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Dear Thelma...

Dear Thelma please I need advise from you and BVs. I'm a graduate of 23 and an accountant. I work with a good company and everything in my life is fine. My problem is that my family is vehemently against my relationship. My parents forbid him from coming to our house but I'm still able to see him because I have a job, but without telling them. I'm the last in my family and my siblings are not supportive too. We have been together for two years but now that I'm working we want to get married and that is what I want, but I know myr family will never agree. It is not likes he's a bad person, the problem is his age because he is nineteen years older than me. But he has never been married or has children. I know his family and even talk to his mother regularly. When everyone was making me paranoid I asked his mum and she said I am the first woman he wants to marry. Please what can I do? I love him so much and I cannot see myself with another person. My parents have told me that I can marry him if I want but I should count them out. Help please. Ps age is the only problem they have with him, I am 23 and he is 42. Or do you agree with my family that I should marry somebody younger?


  1. Babes, are you sure the problem is just the age? Cos if everyone is seeing A and you're the only one seeing B, just remember that everyone can't be crazy at the same time.

    Plus he's 42 and has never been married or been in a relationship serious enough to take the girl home? I smell something and it isnt pleasant.

    Please think and pray well o

    1. But the A that others are seeing is just his age. If there was something fishy her family would have pointed that out (or would they?).

      I'm just curious as to why Poster doesn't have any support apart from bae's mum, which is expected. Dear Poster, I second Sunshine's advice: think and pray well, because naturally the issue of age difference shouldn't give you the kind of depression you're painting right now. Something isn't right here...

  2. I really do not blame those against the relationship.If I was your sis,I'll also wonder why a 42yrs old man has never married.You have to be very careful in making any decision.Most times,our parents are right when it comes to relationship matters.

    1. Abi oo!! Just be careful and prayerful

  3. Dis one hard me ooo... I was expecting for more information but the post ended abruptly. I'll repeat what most have already said, there seems to be more to the story. I know a lot of men that got married in their forties, some of them even got married to girls in their early twenties. Trust me, there must not be something wrong with a man for him to stay single till forty, we're not like women that get agitated when the big three-o is around the corner and they are still single (I might get into trouble for that statement but warahell). My own advice would be not to rush things as you're just 23, although that might not still well with oga. How long have you known this guy? What kind of person is he? Why is it you he wants to marry after all these years? How much does he really love you? These are just a few of the questions you need to ask yourself. I know how easy it is for some young girls to fall hard for older more mature guys than the guys they are normally used to. Make sure what you guys feel for each other is real.
    I know what it feels like to have your whole family be against your relationship for one reason or the other, sometimes it may be God's way of telling you that the marriage isn't for you. On the other hand, they might just be wrong.
    Seek God's face in this matter, it's very complicated.

  4. I have a very close relative who is 38 years this year and the last thing on his mind is marriage. He's never been married, not an impotent but not thinking about marriage. He has a goal he has not achieved but on which he is focused with all his might and mind. As I see him, except miracle happens, I don't see him getting serious with any lady anytime soon let alone marrying her.

    His present state is as a result of a combination of factors: he was once relatively financially-comfortable but he couldn't manage the flow of cash well enough, then life happened and he got into some financial mess. Also, a lady he was once serious with messed up big time after more than one second chance. Bros just zeroed his mind to focus on making money again and leaving the country. No other sermon appeals to him at the moment.

    What I'm trying to say is something may not be wrong with the Poster's guy aside his age which her family sees as a problem. In another sense, he indeed may have an issue. I advise the Poster to seek answers from God. In situations like this, HE is the best adviser. Wish her all the best.


    1. Thank you very much F, I know someone that's very close and going through the exact same thing.... So please people don't be quick to judge

    2. touché F... But you see there is no smoke without fire, just as the narrative above has a reason for his actions, you may also need to inquire much more about his past.

      Pls try winning more family to your side before the marriage or never let the marriage hold.

  5. Poster if you are sure this is what you really want,pray and as The Almighty to change the hearts of your parents. And also wisdom on how to go about this.

    Your parents and siblings are probably scared for you and still see you as a little girl. It must have shocked them to see you dating someone as old that.

  6. My hubby is more than 10yrs older than me but he's own delay was due to going to school late and all that comes with a poor background. Dude had to make something of his life before thinking of marriage. But that didnt stop my parents from doing proper background check even to his village. Ild say I have an almost perfect husband o. D guy correct

  7. This is difficult. Why do people make a huge thing out of age differences. It's perfectly plausible that he can be single at 42 with nothing wrong anywhere, just that circumstances surrounding him haven't permitted it.
    To be honest, if both people are happy and willing to make it work, the age is no big deal. I remember having major feelings for a 37yr old when I was 20... but that was a different
    I can't tell you to be with the guy against your family's wishes because you need their support and backing. Sometimes love makes us feel invincible, and we can take on the world without others, but when reality kicks in, we see just how much difference the support of those that matter to us is, even in the little things.
    My heart goes out to you dear, but personally, I wouldn't advise you marry against your family's wishes

  8. I want to believe there is more to this..

  9. Age aint nothing but a number. If your boo treats you right, you're at peace in your spirits and your guts tells you this is the one, then go ahead. Just find a way to make your peeps see what you see in him.


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