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"I Don't Think It Will Work Between Us"

I don't think it will work between us. Words that have the power to break, hurt, disappoint or simply infuriate. 

Last night, Friday night... My friend and I had the sudden rather intense urge to hit the town. We weren't sure what we wanted to do, we knew we didn't want to go clubbing but we knew we wanted to go out. So I drove over to pick her up and as we drove into Admiralty, Phase 1, we realized we didn't have a plan. The thing about not having a plan is that it can go any way. Spontaneity is a great thing, it leads to possibilities and great adventures. On the other hand, as they say; when you fail to plan, you plan to fail. 

We decided that Sailor's Lounge might be a good start. Sailors. I love being by the water and I love seeing the lights beyond the water on the other side of Lekki Phase 1, but the lounge and I haven't had the greatest love affair. Last night was no different. I left my bottle of Coroner half full, she left her glass of Chapman unfinished, we grabbed our bags and left. 

Before we did though I hit up a couple of people on WhatsApp, and the first response led us to Marrocaine VI. I've been going to Marrocaine for some years now, although I'm not an ingrained member of the family. Still, last night had this great vibe to it. My friend, Charles, is a huge member of the family and once it was noted that I was his guest, the waiters flunked around my friend and I. 
      A bucket of ice here, a bottle of Henessey there, a tray of nuts here, and platter of spicy chicken wings there, great music and an interesting meld of people. I noted to my friend that there's always an electric feel in places like these on Friday nights. And that's thanks to the 9 to 5ers who sincerely thank God it's Friday. It's the most interesting thing watching them swig from bottles, dance, scream, shout, unwind, unleash! Some still in their work clothes, others who are ready for a full blown night of fun and/or decadence, in their swanky Friday night clothes. We were having such a good time until I got another WhatsApp response. 

He said he was at Marcopolo and I should come through. I knew I should have stayed with the happy people at Marrocaine. But they were people and he was "person". And in my books, and current state of emotions, person was more important than (random) people. So I hugged Charles goodnight, thanked him for a beautiful time, pulled my friend along and headed to Marcopolo. 

He came to meet me at the car park and once again I found myself admiring his hard body. The body of an athletic man is a beautiful thing to behold, don't you think?

He was actually with a bunch of friends, their table had about fifteen people around it but I wasn't keen on sitting with strangers. He didn't mind either when I suggested we go sit beside the pool. It was more quiet, more intimate. 

My friend kept a safe distance, taking the table beside us. After the head-start at Sailors, the drinks, food and all the excitement at Marrocaine, she seemed sated and satisfied to sit in a corner, and catch up on the never-ending excitement on Stella Dimoko's blog. 

I was fine with just a bottle of water and he already had a drink in his hand. We sat to talk and it went something like this. 

Him: I was so happy when I received your message, it was good to hear from you. You just fashied me Nwando, not fair. 

Me: Yeah, it's been a while, I thought it might be good to see you. 

Him: So what are we doing tonight, let's go out, see where it goes...

Me: What exactly do you have in mind?

Him: Look, I have nothing planned. Let's be spontaneous. I'm feeling a bit hungry, we can go somewhere, get some food, go somewhere for drinks, talk, dance, whatever and see where it goes?

Me: I don't like the ambiguity; "where it goes". What exactly do you have in mind? (Too many lessons have taught me that if I'm not ready to go just about anywhere with someone, it's best to clear the air of any ambiguity and set the terms straight. No time for stories that touch later at 4am in the morning). 

Him: Look, we're not kids. (It's never a good sign when a man says this. LOL). We're not 16, ok? You know I fancy you, like I really fancy you...

Me: Ok?

Him: Yeah. So I'm with a lady I really fancy, and I'm very attracted to... It's a Friday night... We could do anything, I really fancy you and you know this so let's just stop this. We're not 16. 

Me: This is the tenth time you've said we're not sixteen this night... How have you been? What's been up with you? 

Him: You know, work work and more work. What about you?

Me: Same I guess. So, work... What are your weekends usually like?

Him: I dunno (vaguely). Two weekends ago I was in Washington DC, last weekend I had a meeting in Brussles, today I'm in Lagos. My partners and I are handling a merger in New York, so I'm likely to be there next weekend. So... no two weekends are really ever the same for me. You?

Me: Well I've been in town f...

Him: I can't believe I'm doing this? (Cutting in)

Me: Doing what?

Him: This! (Throws his hands up in exasperation) I mean, it's a Friday night, and we're here, doing what? Talking about.... Talking about... 

Me: What would you rather we talk about?

Him: (Swiftly changing the topic). You look nice by the way. Is that a dress you're wearing?

Me: (Confused. Genuinely confused). Err, yes, it is a dress. Why do you ask?

Him: I mean, I'm just asking. Like it's black, it's a black dress, black dresses are nice, and (making absolutely no sense

Me: Oh... I was wondering if you were suggesting it's too short, like if you're wondering if its a shirt... (It's a rather short dress, actually a dress-shirt, but I wore it as a dress, so that makes it a dress, yes? Well maybe not...)

Him: Nwando... (Pause) I don't think it will work between us.

Me: What? (I didn't know we were quite there yet, so what was he on about?)

Him: This. Like, we're either arguing about one thing or the other. I really don't think we can work...

Me: You know what, I shouldn't keep you from your friends any longer. It was lovely seeing you, thanks for everything. 

I was already on my feet and signaling to my friend (Sasha boné, to be specific). She looked up, confused at the abruptness of the conclusion of our meeting, but was also very ready to leave. 

As we walked away, sasha tried to get me to walk slowly as he was trying to catch up, to walk me to the car. To hell with him, I spat. I should clarify that my reaction wasn't to his saying we wouldn't work. Something about the "let's spend the night, we're not 16, I fancy you, I'm attracted to you, so I should be allowed to do with you what I please" really irritated me. Then the sudden "we won't work" when he noticed that throwing around words like fancy you and attracted to you, weren't going to get him anywhere... Chalking up the quitting to our minor arguments, when he makes several millions off arguments also immediately put me off. 

"Hia. Nwando o gini?" sasha asked. 

In the car I relayed the convo to her. And this is what she said; "well of course it won't work between you two". 

"Why?" I asked. At that point I was very certain I didn't want it, whatever "it" was, to work between us, but I was curious to hear her reason. 

"Where did you say he was? DC two Saturdays back. Brussels last Saturday. Plus I heard him say he's likely to be in New York this coming week". 

"Yes. So?"

"Where were you last two weekends, Last weekend, now and this coming weekend?"

"Well Lagos..."

"Exactly! So how will it work nau?!!!" Sasha burst out laughing. 

I think Sasha's theory is that we're from two different worlds. He's the over-achieving, extremely successful, extensively travelled man born with a silver spoon. I on the other hand..., well let's just say we are from two different worlds. 

But really, assuming this dude and I actually connect better (which we certainly do not), do you really mean to tell me that a relationship wouldn't work between us? And that even if it does it would be fraught with so many issues, awkwardness and challenges as a result of our divergent lives/lifestyles/backgrounds?

Please let me know. 


  1. I think if you two connect then it might work but obviously he just wants sex and you want love so no ma it won't work.

  2. Hmmmmmmm,it might work if u were his kind of person but in this case you both are coming from two different worlds so it would not work,he seems to me like someone who will not have time for wifey in d long run,travelling here and there,he seems to b in the category of men who put business before their spouse.. But it's obvious the guy just wants to get down anyways. Good riddance

  3. The fact that he's been to three continents in the past two weeks doesn't mean his whole life would revolve around travelling. He has a merger he is handling remember!

    If you do connect better, there is the probability of a relationship panning out. Though, one's background heavily influences one's perception and expectation of life especially with one's partners, it doesn't necessarily mean that two people of divergent background cannot have a common ground strong enough to form a lasting union such as marriage. The story of Prince Williams and Kate Middleton is quite a good example.

    Shared values, respect for each other, compatibility etc are more important factors than a divergent lifestyle or background.

    It is not so much as where we are coming from as it is about where we are going to.

    PS: it is obvious that he just wanted to have sex, not really a relationship.

    1. GBAM!!! Ur PS is the koko.
      He didn't know Nwando is a mermaid right now!

      Biko I'm going to sleep.... Goodnight U'all..

    2. I totally agree with this

  4. Thelma, bros seems like he's not cut out for commitment and Love which I know dat at ds stage u've soo gone past that kinda life. His line of convo sef is enough to tell you better.. even with putting aside his background and busy lifestyle u can figure out his personality. Good riddance jareyy!

    1. Abegi! na tday pesn dey go New York dis wkend and Old York d next! All dat intro to the 'we are not 16' na script! I support...'off with his head! Ohh forgerit...he doesn't have a good one anyways....d guy na thief!.....NEEEEXT!....#JoyDaNuGirl

  5. "..we're not kids..we're not 16..". This rainy season and 50 shades isn't helping some brothers.

  6. Next time go to BLD instead of sailors.... It's obvious the dude isn't a serious person, all this Lagos men looking for Friday night booty call. Pls off with his head! Lol.. Seriously tho, dude doesn't seem ready for anything serious .. U have such an interesting life..xoxo

  7. Lol. The guy is not even a standup guy. At his age he cant outrightly say he is not offering you a relationship but he wants xyz. Good riddiance- forget the tales of weekend jetsetting, it is possible to have a stable healthy relationship even when you travel a lot. Are many flight attendants, pilots etc not married or in committed unions? Be glad he only cost you the petrol and nothing more or less.


  8. The dude just wanted to shag,very clear...all these yeye boys!!

  9. The dude just wanted to shag,very clear...all these yeye boys!!

  10. This blog is filled with bunch of silly people. What happened with just shag and move on? Damn why does shagging have to come with love and all that. McGee. U for just fuck d guy. This one ur doing no mean say you go marry this year or next oh.

    1. Hmmmmmmmk welcome alfarsi so obvious u are a first timer in d mist of*silly* people. So u would tell ur sis to shag any man she knows right? Shiooo.

    2. hian! no be you talk say make she shag and move on. how she go move on, come marry am again on top.
      you see you're making no sense?

    3. Hian! Who is this one again?

    4. @Ada_ugo I meant shag him, enjoy it too and move on with ur life. Ur husband will locate you when it's ur time. She messed up her Friday evening by herself oh. Nobody else, d guy probably looked for what else was available. And she is here blogging abt him

    5. Alfarsi is that the kind of life u live? That's if u are a female shaa but if u are male, is that the kind of life u would advice ur sister to live?shagging every guy and moving on?really funny. Ok now.

    6. @maybel thank you for welcoming me. Am new here and intend to stay. My views are very objective. I defy tradition and religion so get with the program, U might not like my point of view on everything or anything maybe. But you will hear it. Stop giving men power. My sister is not a virgin, so is Thelma, and so are you maybel. None of you are. change the notion of celebrating men with high body counts and slut shaming women with same. Do you know how disturbed he would have been if u shagged him and don't talk to him again? Or just move on like it ain't nothing but sex.

    7. i like you alfasi... is just sex and if miss t was not interested that is just fine...
      comments like "dude just wanted to shag,very clear...all these yeye boys".. is that a bad thing ??some girls just want to "shag" too ..I don't know why those girls are seen as sluts and any other name but I guess this is different from thelma's topic..
      point is, if a guy wants to just sleep with you he should not be seen as yeye etc (he is just being honest..if you dont want to..waka pass!) and if a girl just wants to burst a nut she should not be seen as a loose girl!...not every girl is looking for a bf or husband.. some just want friends with benefit or see a man and have sex with him..and that should be respected! (hopefully both parties are being smart..protecting themselves)..

    8. I'm with you anon. ... And it even seems as though this 'gender inequality' thing will last forever

    9. To be honest, I didn't like the way you addressed Thelma Alfarsi but I really like you, lol.
      I like the " stop giving men power", "celebrating men with high body counts" and "stop slut shaming women".
      You go!!!

    10. What I have an issue with is addressing my readers as "silly people" but since I cannot control what others say/think, I'll let that slide.

      This has nothing to do with slut-shaming women and praising men, widen your thoughts. If I want to shag a man and move on tomorrow, it will be on my terms and not his. I have mad respect for men that say "look babe, I'm not ready for a relationship but I think we could have great fun together". That way both parties know what's on the table, it's left for the woman to decide if she wants in or she wants out.

      That said, the sooner we accept that women are women and men are men, the better. Women, please don't have that mindset that a one-night stand is liberating. I'm not speaking from a moral standpoint, I'm addressing your emotional wellbeing. Men have the ability to shag and keep it moving, most women don't. Choosing not to sleep with just anybody isn't merely about morals, it's self-preservation (because when Mr One-nighter gives you that mind-blowing orgasm and tomorrow you start to catch feelings for him, my sister you are ON YOUR OWN). I'm sure you don't need me to give you a lecture on Oxytocins.

    11. Hmm, my first day here and I am already creating subliminal controversy. My bad on the silly comment, didn't mean to appear or sound offensive, it's just a word I throw around. Apologies. I will let the case rest here and live to fight another day. Great job Thelma.

    12. Personalities on this blog is gradually diversifying and I love that... He he he

      More, please!

    13. Alfarsi, souns interesting. We are watching you. Thelma, I "heart" your response.

      Women, advice yourselves, don't be feeling you are empowered to shag around jes to prove a meaningless point.

      "Self preservation" ooooo!!!

  11. this does not seem like a demeanor he has picked up overnight, he would have shown signs before. there are honestly some friendships that should just be cut off. lose their number quicker than you can say "I have deleted it". awon time wasters blocking somebody's way. see how he messed up your mood, when you could have been catching fun somewhere else, and who knows who you would have met instead?

  12. He said it won't between you guys not necessarily because of the background difference but because he saw you weren't playing ball..... He's we're not kids, we're not 16 says it all

    As Pynk said, it's possible to have a stable healthy relationship even when you travel a lot.

  13. i really dont like time wasters! we are not 16 anymore.. that is true so if you wanted sex from the get go.. SPELL IT TO ME LOUD AND CLEAR .. no need to psych me up and take me through the relationship route.. i dont know why people..guys especially can't just be crystal clear about these things...

  14. Interesting....and very funny people.

    Thelma you seem to have very interesting friends,your tales about them and your hangouts are quiet enjoyable to read.

  15. It wont work cuz ure a big drama queen. Going out with u is just one issue or drama or the other. Sometimes, being chilled, calm n laid back works better.

    1. So this guy knows about your blog...huh? Lol

  16. wow!just readn dis comments shows ow much av missed nd d new members I avnt seen b4.fnk God am done wt service in jos nd came back in peace.@uyi wen is my movie date.nufn to say on d topic 4 nw,just saying hi

    1. When are we going to the marriage registry at Ikeja?

    2. am ready wen u ready.hehehe

    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    4. OK gooood, will next 2 weeks Saturday be good for you or should we meet at the registry?
      In short let's take this private.

  17. I'm loving this blog. I like the new guy, Alfarsi . J

  18. I don't think it's just because of class and travels that it wouldn't work. That's not good enough to stop a confident-reasonable-know his onion-guy.
    I guess there are other things you guys don't agree on.


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