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Dear TTB Readers... (My Husband Wants Me To Pay Half The Costs For OurWedding!)




Good day dear, please help me ask this question from blog readers. To what extent is a woman suppose to take part in marriage preparation. I mean financially, is she suppose to share the cost equally with her man? Dear I am getting tired, my wedding is fast approaching and anytime I talk to my man about anything he will tell me to pay or drop half of the money. Example for cake I will pay half, rentage of  hall, I should pay half even our clothes. I don tire. And my parents too expect me to drop something for entertainment. Please help me ask Blog readers their opinions.


***
My darling poster, I'm really not sure what to say, I'll leave that to our knowledgeable blog readers. But I worry, because I wonder if this is expo of the things to come, post-wedding...

Comments

  1. Well, all this is relative. First of all can he truly afford the wedding you guys are planning singlehandedly? If yes (make sure you know this for a fact ), then you have a stingy man on your hands. It reminds me of a couple that did all things half and even after the delivery of their first child the husband asked the wife for her credit card so they could bill her for half of the cost. Of course they broke up shortly after the wife left the hospital with the baby.

    Now are you bouyant and don't think you should spend your own money? Because its a joint undertaking. If yes, you are also stingy or cheap . Check yourself.

    Is money a struggle for the both of you? Or are you planning a fantasy wedding? Why do your parents expect you to chip in?

    If money is an issue, registry is n4ok max - go there and let a priest or Alfa bless you after and move along. Wedding and marriage are two different things and if they have any bearing on each other it is negative - no marriage has survived because a couple has a fantastic wedding, however marriages have broken down because people overspend for fantasy weddings and find it difficult financially to start their lives properly.

    So check yourself and tell yourself the whole truth. The story above is incomplete.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Please help your man if you can
    I dnt knw why the whole money Ish is always left for the guy..both of you are going into the marriage why can't you help
    If both of you cnt afford it drop the big wedding idea and go to a registry
    Dnt have a big wedding n let your marriage suffer afterwards

    ReplyDelete
  3. There should be a budget and he should be able to provide 60 while you provide 40. That is on the condition that he isn't so buoyant.

    Weddings are not left for guys alone these days, country hard.

    Support him, if you can. However I dont fancy the idea of asking you to pay half for everything.
    Trust me, this will go and on even in marriage.

    Talk about it aand resolve this ...ish now,

    All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes Yes Yes.... U should pay part, but not necessarily half.... My sis got married recently..... She and hubby shared d responsibilities although he did most eg he paid for d hall wic costed almost 700naira...she was responsible for d food etc... Was even asking my mom if it was normal,... She said it wasn't bad at all if they are in like terms.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Finally Momoh made a real comment.

      Delete
    2. Lmaoo @ anon 9:13pm! As opposed to "seen " and some others!

      Delete
    3. Lmaoo @ anon 9:13pm! As opposed to "seen " and some others!

      Delete
    4. Seen, cool, ok, nawa. Lool Momoh see yourself.

      Delete
    5. Hahaahahaha... Funny Ppl,.... Y I comment like that is cos I have no experience or whatsoever relating to the topic at hand,.. But I had to mark attendance ooo cos we don't know wen Thelma's judgement day ll be

      Delete
  5. Everyone seems to be in favour of a symbiotic relationship and I think that is not such a bad idea, if you both are really interested in becoming One then sharing responsibilities shouldn't be your problem my dear...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lol I don't get it.. So you think you will just show up with your wedding dress .. And not partake in any financial activity ? Girl wake up!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I dont think its a bad idea to split bills, i think its ok to shoulder some responsibility if you can afford it but him telling you categorically to pay half of everything sounds one kind in my ears. I think 60-40 is ok and a lot better than 50-50. He should also buy your clothes himself and not ask you to pay for your half. Unless there's more to this story, this particular piece makes the guy come off as stingy.

    My advice is, watch very well, if the man is stingy and you cant deal with it long term cos trust me, if you pay half and half now, you will keep paying it that way till the very end, then now's a very good time to take a walk.
    Secondly, if the expenses are too much/high, cut down on the expenses or scrap the whole big wedding thing completely and just go to court like Ms Pynk suggested.
    Third, if you're not comfortable with the situation, sit your fiance down and talk about it and try to work out a solution.
    You can also try what Momoh's sis did by choosing stuff to pay for instead of splitting bills. One person pays for hall, drinks, clothes, and wedding cake, the other pays for decor, music, alaga pple and engagement cake. The bride's parents pay for food.
    Which ever way works.

    All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you all for your contributions and thank very much Thelma for posting this. We are actually having a very small wedding (50) guests. I am asking this question because when he asked me to make a list of all we need, including his clothes and mine, cake, hall and refreshments. I did and the next thing I heard is you will pay half I will drop the half, I looked at him, this is the guy who wants 2 suits but said I can't use a gown bcos we r not really celebrating the white wedding. When he got the engagement list which my parents did actually cut to only the necessary items for trad, he said I must pay half of it. Then I had to ask him if I am paying my own dowry myself. I don't have issue with contributing but the half half thing is my worry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sweetheart I believe you have every right to be worried. But has he always been like this with other things during your relationship? Can he afford to do more than he's willing to do now? These are questions I would like answered.

      Delete
    2. Bia poster, I no follow for this one at all. Untop what kwanu?

      With your last comment I think there is every need to be worried, maybe it is my culture or my mentality but the last time I checked, sweetheart this man would get even worse.

      I feel he should get the vibes of the marriage and shut down the bills...that's how some Igbo brothers roll.

      Delete
    3. Omo na true ooo.... @poster u just made it clear like he insisted it by command...... Dats harsh Sha..... That was not how I learnt it used to be oooo,,... It's supposed to be a mutual consent by both parties...... AS U SAY I DO.... MAY UR UNION BE FILLED WITH BLISS

      Delete
    4. Now that you have given the full gist, it's a taboo, to pay your own dowry. Which one is you will pay half. For what now!!!

      Please do you earn more than him, cos he strikes me as someone who will bring half of everything in marriage.

      Babe, advice your self well, it's one thing to want to support your man, it's another thing if he is insisting that you pay half of everything, so when you have his children, you will pay half of the hospital bill, and half of the house rent, and on and on it goes.

      Just 50 guests and he wants to wear 2 suits.

      My dear you better be very very worried.

      Delete
    5. Ha,look well oh. This worries me cos it will only get worse!

      Delete
  9. There's nothing wrong with pulling your weight and being a true full partner in the relationship. I have always been a firm believer in what's ours is ours and there have been times when I singlehandedly paid the mortgage and footed all the bills in the home because things were at a standstill for the hubster. But i do this willingly because he has also been of the what's ours is ours mentality and has never withheld anything from me, putting my needs first. What I have a problem with is the insistence that you pay exactly half of the bills. I already sense conflict there and the fact that you both are not on the same page at all when it comes to money matters. Its very important you thrash this out ASAP cos like my mum-in-law says, start as you mean to go on. I have a friend whose husband started the same way and it has been a nightmare even after 16yrs. Started like a joke but then when she makes a shopping list, he gives her exactly half and then started insisting she took notes of everything she spent in the market, down to tomatoes and pepper. He would give her exactly half, including rent and now mortgage and the bills. That is no way to live. It has to be a partnership where both of you are equally vested but not being done in this mercenary way. It is not a competition.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Once again, I couldn't have said it any better. I advise that a woman be an active participant in a relationship/union or marriage and this participation should include financial committments to the extent of each partner's capability.

      However, what is worrying about your scenario is his insistence on half contributions by each individual party. That has an undertone of an existing disconnect in your soon-be-marriage and maybe a disconnect in other critical areas of a relationship. This seems more like a business agreement where everything needs to be done in numbers or quantitave form. That doesn't work in a successful relationship/marriage as each partner should be wholly or 100 percent committed to making the relationship work. No marriage ever works when one partner only does 50 percent contribution. This is not even considering the fact that you both have different net worths and financial earnning power or the fact that it is expected in this part of the world for a guy to contribute above average assuming all other things being equal.

      I'd suggest that you talk things with your partner and let him see your reasons for your stance. As regards your parents and their request for entertainment, only do what you can comfortably sustain financially. For the rest, if entertainment is critical to them, they contribute the rest.

      Delete
    2. chai I'm left at the mercy of these two testaments, *swallows*

      Delete
  10. Well said Nubian Princess and Chris

    ReplyDelete
  11. Why is everytin changing??? What has happened to d good old days of a MAN taking full responsibilty of this very important process that should mek him raise his head to his wife and say " I MARRIED YOU" and the woman feels special!! I might sound too traditional or old school bt i jst blive there are some tins that a man should just do. A man should marry a woman and not seek a woman's assistance to marry her. Who is marrying who? If she comes later now and say lets share house chores then he would say there are jobs for men and women. Pls pls. If i wanna support my wedding in anyway it should be of my own will and not because the man is boldly telling me to shoulder part of d cost. Thats just the green light of stingy without shame.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I always tot in weddings,either the father of the bride handles it or the Hubby to be handles it or the father and hubby splits the costs.
    Is this what it means to wanna marry an independent woman? *shivers*

    ReplyDelete
  13. Everyone has said it all. But where necessary please support him. marriage is a union of two people who become one. Hope you know that once u get married, your money becomes his and vice versa, so please make sure the financial ground/understanding between you both is fully in place to avoid unseen conflicts.

    ReplyDelete
  14. We had our wedding here and couldn’t have asked for anything more than what we got with the chef and staff. The food was amazing and my family is still raving about how great it was. The staff at location for vows was so on top of everything.

    ReplyDelete
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