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Is This Part of Being a Mrs? (My Sister In-Law; The Chronic,NeverEnding Burden).






Damn Some in-laws are much tho! Lol! "Whole Chicken"! Read Enjoy Comment. 

My husbands family love to be around each other. They are so close that their father built a block of flats where they all live. My husband and I live in the penthouse. We are building our own so we are here for another two years. My family and I are close but we have boundaries! We don't need to speak everyday or be in each others faces. They are quite used to walking in and out of each others apartments and helping themselves to things. I'm usually ok with it as I don't mind entertaining. However, my husbands sister is too much for me. She is a chronic and never-ending burden. I tend to mind my business with their family issues and say almost nothing at all. She has a habit of raiding my kitchen pantry and freezer every other month. She comes in while I am at work and just "goes in"! On Friday, she took a whole chicken, huge Tilapia fish from and a few drinks and other items from my pantry. This lady cooked and entertained her guests in our house. I have gathered it's because my husband has a cook, so she makes use of him too. I came home looking to defrost some of the freezer items only to discover I had been robbed! Again. I am pissed because food is expensive and this lady is reckless. She takes the expensive things like prawns, crab etc. I am thinking of putting a lock on the freezer. My hubby told me to let her know myself I don't like it and those are female issues so he is not getting involved (I wasn't expecting that stupid response considering how cranky he gets when he wants something and it is "finished"). my grandmother fiercly warned me to leave "those warri people" and I should let them take what they want except it's my personal stuff. And even with that, I should put away what I don't want taken. I'm usually even tempered but I just can't with this one. Is putting a lock on the freezer extreme? How does one set boundaries with an older in-law. Install a lock or listen to my Grandma's advice, it's part of the being called a Mrs?




***
Just when I was trying to do a post about in-laws in close quarters (a blog reader's request), @conniegirlswag put this up. This got me riling, like, I'm boiling on behalf of the wife. And knowing men they'll never get involved. Trust me, I have 2 brothers so I know. No matter how indignant and justified your anger is, they'll just stay in the sidelines and be forming diplomacy. Aaarrrrrgghhhhh!!!!! 

So, let's talk, what say you about this?

Comments

  1. Hahaha... I dunno how I will be able to deal with that but I guess when I get to that bridge I will cross it. Cos it's easy to say 'I will do this and that' if this happens to me until you find yourself in that situation and you can't do nothing.

    Thelma I love you #nohomo *kisses

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  2. Am boiling on her behalf tooo,some people know nothing about boundaries.... What rubbish, she should sit that sister in law and tell her to stop such behaviour, 2 years is a long time how long will she keep locking everything

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  3. The problem isn't what she should do (what to do is quite easy, it's her home), the problem is what her husband will do. Support her, support sister-inlaw, or take several seats and sip zobo?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Support wife (please don't roll your eyes so far back and say "easier said than done". Lol). My mum went through something similar and thankfully she's groomed me to ALWAYS have my wife's back, so long as she's right in my judgment.

      Delete
    2. Nice one memphis. So true

      Delete
  4. When next you go shopping,buy double of what you got and share her a portion.when handing them to her;politely tell her you noticed she rarely has food in her kitchen since she is used to taking from yours.So you thought it nice to shop for her and please don't forget to attach a note with the address of the market.so she can restock when she's outta stock.





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    Replies
    1. ROTFL, thats the perfect solution. Lol

      Delete
    2. ROTFL, thats the perfect solution. Lol

      Delete
    3. LOL, but I think this problem can only be solved when her husband acts like one.

      Delete
    4. Lool @ Blogitup, you think everyone has shame, she will start making it a weekly cycle instead of occasionally as you have decided to be shopping for two.

      Delete
    5. Lol @ attach note.
      I bet u, she will still come back for more.

      Delete
    6. The only solution this is perfect is get a small freezer, the size that fits inside your room and lock up all stuffs you dont want her to see, as far as she does not have access to your room. Shikena!

      Delete
  5. If there is one thing I hate so much, it is somebody taking my stuff without my consent. What nonsense!

    However, given the circumstance, she cannot blow hot without drawing the wrath of other members of the husband's family. And I believe that would be too much for her to handle given her husband's 'playing neutral' stance.

    If I were in her shoes, I would not ask the sister-in-law directly to stop her gluttonous act but my actions would. I would not mind getting a smaller freezer where the 'expensive' stuffs would be kept right inside my bedroom while the big freezer will be left in the kitchen with the common stuffs. But if my bedroom is not large enough, then I would not be storing the expensive things. I would start buying on need basis guided by a time-table. It is stressful but I would endure knowing it is for a while.

    P.S. Crabs are not expensive joor.....

    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm F expensive is subjective o!

      Delete
    2. someone once told me, in marriage whatever u can't continue dont start. Start forming miss busy at work, buy foodstuff for a day or two in advance, if she takes them prepare a meal ur husband hates and in a VERY apologetic tone ask him to manage. When u do this a few times he will know wats at hand, madam will see your house as boring.

      Delete
    3. I was about suggesting she gets a smaller freezer,put a lock on it & store the things she doesn't want anyone taking in it, until I saw your comment.Thats exactly what I'll do because with the kind of family she's married into,any form of confrontation would be a problem for her.Nobody would have the guts to come & ask her for the key to the new freezer,except d person wants trouble.

      Delete
    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. She should take her grandma's advice but ensure the husband pays for the expensive stuff he likes. When he wants them and they are finished, his crankiness will ensure he speaks up.

    She shouldn't padlock, the husby might just throw her under the bus. Besides, she doesn't need the in-law wahala.

    ReplyDelete
  7. God help my husband the day he sides with anyone in this world buh me and I'm talking bout when it couldn't be any obvious that I am wrong...I mean, God help him the day he decides to say 'I think I am gonna stay out of this one'.....Uhhhhhh he is gonna stay out of it alright....He is literally gonna stay out..

    Boundaries People! How hard can it be to understand?

    How are you mamacita?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm great mami. Staying positive, active and productive. I trust you're good.

      Delete
  8. Quite simply, it's the job of the person (male or female) related to the in laws to set limits with them. If it's the husband's relatives, he does the limit setting. If it's the wife's relatives, she does the limit setting. Husband and wife should be one in the matter. If the husband refuses to do so, I will not advise the wife to do it..when things are finished things are finished. I'm sure when they were growing up it wasn't a " female matter" if she kept eating food meant for him.
    All these Nigerian men that love to set up their wives sef. Mchiew.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you. It's the job of the spouse that's related to the troublemaker to set the boundaries. Luckily my sisters have too much pride and they'd rather die than to do such.
      Meanwhile what's with you guys always blaming Nigerian men for everything?

      Delete
    2. Steele relax oo! I didn't mean ALL Nigerian men (my husband stands by me with his family, will make me looks so good before them sef). I mean all those Naija men who know that their family members are trouble makers and refuse to do anything. Who asks the wife to set limits for their troublemaking family? Especially in this our culture? What's that if not a setup?

      Delete
  9. Trouble dey sleep, yanga go wake am, the husband doesn't want to get involved abi, he will just come home one day and find us soaking garri, or serve him food without chicken or fish, invite him to join in sef, if he asks what is wrong, tell him the owners of the food has taken it, and since there is budget for the house, no shopping till next week with your best smile. After sometime his head will reset.
    The woman sef should put control over the house, like NO visitors when she or her husband is not around, NO visitors includes family members except with express permission, the whole arrangement sounds very lax.

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  10. I will go with bloggitup suggestion. Since the hubby is refusing to do anything about the situation. She should use subtle but clear measures to pass across her message.

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  11. lol your story raised a serious issue but Its also kinda funny. Ok I'm one of the lucky ones. My Husband is so blunt that I will be the one looking for a diplomatic way to tell them because if I tell my husband it won't go well.

    Boundaries are better set from day one and it must be done by family. If I have a problem with something done by my in-laws, it is the place of my husband to put them right and vice versa, there is no sitting on the fence except it's a grossly unreasonable demand.

    Put a lock on your fridge, it's better than confronting her. Why is your house open for entertainment, does she have spare key? Ndo nne. J

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  12. I will get a smaller freezer for my pricy food stuff and lock it up and leave the large freezer open and I'll simply tell the cook it's Oga's freezer and he has instructed it should be locked for him. That's the same story his family gets. Since he won't act I'll impose an action on him, if he now tells them he didn't give those instructions I'll know he's the one buying trouble. I believe my husband won't sell me out sha.

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  13. Na small matter be dis nah cos perosnally I can hide for africa, not to talk of having sm1 like dis around me! I'd jejely buy anoda freezer and keep in my bedroom and lock it,even as it is in my bedroom. Hian, ano go find anybody trouble by toking to her or what not cos no mata how u put it, she must misinterprete it plus hubstar has already washed his silly hands off d mata!

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  14. Some in laws can be a hand full! She should put a lock on her fridge .. She can tell her sis inlaw that she suspects her cook is stealing food from the house that's why she locks it .. Lol.

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  15. It defeats the purpose of having a cook if you put a lock on the fridge. That means the cook can only work when you are at home.

    The wiser thing is to listen to Mama. If food finishes then thats the end, you and your husband will eat indomie and egg that night. If this happens about 3 times, your husband will speak up.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I kinda agree with u tho. By the time he starves for 3days, he ll make it his business

      Delete
  16. She is ur in law so u ave to patient.......after all u knew it was a family compound u were going into....so b patient still u move to ur own apartment with ur husband den u can b fully in charge not in a family compound....lol

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  17. She is ur in law so u ave to patient.......after all u knew it was a family compound u were going into....so b patient still u move to ur own apartment with ur husband den u can b fully in charge not in a family compound....lol

    ReplyDelete
  18. Intially i was going to say talk to husband- but thats just a waste. Whenever she takes the stuff, make sure you make a very horrible meal- when your husband complains, tell him you had something else in mind but you got home and they said his sister has taken thr crabs or whatever. After a few times his anger will know no bounds and he will fight the good fight on your behalf. Lol.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  19. so many advice. Thee lady knows the kind of people she is living with, she best pick what works for her.

    As for me, I'm gonna lock my freezer, the cook already knows what we need for dinner, he shl taake them out and keep them in the regular fridge till he needs them.

    The siister inlaw thinks it ok, hence the repeated visits, when she sees the lock, she'd get the message, If she wants to confront me, I tell her someone has been taking my stuff and it ain't funny cos hubby and I work with a budget.

    If she wanna table the matter, that's her problem she can go hug a transformer. LOL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is the best advice here.

      Delete
  20. There are some husbands who will never complain no matter the inconvenience, so far it is caused by their own family. So the plan of letting SIL take all the stuff in the hope that hubby will speak up may fail.

    Best bet to keep the peace is to buy the expensive stuff on an as-you-need-it basis. 2 years will go by pretty quickly. If not handled well, the matter will cause a rancor that words will not be able to solve.

    ReplyDelete

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    ReplyDelete

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