Skip to main content

Dear Thelma...

TTB after six years of relationship my boyfriend finally proposed to me. I was very happy because my immediate younger sisters are both married and I was beginning to feel pressured. When bf proposed I thought that everything will go smoothly from there but things have not gone well. I am Middle belt and he is yoruba but it has never been a problem during the relationship. His family accepted me. Unfortunately after he proposed they started to drag their legs and started giving excuses why the traditional marriage cannot hold. They said my hometown is too far away from lagos and how will everybody travel bla bla. Later my parents agreed to do it in our family house in lagos but his parents came up with another excuse. That after all our tradition says that we do the marriage in the family compound in our village, so if we do it in lagos the marriage is not valid. Can you imagine it. His people started to withdraw from me and I don't know whether it is because of tribalism or something else. My boyfriend says that if they refuse to cooperate then we can go to the registry and get married and continue with our life., and that we can get blessing in a church. He says that if his family sees that we are serious they will come around later and we can do the big weddings. I asked him what about if they don't, does it mean that we will divorce but he said no, we will already be married and remain married. I need your advise because I really want to marry this man. After six years of dating only one man I don't know what I will do if we separate. I cannot see myself with another person. Also at 32 I am not a baby anymore so where will I start from. We love each other and we want to be married but if we don't have our parents blessings then do we have God's blessings? Please my fellow readers what should I do?


  1. Just checking @google account....Favourite

    1. Hello.... Where have u been? How's d banking industry treating u? .....Iso

  2. Hmmm this is a sticky one, thank God he is supportive, but I think you need to find out why they are dragging the marriage,if its solveable, it sounds you are not communicating with them directly but through him. Their blessing is important. Pray about it and let God's will be done. Cheers

  3. Yoruba's would say it's better to have a bad wife than a bad in-law.... (If am right).....I suggest you ask what is really going on before you jump into the marriage..... My dear you don't want to have in law wahala in your marriage oh....So seek wise counsel.... TNHW

  4. I pray everything works out well for you two.
    'm just gonna read the comments.

  5. This is trickly
    The good part is that he's supportive and standing by you but when you marry a man you marry his family so I heard,try and find out why they are not excited about the wedding
    And pray to God to direct your part cos this is critical

  6. This is really delicate,pls seek the face of God and wise counsel. I wud just sit back n read comments.

  7. Marrying a man without the support of his family can be disastrous. Even if your boyfriend goes ahead with the court wedding you would still not have the peace you require particularly as they have shown themselves to be a family that takes traditions seriously. You would never be regarded as "his wife" and the schemes to get you out would be more than you can bear. You need to pray. You need to try and speak to his mum/sister and find out what their issues are. And you need to start considering a possibility of you without him. In-law trouble is not for the faint or even hard-hearted. I pray God helps you sort this out.

  8. In my rather unconventional opinion, having parent's blessings doesn't necessarily mean having God's blessings. To buttress this, i know a number of families with parents blessings yet they still fail, with God's blessings on a marriage, it can never be a failure.

    Still, it is wise in this part of the world to have both parents blessings as in-law wahala in a marriage can have a disastrous effect in the marriage especially when the wife is at the receiving end and the marriage could have been prevented from happening.

    As has been echoed above, try to establish a direct line of communication with your partner's parents and also try indirect means like warming up to your partner's siblings and also cousins. Address their concerns and if possible to a reasonable degree meet their demands. Pray also (Prayer does work wonders).

    I hope you find a mutually beneficial solution to the issue. If their demands don't seem reasonable, don't be too myopic to start afresh again (you'd be starting wiser).


  9. I'm happy he's supporting you. I'll advise you find out exactly what the problem is with his family so ull both know how to tackle it. but some parents sha..see their excuses!
    Above all..take it to God in prayer

  10. Families can often be a stumbling block to one's happiness. Having said that, surely there must be reasons why they aren't offering their support, best to unravel the problem and find a solution. If in the end, there exists no problem I'd suggest they go ahead with their marriage without the family.

  11. i really do not see the issue here.. you guys are not kids.. talk about it and go get married in the court house.. family can be so stressful and can be disheartening but you got to do what you have to long as hubby is supportive and can stand his ground..thats all you need..and prayer of course..idk why we nigerians always want the huge festival that comes with weddings

  12. Go do d court wedding. You don't really need the world at the registry to sign whatever u'll need to sign. Then let hubby tell his family dat since the venue of the trado wedding has become a continental debate for them, and since they have not voiced their objection of him marrying you, u guys will like to give his platoon of a family 2 to 3 months for strategic preparation to your place.....period

  13. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…


Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.

Uyi & Tiwa

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.