Some days ago I woke up to a text from someone apologizing for something or the other. She actually took the time to explain and apologize. Very eloquent text but the minute I dropped my phone I forgot all about it. I had no intentions of replying her or even giving the apology any thought.
In my mind I shrugged my shoulders and kept my thoughts moving. Then it occurred to me that I was doing the exact same thing I'd pointed fingers at people for doing. I have apologized to you, deeply and sincerely. Why isn't that enough? What else can I do? Why wouldn't you forgive me? I have apologized damn it! WHY wouldn't you freaking forgive me?!!!
But do apologies really entitle us to forgiveness?
I remember years ago when that Susan Peters-Linda Ikeji incident happened. The details are blurry but from what I remember Linda posted that rather embarassing picture of Susan on her blog. Although Linda didn't say much, she didn't need to, the picture was enough. And then the gbo gbo bigs gals written in a playful and innocent tone, obviously wasn't. The post generated hundreds of comments, at a time when posts on Linda's blog had a hundred comments at most. People hurled mud, insults, mockery, ridicule and shade at Susan and I was even one of those that felt disdain towards her.
Next thing we know, a day or two later, Linda goes and sends Susan a dm (direct message) on Twitter, apologizing to her. Of course Susan did not accept that apology and in fact munched it and publicized it. People called her names for being difficult and saying Linda shouldn't even have apologized in the first place.
.... Maybe Linda should or shouldn't have. But since she chose to, just why on earth should Susan accept that apology? On this, I sided with Susan Peters. You can't publicly humiliate someone on such a huge platform and then privately send them a tiny message which only they would see. So, no, while others might say "...but she's sorry, she's remorseful", I say "Nah, stuff your apology".
Just like when my former boss embarrassed and humiliated me silly before a mammoth crowd, then a few minutes later sent me a text saying "my dear, I'm so very sorry", I said "Nah, stuff your apology". Well errrr, not in those words but he got the message and did the right thing.
Similarly, when weeks ago Ride or Die friend of Tonto Dike; Swanky Jerry, voluntarily got into the Tonto-Toyin mud fight and threw shade at Toyin Lawani and Lord Trigg...
then came less than 24 hours later to apologize to "everybody" he has hurt bla bla bla, my thoughts were "Nah, Nope. Keep it moving".
And then this morning I see Uti's very humble and heartfelt apology to Jim Iyke and while I applaud him for being so humble and unabashed in his apology, I'm also left feeling some type of way.
Now this is absurd because I'm the first person to apologize when I do wrong. I feel like the ultimate act of contrition is acknowledging your wrong, accepting it and expressing regret for doing it. Thereby saying if I knew then what I know now, I would never have acted that way, and now I wish I never did. And though I cannot press rewind, I want you to know just how badly I feel about my actions.
Is that really the ultimate. Is it really enough? Does doing that entitle you to forgiveness? Does it subject the person to the duty of letting go of whatever pain your actions caused them?
Does refusing to accept an apology make someone a bad person?
Are apologies really enough?
And if/when they aren't, what is?
...Have you ever been where I am, where a million sorrys mean absolutely nothing? You have? Please tell me all about it, and then tell me what made things right, or if you left things as they were. I'm all ears!
*i need to add that neither the title of this post nor the munched chat are a reflection of my present state of mind or a representation of my personal thoughts in this post. They are, at best, click bait*