl Chioma. Even the girl did not have the decency to hide the relationship. She buys him perfums and boxers and she will buy greeting cards and write her name, can you imagine that my husband stopped bothering to hide her gifts anymore. Can you imagine that that jezebel traveled, and bought things for my husband and my children? if I know where she lives I will have gone straight to and warn her. I know it sounds stupid my friends say how many will you go and warn? But she is taking it too far. She calls him anytime she wants and he doesn't hide anymore. His excuse is that after all I have already caught him so why should he continue to hide? I know you people will say face your husband and leave the girl alone but this girl is taking it too far. Last week I did some FBI and found out his password. Thelma last night Chioma sent him her naked pictures, not only that but the pictures of her female friend sucking her b**bs and other naughty pictures. She said as his birthday present she and her friend have a surprise. God knows that I am tired of praying and fasting and i know I sound stupid but I love my husband and I don't believe in divorce . I have it in mind to publish her pictures and even her contacts, I sent everything to my phone. She sent her faces even in the naked pictures. Is it that she is that stupid or she trusts my husband this much? 


***
*Chioma is not the real name, I changed it. 
*The mail was sent to me personally but I'm unauthorized to voice opinions on marital issues. She gave me her permission to post. 

She has said a lot but her main question is doesn't "Chioma" deserve to have her pictures and personal details posted online? Is that a punishment well deserved or should our dear poster "temper Justice with mercy"?

Comments

  1. I dnt knw the solution to this problem but posting her pics will probably not stop her...your husband is taking you for granted and it's not cool plus u dnt believe in divorce and you are tired of praying and fasting...
    This one hard o

    ReplyDelete
  2. Okay, first of, lemme correct this notion...this part, 'everybody says all men cheat and I should get used to it' -----now that is UNTRUE! Not all men cheat. People cheat (men and women) because they can! That's that! Back to the post, Uhmmm, you can't blame the 'Chioma' lady....See, in my country we say something, if you go to someone's house and you see everyones' shoes in front of the door, your senses will kick in and you will remove your shoes too and place them in front of the door...buh if you go to a house and you see everyone is wearing shoes inside the house, your senses will kick in and you will know it's no big deal to have your shoes on.........that being said...your path and 'Chioma's' path crossed because you both have a common denominator which is your husband....If your husband isn't cheating on you with her, you probably wouldn't have known her...so yeah! blame your husband not the chica! If there is anyone here who should be punished, it should be your husband...cuz in all honesty, even though I am married and I understand that because we are women, we tend to project that frustration of a cheating husband on the other lady ---it still doesn't make it right to go after the other lady.

    Mistresses and Side chicks technically do not deserve the venom they get from married women...I gotta be honest...If you have a man who cannot keep it in his pants, why do we have to blame these other ladies for satisfying his selfish desires? Putting out her photos makes you look bad, makes your husband look bad and makes your children look bad -----it has NO EFFECT whatsoever on the other chick....if anything, you are gonna lose your husband for real this time....so I am not gonna ask you to 'temper justice with mercy' because I understand the feelings of a scorned woman buh I can tell you this with a straight face that you bout to lose your husband to that girl if you put out her naked photos and you are bout punishing the wrong person for the right crime...(get it?)

    Anyhoo, it's your home, you are scorned and it's your husband's side chick's photos...do the math eh...



    ReplyDelete
  3. She even had time to come and ask, I for don post the pictures since.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your husband believes that you cannot go anywhere, therefore, your threat to leave makes no impact on him. How about directing your energy into equipping yourself to be financially independent? That way, your (future) threats may carry some weight.

    As for the photographs, except you make it known that you are the publisher, publishing those photographs would probably not break Chioma's tie with your husband; it may not make much desired impact. On the other hand, should it be known that you are the publisher, you risk losing your husband altogether which in my opinion is milder than the fight you would be starting with Chioma (with your husband supporting her firmly). I do hope you realize that publishing those photographs would mean starting a war which you may not have the capability to fight to the finish; the lady would fight back and naturally seek revenge. Is this something you want to put yourself through?

    When prayer, fasting, pleas etc seem not to work, shifting focus/attention to something else may work.. I am talking again about equipping yourself; divert all these energy into something productive. Prove to your husband that you are worth more than a sex machine and baby-manufacturing factory. Who knows, if he sees you as valuable, he would not want to lose you. While you do this, train your emotions to be neutral towards his action (especially since you do not believe in divorce and separation is out of it as you are not working; hence cannot sustain yourself); grow some thick skin and ignore this aspect of his. It's difficult to do and it may get worse before it gets better but it'll be worth it in the end.

    Wish you all the best.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Plus: Chioma is not your problem; your husband is. If you destroy his tie with Chioma today, what happens if he starts carrying Chikordi tomorrow? When a tree is evil, you uproot it, not cut it from the middle. Uprooting takes more time and effort.....

      -F

      Delete
    2. Miss, a hug and a kiss for this comment. Your husband is the problem. And he knows you're going nowhere. He has seen you finish.

      Mallama

      Delete
    3. See finish syndrome in marriages.

      Kai!

      Truly, this is wht happens whn someone sees u finish!

      Delete
  5. What are u waiting for ?? Put the b***h on blast! Upload immediately .. Stupid home wrecker .. She needs to be taught a lesson. But it wld have been sweeter if ur husband

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *switches on my wicked side alonside Chocolate*

      Dang it poster! Post dt idiot's damn nude pictures! Arrange street urchins and let them gang rape d idiot so DAT next time, she won't open her syphilis and gonorrhea infested purry for another person's husband. Or better still baptise d idiot's purry with acid. Since she's dating ur hubby, she must be d greedy type that likes money coz that's d major reason why they date these married men. U already av her contact shey, arrange with a
      man to disguise like one rich Alhaji, lure
      her to an hotel, call as many guys as
      possible let them fuqq her womb out.
      Video d whole thing, upload it on YouTube and tag it- how to deal with a biatch a55 mistresses. And I bet u that in her next life, if they ask her 2 come close 2 a married man again, she'd vamose. Nonsense.

      ***

      But u don't wanna take d wicked route tho @ poster. *scratches head*



      Delete
  6. Chioma is not your problem. Your husband is not your problem wither at this moment.your mind is your problem. You cannot control or change the mind of anyone else. You need to find something to do that will start earning you money. You need to be empowered before you can make decisions about leaving. Avoid sex with your husband until he gets tested and confirms negative of stds. Till then you can tell us your qualifications maybe some one can help you with a job or something to do.

    Pray for God to strengthen you to be above the entire situation and be able to provide for your children and your self.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear Poster,

    As a single chic who doesn't understand the inner workings of a marriage yet, my first thought was, "post the damn pics, what's the worst that could happen?" but they made too much sense. Anywaiz, so whatever you think is right on this one.

    That said, I've always been of the opinion that chasing/hating on the side chic is wrong on so many levels. First off, like Tibs said, you both don't know each other and the only thing that connects you is your husband, that, madam, is your problem. Your husband is the one who should be confronted, beaten, slapped, disgraced or whatever retribution you have in mind for Chioma cos he's the one who can't seem to keep his pants zipped and stop chasing Choma's skirt. And from your write in, he doesn't seem apologetic about it so we can safely say that when/if things end with Chioma, Ngozi and probably Amaka will take her place.

    Thing is, your husband knows that you cannot go anywhere because you have no source of income and your life probably revolves around him and your children and nagging him or going after his mistress doesn't in anyway help this opinion if at all, it goes to show that you have too much time on your hands. Please ma'am, find a purpose. Find something to occupy yourself with, take online courses, join a gym and become a regular member, take up volunteering, get a job, start a business, etc. You need to show him that although you care what he does outside your marriage, you are not going to sit around waiting for him to bring home a pay check or bury your head in the sand and feel sorry for yourself. You need to be independent and stop feeling sorry for yourself. What has happened to you although very sad has happened to a lot of women before you and they have come out of it strong(er) with their heads held high and so can you.

    Also, don't stop praying for your husband and your home. Be good to him, don't nag him, don't harbour any animosity toward him/Chioma(I know this is easier said than done but its not for their benefit, its for your peace of mind) just be neutral and perform your wifely duties to the best of your ability and be there for your children.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hmmm na wa o. I was just weak reading this. First and foremost get something doing, try and find a way to earn a living. I do not believe in divorce but I also do not believe in making a caricature of marriage by staying in such an appalling marriage.

    There is something called separation, while you are still married to him he, he must change his disgusting behaviour to get you back. I will lose my self respect and worth to remain in such a relationship where my husband cheats with careless abandon. So please don't accept the status quo as normal.

    How can you train your kids in such environment? How can your sons grow up to respect their wives(it may or may not affect their marriage but....... why take the risk). Your children will never have respect for their father. They may even lose respect for you for taking this crap from their father(yes I have seen it happen)YOU NEED TO CHANGE THIS SITUATION. DO NOT ACCEPT IT.

    Do not forget the power of prayers. Pray until something happens! As of that bitch, buying gifts for your children WHAT????? , forgive her (roll my eyes) or keep her pics for when you finally have the will power to separate from your husband, then upload it. Don't upload it if you are not ready for the consequences (your husband may leave you for her). J

    ReplyDelete
  9. About uploading the 'chioma' s nude pics , I don't think it'll solve a thing. That's just promoting porn. Pray more, do something and make money so that the next time you threaten to leave it might be taken seriously.(I do hope it doesn't come to that)
    God's your strength and source of joy.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm with J & F!!! Una don talk am finish.

    I'm So Sorry for your hurt Dear poster. Really sorry... please listen to the comments of F & J...

    ReplyDelete
  11. these side women are now brave..my aunt's home was invaded, as these guys had the key to open the door and went to the bedroom, stabbed the lady and didnt even touch her husband.. they said they were sent to kill her.. everyone thinks its his mistress...
    so dear wife, please be careful because these women can be ruthless and blood thirsty if they want to be..:(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So sorry,may her soul rest in peace

      Delete
    2. she survived.. and she was with child at the time (still is).. both are still recovering at the moment.

      Delete
  12. This is so painful. Like everyone has opined, get something doing. Earn a living and get financial independence. It makes lots of difference in a marriage. Since you don't want to divorce him, ignore him and pray knowing that God will fix it.

    Please if you have a certificate now is the time to use it. Get your dignity back.

    Women don't have the number of children you can't support on your own. (without a man, just incase)

    Poster don't get carried away and end up having more kids for this man. In the long run women r the losers when they have too many kids.

    I think this hubby has always been a womanizer even before marriage. You most likely knew this but...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hello to the people of this forum< Am Brooke Campbell from Texas and i can say that am the happiest person on earth since last week with what DR ABULU has done for me , it all started last year October when my fiance left me in Texas and travel to see his parents in Ohio at first him was still calling me and show love even when him was away , but it gets to a point when he no longer gives a shit about me , and i noticed it so when i tried to confront him , he told me that he dose not love me again that he feel like being alone i was shocked and heartbroken when i tried talking he will hang the phone on me i was so heart broken and i was frustrated about this , but on a second thought i was not convince that he was on his right senses so i discuss this with my elder sister who lives in California and she directed me to DR abulu of abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com saying that the man has helped her friend in such case before so i said to my self let me tried i contacted this man and explain everything to him and behold dr abulu said to me what am to do and i did exactly what he and he said after three days my fiance will call me and once he calls me i should pick the calls and he gave some other instructions . so i said okay , but to my best surprise on the 7th of November my fiancee called me and started saying on the phone am sorry it was like a dream to me , with this i said i will tell the world of his dr abulu goodness in my life , so if any one is out there and needs help in his or her relationship can also contact him today via

    email abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com
    web abuluspiritualtemple.webs.com

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i meant a post where this man Dr.Aikobaya have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my love Husband home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 24hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to your self. His email: aikobaya24hourslovespell@gmail.com he is a good man and straight forward human

    ReplyDelete
  15. But on a serious note, I say Damn it woman! I Why won't yall women with philandering hubbys do your homework by chaining these yeye horsebands of yours rather than chanelling all the energy 2 d sidechick? Beats me Y yall will leave the root and solution to your problems that u are living under d same roof with and be facing the mistresses that maybe living in another state. Your phillandering hubby's are d root, 'causers' and solution of ur problems. Face ur horsebands damn it! U can even cut dr willies with a matchet if u hv 2, but face ur damn friqqin horsebands! And if u can't take it any longer, bounce! Marriage shouldn't b a do or die affair!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Easah please can you shed more light on this "chaining" of husbands? I don't quite understand.

      Delete
  16. But why are babes so desperate these days sef? I got married early this year and while hubby and I sent invitations out to our offices inviting them for the wedding, it was then one babe decided to be flirting with hubby o as-in seriously as if she was on a mission. Babe was seriously flirting with my fiance then now hubby on whatsapp and calling hubby's office every now and then. Hubby had to gimme his phone to end the flirting. Initially i wanted to collect the phone and give her a piece of my mind but on the other hand i thought that if hubby wasn't encouraging her by responding to her messages and calls she would have probably gotten the message and stop. So i told him to nib it himself. In as much as i get plenty craze for head i channel it to where its worth not some on random b*tch. Babe wasn't giving up until hubby had to report her to her manager to put her in order. My dear don't let us give up on praying for our husbands o, there are some b*tches on evil mission o. As for the pictures that wont stop anything my dear, i wish all ladies could be like me if i had that kinda hubby (i dont pray for a cheating hubby) hmmmm.... lol... make i no teach you bad thing. My point is improve on yourself financially and don't give up on God
    K.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. K please tell us how you would handle it.
      Meanwhile wedding rings on a man can be a magnet for some chics. I just don't get it. I think some girls think its some kind of victory, like he has a fiance/wife and I still got him..

      Delete
  17. I don't think it's right to post her pictures and contacts... it could spark off a chain of events I doubt you're ready for. I'd rather you pay attention to the advice by miss pynk and J up there. Your husband is as guilty as she is and you need to decide if he's worth the trauma you're going through.

    Also I'm thinking.... if she's sending pictures of herself making out with a friend and promising a surprise gift with another friend, there's every chance that your husband is into the group sex thing and other sexual preferences you may be ignorant of. Pls pls and pls, for the sake of your child, if for nothing else, protect yourself!
    Do take it easy... it is well.

    ReplyDelete
  18. +This is a sound warning to all that want to Get your scam money back, Bring back lost lovers, even if lost for a long time, Remove bad spells from homes, business & customer attraction etc, Get promotion you have desired for a long time at work or in your career, Read all your problems before you even mention them to him,Remove the black spot that keeps on taking your money away, Stop your marriage or relationship from breaking apart, We heal barrenness in women and disturbing menstruation, Get you marriage to the lover of your choice, Guarantee you win the troubling court cases & divorce no matter how or what stage, Ensure success in work and business. Get it noted that we are upfront here on this spell caster temple on what we do, Send email to the following email address: great.spellcaster@yahoo.com to get your wish in life.

    ReplyDelete

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