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I Do Not Pride Myself...- By MOTILOLA OREOFE






JUDGE ME!!!

I do not pride myself as a writer but I have had a few good attempts..I have this problem, thoughts just keep flooding my head like water on  streets of lagos on a rainy day and it's likethere's nowhere to go till I put them down, so here I am once again.

Who are you? Is a question to which a name is never an answer! A feweeks ago I had the very rare opportunity to tutor some very talented actors..and in one of those sessions, I asked a simple question, Who are you? The same one I'm posing on this platform,most of them didn't know who they were and it got me thinking....who am i?

The answer to that question is a difficult one, what defines you? Let me tell you what I am driving at,I am a mother,an actress, a film maker and a journalist who dabbles in writing,I aim at leaving a name that will open doors for my kids for the rest of her life. I am determined and it is this goal that drives me, my sole purpose..The painful part about all this is that people judge me because of this dream , I am often times not around I am either on set or having  meetings with business partners n all that, and as a result of this I have been labeled a bad mother, who isn't there for her kids..people  have sneered at me and asked me to re-order my priorities. I have  had to ask myself if I am the one on the wrong path here recently I got an answer.

A simple one, success means different things to different people, this is my own dream of success some other woman is content with being Mrs Somebody and checking who is pinging or chatting with her husband...sniffing  around and forming detective while the man is out there making a name that opens doors..when one day you now ask yourself who am i? It  all comes down to I am Mrs somebody, take that guy away and she is nobody.

The second set of women are the ones who are content with being Tolu or titi's mummy, seeing that Tolu's clothes are ironed n tope's nails are groomed..asides that they are nobody!! I am not saying this is wrong, my point is,if you choose to live like this,do not look down on others who want to make an impact in this generation.

Get off your high horse,and separate yourself from Mr A n Tolu's mom...and ask again who am i? I'm pretty sure when you were young and you had to answer what will you like to be when you grow up?  Your answer wasn't Mrs A or Mummy B, you flaked on your dreams  and choose to be a mother and a wife alone,when possibilities abound.That is your choice.

This is mine,I choose to be a mother and a wife,a working woman who makes a Name for several generations to come,who will be the giant on whom my kids stand on to see further than their counterparts, I build,toil and labor now so they can rest.Yes I might not be home 24 hours a day,I might not be around to cook all meals but I will provide a platform for meals in years to come and for that my kids will love me.

I am a woman and a good mother, if you choose to be something different from what I am..then by all means go ahead but don't ever, ever judge me...! On a second thought Judge me, it's okay to judge me as long as you keep the verdict to yourself.

Comments

  1. I'm absolutely feeling this post T. Women have been Judged for the wrong reasons, as a matter of fact, women judge women even more.

    The writer just represents what I stand for. Be the best version of your self, do it with head held high.

    Some women secretly desire to "live the lives" of famous stars,celebrities etc, however, they openly criticise the very same people they wannabe like when they grow up.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm absolutely feeling this post T. Women have been Judged for the wrong reasons, as a matter of fact, women judge women even more.

    The writer just represents what I stand for. Be the best version of your self, do it with head held high.

    Some women secretly desire to "live the lives" of famous stars,celebrities etc, however, they openly criticise the very same people they wannabe like when they grow up.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Tee u see why I say you're an intelligent woman. You make me push myself and that's the reason I keep coming to your blog. And it's not just you but all the people who visit this blog.
    I was just telling my friend this evening that I wanted to go to nursing school cos that has always been my passion. I just don't want to be known as Ivys mummy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm flattered Michie, Gracias. But the post was written by Motilola and not I.

      Delete
  4. "if you choose to be something different from what I am..then by all means go ahead but don't ever, ever judge me...!". I love! The writer echoes my thoughts pretty well. Great post in all!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Now this is not me judging you and it's definitely not a verdict. It's not even gender specific, it's just my humble opinion and by the way I'm not a parent either so I could be wrong. I share the writer's views in the sense that I also aim to create a name that will open doors for my children but the question is how much am I willing to sacrifice to create that name? I've seen parents with all the best intentions, with their kids' best interests at heart but with one common mistake. In a bid to give their children the best they missed out on the most important parts of their kids' lives. After achieving all they thought they wanted to achieve they realized that they didn't even know their kids, the "kids" had become adults who even despised that same name that opens doors cos the parents were never there.
    The question you should ask yourself is "is that name worth your being a stranger to your own kids?" Someone who they despise and don't want to be in the same room with for even a minute cos you make them feel uncomfortable and awkward? We should know where and when to draw the line between success and family cos this doesn't only apply to our kids, our spouses suffer as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like, like, like this comment. We all decide how we want to live our lives but at least lets make it habitable for the people in the picture even if they dont like it.

      Delete
    2. You made a very valid point, but i think that the fact that she's driven by wanting to make a name to open doors for her children, and not selfish ambition (wanting to build an empire for herself) makes all the difference, to me, her choice of words there convey noble intentions.
      From her write up, i imagine she's pretty much involved in her children's life, maybe just not as much as she would like, while balancing it with her work.
      In the long run though, i think children benefit more from having a mother that is a go-getter (not neglecting them o) than from a mum who sits around doting on them 24-7.. especially for female children..
      besides, the prov.31 woman is a role model because she effectively balanced the role of wife, mother , and provider, (or career woman )

      Delete
    3. True, that's why I said we should know where to draw the line because sometimes we get overly consumed by situations that start out as best intentions.

      Delete
  6. Who am i? Whoever i want to be...at least in my own mind. No one has a right to define you, however assumptions are free and everyone is entitled to an assumption. So long as my ever evolving definition of self fits into my own unique happy, then I am ok with me.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. I was loving the post very much until a thought dropped on my mind. A Yoruba proverb says a child you do not teach will eventually sell off the house you (spend most of your time) building.

    Any day, any time, I am team working mum. I am an unapologetic advocate of a financially-independent woman as such, I can relate to Motilola's write-up. However, we should not be mindless of the need to balance up the home and career. If we are so much interested in bringing children into this world, we should also be ready to carry the cross that comes with it, i.e. be responsible enough to bring up the children responsibly so they do not end up the destroying the name you thought would open doors for them and scatter the castle you have struggled to build.

    Wisdom is profitable to direct.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  8. I agree with most of the points raised except the one she insinuated that those who stay back at home to take care of their kids are not making an impact in their generation... that's not true.

    And you also sound very angry. If you're truly happy with who you are, you shouldn't sound so worked up as you do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I couldn't agree more. She does sound angry.

      Delete
  9. If you choose to be something different from what I am then by all means go ahead but dont ever ever judge me....i love that statement
    Hold on to your convictions while I hold on to mine no need whatsoever to judge....its that simple

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hmmmm...I have read comments, I am not angry @all n I do not think staying at home means you are not making an impact on your generation, d point is do not judge me,we have d freedom to be whoever we want to be...my anger is directed at self appointed judges...I agree that wisdom is profitable to direct...balance is key ��

    ReplyDelete
  11. The writer tried to draw a defense for something she has done wrong. If she suffered a maternal neglect, she should not take it out on her children. And if her mother took so much time working so her name could open doors for her, I dont see how many doors that has opened for her. What are the levels of the actors she spoke with? You want to speak to great actors and mothers? Speak to Omotola, speak to Genevieve. Just how busy are you? There's no defense for what you did Madam, if you are angry, please seek help. My candid advice.

    ReplyDelete

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