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Why I Married My Side Chic.

I am sharing this because nobody ever listens to the man's side of the story. Once they hear that you cheated and you marry the other person then suddenly you're the spawn of Satan. Yes I cheated on my ex girlfriend and I married the girl I cheated on her with. Admittedly my ex is very pretty, she is nice, she is a decent cook and was very good in bed. In fact she was better at almost all these things than my wife but I cheated on her. I feel terrible because she did not deserve that from me, but it is what it is and you are free to call me names. 

My ex and I had dated eight months when I met my wife. Honestly I was not ready for marriage or planning to marry then but I thought that when I was ready I would marry my ex. When I met my wife she didn't know about my ex because I noticed she liked me and I thought that I could have some fun with her. I'm not proud of this, I was younger and less conscientious back then. I didn't even plan to sleep with her but I thought a little fun wouldn't hurt, it would not last longer than one of two weeks and my ex will never find out. 

She called me quite often and invited me for drinks once. Actually she was the one who made the first move, like I said, she didn't know I was in a relationship. Most young ladies think it is a crime to make the first move on a guy. She wasn't desperate or pushy, she just let me know that she liked me and she was interested. After the first time we had drinks I found her to be very interesting and stimulating so the next week I invited her to my house. Then I was planning to either tell her about my ex or sleep with her and cut her off. None of that happened. 

First, she wanted to see my CV. I showed it to her and she made some pointers, she started to make some very intelligent points I had not thoughts about and began to ask about my career plans and long term goals. Long story short, she stayed for hours but I didn't even think about sex and guess what, I forgot about my ex. My wife took my CV home and the next day she sent me an edited copy. She had given my CV a makeover, which really appealed to a lot of employers. We started getting closer and soon she started to urge me to take the GMAT exam and other courses and apply to some American universities. She said I was very smart and that I could do more than I was doing. I never planned to further my studies and I thought I was comfortable where I was. But I started taking GMAT classes, she coached me and would call me often to make sure I was studying and asked if I needed help. During this time my ex knew I was practicing for GMAT but she didn't ask me why. She would just come to my house as usual and suggest that we go out, then we would come back and have sex. In a short time I began to compare my ex to my wife and I began to see so many things lacking in her character but I remained in the relationship. 

My wife pushed me, she made me work harder and push myself. Shortly after, I got a promotion and a raise at work. Management wasn't planning on doing this but I later learnt that with my new ethics and results I had become more valuable to the organization. She pushed me to look for opportunities to better myself. The first time I took the GMAT and a few other board exams I passed. I even got accepted to Stanford University! I had to defer my admission because of financial constraints but you can imagine how proud I was, I, that went to a polytechnic! 

At this point I had started dating my wife and my ex had started noticing changes in me. She knew there was someone else but she was satisfied with being number 1 even if I had others. She just accepted that all men cheat and that I simply was having fun but she was "the main chic". My wife on the other hand had found out about my ex at that point and insisted that I either break up with my ex or forget about her. She said she refused to share a man, if she didn't know about my ex then that was different, but she would never date me knowing my ex was there. Even at that we had a relationship, but without sex because I was still with my ex, that was her condition.

I didn't mind, my wife meant more to me than sex. She could hold her own in the presence of substantial people. My colleagues and bosses met her and they would later comment in the office about how brilliant and nice she is. She was a good conversationalist and she made me THINK. She made me have a new perspective on things and ask why or why not. It wasn't about sex or cooking with her, she really knows what it means to add value to someone's life. She didn't keep too many friends or spend time gossiping or talking about people she doesn't know. She was very focused and constantly doing something to improve herself. 

She also put me on my toes. My ex was accepting of "all of me" including all my flaws, but my wife didn't take any bullshit. If I did something she didn't like she will ask me to cut out the bullshit or get lost. She kept me on my toes and it made me respect her even more. She had standards and she didn't compromise them for me even though she loved me. She called me out on any nonsense I did and made me apologize and do better. At this point I was already in love with her. 

Guess what, my wife was four or five years younger than my ex, but she was so much more mature and wiser. She knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to ask for it. She is not as pretty as my ex but then it doesn't matter. 

I was afraid to lose her so I proposed to her. Remember that I said I wasn't ready for marriage, when I met my wife I wanted to marry! Our families met and started making plans, that was when we first had sex and she almost immediately became pregnant. I was overjoyed but something bothered me, my ex still didn't know. 

My ex was trying her best, cooking for me whenever I told her I was in town. I had to lie a lot in order to protect my relationship with my wife. Besides that, I did a lot of traveling with my wife. She encouraged me to invest in travel, to visit other parts of the world and broaden my horizon and views. Back then she usually paid her own way while I paid mine, but when I could afford it I footed our costs. My ex didn't know that I was making these trips with my wife to be. 

She found out about my wife after the introduction and threatened hell and brimstone. Unfortunately at this point I was more or less a married man and nothing could be done. 

Do I feel guilty? Of course. The truth whether you like it or not, is that most single guys have the main girlfriend and then one or two others on the side they just have fun with (I am not saying it's a good thing but it's the reality). Also, they may or may not be sexual with the side chics although in most cases, they are. 
       However, sometimes the side chic proves to be of more value, substance and worth than the main chic. So even though you really cherish your main chic, she may be very hot, good in bed and her food may be better than jevenik, but when you meet someone that epitomizes everything that a good wife is, it is hard for a man to ignore that person. Remember that when you're looking for a wife, you're also thinking about somebody that will be a good mother to your children, someone that was take care of the home, and somebody that can hold the fort when you are not there. Your wife is like your ambassador most times and she is for life, so most men are very careful when it comes to selecting one. 

So I feel very guilty about treating my ex the way I did, she really is a good person. But with the most serious things in life we need to be selfish. I found my wife and I was going to make her mine, even if it meant hurting someone else for a little while. 

-a Friend. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I wrote the above but the story isn't mine. The guy is too lazy to write a submission but I just needed to share his story becasue I learnt some things and I knew you might too. 

The way we got to talking about this, I was insulting him for being a mean selfish cheating male who mislead and dumped his babe to marry some random chic. He then decided to shush me and for the first times since I started teasing him several months ago, told me his side. This happened last night after I recovered from the airport runs, we sat down for drinks at a neighbourhood bar/lounge and we had this very interesting conversation. I was taking notes as he was speaking. Of course the words are mine, English isn't one of his strong suits (ROTFL, told Ya I would say this *tongue out*) LOL. 

Yes, he was selfish and what he did was wrong. But after hearing his side of the story I got a new insight into things. 

In all, what are your thoughts on the account above? Agree, disagree, like, dislike, been somewhere similar...? Let's talk. 


  1. He is still an ass hole. It's not a must to marry anyone you are in a relationship with but when you find someone else better do the right thing and end things with the present person. Don't waste someone's time, lying to them and then justifying it with all that crap you wrote above(though written by T)
    There are 1001 reasons why a guy would want to leave a girl, even if that reason is flimsy it's still a valid reason. You are not married to the person yet but do the right thing. End that relationship start another. Is there a reason that will justify cheating? No!. J

  2. I honestly don't know what to make of this. His side of the it meant to be some sort of defense? Granted, he feels guilty, which is a plus, but still what's the point of this?

    The only thing I gathered from the Post is he admitted, though wrong, that most single guys have more than one girlfriends and I agree. The rest is just plenty talk biko.

  3. Whoa! Just whao!!! Not here to judge. Learnt a thing or two. Thnks T.

  4. Some people are just content being them, your ex accepted your flaws, she is a good person, bla bla, but you found someone who you claim made you a better person, but you didn't deem it wise to save your ex from the heart ache. You were shagging her and still enjoying your wife too.

    You were/are one selfish dude men.

    The same qualities you saw in your wife that made you marry her will most likely be the same qualities that will make you dislike her in the future.

    Guys and their plenty expectations.

  5. it was still very wrong to string his ex along like that. I dont care how many times he tries to justify himself, what is bad is bad biko. He's just a jerk and a coward for not having enough guts to face his ex, tell her the truth and break up with her.

  6. Learnt a lesson or two but I feel nothing is good enough to justify a wrong act...
    Nice blog mademoiselle

  7. Very interesting read I must say...

    *grabs bowl of garri and turkey*

    1. Bowl of garri and turkey... Are u serious?

    2. Garri and turkey? Kabuoy... :/

    3. Lmaoooo! Yes nah! See these guys o! Don't tell me you have never had garri and fried turkey before! Egbami ke?! Strange people everywhere! Looool!

  8. That guy wanted to eat his cake and have it too. My guess is he kept his ex around for the sex. He is selfish. On the other hand he said his ex knew there was someone else why didn't she just leave?

    1. She chose to settle...most women are learning to do that these days. Sad.

    2. And dat is the sad thing right there, men don't settle most times, they pick the best in their estimation, we ladies need to start "thinking like men" lool as everyone has said the posters choice wasn't bad or wrong, his method of going about it was.

    3. Its hard being a woman alot is expected of us.

  9. Call me crude or whatever, I shall know that as he lay is his bed, so he will lie on it and besides his reward is waiting 4 him. Dis whole she made me better ish, is what will bring about his undoing in future, For now he may tink he made the right decision by wifing his side chick, but time will reli tell. Besides, d truth is dat if he n his ex were met 2 be, dey wud av ended up 2geda. Dis marriage ish is deeper dan we see it oooo. So he shud not just even tink he ate his cake n had it, he n his side chic were just destined to be 2geda as hubby n wife but dat does not mean he wont still pay 4 stringing his ex along. Karma is sure a bitch. So if ur ex is not intelligent, she shud kill herself just becos she wanted to make u better. U 4get dat ur wife is using her intelligence 2 manipulate you, while u see it as making u better. Dnt worry, when breeze blow, fowl yansh go open...

  10. What else do u want us to say... After being so selfish on ur ex

  11. That's soo selfish of the guy. Why string ur ex along when you knew u had no future plans for her? And what happened to making your ex a better person and building her up to your taste?
    i hope these 'no-nonsence qualities' you've seen in ur wife will not be the reason ull distaste her later'. karma doesn't sleep.
    Some Men can have high unreasonable expectations shAa!
    Ladies, I believe at ds age n time we're in..we should know when to ask a guy of his plans (backed up with his commitment actions too)..rather than being satisfied where you are(like the ex) avoid "stories that touch".

  12. i agree with his stance (not necessarily his methods and actions). Value addition is something the average person treasures and it is sad that oftentimes it is easy for a SO to make light of it.

    As a person and more importantly a man, one shouldn't be timid or hesitant in making a decision especially when the negative consequences degenerate with time. Yes, I understand the complexities of a relationship can sometimes make it difficult to be blunt in breaking up with one's partner but i feel it is a needed and critical step to ensure that the one you once treasured isn't treated less than her worth as a person.

    Meanwhile I couldn't but help notice the way your wife was being referred to with the title 'wife' from the start of the post (don't know if it is Thelma's doing). Really do wish your marriage the best life and God has to offer and never forget to always add value to your wife. She deserves nothing less.

  13. He is/was selfish. When he realised he wasn't ready to marry his ex,he should have ended the relationship and not string her along. Though I agree that one should be with the person that will add value to him/her,I wouldn't want others to be hurt or be hurt myself in the process

  14. I love you guys so much. I post and I learn. The idea wasn't to justify his act, I've been on the other side of the table and I know how much his ex hurt. But I wanted to highlight something; Value Addition (as Chrisyinks) put it. Most times it's easy to play the hurt aggrieved victim who was dumped, but we rarely take the time to think what we could have done better, what we didn't do, and what edge the other person had over us.
    Sure sometimes men are silly and theres no rationale or reason behind what they do, other times however there just might be reasons.

    But the reason I started to type this comment is because a few comments above had me shuddering, the insight, you would think they know this guy and the entire story. Some people are really blessed with perception.

  15. hmmn! the guy really played smart.what if the girl was just acting nice all this while?what if his wife changes?

    i hope single girls will learn from this.

  16. Value adding should be symbiotic na. So if d guy only benefited from the geh who is now his wife den dey av a parasitic relationship and the guy is d parasite. His wife noticed this and capitalised on it and made herself turn from a side chic to a wife. The main chic on the otherhand was too comfortable wif her position hence became an ex, instead of a wifey. However, I sooo much believe that what is mine can never be taken from me and when it's urs, everytin just falls in2 place wifout u doing anyfin... So T, ur fwnd n dis guy were neva meant 2 b, cos if dey were no matter d value dis side chic had added 2 him, dey still wud av ended up 2geda cos d heart knows what it truly wants.

    1. "Value adding should be symbiotic"...exactly my thought as I was reading the post. It is clear he is adding no real value (except a new surname) to his wife while his wife is re-modelling him. Does our guy realize the implication of this? More so, I hope he is well prepared for the 'other side' of this 'value-addition' attribute of his wife. I hope he is wise enough to realize there is a flip side to all this.

      As for the ex, she just goes to prove once more that it is not healthy to have a long-term relationship with anyone; ditto for giving a boyfriend/fiance all the benefits of a husband.



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He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
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