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Dear Thelma... (Sick&Tired Of My Friend Being a Slave To The Devil).

Dear T and fellow BV what do i do in this situation. I have a friend from secondary school (more like frenemy) who has been very jealous of me since 1800bc, knowing her kind of person i had to deal with her diplomatically (wisdom). Her character is nothing to write home about (not like i am a saint) Very lazy, dirty, crazy appetite, no self control, 2-faced and above all a sex freak. She can sleep with anything in trousers not even for the money but for fun. The painful part of my story is that she was brought up in a christian home and she even sings in the choir till date. She can't go a week without sex irrespective of who is available to offer. She recently moved to lagos for her Nysc and that was where we reconnected. She has had countless abortions for different guys in the past an event that even ended her engagement sometime in the past. Ok how do i come in? I am a christian and i don't want her soul to be lost but how do i talk to her about her lifestyle without hurting her, also i have prayed for her secretly but the more i pray the more she goes neck-deep in sin. 
Please i need your candid advice on this cos i am sick and tired of seeing her been a slave to the devil.

Poster pardon me, but this is how I pictured your face when I was reading this. You left it as a comment but in order not to deviate from the topic of that post, I thought I should make it it's own post. 

Let me tell you a short story. When I was in law school I never did much to hide the fact that I smoked. I HATED Kano campus and some people in it, so every weekend I'd go to town and lodge in a hotel. I always went alone, save for once or twice I went with a friend of mine but I soon learnt I preferred to be without her company. As far as most people were concerned I was going to town to prostitute on weekends. Also, when I felt like it I would go to Abuja to see my then boyfriend and stay till whenever I wanted to return to school.
     I was no where as terrible as you've painted your friend to be but I was no saint either. Nahhh, very far from it. Yet I had very few friends. One closest friend. She had only one friend too, and that was me. I was the ONLY friend she had in law school and still one of the only friends she has till date. Guess what, she was and is a pastor. 

She was the youth pastor in her university and also the head of her church in Law School. She was an executive in most of the Christian bodies on campus in Law School. She was the only female in, and the Vice President of the Student Representative Council in Law School. She was also the LAWSA President in her university. She was a very spiritual person, truly born again, spirit-filled and one of the holiest people I know (I could actually call her a saint). She didn't blur God's words. She kept her virginity until her wedding last year, as she believed a daughter of God should. She is the most decent, most morally upright, most disciplined and most principled person I know. Did I also add that she's very academic and was an excellent student too? And the only friend she chose and kept was a cigarette-smoking, alcohol-loving, carefree, sexually active sinner like me. 

She never judged me or made me feel less than. She never looked down at me. The only time she ever said anything about my smoking was once when I snuck out at midnight for a smoke;"Nne, you know that very soon we will get married. Which man wants his wife to say 'Bia nna go down the road and but me one Dorchester'?", LOL. But she loved me so much and showed me love. Just by being close to her, seeing her relationship with God and seeing God's works in her life, I began to want to be more like this amazing individual. 

      Yes, occasionally she would encourage me to pray more, pray with me and pray for me. But the only reason I began to work on myself was because being around her made me want to be a better person. 

You yourself write that you are not a saint. Besides, from the tone of your text, your christian life could also use some work. I therefore suggest that you worry about your own soul and leave God, the Holy Spirit and your friend to worry about hers. 

And that's my candid advice, since you asked for it. 


  1. Thelma spot on. Poster you say your friend is very jealous of you but it sounds like you're the one who is jealous of her. If you don't want to be unequally yoked then give her space. You obvious don't like this person you claim is your "friend". I don't think you are a better christian than her. Remove the log from your own eye.

  2. Omg that second picture is too funny. Poster continue to pray for your friend, you cannot change somebody that does not want to change.

  3. Exactly! I'm sorry but it's u that needs to be saved! See how u described another human being, please check your self.
    The best you can do for ur "lost" friend is to keep praying for her and encourage without judging her... You will be surprised she will enter heaven without you.

    As the anon above said, remove your log abeg!

  4. There is something about the tone of your post that rubs me the wrong way. It lacks sincerity and empathy for your friend. I may be wrong though but......When it comes to friendship we all have a choice. It's either you cut the person off or you keep them. If you choose the later then be a good friend, you don't come across as one. J

  5. 1000likes to this your response Thelma. The world would be a better place if we stop judging people by our imaginations. @ poster, if you love and care so much about this your friend, Be a better friend to her, love her unconditionally, and I bet you, she will crave to follow your steps without you asking. I have come to understand that its easier to change people by showing love than condemnation. ie by actions than words.

  6. This poster reminds me of someone who is a friend. This friend let's call her A, will call to gossip about a very good friend B, whom I happen to love a lot. On and on she would go, she's a runs babe, she's dating the MD of her company bla bla. However. Friend B, supports friend A with school fees an up keep money.

    I had to put friend A in her place and warned her never to talk to me about anything concerning friend B, ever or I cut off our friendship.

    Spot on T, your response to the poster couldn't have been any better.

    If you care so much about your friend, pray for her in love and with love. Stop being judgmental.

  7. My friend(poster),mind your business & leave that girl alone.
    Tee,beautiful response.

  8. I understand where the Poster is coming from. She's rightly pointed out that she's no saint but only a person who's truly a friend would worry about the state of your physical and mental wellbeing. Just because I smoke cigarettes doesn't mean I shouldn't worry about or talk to my friend who lives practically on hard drugs, or because I fornicate occasionally means I should be mute when my (married) friends cheat on their spouses. The question then is: how do I, who's also a bloody sinner, admonish you without sounding judgmental, because Angel Gabriel is most likely not going to do the admonition? Thelma is lucky to have had an angel who she looked up to; how many sinners have ever been touched by angels, or will be for the rest of their sinful lives?

    Dear Poster, it's ok to worry, but from what you've posted it's obvious that whatever you may have tried on your friend has always appeared judgmental. Try working on yourself and let your friend be aware of this. Whenever you're together repeatedly say things like: "this our kin lifestyle no make sense o. Person suppose de frequent church". Be casual in admonishing yourself and her until it's reasonable to be serious. Pray constantly too. With time, things will change. Stay blessed.

    1. I no get Wetin I wan talk again.... Memphis has my opinion already.

    2. Ooh Memphis,the way you understood where the poster is coming from is just nice
      Dear poster this is your answer right here

    3. ... just the way memphis put it

    4. Spot on Memphis.
      Let me use myself for an example, when I finished school, I'd acquired a lot of bad habits ( drinking and smoking).
      I had a slightly older friend who was a "big girl" in town but was also a hustler.
      She was into events but used to target the head of any company or government agency she was throwing/organising the event for and date the person ( she was very attractive) and would make double/triple of what she was originally supposed to make.
      So, technically, what I'm saying is that she was a runs girl- a serious one too- but the men loved her hustling spirit.
      Now, I started to work for her as a type of assistant but, remember that she was first and foremost a friend so I kept on with the drinking and smoking ( inclusive of Marijuana) .
      She never did any of that stuff but she'd always talk to me about stopping it but I was just in a type of self-destructive mode.
      Can you believe that this my friend staged an intervention with my parents?
      I had fallen out with my family and had moved to stay in a room in her flat whilst I worked so when she'd advised me to go back home, she decided to go along with me so as to explain that I'd been at hers and all that.
      We got there and whilst she was discussing with my parents, she also told them that I needed help, that I was smoking weed as well.
      My parents almost died- whilst she whispered that I kneel down and start begging them.
      That was the first time my parents realised how bad the self destruction thing had become.

      She wrote me a long msg when she was leaving, explaining that she only did what she did because she loved me and it hurt her to see a girl of my stature fall into that pattern. She explained that my parents were crying because they loved me deeply and I had hurt them.
      It's long but suffice to say that, in all this, I knew that this girl wanted the best for me - only a true friend would step up to the plate when they see you going down.
      She was no saint either but that was not going to shut her up.
      It sounds as tho you're judging your friend but I think it's only cause you're honestly expressing all the disgusting things you've been seeing going on- in which case- you need to talk to her lovingly.
      However, do you care for your friend?
      It sure doesn't sound like it cos you think her jealous of you for some reason....

      Get your head and heart right first, if you search your heart and realise that somewhere in its recesses, you want to talk to her but are secretly gloating, enjoying her plight or feel self-righteous, then you better kill the idea.

      BTW, that my friend was the only friend that flew in her family to attend my wedding- one of her daughters was my little bridesmaid - none of my so-called fair weather friends that I'd spent money I had not had for their asoebi even came. Lol.

    5. Memphis, thanks for reminding me why I have a crush on you... even though iv given you to Tiwa(loool... like I have the right to! Hehehee)

      Nice comment anon... I learnt somfn from your comment too.

    6. double Gbosa for Memphis' comment.

      @ Anonymous - glad your story had a desirable ending. what love and true concern can achieve is astounding!

    7. Memphis... As always... Your lightest touch commands obedience.

  9. Try LOVE dear....judgement aint working! You seem to hate her with the way you spoke about her...dont give her the 'if no be say I like you or bcos of Jesus I for no near you' kind of correction....God is funny and you never can tell what this friend of yours might just become in God's hands eventually.....#JoyDaNuGirl

  10. I go with what memphis said.

    I couldn't have said it any better.....

  11. I find it very interesting, how we are quick to conclude that when a person tries to clearly explain the details about an ungodly lifestyle,they are being judgemental.

    If this poster had not explained how she feels about the lifestyle of her friend, how would we have been able to clearly understand her stance.

    This is the problem why a lot of people end up in situations they could have been saved from, when someone could have advised otherwise, but NO, if you are bold enough (not sin-free enough) to call out a person on their lifestyle, you are judgemental, and so because you are a sinner as well, you have no right advising anyone (friends included) nor can you point out wrong when you see it.

    Poster, tell your friend how you feel (in love, of course), more importantly, let your lifestyle/actions resonate with what you say. If for any reason, you can no longer stand her lifestyle and feel a need to cut her off, for whatever reason, please do, by all means, there's no need to keep a friend you keep raising your nose at.

    1. I agree with you and Memphis here.
      Society has changed a lot and though people generally prefer and are wont to mind their business, sometimes all we need is someone who cares enough to speak to us when we seem to be spiralling into that deep, dark hole of self- destruction.
      Often times when people are acting up like this, it is their soul yearning and calling out for something, for help, for recognition, for love- and yet, we see them but choose to "mind our business".
      What's that igbo saying again about a child being the combined responsibility of parents and society?

    2. I agree with you and Memphis here.
      Society has changed a lot and though people generally prefer and are wont to mind their business, sometimes all we need is someone who cares enough to speak to us when we seem to be spiralling into that deep, dark hole of self- destruction.
      Often times when people are acting up like this, it is their soul yearning and calling out for something, for help, for recognition, for love- and yet, we see them but choose to "mind our business".
      What's that igbo saying again about a child being the combined responsibility of parents and society?

  12. I don't know what Memphis and others are reading but that comment was made out of spite not love. The poster obviously wanted people to abuse her "friend" and comes off sounding very spiteful and judgemental. Saying she has been jealous of her since 1800bc and all that. This doesn't sound like the words a friend to me sha.

  13. i'm sorry, but your spiteful judgemental attitude is probably whats keeping her from getting saved.. from personal experience, v seen a lot of "born again, and washed in the blood " christians exhibit some characters that just put me off church going.
    work on yourself because sometimes your life is the only epistle an unbeliever will read to accept the gospel...


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