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The Astonished, The Indifferent, The Irritated.-Onyx Godwin WritesAbout Being Effeminate.

When Chaz Bono talked about transitioning from female to male, and said you have no idea how lucky you are to feel like the sex you were born with, I empathized with him. Most people hate what they don't understand and that's quite understandable, so maybe if people who are different from us can make us understand, we will be more accepting of them?
    If you've followed Linda Ikeji's  blog for a while now then Onyx Godwin is no stranger to you. While I (admittedly) occasionally shake my head at him I have always applauded his courage. I imagine it cannot be easy being him. 

Growing up, I always hear people call me "woman wrapper", people told me I behaved like a girl. I was just a kid in primary school then, I didn't know how a guy or girl behaves, so I was confused, shy, angry and depressed for a long time. The constant mockery in school and even in the church I used to attend, I always got and still get three basic reactions - the baffled and astonished, the indifferent and the one's that are out-rightly disgusted by me. I will take my time to explain this three set of people, just patiently read on...

1. The baffled and astonished; this set of people are shocked and surprised at my effeminacy, they feel amused seeing a guy who behaves more like a girl than girls, they are not irritated or angry at you,they try being your friend and having you around because of your rare and unique nature.

2.The indifferent; this set of people don't care,they feel less concerned and don't give any thought to your effeminacy,they simply move on with their lives!

3.The irritated; this set of people are disgusted by your sight,they mock you in public,bully you,call you " homo" or gay at any given chance,they will gladly kill you and feel no remorse.

This three set of people shaped who i am today,i grew up to be very strong and bold,i had series of depression,i was rejected and laughed at.i remember finishing high school in 2012, admission  was taking my time and i decided to work,the guys in the interview room were laughing and asked -u go sabi work so? See as u dey behave like woman and thin,guess what?most of them didn't get the job,i did! I ended up working there for over a year,even got promoted!

Many guys refuse hanging out with you,being friends with you or even walking with you because they will be labelled gay,EVEN GAYS THEMSELVES DISCRIMINATE ON EFFEMINATE GUYS TOO! PATHETIC

Yes we are effeminate, we behave like girls, we aren't men enough,we sway our hips,swirl our eyes and hands,belly dance,twerk and so much more, but does that make us less human than you lot? Does that mean we should get mocked ? Laughed at? Embarrassed?

I have major problems with Jonathan signing the anti-gay bill because it directly incriminate and endanger we effeminate guys,the society has already labelled us gays, the law sinply back them up and give them the liberty to brutalize us and get away with it!
Yes i am effeminate,i didn't choose to be like this,i did not create myself,i did not choose to sway my hips,bat my eyelashes,draw my words knowing damn well the world we live in.   

You igbos  know how it felt when kunle afolayan came for the yoruba weeks back?you all know how it feels to look for a job and not getting the employment because you are from a certain tribe, you all know how it feels when you are mocked for being short, dark,ugly, big nose,big eyes and all the naija usual yabbing,you all complain about racism even though the people that complain more haven't even left their state.if all this mentioned is not ok and degrading, why do you think it is ok to mock and degrade a guy because nature made him a "woman wrapper"?

-Written by Onyx Godwin. 

* I referenced Chaz Bono because Cher gave birth to him as a girl, but he never felt like female, so he changed his gender. And not because Onyx has said anything to suggest that he is or would one day be transgendered. 


  1. He's so articulate. I got every sense in this writeup.
    I knew one guy like that in high school oh. Very brilliant. Never had male friends cos they laughed at & bullied him. He preferred gisting with us females because we got Him!
    Today he's a Lawyer, a Damn Great one. Engaged but can still give Shakira a run for her belly dances!

    1. I also had a guy like that in secondary school. Hip swaying, wrist/forearm at an angle when walking, etc. People made fun of him. The innocence of kids back then though - none of us ever thought remotely anything about being gay (how many of us even knew what that meant?). we just accepted (although we were confused) that he was effeminate. I still check up on him every now and again. He's grown into quite a fine gentleman, and he seems to be doing well.

    2. @ruth is his name Socrates?

  2. Please guys, just... Take note. #enoughsaid


  3. Everybody has a right to exist in peace providing they are not violating any one else's human rights. His being effeminate isn't affecting or threatening anyone's existence. Folks should live and let live.

    1. True talk... Very true.... I ll just remain being in d indifferent set

  4. Now I'm see.... No wonder Dat guy in camp possesses all d xteristics..... Hmmmmm

  5. Am gonna stick to the indifferent stage......But come to think about it,my son must not turn out this way...TNHW

    1. Exactly my thought whenever I read all the stuffs about gay/effeminate guys. In as much as I do not want to care about your biological gender, sexual orientation etc (I would love to be indifferent), I cringe whenever I imagine my son turning out this way.

      Meanwhile, I don't think being effeminate necessarily translates to being gay or bisexual. I had a classmate during Masters who was effeminate though not as obvious (don't want to use the word 'bad') as Onyx. He explained to us that his effeminacy was as a result of growing up in an all-girls-setting. He naturally emulated some of their ways which he got used to. Now, he's married with two kids. I believe since he resides in US, he could have decided to be gay or bisexual (which he's not to the best of my knowledge).

      Meanwhile, I have a male relative who was as effeminate as Onyx. He grew up with boys/men (even without his mum). This gives me the understanding that it is more natural/in-born and not a trait one picks up along the way. He is over 20 years now and once could still notice some feminine behaviours in him.

      I wish Onyx and everyone in his shoes all the best.


  6. Onyx Godwin!! I remember him from my Linda Ikeji days... lol
    so wait, is he effeminate or is he gay. or both? i still think many men today end up deciding to be gay (or deciding they must be gay), simply because they or others do not know how to accept or deal with men with feminine tendencies.

  7. The guy is now popular like play o! .lol
    I'm not a fan of gays or effeminates..I'm really indifferent to all these. I Wish him well.

  8. I really do not care any which way about whether or not a guy is effeminate. I knew 2 of them in my very first secondary school and another one is a family friend. I have never been close enough to anyone who's effeminate to form an opinion about them but they seem harmless enough. Bullying and insulting them is most definitely not the way to go.

  9. I think I know this Godwin guy because he looks exactly like a junior student of mine in secondary school but can't remember his name maybe I'll ask my younger sister
    If he's the one then I must say almost everyone in his class used to make fun of him although I didn't know him perosnally but we used to settle quarrels amongst him and them and boy could he whine...he could dance better than most girls in school then...
    Good to know he's confident
    There was this other one that was albino too and he always acted like a girl too.
    I think I belong to the indifferent class


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