Hey people. I'm excited when I see something I've wondered about for a while, come to life, albeit in someone else's words. Today's chickchat holds a lot of questions I've asked over time, and I would really love to know what you think.
"A friend asked me a few weeks ago "what's the meaning of life to you". I was panicked as I had never really asked myself that question. It took me a few days to soul search and find the single most important thing to me in life. I believe we as women should as early as possible discover what's important to us in life. It is critical for life decision-makings. Once we gain perspective, we must follow our path with razor sharp focus! #Read#Comment #Enjoy!
I've been with my boyfriend Niyi now for over 7 years. We got together at 19 and now we are both done with grad school and chasing career. I have been offered a dream job in Paris. My BF is so supportive and happy for me and he recently asked me to marry him. I was so excited about all the good things happening in my life that I didn't stop to give it a think. I am happy being his life partner but he is moving back to Nigeria and has a good job working with his dad's maritime logistics company.
Our lives are taking separate turns for the next few years but we both want to remain together. Is it advisable for the first years of marriage to be long distance? My mother is staunchly against this and even yelled at me. She firmly said, "listen, Niyi is a very good catch so don't be foolish enough to think he is going to be longing for you forever.." She feels I should come back home and find a job and "prioritise". I have goals of starting my own consultancy and I would need at least 5 years of international work experience. I also feel I would have something solid to bring to the table.
My mom keeps harping on about my western mentality and that "marriage does not come easy so don't leave it too late." I'm torn between the reality of what my mother is saying versus the life I've dreamed of after grad school. My Niyi! I'd be devastated to lose him. Will the realities of long distance affect our marriage? They say the first 3-5years of marriage are the most difficult. It sounds to me like I shouldn't place my goals and aspirations above marriage: one must take precedence!
Above is @conniegirlswag Tuesday chickchat. Follow her on Instagram and join the convo every Tuesday.
I remember telling you guys about someone who came with a marriage proposal. One of my reservations was that I believed my dreams would die if I move to that part of the country. Just like in the scenario above, his father had already set him up really well in their home state and had things lined up for the guy for life. Most people felt that marriage should trump career/aspirations/goals but I find it very difficult to accept or believe that marriage is God's purpose for my life. I think, yes, it's part of the plan and will eventually happen. But purpose... My aspirations are what keep my engines revving and if you take that away from me, I really don't know if I would cope. But I may be myopic or you may consider me a tad silly. And that's ok really.
I don't even want to begin to ask why I should be the one to uproot my life and relocate, while he sits pretty and continues with life as usual. When I told his father this, he said to me; "If I said I want the both of you to move to New York and I will take care of everything, would you complain? No. But you said you don't want to leave Lagos. New York is not in Lagos nau". LOL. Daddy though!
And let's also address this issue of long distance marriage? Are you in one? Does it work? How do you make it work? Or, should it be avoided at all cost?