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Morality vs Reality

"Uncle that your bastard friend you referred me to
for a job asked me to sleep with him, if I must
get the job!"complained Vivian.

"You are rather the biggest fool!" her
uncle replied. You expect me to clap for you and
go fight my friend for asking you for just a short
time on your waist in return for 350k monthly
salary job, a car for ur official upkeep?

How many jobs has your hopeless, useless lazy
boyfriend given you even after sleeping with you
over a thousand times & over d years?" replied
uncle Alex.

A test case of morality & reality. Who do you
support in this case?

Uncle Alex or Vivian?


We've hashed something similar to this months ago right here on the blog. You know; that argument of if you're having sex with an unmarried partner for love/pleasure/fun, then what makes it wrong to have sex and get something out of it? Isn't it even wiser?

Now this clip above might have been written by my friend *Amaka just last week. With a first degree and a Masters degree from foreign universities, she and those close to her are surprised to find her without a job. If you're going to put your child through those schools then obviously you have a little wealth and a level of influence, so one would expect that it would be easy to place your children in great jobs. Unfortunately it's been several months since Amaka lost her last job and her parents have actually really tried to get her another. In fact, she's the eye opener to me that jobs are really hard to come by right now in Nigeria, and one needs to sit up (Just this morning I was thinking if Amaka with her foreign degrees and parents' clout cannot find a job, then wahala dey). Now, some weeks ago her dad talked to someone who talked to someone way up there in one of the big oil companies. She went there for a chat, it was very nice and everything went smoothly. However, towards the end of the chat Oga ED said "I would be leaving for Abuja first thing tomorrow, meet me at the airport, we'll spend the weekend there". LOL. For those who have lived sheltered lives these things sound "unusual". So Amaka asked if she had been employed, or if it was official assignment of some sort. Oga ED clarified things. He would get her the job but she had to scratch his back first.  

Unlike the girl above, Amaka didn't wait till she got home. The minute she left the office she sent a very strong worded text to him, expressing her anger in no uncertain terms, and telling him that one day, a man would ask his daughter for sex before helping her! Dear Amaka thought she would receive a pat on the back for this, but the person who helped get her the appointment, his reaction was similar to the uncle's above. He was very rash with Amaka and raised the "after all it's not like you're a virgin" matter. 

While Amaka stands by her action, I get the impression that she's second-guessing herself; there are no jobs out there, I have sex already anyways, I would have started out earning over 250k a month... What have I done? What have I lost?

I don't know if there's any point asking what you think, I'm certain most of you would scream MORALITY over REALITY. But here's what I think; don't do something that would make it hard for you to live with yourself afterwards. Amaka, for instance, would have sank into severe depression and a serious case of self-loathing (I know my friend), if she had compromised on her values and beliefs just for a job. BUT, if you have different values, you know that you will comfortably live with yourself afterwards, and you need that job... Oh well, the choice is yours. #okbye. 

What say you?

While I would love to hear about times that you've been in similar circumstances, I would also really love to hear about the times you stuck to your guns, stood your grounds, and eventually things still turned out great for you. Please share.

"Uncle Alex vs Vivian"- Nairaland


  1. Amaka is still on a high moral pedestal. She doesnt need to sleep with him or send him a strongly worded text. There are ways to be firm even if you feeel someone is trying to take advantage of you. A simple "thank you for the opportunity to interview with you, but i am respectfully declining your invitation to abuja" works.

    As for jobs, they are neither here nor there. If you have some credible experience and are polite enough someone will recommend you for something. Old colleagues, friends etc. The influence our parents have is whittling down, many are in their 60s and leaving the work force. Its the 30 to 50 year olds running things now. So i encourage your friend to socialise more and get the word out that she's seeking a job. From my same house i have gotten 3 offers in 1 month from friends or former colleagues, one of the jobs i even went ahead and recommended someone else who is being interviewed now.

    I cant take on a full time position for several reasons, but i am quick to tell people i need work, not a job. And boy my consulting gig has taken off in the last 2 months. So let people start arranging themselves and be personable.

    1. I agree with your analogy Pynk. She may have been upset, but she didn't need to insult the interviewer.

      I found myself in a scenario like this one time. I respectfully declined (in my mind I was saying to myself, this is just a test). It. Wasn't an interview for a job, more like a referral that would get me something important.

      Today the person remains a good friend.

      As for the post, it all boils down to character. Don't do anything that will leave you feeling dirty/used/dejected or suicidal.

    2. I agree with your analogy Pynk. She may have been upset, but she didn't need to insult the interviewer.

      I found myself in a scenario like this one time. I respectfully declined (in my mind I was saying to myself, this is just a test). It. Wasn't an interview for a job, more like a referral that would get me something important.

      Today the person remains a good friend.

      As for the post, it all boils down to character. Don't do anything that will leave you feeling dirty/used/dejected or suicidal.

  2. Yes, just once and you will get the job, right? Wrong. It's not once. It's whenever he wants it. You've become his sex slave. The day you stand up for yourself or he finds a new sex slave. You're out of a job. Your vagina is his. Whether you're married or not? He doesn't care. It's not a one off thing. If he finds you interesting, he might pimp you out to earn points or a promotion from his boss.

    That's how men move up. They pimp for the boss. What if afterdoing his own, he decided to pass you over to his friends like a collection bowl. If your self esteem can take this, then go for it. You might not even get the job. Nobody tells you that part.

    When a man says this to you, put your hand between your legs and tell him it is not free. Give him your account number. Only a few men will help without asking for sex.

    Sex won't take you far. You better have the brains to back it up. Men sexually harass other men too. At some point, you will run into one. Then you'll know what it feels like to be asked for sex in return for work.


    1. Gbamest!!! Thanks for saving my typing time!!!

    2. Mallama, Mallama.... take hugs first.... You could not have said it better

    3. This is the highest level of pessimism like forever. Lol.

      You said she also needs brains to 'back it up'. She's got her first degree and a masters degree from a foreign institution(that's as brainy as it can get).

      So from what you are saying, its not wrong to have sex for a job but also have good brains as well. Cos 'sex won't take you that far'...

    4. You've said it all mallama.

  3. This just makes so much sense. Once you open your legs for him like that, the probability that you'll keep opening it to keep the job, maintain the job, get promoted, keep your promotion, etc. is closer to one than it is to zero so if you can't do it long term, its better to nip it in the bud right there.

    I have never had to deal with such before and I hope I never have to. I like your advice tho Thelma, make a decision that you can live with afterwards.

  4. Is not funny how those two words have a very thin fine line between them?....I am not sure of what to say...the comments are thought provoking too...

  5. I'm with Uncle Alex jorr... After all, you have sex with your boyfriend for free and he gives you nothing. (Well, except you have a problem with having sex in general)

    1. Even if she does not have a problem with sex and she agrees, then the man decides its not going to be a one-off thing and just like Mallama said decides to pimp you for his Boss or friends.....

      So for how long is she going to keep having sex to keep the job??

    2. Wait Uyi are you agreeing with Uncle Alex? So if its ur gf is that what you will tell her or ur normal female friend sef. I want to believe your joking jor lool. anyway I agree with Miss Pynk abt using tact to turn down the offer, in the Nigeria of today referrals gets you jobs faster than any degree,cos getting a job is abt information on vacancy. I will admit one man propositioned me for sex in exchange of a job I never begged him for, I subtly insulted him and asked him to give the job to someone else, I was so angry, but I didn't use offensive words, dats how they trap young girls even when they don't have the final say on who gets appointed

    3. Read wat I wrote under mallama's comment...hehehe

  6. Amaka shouldn't have insulted the oga but rather turned the Abuja trip offer down firmly. Sometimes, as much as morality outcry rings in the air, reality has a way of slapping you awake. So, there's indeed a thin line between morality and reality and the latter has a way of making people cross the line.


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Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
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He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
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great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

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him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
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