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Dear Thelma...

Dear Thelma please help me post this because I need advise from you and your readers. It is about me and my fiancee.. I love my him but I'm not in love with him anymore. Our family is already planning the wedding and it is almost becoming obvious because I am not active in any of the planning, even my asoebi color and my bridesmaids dresses it was my friend that picked them, I am even yet to buy my wedding dress and when I am ready I will send my measurement to my sister so she can buy me any dress in England. He is a very nice man and I love him as a person but maybe it is because we have dated for too long or other reasons that I no longer feel attracted to him and it is just like I'm dating my cousin. He is still crazy about me and he does anything to make me happy. Unfortunately t and bvs the only thing that will make me happy now is if they cancel the wedding. When I think about him marrying someone else I get jealous but when I think about marrying him I get depressed. Honestly right now I'm confused. My aunties say the important thing is marrying a good person that loves you and it is even better when your husband loves you more. Please advise me bvs because I don't know what to do. Thank you all.


  1. Go and get married and live a better life. Have kids and have some more.

  2. In my opinion, You guys dating for too long doesn't have anything to do with how you feel, haven't you seen couples married for more than 20 years still proclaim love to each other... My dear, honestly speaking, I don't even understand what you mean by you love him but you aren't in love with him... Just come out plain here, is there someone else in the pipeline who has been or is taking your fiance's place??

    1. U just spoke my mind.. she hasnt fallen out of love with him.. she has probably met someone else who is taking all her attention... well, as my friend would say 'u get u dont want, u want u dont get'..

      www.thatghlife.blogspot. com

  3. I feel ur pain dear! Cos we are almost in d same kinda boat! But I av decided sha... it's ma last bustop..... love or no love....


  4. The truth is that even if you find someone now that you are heads over heels in love with some years down the line you will feel this way. What will you do?divorce him? Your mind is running outside thinking there could be more out there, the truth is there isn't. Butterfly in the stomach does not last forever, you must find a way to keep the flame burning. J

  5. I normally won't leave a comment as I'd feel it's your business but I too went through this very same thing before I got married to my husband and would have loved for an experienced person to encourage me sincerely and that is the reason I'm going to give you this advice: Marry your fiance.
    Whatever you think you're looking for- butterflies, rainbows, stars- do not exist; they fizzle out.
    Love is not a "feeling", it is a decision.
    You may feel that way now cos you think your fiance is a "good", safe guy, perhaps you feel he lacks the tza-tza-tzu to capture and sustain your interest for a lifetime, perhaps you now see him as boring- but, my dear, thee is more to life than all of that.
    I assure you that once you both are together in your union and begin to have kids, the love will almost consume you.
    I am telling you this as someone who has "missed" getting married to a very good man in the past ( who was perfect, loved me to bits and the ground I literally walked on. I'd really liked him back but, as I had thought at the time, not enough to marry him as if felt he was such a good safe guy who didn't give me " butterflies" ) and I drifted from one bad, empty relationship to another for the next 6 years before God brought my husband who was almost exactly like this ex and you won't believe that I started having the same feeling.
    My mum literally pushed me into it because she recognized that I had started elf-sabotaging myself and I am so grateful today for that push.
    Don't kid yourself, you will regret letting him go if you do.
    Be guided.

    1. Where do I send your kiss to?

    2. *self-sabotaging

    3. Me too, I need to send my own kiss. Dear poster, uwc to TTB

    4. God bless you richly Anon

      poster, in fact prepone the wedding and get it over with before the devil poisons your mind

    5. Anon, please take this tza-tza-tzu e-hug for ur comment.
      Poster, marry that man, marry that man, marry that man oooo.

    6. Your head is there. Take this e-1 billion dollars.

  6. "...the ONLY thing that will make me happy now is if they cancel the wedding. When I think about him marrying someone else I get JEALOUS but when I think about marrying him I get DEPRESSED..."

    Yeah, sounds confusing, but I'm certain of one thing even though you seem to doubt it; you love him. So what's making you DEPRESSED? I'm suspecting FEAR. You just have to overcome it and lighten up so you don't regret losing him. GOD bless you.

  7. The grass is not always greener on the other side

    1. Yes Ma'am. In fact, the grass is NEVER greener on the other side. It's only green where U water it & U determine the level of greenness U want.

      Poster, Marry Him Please! U see all those butterflies & marijuana effect? Its always the BAD men that give those. Thanks to the irony of life.
      But like the Anon above said from experience, U won't regret marrying a good man.
      I'll totally marry a GOOD man who's head over heels in love with me whether I love/like him or not, Y? Cos Love is a Decision & eventually, i'd fall deep for him too.

    2. Ruthy, i just love ur comments! They always crack me up! E-kisses

    3. @ Ruthie, I couldn't agree more with your. Comment. "The grass is greener, where you water it"

      Marriage can be a scary thing, especially when you think of the fact that all things being equal, this is the man/woman for life"

      You had all the time to leave him in the past, yet you stayed.

      One thing I know for sure is that it is better to marry a man who loves you more, than you do love him.

      Trust me when I tell you that it takes more than love to be in a marriage. Don't throw what you have away. Someone else will an treasure him more.

      God bless you with wisdom to act right.

  8. Why do some ladies deliberately miss the good men and start the 'Nigerian men are evil' song when they eventually end up with the bad ones? Honestly, I do not understand this Poster's confusion as there are no real reasons she should feel this way about her fiance. I won't get tired of saying love is more than emotions; it's more of a decision, a deliberate act. And need I say that a successful marriage requires more than butterflies and superficial excitement which are most aften temporal?

    May God lead you aright.

  9. I had such experience before I got married. My fiance (husband now) was a good man,he is still A really good man. My confusion, to be sincere, was that I met a younger, cuter guy who seemed to be more lively and I started falling for him. It almost affected my relationship and I started thinking I was making a mistake staying with my fiance. I had to talk to myself and I decided to look at the future not the physical attraction thingy...God helped me and I made a decision. Sincerely, the grass is never greener on the other side. Cherish what you have. I'm married now and as they say, love is a decision. I'm forever grateful to God for not allowing me to be distracted. So my dear, if you have a good man, marry him. There is nothing as good as having a man that cherishes you.

  10. He who has head does not have a cap, he who has a cap does not have head.

    Dear poster, please listen to the advises stated above, the grass is only green where you water it. Close your eyes to all distractions and hold on to your good man. God bless you.

  11. Dear poster you have heard....please follow their advice. As I was reading through your write up I deduced you were probably have cold feet or another dude has dazzled

    As long as the guy is a great guy biko go ahead....they don't come by easily.

  12. A friend of mine almost missed a good man, cus she felt he was not up to her ex boyfriend 'who was very sociable and fine. She complained left, right and centre about this guy ehn. How he's not fine, not tall like her ex, all d excuse u can think of in dis world.
    The day I saw d guy (her husband now), I told her that God answered her prayers and now she wants to send away the fruit of her prayers.
    Today they are married, and she keeps saying to me 'E.........thank you o, if not for u, that's how I would just miss this good man'.
    Poster, these days, u need halogen lamps powered with solar energy to find a good man.
    Please biko, marry the one u have.
    And for u to feel jealous when u think of him marrying someone else just shows that you still love him.
    Marry him ooo.

  13. The grass is not always green at the other side. Why don't u start focusing more on those things that gave u butterflies at the initial stage when you both hit it dear, marriage is like an empty barrel which is filled up by both parties. You can't receive what you don't put in. And it's selfish to expect more when you don't put in anything or make any effort.
    Lol@ejoec.."these days u need halogen lamps wt solar energy to find a good man ". Funny but true.


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