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Dear Thelma...





TTB after six years of relationship my boyfriend finally proposed to me. I was very happy because my immediate younger sisters are both married and I was beginning to feel pressured. When bf proposed I thought that everything will go smoothly from there but things have not gone well. I am Middle belt and he is yoruba but it has never been a problem during the relationship. His family accepted me. Unfortunately after he proposed they started to drag their legs and started giving excuses why the traditional marriage cannot hold. They said my hometown is too far away from lagos and how will everybody travel bla bla. Later my parents agreed to do it in our family house in lagos but his parents came up with another excuse. That after all our tradition says that we do the marriage in the family compound in our village, so if we do it in lagos the marriage is not valid. Can you imagine it. His people started to withdraw from me and I don't know whether it is because of tribalism or something else. My boyfriend says that if they refuse to cooperate then we can go to the registry and get married and continue with our life., and that we can get blessing in a church. He says that if his family sees that we are serious they will come around later and we can do the big weddings. I asked him what about if they don't, does it mean that we will divorce but he said no, we will already be married and remain married. I need your advise because I really want to marry this man. After six years of dating only one man I don't know what I will do if we separate. I cannot see myself with another person. Also at 32 I am not a baby anymore so where will I start from. We love each other and we want to be married but if we don't have our parents blessings then do we have God's blessings? Please my fellow readers what should I do?

Comments

  1. Just checking @google account....Favourite

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    Replies
    1. Hello.... Where have u been? How's d banking industry treating u? .....Iso

      Delete
  2. Hmmm this is a sticky one, thank God he is supportive, but I think you need to find out why they are dragging the marriage,if its solveable, it sounds you are not communicating with them directly but through him. Their blessing is important. Pray about it and let God's will be done. Cheers

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  3. Yoruba's would say it's better to have a bad wife than a bad in-law.... (If am right).....I suggest you ask what is really going on before you jump into the marriage..... My dear you don't want to have in law wahala in your marriage oh....So seek wise counsel.... TNHW

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  4. I pray everything works out well for you two.
    'm just gonna read the comments.

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  5. This is trickly
    The good part is that he's supportive and standing by you but when you marry a man you marry his family so I heard,try and find out why they are not excited about the wedding
    And pray to God to direct your part cos this is critical

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  6. This is really delicate,pls seek the face of God and wise counsel. I wud just sit back n read comments.

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  7. Marrying a man without the support of his family can be disastrous. Even if your boyfriend goes ahead with the court wedding you would still not have the peace you require particularly as they have shown themselves to be a family that takes traditions seriously. You would never be regarded as "his wife" and the schemes to get you out would be more than you can bear. You need to pray. You need to try and speak to his mum/sister and find out what their issues are. And you need to start considering a possibility of you without him. In-law trouble is not for the faint or even hard-hearted. I pray God helps you sort this out.

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  8. In my rather unconventional opinion, having parent's blessings doesn't necessarily mean having God's blessings. To buttress this, i know a number of families with parents blessings yet they still fail, with God's blessings on a marriage, it can never be a failure.

    Still, it is wise in this part of the world to have both parents blessings as in-law wahala in a marriage can have a disastrous effect in the marriage especially when the wife is at the receiving end and the marriage could have been prevented from happening.

    As has been echoed above, try to establish a direct line of communication with your partner's parents and also try indirect means like warming up to your partner's siblings and also cousins. Address their concerns and if possible to a reasonable degree meet their demands. Pray also (Prayer does work wonders).

    I hope you find a mutually beneficial solution to the issue. If their demands don't seem reasonable, don't be too myopic to start afresh again (you'd be starting wiser).

    Cheers.

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  9. I'm happy he's supporting you. I'll advise you find out exactly what the problem is with his family so ull both know how to tackle it. but some parents sha..see their excuses!
    Above all..take it to God in prayer

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  10. Families can often be a stumbling block to one's happiness. Having said that, surely there must be reasons why they aren't offering their support, best to unravel the problem and find a solution. If in the end, there exists no problem I'd suggest they go ahead with their marriage without the family.

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  11. i really do not see the issue here.. you guys are not kids.. talk about it and go get married in the court house.. family can be so stressful and can be disheartening but you got to do what you have to do..as long as hubby is supportive and can stand his ground..thats all you need..and prayer of course..idk why we nigerians always want the huge festival that comes with weddings

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  12. Go do d court wedding. You don't really need the world at the registry to sign whatever u'll need to sign. Then let hubby tell his family dat since the venue of the trado wedding has become a continental debate for them, and since they have not voiced their objection of him marrying you, u guys will like to give his platoon of a family 2 to 3 months for strategic preparation to your place.....period

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