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His Pastor Told Him Not To Marry Me - Anonymous.

How dare he take away my right to say no to his offer of friendship again. 

I am in tears, broken, my heart is in a million pieces, my eyes are blurred, my stomach is churning and heaving as I write this. 7 years we were friends, we dated other people and he nursed the idea of dating me but there was always a hitch, he either had a girlfriend or I was in a relationship, there was never an opportunity to take things to the next level for the both of us. January 2015, the opportunity came, he was free and I was in a shitty relationship that I needed to get out of. He talked, cajoled, convinced me that I deserved better, what was I doing with a man who had a kid, twenty something years older than me and treated me like shit. He gave me strength and I left the relationship, he wanted to be with me but I asked him to let me heal. He gave me space, love, care, attention and all I needed to heal. Fast-forward to March, we started dating. We talked extensively about the relationship, he promised not to hurt me, he gave me joy that turned out to be fleeting.                    

It wasn't about the sex, we had sex thrice, once when we were friends and had a spell break, and I didn't attach any emotions to it then about 3years ago, twice as lovers with lots of emotional attachment and lots of promises to make me happy. Then it happened, that bad Thursday, he dropped me off at home and went for a night vigil, I didn't hear from him again, he stopped calling, stopped picking my calls and when he eventually picked, he had a lot of excuses. 

I thought about what could have gone wrong, I decided to give him space, traveled to port harcourt to an aunts place to stay for a week. He didn't call, I came back, told him I was back, he didn't call, then I called him today and asked him to please see me.            

My worst nightmare just happened, it happened this afternoon, he honored my invitation and I proceeded to ask him why the lull in communication and if I did something wrong, he said I didn't do anything wrong, that it was during the night vigil, it was prophesied to him that the girl he wants to marry is not the right girl for him. The pastor of his church told him to leave that girl because she's a bad woman and that's the reason he was avoiding me. 

I said no problem, just make sure u take the next girl to your pastor before trying to have sex with her. That was when the shocker came, the pastor had asked him to go back to his ex, the ex who is a member of his church while I am a catholic. Why can't he see the writing on the wall and the manipulation. Now he wants us to be friends again, I said I can't go back to being your friend and he had the guts to ask why?  

My response was HOW DARE YOU TAKE MY LOVE AND ALSO WANT TO TAKE AWAY MY RIGHT TO SAY NO TO YOUR FRIENDSHIP. If I can't have your love, I don't think I want to be friends with you again, we have long crossed that threshold, we should never have crossed it.

As someone recently commented; man-woman matter does not end. LOL. When the poster sent this to me she said she had been feeling down but after writing she immediately felt a lot better. You see people, there's magic in writing. It's so therapeutic and detoxifying sometimes. Keep the submissions coming and remember they can be about anything at all, provided we can all relate, contribute to, learn from or simply just read and enjoy. 

This above, I'm sure most of us can relate to. Poster I'm so sorry for your hurt. And if it makes you feel any better; at least he told you why he left. Most of us haven't always had they luxury. They come and rock your world, make you feel all happy and optimistic, and then poof! They vanish and don't even tell you why. Then begins that odious search for "closure". Ugh!

If he doesn't see that there's an agenda then there's something wrong with him...


  1. If he cannot see the plot of the whole prophesy he is dumb. Who wants to marry a "my pastor said kinda guy". Personally I never take action based on what a pastor or rev fr says. When I hear a "prophesy" I go on my knees and ask God for direction. I run away from my pastor said kind of people because i'v seen families and siblings torn apart from listening to so called prophecies. J

    1. A million likes and hugs for your comment J..... spot on
      Dear Anon I think you just dodged a missile maybe not in the best ways...I know you'll be fine... hugs

  2. It is spiritual laziness that makes people take what their pastors say hook line and sinker without going further to find out what God really says.
    And it is immaturity that makes a man of God directly tell you who to marry and who not to marry. Your place as the shepherd is to guide.

    I'm happy you feel better... just move on(which i'm sure you already did) love would find you! :*

  3. Dear anonymous, I also believe you dodged a bullet , spiritual advice is good but it should not be taken blindly, I believe you need a man who knows God personally and wont fall to the whims and dictate of a pastor. It is good to know you are feeling better

  4. I agree about writing being therapeutic. Dear Poster, give it time, you'll look back and laugh and marvel at how it seemed like such a huge deal back then and how you are with someone better now.
    You will heal and smile from the heart again.

  5. Whatever msg God cannot directly call my name and tell me is not for me!! I hear God for myself. And he knows if e can talk to any other he can as well sit me down be it trance or dream and talk to me. Poster that is a future running from one man of God to another husband u jst dodged. Plsss thank ur stars. If he could not understand sometin as trivial as this that does not require any spiritual eyes or understanding to comprehend and think for himself, then he is not worth it afterall.

  6. Abi she had the luxury of closure, it's well sister... it's well

  7. Dear poster, ask yourself this question; Will this matter to me 5 years from now? The answer is no. So girl, go on and heal.

    1. 5 years is too long mbok. 3 months sef and you are talking of 5 years. Dear poster please move on.

  8. Ordinarily, if the poster means so much to the guy, he would not follow his Pastor's 'recommendation' so easily.If he valued the lady's presence in his life so much, he would be so unwilling to let her go.


  9. Sweetie, Move on and remember in evry thing, give tanz to God. God just saved u frm a serial unworthy fellow. Your right man is on d way....gudluck!

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Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
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He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


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