Skip to main content

Dress Code For Single Ladies Visiting Married Friends?... Let's talk.







I have recently severed ties with a newly married girlfriend of mine. Please pardon me if I am willing to compromise 20years of friendship from one single statement BUT I am pissed off. My friend throws a summer BBQ every year that has become quite popular amongst the crew. She is certainly the hostess with the mostess. It's at the back of her house by the pool with an amazing DJ, cocktails and the most exquisite canapés. This is the first BBQ after her wedding and I'm not sure if friendship dynamics change once a single chick leaves the fold because her statements and facial expressions were blatantly disapproving of my attire. I was wearing a white silk backless romper that I got from Zara. I'm petite so everything hangs in the right place and I must say I looked rather cute that day. As soon as I rang the doorbell my friend hugs me and gives me the once over then passes a comment "whose house are you coming into dressed like that" followed by a loud chuckle. I took it as a joke at first & laughed it off until she made another snide remark about me "meaning business" with that outfit and she hopes I don't snatch somebody's husband. Again, this was followed by a "ha ha"! I let it go on that day but couldn't wait to bring it up a few days later. I said to her, "I felt some shade from you at the BBQ and I am sure there was some truth to the jokey statements" she said "yes, she felt my outfit was revealing for the gathering and it showed too much leg and skin for the event". I cursed her out on the phone and told her to quit the bullshit and stop being so insecure. Telling me how to dress now she is married is condescending to me but she feels she is echoing how most married women feel amongst single ladies and she wouldn't wear that. Our friends have been trying to intervene and get us to speak but I'm not over it. Is there an unspoken rule? 


How modest should a single woman be with her dress code when visiting her married friends? #pleasejudge this matter #Read #Comment #EnjoyShould you consider your outfits when visiting a married friend's home? Is this insecurity on the friends part or nah? Let's talk. 


******
Today's Tuesday chic chat with @conniegirlswag  is a very interesting one, particularly because I think we can all relate. Here's what I've come to realize about this whole married-single thing. There's a divide most times. You're thinking one way and they're thinking another. Each person is justified in their own thinking and each person believes that it's theirs that's right. And they're probably both right, they just wouldn't know it because their realities are now different. Now back to the scenario, who's right and who's wrong. 

You should follow @conniegirlswag and join the interesting debates on Tuesdays...
In the post's comment section, Davido's elder sister Sharon Adeleke raised a point; she said seeing as it was a barbecue party, the married friend overreacted. She also added that once when her friend was  staying at her place, she came out of the room with bum shorts and a crop top. She asked her friend to go back inside and change, not because she's insecure but because she felt it was disrespectful to her husband and house staff. 

What's your take on this? Does it being a party change the dynamics? Is the married friend insecure? Is the single lady in the right? Should there be a "dress code" for single ladies visiting married friends? Married ladies, How would you react if your single friend visited you at home, very scantily dressed? Would your reaction be different if your friend is married? Let's talk. 


***
Painting by E.M Scribbles. 


***
Happy birthday to my darling Kene Francis. You share the same birthday with my besto so I know you're very special. God bless you sweetheart. Live long and prosper!

Comments

  1. Where ur rights end is where another person's begins..with the kind of stories of infidelity flying all around d place, the unmarried woman should have known that its not a "girls time out" affair any longer. In her dressing, she should realise that her friend is a married woman and has a husband who she could be making rather uncomfortable with her dressing ..
    even if the man has no intentions (sexually) , laughing and smiling with her would probably be misinterpreted by the wife and could cause unnecessary wahala..
    on the other hand, the MRS was hosting a BBQ... what did she expect?? suits and ties?? she should stop hosting such events if shes so insecure, and trust her hubby and friend (with one eye shining ooo).... abi will she follow her hubby everywhere to make sure scantily dressed women are not around him? dont give yourself unnecessary hbp biko..
    bottom line: a white silk romper is not worth ending a 20yr friendship over
    married woman: talk to ur friend and let her know u are not comfortable with her dressed like that in ur home, she can dress like that maybe when ur on a girls only hangout somewhere else, but maintain decency in your home.
    unmarried woman: i'm tempted to say "stop being such a hoochie" but *clears throat* .. show ur friend u respect her union.. newly married women can be paranoid at times..
    anyways, i hope i made sense..

    ReplyDelete
  2. well the hostess could have maybe presented it in a less offensive manner. maybe. but i think single friends should exercise that tiny extra little bit of decorum in their dressing around married men. i think its the respectful thing to do. put it this way - dress how you would not mind single ladies dressing when they come to visit you and future hubby. imagine ur not home when they call, and hubby is the one who lets them in. yeah, dress how you would feel comfortable with the single lady being home alone with hubby while waiting for you, however that is.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It was a BBQ as Anon above said was she expecting suit and tie
    A romper shouldn't come between 20years of friendship
    There's something about Nigerian ladies when they get married and their friends aren't,they start being all righteous and Shit,I bet she wore those type of clothes be4 she got married too
    She should have given a dress code then if she didn't want any husband snatching parade

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seconded! You've said it all.

      Delete
    2. Abi oo!!..well said. The married lady smells greatly of insecurity

      Delete
  4. I'm married and will not appreciate a single friend dressing indecently to my home. However as friends we know how to pass across a message in a subtle way without getting feelings hurt.

    It's a barbecue for Pete's sake. Anyway if they really had a strong friendship they would have trashed this out in a 10mins or 5mins talk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm with U!!! Everyone should respect the others right.
      I won't dress seductively to my married friends "anything" (it shows respect for myself).
      I'll also appreciate same from a single friend if I were married.
      The married friend should also approach the matter in a subtle manner, TRUE friendships are rare!!!

      Delete
  5. Oh mami...I don't understand...So why oh why would I tell my buddies to dress a certain way when visiting me? Am I worried that my husband will find her attractive? Am I so insecure that I have to control ones lifestyle just because she is gonna be in my space for a minute? Am I intimidated by blah blah blah??...I mean....Why would I even give such a thought to that? When I was single, not one of my married buddies told me how to dress whenever I am in their space....Grrrrr...some married women need to take a chill pill mehnnnn....I mean, my girlfriends come to my house, all the way from their houses in a bikini (and a scarf tied around their waists ofcourse) whenever I got a pool party or a BBQ and some don't even bother with the scarf.....and they still parade around my house....what am I to do? Tell them to dress decently or blindfold my husband??...Single or married - If you naturally insecure, no one can help you mehn...being married is actually gonna make it worse...

    How are you mamacita!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dress decently always. Case closed.
    That's my opinion anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm with you on this one.
      Dress decently @ all times,no matter the occasion,that will save you any form of embarrassment or insults.You don't have to be scantily dressed to look sexy.

      Delete
    2. "You don't have to be scantily dressed to look sexy."... lol. biko, "kowaciate" a little bit more on this. Eager minds want to know

      Delete
    3. Ada_ugo,hapu ma ka biko..I won't kowaciate anything joor.
      "Backless romper" is enough nkowa.

      Delete
  7. Common sense should tell one to respect ones friend's marital atmosphere...we are not OYIBOS! Coming to my house half naked is a no no...if its just us girls...no wahala. Imagine your husband seeing all sorts and getting an erection which was not caused by the sight of you (his wife) later you will say the man has no self control..forgetting that he is wired to react to what he sees.....mtchewww...abeg cover your body and respect yourself! Its true some men weda you wear canopy go still dey do like he-goat but you as a single person should at least clear your conscience by doing the 'proper' thing......#JoyDaNuGirl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmao! Comment of the century... I almost laffed my butt out, literally.

      I'm with you Joy. #StraightUp

      Delete
    2. And by the way, some friends are very straightforward with their friend(esp with its a long term one of up to 20years).

      Me, I don't feel she needed to Marshal any words coming out of her mouth when she knows that her friend should know her very well(after all its over 20years). If she wasnt married and she made these statements to you as you came to her place, would you take it as an offence? I'm actually thinking you are the one being to sensitive to this issue.
      Just make up and move on abeg, you yourself will get married soon by God's grace and you won't have to bother about how or wat your friend said to you because she's married.

      So you won't talk to your friend again because she's married and you are not and she yet she could make 'such comments' to you? COME ON... Please be bigger than that and move on to better and greater things. Don't forget that life is too short.

      Delete
    3. Joy Joy...hahahahaha.... no chill...you just made my night o....

      Spot on Uyi....

      Delete
  8. If it's a party u are allowed to dress anyway u want long as I don't catch u flirting with my husband

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. what if you catch her flirting with your sister's husband? Do unto others what you want them to do to you.

      Delete
  9. I gather from this that mrs married wasn't cautious enough with words when passing the message across, but this shouldn't end a 20-year friendship. Babe should be subtler next time.



    T, thank Yooouuuuuuuuuuu for the birthday wish, shey you know that God will bless you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy Bday,wish you God's blessing

      Delete
    2. Happy birthday Kene! God bless you!

      Delete
    3. Happy Birthday Kene! I echo the goodwill of all TTBVs who wished you well. GOD Bless you this day and always. Hope you're having a blast :D

      Delete
    4. Happy birthday Kene Francis... You are blessed.

      Delete
    5. Happy Birthday Kene. God bless You

      Delete
    6. Happy birthday Kene. Good tidings

      Delete
    7. I know, I know, I know. Just as He'll bless you too. Hugs!

      Delete
    8. Happy birthday o jare Kene...God bless you big time!....#JoyDaNuGirl

      Delete
    9. Happy birthday Kene. Sorry the wish is belated.
      God bless you.

      -F

      Delete
    10. Thanks a lot, I love you guys, but Jesus loves you more xoxo

      Delete
  10. Happy birthday Kene Francis.... God's treasures house is your inheritance!

    Well... we all have our definition of decent. On my most 'decently' dressed days, a staunch deeper lifer will still turn up his/her nose and say a prayer for my soul. I guess the backless nature of the romper took out any claim to decency or maybe she's just guilty of having a great bod.
    Now that the Mrs has won that battle, I hope she has enough ammunition left to tackle the war headlong, because we live in a world of scantily clad girls strolling by at every turn with "I dnt give a fuq" attitudes. And a lot of them have bods that would appeal to an 'innocent' man that was obviously wired that way and has no control over himself.
    You hang with a girl for 20 yrs and you don't know her dress sense and wardrobe tastes? Next thing we'll be telling people to dress decently and with respect when going to a pool party. Insecurity is the name of what ails her! #Rubbish!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Do to others as you would to your self.

    In all things be decent.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hmmmmmm Clare Henshaw seconded. Sincerely i'm of the Opinion that Ladies need to be groomed on the different phases of life. When i was single o, A female friend visited me and was to spent the night in my house, later that evening her BF came around to say hello to her in my house o. i was wearing a short skirt and a top, as i tried to step out of my room to the living room to say hello to the guy my friend stopped me and said i should dress properly. i was a bit upset but because i respect friendship i decided to change into trouser o. this was in my own house but i let that pass. Now i'm married, my single friend was having issues with her Uncle and his wife she lives with so she cried to my house i consoled her, then we (my husband and i) took her out to get her out of her that mood. We got back at about 10pm because she decided that she did not want to go back hom,e that night. She slept in the guest room. As we woke up in the Morning my dear friend was already awake wearing bum short with one small top forming preparing breakfast for us. The next thing my husband says he wants to step out to buy something, i knew he did not want to buy nada. the guy just pinged me that he's not comfortable with the way my friend is dressed and acting like we asked her to cook for us. i just begged him that i have to be diplomatic. i sha told her that i think she should dress properly considering that i'm no living alone and i'm not single anymore. Hian the babe just para o. she just enter inside carry bag, vex go. She sent me a stinker that i'm mocking her that she's not married. i just taya o. Ladies lets stop this "because you are married rubbish". i believe God is not wicked. This Marriage blessing will go round, so every mallam to the way him wan handle him kettle. when you get married you'll realise that marraige is a different ball game from when you were single.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That babe had high ulterior motive(because she reacted angrily)... Just for the record

      Delete
  13. Decency....moderation...always

    -F

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa